I have written before about homophobia and false allies. I have been out for a very long time and have had many disappointing experiences and have answered many offensive questions about being a Lesbian.
So: I know how people are.
Or, more accurately, I should have known.
But: every day, I find myself more disappointed and more disillusioned with my fellow humans than ever before.
The election and its aftermath have stripped off the remnants of faux acceptance from our so-called “
friends” and “ family“, revealing a massive gangrenous sore which had been festering, unnoticed, underneath the surface all along:
Lesbians have no true allies. We are on our own.
My spouse, partner, and all-around sweetiepie, Dirt, recently changed her Twitter bio to say: “If you’re not us, you’re against us.”
Meaning: Unless you are actually one of us ~ a LESBIAN ~ you are against us. I misread it the first time, thinking it said: “If you’re not WITH us, you’re against us”. But she clarified that she meant that unless you ARE one of us, you are AGAINST us.
At first, I thought, “Wow, that is really cynical, because surely we do have some allies…well…somewhere…theoretically“.
You see, I wanted to believe that we have allies. And, pitifully, I still want to believe that we have allies: perhaps because I am still a four-leaf-clover-picking, peace-loving optimist underneath my current defiant exterior; perhaps because it would be easier and more pleasant to stay in denial about those who we mistakenly thought were our loved ones; perhaps simply because the truth hurts.
Sadly, however, I am now convinced that Lesbians are, in fact, on our own. More importantly, I am now convinced we always were on our own…because the appearance of support and acceptance from our alleged “
allies“, “ friends“, and “ family” was, in reality, only a BandAid which was unceremoniously ripped off with the election of a bigoted dictator, revealing the repugnant stench of straight privilege and lesbophobia beneath.
Repeated Twitter attacks, hetsplaining, unfollowing/blocking and subtweeting by so-called straight feminist “
allies“; unfriending and blocking by Facebook “ friends“; and being admonished by various alleged former “ friends” and “ family members” to “calm down”, “be nice”, “don’t take it personally”, “get along” (etc.) have all coalesced in the last few days to irrevocably prove to me that most straight people, even seemingly well-intentioned ones, remain clueless, insensitive, unaware, and arrogant in their ignorance.
Plus: (unrelated to the election, but pertinent to this topic): Some (alleged) “
lesbians” on Twitter have continued minimizing, denying, arguing, and/or even outright mocking our series about the existence of Straightbians and how Straightbians are detrimental to Lesbians.
The reasons why the truth matters to Lesbians should be stunningly obvious to anyone with an IQ higher than a Chia Pet, so the attitudes of these individuals indicates that not only are they Straightbians themselves, but furthermore, they are NOT even allies to Lesbians…and they never will be.
They don’t want to listen to Lesbians. They want to believe the false notion that any woman can magically become a lesbian, because their own pathologies are tightly tied to that illusion, and they have gained lovers, friends, attention, followers, fame, speaking engagements, and/or money from perpetuating the lie that they are
Lesbians themselves, at the expense of actual Lesbians.
These individuals want to preach feminist theory about “political
Lesbianism“, but they don’t want to actually deal with hearing the pesky truth from REAL Lesbians. They appear to be “inclusive” and “accepting” by promoting the untruth that a woman can “magically become a Lesbian”, and therefore, they are popular amongst the “feminist” crowd, because straight women want to keep “ L” open as their backup Uber ride in case the dickmobile runs out of gas. esbian
Furthermore, in addition to all the many traitors listed above, even our supposed “
allies” who are purportedly fighting for Lesbian self-acceptance in order to to avert transitioning often show shocking covert lesbophobia. How? First, true Lesbian allies would care what happens to ALL lesbians, not just up until our 18th birthday. Second, the terms “gender non-conforming” and “gender defiant” are offensive terms to Lesbians (**See Note, below**), but despite being told this repeatedly, these purported “ allies” continue to use these (and similar) inappropriate terms. Third, some of these alleged “ allies” will respond favorably to straight people’s input, while completely ignoring, or even rudely arguing with, polite Lesbian comments/questions.
Bottom line: True Lesbian allies would listen to Lesbians. They would believe Lesbians. They would fight for Lesbian issues/rights, even when it is inconvenient to do so. They would include Lesbians. They would remain in conversation with Lesbians, even when it becomes heated or uncomfortable. They would support Lesbians. They would recognize Lesbian is a real thing….not just some choice to be made or discarded at will or whimsy. And: they would stand with Lesbians in our pain and fear about this election, without attempting to tell us how to feel or to “be nice”.
None of these things are happening.
The time for nice is over. The time for hoping that people will do the right thing is over.
It is time for Lesbians to wake up, stand up, and realize that with “
friends” like these, who needs enemies? It is apparent that not only was Sappho ahead of her time poetically, it seems that she too realized that Lesbian needs to be its own island.
**Note**: Edited to add: After a comment, I realized that I should have clarified further why the terms gender non-conforming (GNC), gender-defiant, and similar terms (hereafter shortened to GNC for brevity) are offensive to Lesbians:
The way these terms are being presented is that the so-called “GNC” people (including the Lesbians who would fall under this description) are intentionally defying gender norms.
In other words, the idea is that GNC is some sort of conscious performance, rather than just being who people are naturally.
For the lesbians who would fall under the GNC category, this is an insult, as well as a dangerous assumption, because it implies a willful disobedience of “norms”, which, in turn, implies that it can be changed with a simple conscious decision to conform.
So the use of these terms is both dangerous and insulting to the Lesbians who are being referred to as falling under those categories.
Hope this clarifies better, and as always, if you have questions, please feel free to ask!