Why Most Published “Lesbian Research” Is Completely Unrecognizable to Real Lesbians

Dirt and I and I have written before about how most alleged “Lesbian experts” are neither Lesbian nor expert, and we have previously given many specific examples of how what has been published about Lesbians is total and utter nonsense. JoAnn Loulan is just one example of these Straightbian windbag dingbats who we exposed as having spread copious lies about Lesbians. In fact, we did an entire Unstraightening Lesbian series on a dozen of these boneheads.

I wish we could say that we have written about all of the faux “Lesbian experts” who are neither Lesbian nor expert, but sadly, we have barely even scratched the surface.

We focused the first Unstraightening Lesbian series on the more obviously well-known Straightbians such as Susie “I Lied About Being A Lesbian In Order to Sell Kinky Books” Bright and Pat/rick “Pro-Pedophile Pervert” Califia, but the huge underlying problem with Unstraightening Lesbian lies in the continual odious garbage being spewed throughout academia (and beyond) by Straightbian blowhard professors.

Straightbian

Image: Pixabay: Creative Commons CC0

In fact, I will even venture an educated guess that EVERYTHING that has EVER been written by an academic about Lesbians is dead wrong. While I clearly haven’t read every single journal article or book written by academics about Lesbians, I have read AN AWFUL LOT and I have never…I repeat, NEVER…seen anything whatsoever that remotely resembles Lesbian. (If you know of anything about Lesbians written by an academic that is actually and accurately LESBIAN, by all means, please let me know).

The main problem with these faux “Lesbian expert” academics writing about Lesbian lives is that most of the academics who have done so are Straightbians. Straightbians, obviously, are not Lesbian, so they are appropriating what they think Lesbian is, which is grossly inaccurate (as well as arrogant, presumptuous, and just plain wrong).

These academic Heterosexual/Straightbians’ horribly inaccurate perceptions of what Lesbian even means results in faulty hypotheses for research, faulty subject selection, faulty interpretations, and faulty conclusions. Since nothing accurate (that I know of) has EVER been published about Lesbians by these Heterosexual/Straightbian academics, even their citations of others’ research is hideously inaccurate.

So, basically, what has happened is one inaccurate study built upon another, built upon another, built upon another, and so forth and so on, until we now have a heaping pile of stinking excrement disguised as “scholarly research”.

Dirt and I are planning another Unstraightening Lesbian series to tackle some more liars and charlatans, so I won’t give specific examples here…I will save them for our future Unstraightening Lesbian posts.

But, in general, here is a synopsis of what is wrong with all of the “academic research” articles/books published about Lesbians:

  • Research is only as good as the researcher.  If the researcher is Heterosexual/Straightbian, she is basing her research questions/premises/hypotheses/etc. on her own incorrect (hetsplained) presumptions about what Lesbian is…therefore, her research is going to be as flawed as her own hetsplanations.
  • There is nothing accurate (that I know of) in the current academic literature about Lesbians, so any literature review is going to be based on a stack of shameful lies. Furthermore, the Heterosexual/Straightbian academic literally won’t be able to see the flaws in the previous research/literature, because she doesn’t have the basic reasoning skills to see past her own straight-privileged hetsplaining.
  • When the researcher is a Heterosexual/Straightbian, she cannot even accurately define “Lesbian”, much less pick one out of a crowd, so she won’t know that her subjects are also Straightbians.
  • If the Heterosexual/Straightbian researcher herself doesn’t even know what a Lesbian is, much less how Lesbians actually think/act, she will accept whatever bizarre bullshit her Straightbian subjects shovel.
  • The prevailing definition of Lesbian for research (and for everything else, for that matter) is based on ultra-simplistic self-report, which is incredibly flawed. All it takes is for someone to simply claim she is a Lesbian and everybody usually takes her word for it. BUT: that premise is 100 percent wrong. Any woman cannot magically “become a Lesbian”, and all the lies in the world won’t turn her into one. So if a ton of the research subjects are LYING about being a Lesbian, guess what? The data gathered is NOT ABOUT LESBIANS. Duh.
  • Research gathers A LOT of data. It is up to the researcher to determine what data to assemble, how to analyze the data, how to decide what data to even analyze, and how to interpret the data. If the researcher herself is basing the very definition of “Lesbian” on her own skewed perception, while using a faulty hypothesis with a false set of subjects, it is inevitable that the results and implications will be wrong.

The above list is just a basic, general overview of why the information in the academic books/articles about Lesbians which has been written by academic Straightbians is completely unrecognizable to biological Lesbians (which, after all, are the ONLY real Lesbians). Future posts will elaborate on specific Straightbians and the flaws in their thinking, theories, research, and conclusions.

Obviously, Dirt and I cannot stop all Heterosexuals/Straightbians from hetsplaining Lesbian ~ but we can, and will, continue to expose these people for their multitudinous lies, misinformation, perversions, and all-around inaccuracies about Lesbians. We will do our best to OUT them to the Lesbian community. The more information Lesbians have in our arsenal, the better chance we have of fighting the onslaught of lesbophobia harming our lives.

Are Lesbians Ever Attracted To Men?

Recently, I received the following comment on a post:

“I am definitely a lesbian but have been attracted to men.”

So I thought I would do a post addressing this important question:

Question: Are Lesbians Ever Attracted To Men?

Answer: No!

TheEnd

Image: Pixabay: Michitogo: Creative Commons CC0

The Covert Lesbophobe Checklist (CLC)

We all know what an overt lesbophobe is: He/she will just say what they feel very directly: “I hate Lesbians!”; “You’re evil”; “You’re going to HELL!”; “You’re an abomination to the Good Lord Jesus!”; “You need a man!”; “Marriage is for a man and a woman!”; “You need to be TAUGHT A LESSON!”; “No, I won’t rent to/hire you!”; “Your kind isn’t welcome here!” etc. They are obvious. They are obnoxious. They are our visible enemies.

But what about the covert lesbophobes? They are our friends, our acquaintances, our coworkers, our family members, our neighbors. They are subtle. They smile to our faces. They shake our hands. They bake us cookies. They say that they love us, like us, support us, and would fight for us ~ and they probably even truly believe that they mean it.

They say that they would NEVER, EVER tolerate lesbophobia/homophobia.

And we believe them, and will continue to believe them…until one day we find the proverbial knife between the shoulder blades and realize who put it there.

“If only there were a way to know“, you may be thinking.

Well, there is a way to know, but only if we are completely willing to keep our eyes and ears wide open, and only if we are willing to put aside our own wishful thinking long enough to accept the cold hard truth.

So, without further ado, here is a handy-dandy little lesbo checklist to see whether your Aunt Susie, or your neighbor Gladys, or, I don’t know, let’s say, um, the president of an international creative organization is a covert lesbophobe:

Does he/she do any of the following (or anything similar)?:

  • Refer to being a Lesbian as “a lifestyle”;
  • Refer to being a Lesbian as “a sexual preference”;
  • Refer to being a Lesbian as a “choice”;
  • Refer to being a Lesbian as a “behavior”;
  • Refer to your partner as “your friend” or “your roommate“;
  • Say anything like “sexuality is fluid”;
  • Say anything like “sexuality is on a spectrum”;
  • Say anything like “anybody can become/be a Lesbian”;
  • Say anything like “I am all for you people having rights, but why do you have to call it marriage?”;
  • Say anything like “I am fine with you being a Lesbian, but why do you have to TELL everybody?”;
  • Say anything like “Why do you have to put Lesbian on your social media profile?”;
  • Say anything like “I don’t care who you have sex with, I just don’t want to know about it!”;
  • Say anything like  “Who’s the man one?”;
  • Say anything like “Maybe you just haven’t met the right man yet!”;
  • Say anything like “But how do you know you wouldn’t like it if you haven’t tried having sex with a man?”
  • Say anything like “You and your friend can’t share a bedroom in my house!”;
  • Blame you in any way for the lesbophobia you encounter;
  • Punish, shame, or penalize you in any way for the lesbophobia you encounter;
  • Defend, befriend, or take the side of lesbophobes in any way;
  • Support you in private ~ but not in public;
  • Refuse to let you (or in any way support/defend the premise that you shouldn’t be allowed to): get married, adopt an animal, get hired for a job, buy a wedding cake, rent an apartment, patronize a business, buy a house, have benefits, inherit from your partner, file taxes together, travel together, visit your partner in the hospital, etc. etc. etc. etc. (This list would consist of anything and everything that straight people can do without question);
  • Encourage you in any way  to be nice, be quiet, remain silent, be invisible, and/or get along with lesbophobes (or in order to avoid being attacked by lesbophobes);
  • Treat you and your partner differently that they would routinely be treated with their spouse (Examples: when traveling together, walking into your hotel room without knocking; or putting you and your partner in twin beds when you visit their house, while straight couples are given the double, queen, or king beds);
  • Ask that you not tell someone/anyone/everyone you are a Lesbian. (“Granny doesn’t need to know, it will kill her!”);
  • Support and/or vote for a candidate/politician that is known to be against Gay/Lesbian rights;
  • Does not even recognize blatant lesbophobia in others (does not even understand what was wrong with what was said!).
  • (Added because of suggestions from 2 readers — thanks): Minimizes, belittles, and/or denies the existence of lesbophobia itself (and minimizes, belittles, and/or denies the consequences of lesbophobia on Lesbian lives). 

It’s important to note that before jumping to conclusions, it’s always best to verify our perceptions. I believe that some people can be covertly lesbophobic and aren’t even aware of it themselves. So, I always try to explain why _______ was lesbophobic, and then watch to see how the person responds. Does he/she listen and attempt to change the issue? Or does he/she barrel right along and then do something similar immediately afterword?

Well, I think these are the basics; please let me know if I have missed anything in the comments below…

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Image: Pixabay: evondue:  CC0 Creative Commons

Nameless

Believe it or not, I have a life outside this blog (No! Really???LOL!).

This life includes my wife, our cats, my work, our home, family, friends, chores, and errands ~ and, for the last several years, it also included something else that I truly loved: a specific creative practice in connection to an organization in which I’d felt that I was a part of a larger community…but that part of my life ended abruptly earlier today.

Early this morning, I received an email from the official representative of this organization, which I will call “Nameless” (Note: The email has been edited for clarity/brevity; but also to remove any identifying information, of course):

Hi Anna,

I read your blog and support you speaking out and telling your truth, but…my concern is having your “Nameless” credentials listed on the account where a lot of angry postings are might make people feel unsafe to do “Nameless”…I know you said on your blog that “I will continue to speak up, to speak out, and to stand in solidarity with other Lesbians & with gay men, but I plan to try to do so in a way that doesn’t tear others down and create unnecessary angst/division.” and that is great, we support that mission, but the conversations don’t seem to concern “Nameless” per se and it might be better for “Nameless” work…if we could prevent people connecting “Nameless” inadvertently with any of those pretty ugly postings from others. Can you let me know if this makes sense to you?

Warm regards,

(“Nameless” Representative)

So:

Based upon this email, I truly feel it is best for myself, as well as for “Nameless”, to sever my connection with this organization.

Although I seriously doubt that my arguing with lesbophobes (who attacked us first, by the way) on social media would, or even could, make anyone “feel unsafe” to do a nonthreatening creative activity, I nevertheless felt it best to remove myself immediately from an organization which clearly feels that being associated with me is undesirable.

I think I have now removed all traces of my former connection to “Nameless” from this blog and from my other online accounts, including removing old tweets that even tangentially referenced any connection whatsoever to “Nameless”. If I come across any other references in the future that I somehow missed, I will promptly remove those too.

Contrary to my typical first emotional response (anger masking hurt), I am not even angry about it right now; instead, this time, I somehow completely bypassed anger and went straight to hurt.

Although I was confused by the first email, because she mentions my blog, even quotes from my blog, and Twitter, it later seems that she was referring primarily to my Twitter account, and seemingly especially so in regard to the recent lesbophobic brouhahas, which I fought against and documented, in part, here at this blog.

What I do find rather odd and quite ironic, however, is that the very quote she used from my blog was taken from the post where I was specifically denouncing all of the hostility on Twitter and vowing to do my part in ending it ~ despite the entirely justified hurt and anger I felt (and still feel!!) toward those who were/are shockingly lesbophobic (and just plain mean) to me, Dirt, and other Lesbians.

I also find it quite intriguing that somehow suddenly this is an issue, when my connection to “Nameless” had been going on for several years (and I haven’t suddenly changed my topics/style here or elsewhere).

I will likely never know the answer to the question of “why now?”, but my best guess is that someone complained to “Nameless” about me. (If so, I have one word for that person: Karma).

The other major puzzlement I have is: Why am I being called out because of (and I quote) “pretty ugly postings from others“?

As I have always known, but have cruelly been reminded of in recent weeks, lesbophobia is alive and well, and it rears its ugly head on Twitter on a regular basis.

I cannot help that sad fact; nor can I control the postings of others; and my anger and defensiveness at the recent situation were my attempts at fighting the overt and covert lesbophobia that is constantly hurting me and my fellow Lesbians.

It also hurts that this representative showed absolutely ZERO concern/empathy for the horrible lesbophobic treatment I have been subjected to on Twitter…she doesn’t even attempt to pretend that she cares! There was not even a general “I’m sorry that happened”. Instead, she clearly blames & penalizes me for other people’s cruelty.

I can’t help but wonder whether some of this organization’s members’ seeming “acceptance” of me as a Lesbian was conditional/superficial, and I also can’t help but wonder whether there may even be some subconscious, covert lesbophobia lurking behind this person’s emails.

It feels as if I am being told: “It’s ‘fine’ to be a Lesbian, well, as long as you are always super-duper nice at all times, so as not to provoke the hatred/homophobia of others; and then you need to remain super-duper nice, even when under direct attack.”

Plus, what do you think an appropriate response to overt lesbophobic bullying would be?:

A). Come to the defense of a loyal long-term member of your community who is being attacked?

(OR)

B). Blame the loyal long-term community member for being bullied, and demand that she distance herself from your organization on the bizarre and nonsensical premise that some unknown person who may (or may not) want to try your technique in the future might be inexplicably afraid to do so, based on a stranger defending herself in her own Twitter account?

Hmmm. Think about it. Is it lesbophobia or just a supremely insensitive response to a terrible situation?

Who knows?

Regardless, it is all a moot point now.

Life will go on. I will do what I always do when dealing with any sort of hurt/loss: I will think, journal, and do artwork about it, until it feels like I am ready to truly move on.

Until then, I will allow myself to feel sad about the loss of something that has been important to me and that I truly believed in…even though I belatedly realize now that my feeling of community with “Nameless” was always just an illusion.

***(Please also scroll down to see the 8/25 Update, below the picture)***

Image 4

Image: maxpixel.freegreatpicture.com/CC0 Public Domain

August 25, 2017: 9:30 a.m.: Edited to Add:

Subsequent emails have sadly clarified my suspicions about covert lesbophobia lurking beneath the civil surface.

Specifically, later emails from the “Nameless” representative included the following direct quotes (again, note that I am redacting the name of this organization and any other personal information):

“…where you are doing some good activism re helping people understand sexual preference issues, but yet are unfortunately attracting some comments that make the site feel unsafe for prospective _______________(customers of ‘Nameless’)

AND

“I did get an email from (someone) who was worried whether followers to your Twitter account would feel safe re: ‘Nameless’.”

AND

“I am truly sorry you want to sever your connection with “Nameless”. To be clear again, we just wanted to….separate that part of your work from the page where people are responding to your lifestyle with lots of judgments and homophobia.”

So: Let’s sum it up:

The “Nameless” representative is apparently worried about being associated with me because my Twitter account allegedly “attracts” lesbophobic and judgmental comments from others because of my so-called “sexual preference” and “lifestyle”, which then might inexplicably cause my own Twitter followers to be afraid to do “Nameless”. (Huh????)

Ugh!  I think/hope my readers will immediately see the underlying lesbophobia in these quotes, and I trust that you will also see the glaring problems with her  “logic”.

And: to the sniveling, sneaky, lowlife, despicable, immature coward who emailed the “Nameless” representative: I fervently hope that Karma has something very special in mind for you, something you truly deserve.

“Not Femme Enough”…?

This is a post I have been slowly working on, a little at a time, because I am finding it quite difficult to process and articulate this topic; also, recently, I have been focused on my beloved sick cat, Ari, so it’s been hard to focus more than a few minutes on anything else.

Before I start trying to explain today’s topic, I wanted to mention that I’ve written before about being a Femme Lesbian, and this post will continue with that topic.

If you are interested in reading those previous posts, which are directly related to this post and which provide some important background to this post, here are the links:

Deciphering Butch/Femme

Femme: Defining Ourselves

Femme: Fact Versus Fiction

Do Femmes Wear Lipstick?

For additional related information, please also refer to Hekate’s blog, Genuine Femme, which addresses similar topics.

Today’s post is about the rampant misconceptions and outright lies about Femmes, and how these misconceptions and lies are prevalent, even within the Lesbian community.

There is a huge gap between what people THINK Femmes are versus what we ACTUALLY are.

Many people incorrectly THINK Femme Lesbians:

  • are hyperfeminine;
  • are obsessed with makeup, clothes, hair, shoes, etc.
  • are overtly seductive and hypersexual
  • are helpless, dependent, clingy, needy, etc.
  • are dumb, flighty, stupid, etc.
  • are Stepford Wives
  • are uninformed, unfeminist, old-fashioned, etc.
  • are “mimicking heterosexuality”
  • are an “identity” that can be chosen by anybody
  • are “performing gender”
  • are “really Straightbians
  • are subservient to Butches

stilettos

Shoes People THINK I Wear: Image: Pixabay: Pexels: CC0

These stereotypes have been perpetuated by a huge number of sources, including, but not limited to, so-called Lesbian experts” who are neither Lesbian nor expert, by purported Femmes who are actually Straightbians, by allegedly  Lesbian magazines/media/blogs/etc. which are decidedly NOT Lesbian, and by websites/forums which falsely proclaim to be for Butch/Femme Lesbians, but instead are just hideous mockeries, chock-full of Straightbians mingling with a few lonely, confused dykes.

Here is the truth about Femme Lesbians ~ we are:

  • REAL LESBIANS;
  • Born this way;
  • Equal partners in our relationships;
  • Independent, capable, strong, practical, etc.;
  • Typically outspoken;
  • Just being ourselves (Meaning: We are NOT mimicking heterosexuality, NOT performing gender, NOT playacting, etc.);
  • NOT obsessed with looks, makeup, hair, nails, clothes, shoes, etc.;
  • Dress appropriately for the task; function is important;
  • Can/do dress up if/when we choose to, but we don’t feel the need to impress the guy bagging our groceries;
  • NOT an “identity” which can just be adopted by anyone; because you either ARE a Femme Lesbian OR you are NOT…period.

Converse

Shoes I ACTUALLY Wear: Image: Pixabay: Wokandapix: CC0

So, you would assume that most actual Lesbians would be free of such misinformed assumptions, but sadly, this is rarely the case.

This widespread ignorance, even within the Lesbian community, results in real Femmes often feeling invisible. Sometimes, this invisibility presents itself in the form of being rejected and/or unrecognized by other Lesbians. At other times, paradoxically, this invisibility presents itself as being thought of as “not Femme enough” to some dykes who have issues of their own which leads them to partner with Straightbians.

Please see Dirt’s companion post, here, about some of the possible issues dykes might have which would lead them to partner with Straightbians. I won’t be covering that in this post.

Instead, I wanted to address the issue of my being perceived as “not Femme enough” by some dykes.

This phenomenon has happened to me, although I didn’t fully understand it until recently.

For instance, I was told repeatedly by 2 previous Butch partners that I was “too athletic”, and I was encouraged incessantly by both of them to dress more provocatively and to wear more makeup, etc.

I didn’t EVER stop working out, nor did I change my appearance/clothes (because I am a particularly stubborn person, LOL!), but I will admit that such comments did bother me and make me feel criticized and unwanted.

Interestingly, although not surprisingly, both of these Butches had only dated Straightbians before me, and both went back to dating Straightbians after we broke up.

In other words, both of them were comparing me to Straightbians, and found me lacking in the hyper-femininity department.

Both of them wanted another kind of woman (a Straightbian!) who would meet the male fantasy of a sexy, seductive woman, and that is so NOT me.

Another instance in which this scenario has affected me is when someone Dirt and I know online (from our blogs or Twitter or Facebook) wants to meet us in person. I always worry about what people’s reactions will be when I don’t meet their incorrect Straightbian/sexy/seductive/MALE-fantasy notions of what a Femme “should” be.

Often, it feels that people are expecting me to show up looking/dressed like I plan to be on the cover of Vogue, but when they meet me, I am always dressed as I normally do (which certainly does NOT include high heels, skimpy dresses, or plunging necklines).

It is impossible not to feel that such people are somehow disappointed with me for not being the femme fatale of their imagination.

When I was younger, I was both puzzled and hurt by such situations. Now that I am older (and hopefully at least a little bit wiser), I finally realize that I am fine as I am; heck, I always was. I am proud to be a dyke. If anyone has the nerve to feel like I am doing it wrong, she is the one with the problem, not me.

Why I Call Myself “Mrs. Dirt” on Twitter, and Why I Won’t Change It 

For those of you who aren’t on Twitter, I won’t bore you with a play-by-play of the details of this ongoing, sordid scenario.

Instead, I will give you a quick, bottom-line synopsis:

A posse of straight female “feminists” have been tweeting their asses off denigrating me because I call myself “Mrs. Dirt” on Twitter.

Although I have addressed this topic before (many times, actually), I have never written a specific post about it, so I wanted to do one to quickly refer to whenever needed.

To be clear, these straight “feminists” are implying that I am a stupid, weak, fluffy-headed, submissive, Stepford Wife because I use the Twitter handle “Mrs. Dirt”.

They are (very) wrong.

So, here’s the scoop:

I started calling myself “Mrs. Dirt” on Twitter right after we got married. It started as a light-hearted, silly, goofy celebration of the fact that…at long last, hallelujah…Dirt and I were able to do what our straight peers have always taken for granted since, well, FOREVER: get married!!!

It was a dorky way to say to the Twitter world: “We are freakin’ MARRIED!”

So: now these “feminists” may be wondering: Then, why did I say I am “Mrs. Dirt”, versus Dirt saying she is “Mrs. Saye Bennett”?

Well, that answer is very simple too. Dirt is a well-known blogger who has been blogging for years, while I am not. I started this blog as a hobby, which I love, but very few people would know about my blog or my pseudonym. It would have been stupid to do it in reverse, because nobody would have gotten the joke.

Plus “Mrs. Dirt” is simply cuter too.

Then the whole “Mrs. Dirt” nickname just sort of stuck so I kept it.

It’s an easy way to identify me on Twitter and on our joint posts, and quite frankly, I like it…NOT because I am oppressed, or unaware of the history surrounding the use of the term, or unfeminist, or stupid, or vapid, or weak, or stuck in the 1950s.

Instead, I like using “Mrs. Dirt” because it is a public, simple, fun, and obvious way to align myself with Dirt.

I use my real name and my real title in real life, and Dirt does too.

“Mrs. Dirt” is an internet name…it is not my real name…well, um, duh! (Saye Bennett is not my real name either, by the way).

So there’s absolutely no need for anybody to get her panties in a wad about an internet name because most people call themselves names on the internet like CatMommy1234 (which does NOT literally mean that CatMommy1234 gave birth to 1234 kittens either, by the way, folks).

BUT: Here is the most important point:

Even if I had decided to take Dirt’s name in real life, or if she had taken mine…so what??

We are a legally married couple, and tons of married straight females have taken their husband’s name.

The decision of whether to change names is their, and now our, choice to do…or not to do.

Our marriage is just as valid as a straight marriage, and the fact that these straight “feminists” are badmouthing me regarding this topic is very telling of their underlying lesbophobia and utter lack of recognition of our marriage as being valid.

(The other big clues that these “feminists” are lesbophobic is the fact that they put “marriage” and “wife” in “quotation marks” when referring to myself and Dirt — along with a barrage of other lesbophobic insults).

True feminism does not include telling Lesbians how we “should” live our lives or what choices we “should” make. 

Finally, I don’t care what these “feminists” (or anybody like them) thinks of what I call myself on Twitter…or what they think about me, period.

If anybody doesn’t like me or anything about me, please just avoid me in the future. Simple! Problem solved! You’re welcome.

Announcement

I hereby declare that I am going to attempt to stop my part in promoting anger, hostility, and hatred on Twitter…not because I am wimping out, nor because I have changed my mind on anything, nor because I want to make up/get along with anyone…but instead, the reason is quite simple: it’s because I believe the old adage “Two wrongs don’t make a right”.

Yes, I/we have been unfairly attacked, but I know that counterattacking certainly does not make things better…in fact, it only makes everything worse.

I have always known, but had apparently temporarily forgotten, the rule that I cannot change other people, but I can always change my response to them.

For some time now, I have been allowing my own anger, hurt, and frustration to bubble over to the point that I (shockingly!) found myself acting like someone I am not…someone who said outright mean/rude things…someone who kept fights going long after I should have just walked away.

I cannot promise that I will never lose my temper again, of course, nor can I promise that I will always refrain from smarting off when hurt or angry.

This announcement also certainly does not mean that I will stop speaking out when I see homophobia/lesbophobia or any injustice, and it also does not mean that I in any way agree with, nor do I want to have anything to do with, anybody who has attacked me, Dirt, any of our Lesbian friends/allies, or Lesbians in general.

I don’t plan to go back and remove any of my angry posts/tweets at this point though, because it would be a LOT to try to find ~ plus, I think that it would be a bit disingenuous to do so.

But rather, from this moment forward, I plan to continue speaking my truth and to defend myself, Dirt, and fellow Lesbians, but to try to do so without being mean to others…even when they say horrid things.

I will continue to speak up, to speak out, and to stand in solidarity with other Lesbians & with gay men, but I plan to try to do so in a way that doesn’t tear others down and create unnecessary angst/division.

In other words, I will strive to be myself from this moment forward…my real self, that is…the self that has been buried for a while now under multiple layers of anger, hurt, and frustration.

It’s worth a try, don’t you think?

Wish me luck… 

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