STRAIGHTBIANS in “Lesbian” Films

Warning: If you are a lesbian, you may need to remove your eyeballs and scrub them with soap after seeing some of these pics.

The dirt from dirt

This short list of STRAIGHTBIANS in purported Lesbian films is a brief example of how STRAIGHTBIANS use/abuse and damage Lesbians, in film and in life. It is NOWHERE near the LONG list of STRAIGHTBIANS in film which date back to the beginning of film making.

In no particular order:


Dirt and Mrs Dirt

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Homophobia Is In The Smiling Faces Of Friends

A while back, I “unfriended” one of my dearest cousins.  I didn’t do it in a fit of anger. Instead, I purposefully walked away and thoroughly considered the situation before making the decision to symbolically “unfriend” her on Facebook and to break off contact in real life.

Before I get into the specifics of the situation and the reasons for my decision, allow me to explain why this decision was such a huge deal to me, since, after all, people are constantly “unfriending” each other on Facebook over various personal or political disagreements.

This cousin (let’s call her “Emma”, since her real name is rather distinctive) was my earliest friend. As soon as we both could walk and talk, we were inseparable whenever we would see each other.

This friendship was a REALLY big deal to me, because I have always been (and still am) an outsider. I am not the life of the party…not by a long shot. Nope, I am the one in the corner, away from the group, checking out the host’s book collection or petting the dog.

The same was true when I was a child. I wasn’t the one hanging upside down on the monkey bars screaming like a banshee; I was the socially awkward one sitting on the bench by herself on the sidelines with a book…and a thesaurus. Think: Brick in the TV show The Middle as a girl.

Emma was my complete opposite. She was extroverted, reckless, popular, funny, friendly, uncomplicated, constantly laughing…inexplicably happy. She talked to strangers. She ran with scissors. She didn’t contemplate the myriad horrors of the world in an endless mental loop as I did; in fact, she seemed blissfully unaware of the existence of a dark side. She was sunshine.

We lived a couple of hours away from each other, but her family visited often and stayed at Emma’s grandmother’s house for long holidays and extended portions of the summer.  It was just an accepted fact that I would be staying there for as long as they did.

Even as we grew into teenagers and young adults, we remained very close.  Back in the days before email and Facebook and texting, we wrote letters, almost every day.  Hers about her social life; mine about the books I read or random thoughts I had.

But then things changed.

In her early twenties, Emma fell in love with, and quickly married, a much older man; he was her professor.

At first, things seemed okay, although her letters, calls, and visits (understandably) dwindled. He seemed open-minded at that time, and seemingly accepted me as a lesbian.

But: then he got cancer and, despite doing all the requisite medical treatments (surgery, radiation, chemo), he mysteriously attributed his remission solely to God.

To make a long story short, he became a right-wing, Bible-thumpin’, layin’-of-hands, speaking-in-tongues Holy Roller, and she stood by her man.

I watched as she gradually changed from the  carefree, vivacious girl I once knew, who laughed approximately 75% of the time (and was on the verge of laughter the remaining 25% of the time), to an increasingly gray, joyless, sanctimonious, conservative person.

Somehow we managed to remain at least superficially friendly, even as we gradually grew further apart in every way imaginable.  At family reunions and holidays, we would still greet each other with enthusiasm and genuine affection. Occasionally, despite time and circumstances, I would still catch a fleeting glimpse of the girl I once knew.

Although I knew that their ever-growing religious beliefs and conservative politics were 100% against everything I am and all that I believe in, I willfully swallowed my worry and growing anger. I chose to be in denial, because, after all, she was my most beloved cousin.

As I discussed in a previous post, I underwent a metamorphosis following a health scare and started shedding the parts of my life that no longer fit. My long-term friendship with Emma turned out to be, sadly, a casualty of that process.

One day, I logged onto Facebook to see the following post on Emma’s wall:

“I will never support gay marriage. If you choose to live that lifestyle, I will be your friend, and I still love you, but know that I will never support your lifestyle or recognize your relationships.  God made marriage to be a holy bond between a man and a woman…blah blah blah…yada yada yada…”

I won’t belabor the point of how painful this was to read, or the obvious problems with her “logic”, because I trust that my readers are smart enough to see why someone who doesn’t recognize, understand, or support me or my relationship is not, and can never be, my true friend.

My point of this post is: homophobia appears in many forms, and it appears not only in the angry faces of protesters or in the hateful rhetoric of a right-wing sermon.

Sometimes, homophobia shows up in the smiling faces of your lifelong friends. Sometimes, it shows up in the words of someone proclaiming to love you. Sometimes, it appears in the off-hand comment of a coworker. Sometimes, it shows up in the misguided words and retweets/likes of our so-called “allies”. Sometimes, it even stares back at us from the mirror on the bathroom wall.

As for Emma, I will always remember and cherish the pure and simple friendship we shared before it was tainted. I hope to meet her one day in Rumi’s field:

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,
there is a field. I’ll meet you there” ~ Rumi


Edited to Add: Please see my sweetie’s companion piece: “Lesbian: No One Is With Her”

What Straights Think Lesbians Eat VS What Lesbians Eat

A little Sunday humor…

The dirt from dirt

What Straight people think we eat:


What Lesbians actually eat:


What Straight people think we eat:


What Lesbians actually eat:


What Straight people think we eat:


What Lesbians actually eat:


What Straight people think we eat:


What Lesbians actually eat:


What Straight people think we eat:


What Lesbians actually eat:


Dirt and Mrs Dirt

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Lesbian is Normal! (Unstraightening Lesbian Series Conclusion)


Note: This is the conclusion (for now) of our Unstraightening Lesbian series, originally posted here.

The Unstraightening Lesbian series has been a bit of an arduous journey for both of us, and seemingly a bit of a departure for Dirt’s blog, which heavily focuses on trans females.

What we hope is clear at the end of this series is how intricately linked Straightbian heterosexualized definitions/demands of lesbian and lesbian transition are.

And perhaps most importantly, we want to make it clear that lesbians and straight women (Straightbians) speak/hear/process completely differently ~ as if we’re speaking different languages (because we are).

And those differences feed into why Straightbians have wreaked havoc upon lesbian lives in many ways, ranging from mild to catastrophic.

“Lesbian” has been occupied by Straightbians for centuries, and were we to write about simply well-known Straightbians alone, even if we both quit our jobs, stopped seeing family and friends, and gave up sleeping, we would still be writing Unstraightening Lesbian posts until our lasts breaths.

Lesbian now needs to be legitimately fleshed out by REAL lesbians: for lesbians, by lesbians, and about lesbians.

What lesbian actually is and what “lesbian” has been falsely paraded around as by Straightbians are at opposite poles of the Universe.

But because “lesbian” has long been defined/embodied/co-opted by straight women, “lesbian”, as it has been presented to us, has felt for all dykes to fall somewhere between alien and uncomfortable.

It is precisely this discomfort and puzzlement that has led thousands of real lesbians, both young and old, to fit into the HETEROSEXUALIZED Psychological Complex’s Gender Dysphoria/Gender Non-Conforming definitions.

The current/past portrayals of “lesbian” feel wrong to us…because what has been spoon-fed to us by the so-called “lesbian experts” who are neither lesbian nor expert is NOT LESBIAN.

This series is merely a starting point highlighting how actual lesbians have been robbed, ruined, and downtrodden by heterosexual women appropriating our space and our lives.

It is shocking and frightening to realize that, after all that has been said and all the has been done, the worst enemy to lesbians, has always been and remains Straight(bian) women.

Lesbian is NORMAL and both of us will die making sure that EVERY dyke gets the chance to realize it.

Dirt and Mrs. Dirt

Unstraightening Lesbian: Removing The Heterosexual Lens: Minnie Bruce Pratt

This is the final (for now) addition, originally posted here, in our Unstraightening Lesbian series, which profiled 12 of the numerous Straightbians who have co-opted “lesbian” and purported to be lesbian experts when, in fact, they are neither lesbian nor expert.

Our final offender is Minnie Bruce Pratt, who is probably known as much for her disjointed thinking/writing as for whom she was partnered/married (Leslie Feinberg).

Self-described per her Twitter account as:

Lesbian writer poet, anti-racist anti-imperialist activist, teacher mother grandmother, life-partnered with beloved Leslie Feinberg for 22 fabulous LGBTQ years.”

Before discovering Women’s Lib Pratt was married with children; after discovering Women’s Lib, she leaped joyfully into free love with other straight women pretending to be lesbians.

“…we would take other lovers, and we did, and there were quite a bunch of different complications, including, you know, just this sort of daisy chain of lovers stretching all the way to Tennessee at one point, all the way to Tennessee at one end and to Washington at the other end, you know. And we would make jokes about that.”

Her definition of lesbian is as shallow as her understanding of it:

“As I say somewhere, one definition of a lesbian is a woman who has a job.”

Rather than by-products of birth, through Women’s Lib, Pratt came to believe her heterosexuality, like her femininity, could simply be unlearned. Were that true, even in the slightest, Pratt’s heterocentric behaviour/lens obviously weren’t unlearned enough.

“And Julia was being very — you know, like, oh god, something about toilet seats, I can’t remember. It was some outrageous thing, you know, [like] Lesbianism is catching, a lesbian just sat here on the toilet seat, or something, I don’t know…And Julia was furious, and just screamed at me. But the thing that really got me the most was that she said my name in this very belittling, contemptuous way. And I know it doesn’t sound like much, but to have someone use your name in this very contemptuous, sarcastically demeaning way was just devastating…So I left that session and I went into the bathroom crying. I was just crying. Sitting in the stall, crying. And Harriet Desmoines, Ellenberger now, came after me and said to me, “I thought you might be upset. Don’t be so upset. Don’t be upset. Julia always talks to femmes like that.” Now Harriet, being a femme herself, having dealt with Julia, because they moved Sinister Wisdom to Nebraska, I’m sure knew what she was talking about.”

“…what was happening is that we were a generation of women who had been acculturated, all of us, into femininity, so we had to break with our acculturation into femininity, and learn how to change the oil in our cars, or how to change tires and how to do all this stuff that we had not been allowed or taught to do-wear pants, wear fatigue pants, which I did for years. I had got, wore this stuff out of Fayetteville. I would to go the army stores and buy, you know, these paratrooper pants. I was wearing boots and paratrooper pants. But I was also wearing little pink voile tops with  orange ribbons.”

So, breaking with that femininity, learning how not to be passive-aggressive, not sneaky, not, you know, not woman-to-woman passive-aggressive, you know, all that stuff, we had learned. About how to be with each other as women. We had to unlearn it all. So we went in this other direction which, to us, was around androgyny. It’s like, OK, we’re not going to be feminine women. We’re going to be androgynous. Not all of us did that, um, but I certainly did, because I had a lot to unlearn. A lot to unlearn”

It is clear from Pratt’s hissy fit and Straight(bian) Women’s Libber ideas that she thought that (her) femininity could simply be removed from (her) mind and body and replaced with sensible shoes and a few basic life skills outside her comfort zone.

In what seems to follow a typical STRAIGHTBIAN behaviour, Pratt too says her and associated feminist STRAIGHTBIANS “were all being non-monogamous. Everybody was being non-monogamous”. At one such lesbian feminist party Pratt says:

 “So it was a house party. It was a D.C. house party. African American women, white women,all lesbiansraunchy, raunchy, raunchy. You know, great music and porn movies on downstairs, lesbian porn movies, and women looking and saying, How come all these women have long fingernails? That is not right. And us doing – and I’ve written about this — doing this circle thing where all the femmes will get in a circle and put a butch in the middle and say, OK, how butch is she? and rank them, and us saying a seven, and the butch saying, “No way, I’m a ten. I do not accept a seven.””

Were you to have nothing else ever written by Pratt, this blurb alone would be enough to reveal Pratt’s heterosexuality (Straightbian). First: where on earth would there be enough Butches and Femmes to do this, and, more importantly no Femme, let alone a party full of Femmes, would put a Butch in a circle and judge her degree of butchness. Butch is Butch, it isnt about degree thereof. Its grossly clear in the Butch department Leslie Feinberg wasn’t a ten and needed testosterone to measure up to Pratt’s tastes.

As we’ve noticed with other Straightbians in this series, Pratt couldn’t do anything herself, she instead hooked up with men and/or lesbians whom she believed she could feed her political ideas through and have them turn them into action:

“I never wanted to be with someone for purely personal reasons. It was always about a larger horizon, you know. I was interested in their politics”

And Feinberg fit her political bill, and based on Pratt’s (less than impressive) first meeting with Feinberg, meeting her romantic bill would take a little spit and polish or in Feinberg’s situation, testosterone.

“Somebody asked me to show her the way to the auditorium. So, it’s very interesting. I remember meeting her, very handsome, great shirt. I don’t think she had a tie on. No, I don’t think she had a tie on. I remember that first moment where I saw her as more slight and smaller than I ever, ever remember again feeling that she was. It was an interesting moment. I remember seeing her and perceiving her as a slight butch lesbian. Thin, but slight I think might be the word. And I’ve never again seen her that way.”

I mentally juggle your female birth sex, male gender expression…”

Pratt co-opted Femme in the same way she co-opted Lesbian, in the same way she heterosexualized her relationships with lesbian lovers. Pratt climbed lesbians like ladder rungs, with each step up hoping to create the perfect man. In the end, Pratt got neither, man nor perfection.

Dirt and Mrs. Dirt

Unstraightening Lesbian: Removing The Heterosexual Lens: Loree Cook-Daniels

Note: This post, originally posted here, is the next-to-last one in our Unstraightening Lesbian series, exposing alleged “lesbian experts” who are neither lesbian nor expert.

Today’s offender is Loree Cook-Daniels, aka “The Grim Reaper”, who has been mentioned previously in the post Straightbians You May Know. Loree is the epitome of the most dangerous Straightbians of all. Unhappy with hetero-domesticity, Loree hitched a ride on the radical feminist bandwagon, where she was given the green light to call herself a lesbian.

She partnered with a dyke whom she pressured/supported STRAIGHT into transitioning. Tragically, her partner, Marcelle, could not adjust to transition and later committed suicide.

Loree’s work continues to focus on transgender people and issues, and she lies to herself and others by claiming outright falsehoods such as:

many (lesbian) partners discover they actually have a preference for FTMs

Sorry Loree, you’re confusing actual Lesbians with Straightbians!

After her partner’s tragic suicide, apparently not comprehending that transitioning did not provide the much-ballyhooed “life-affirming” benefits to her partner as promised by the trans propagandists, Loree took it upon herself to do everything in her power to “support” even more lesbians STRAIGHT into an early grave.

Today, Loree is in a relationship with another trans female (FtM). Sadly for Loree, her Facebook page proudly states that she is “In A Relationship With Michael Munson”, while Michael Munson’s Facebook status is “In An OPEN Relationship”.  (Ouch)!

Loree is so pro-trans that she has even been dubbed the trans “partner’s partner” (whatever that means), and she states proudly in an interview that:

I’ve been partnered with a trans person for a total of 32 years now…First of all, I don’t identify as cis. But secondly, I’ve been working on trans issues for more than 20 years, and from the beginning I have had a really strong commitment…I would meet some people’s definition of a ‘tranny-chaser.’…I have a spiritual belief that I was put on this earth at this time for a purpose…”

What purpose is that Loree? To destroy as many Lesbian lives as you can?

Loree was even celebrated by the Milwaukee lgbT History Project with a biographical panel:

“In 1983 Loree began a seventeen-year relationship with Marcelle Daniels. During the first nine years of their relationship, they confronted and overcame many challenges as an interracial lesbian couple, and Loree rose to prominence as a lesbian-feminist activist…When Marcelle began physically transitioning, Loree began her own transition – from lesbian-feminist activist to trans activist.”

At least the Milwaukee lgbT History Project got the main thing correct about Loree, which is:

Loree used lesbian for all she could wring out of it, then she jumped onto the trans bandwagon faster than she could say, “Adios, Lesbos!”

Today, Loree and her current trans partner work for “a national education, advocacy, and support organization for FtMs and partners“.

As part of an Oral History Project, Loree states the following:

I no longer claim a sexual-orientation label. I gave that up many years ago when my first partner transitioned…I dated boys (but) I think I was calling myself lesbian or bisexual fairly early on…(At the time Marcelle decided to transition) At that point in time I was extremely lesbian identified and had constructed my career around being a lesbian…(Now) I am a full-time transgender activist.”

It is IMPOSSIBLE to miss the theme running through the Straightbians we’ve featured in this series, which wasn’t fully noticed,  even by us, until we began working on this project.

Each and every Straightbian we’ve discussed first co-opted lesbian and then made some sort of career out of calling themselves lesbian as Cook-Daniels so blatantly points out.

Loree Cook-Daniels IS the worst kind of Straightbian, like a predator singling out the next victim, Loree Cook-Daniels preyed on the weakest, most insecure dykes in effort to create her perfect man.

Using both her heterosexual privilege AND, at times, her white privilege, Loree Cook-Daniels twisted less fortunate lesbians into a warped/whipped version of  men she could use/abuse/dominate and control, even if it killed them.

Dirt and Mrs. Dirt

Lesbian Sex

How’s THAT for an intriguing title, huh?


Gustave Courbet, 1866: Public Domain

Seriously, though, I recently received a “Dear Lesbian” email asking me some very specific questions about sex, and it got me thinking about how much confusion and misinformation is out there, so I thought, what the heck, I may as well address it publicly.

While I will never talk about my own sex life  (sorry, LOL!), I don’t mind answering some general and reasonable questions on the topic.

So today’s post will answer the main questions asked by the person who emailed me:

“Why do some lesbians use sex toys (like strap-ons or dildos, etc.)? Does that mean they really want to be with a man? Is it ‘kinky’ to do that? I thought all lesbians liked oral sex!”

Although all lesbians do have one striking thing in common (we’re lesbians!!), we are a very diverse group in our interests, professions, hobbies, personalities, tastes, etc., and the topic of sex is no different.

Therefore, some lesbians like playing with sex toys, some don’t. Some lesbians like oral sex, some don’t. Some like penetration, some don’t. Some are very adventurous, some are more so-called “vanilla”. Etc. Etc. Etc.

In other words, there is no uniform procedure, nor any “right” way, to have lesbian sex.

Whatever consenting adult lesbians do sexually together is, by definition, lesbian sex.

As far as whether or not using toys in bed is “kinky”: I do not think so, but, as with most concepts, the definition of “kinky” will vary from individual to individual. That’s a question that the person who emailed me will have to figure out for herself, by first examining what led her to ask that question.

In my opinion, sex toys are not inherently good nor bad…instead, they are neutral. Sex toys are a tool used for a specific job, just like a ruler is a tool used for measuring.

Some people enjoy sex toys; others don’t. For those who do enjoy them, some toys are preferred over others.

For the same reason that everyone has different tastes for food (for example: some like Indian food, others hate it), sex toys are simply a matter of individual preference.

The most important factors are finding a partner whose desires are compatible with yours, then communicating about your sexual desires and dislikes.

Finally, I’d like to focus specifically on one striking point of the question: “Does (using sex toys) mean lesbians really want to be with a man?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!!!! 

Lesbians do not ever want sex with males. If lesbians do enjoy using any sort of toy in bed, it does NOT mean lesbians are fantasizing about a male.  It also most certainly does NOT mean lesbians are wishing there were an actual male involved.

Here’s a hint to lesbians: If your lover wants you to pretend to be a male in bed, or fantasizes about having a male join you in bed, or in any way brings the concept of “male” into your bedroom, you are dealing with a Straightbian.

Lesbians are females who are sexually/romantically oriented solely to females. Regardless of what lesbians are doing in bed, there will never be a male involved, even in fantasy.