Most (So-Called) “Lesbian Experts” Are Neither Lesbian Nor Expert

I’ve said it before, I said it in the title of this post, and I will say it again:

Most (so-called) “Lesbian Experts” are neither lesbian nor expert.

The Big Lie

Image: #PicsArt #FreeToEdit

This extreme disconnect between the lived experience of real lesbians and the musings of numerous blowhards has created a multitude of problems for lesbians, including, among other things: confusion, misrepresentation, feelings of isolation, misunderstandings and disagreements amongst ourselves and with the general community, and perhaps most importantly, the further marginalization of an already marginalized group.

As just one example, I can still remember, over 2 decades later, my disgust, bewilderment, and growing anger upon reading The Persistent Desire: A Femme-Butch Reader.  Who were these people and what the $^%#*@ were they talking about? These people certainly weren’t speaking for me or for anybody I knew. Their false interpretations of the B/F experience were so foreign to me that it may as well have been written in Greek.

There are many, many, many, many examples of incorrect information in just this one book ~ way too many to address in this post ~ but to illustrate, please allow me to share just one of the many faulty examples.

This quote is from a piece in Persistent Desire entitled “Sex, lies, and penetration: A butch finally ‘fesses up” by someone named Jan Brown who claims that Butches “become male, but under our own terms, our own rules.” Brown then goes on to say: “The truth, for many stone butches, is that we failed as women early on“.

Other quotes from Brown’s essay (which is supposed to be about Butch lesbians) include: “We jerk off to the rapist, to the Hell’s Angel, to the Nazi, to the cop….And, yes, we also dream of the taking. We dream of someone’s blood on our hands, at laughing at cries for mercy“, and “Sometimes, we need to have a dick as hard as the truth between our legs, to have the freedom to ignore ‘no’ or to have our own ‘no’ ignored.”

Brown also writes in this same essay about working as a prostitute (“I would swallow for $40“, she says in the first paragraph), and asserts that many like her (meaning alleged butches) have “lived with abusive boyfriends“.

Sighing loudly.  So much bullshit, so little time. This person is clearly NOT a Butch, and just as clearly she is NOT any sort of lesbian at all. Nevertheless, the editor of Persistent Desire obviously thought it appropriate to include her inaccurate assertions in a book supposedly about the B/F lesbian experience.

Sheila Jeffreys, another purported lesbian expert who is also neither lesbian nor expert, even discussed Brown’s essay in her book, The Lesbian Heresy, unquestioningly using Brown’s words as a weapon in her misguided and erroneous arsenal against Butch/Femme, without even exhibiting the critical thinking skills to see that Brown wrote that essay with the frail bravado of a woman who has suffered at the hands of men, and most decidedly NOT as a Butch lesbian.

I guess when you’re faking lesbian yourself, you automatically accept everyone else’s fake lesbian stories too. 

This illustrates just one of many examples of how one “lesbian expert” (who is neither) uses another “lesbian expert” (who is neither)’s words to spread even more misinformation to and about lesbians.

And thus the bullshit kept rolling, gaining form and speed with every increasingly disgusting revolution, until the whole massive ball of excrement has now splattered its hideous contents into every nook and cranny of the lesbian community.  

I wish I could say the rest of the Persistent Desire book  (as well as the content of many other books) gets better, but, sadly…no.

At the time I first read Persistent Desire, I was young and much more willing to shake my consternation off than I am now. So I did what anybody with any common sense whatsoever would do: I tossed it in the trash, along with the other garbage that day.

Sadly, Persistent Desire is only one example of the plethora of nonsense that has been published over the years, by purported  lesbian experts who have profited, and still continue to profit, from hard-earned lesbian dollars.

Dirt and I are sick of it.  We are weary of all the misinformation, the appropriation of lesbian lives, and the push for inclusiveness that is threatening to dissolve what little cohesiveness the lesbian community has left.  We are infuriated at being told to “be nice” by (supposed) feminist allies and (alleged) other lesbians. We are disgusted with the idea that lesbians should gratefully accept whatever bullshit is served up to us on pretty silver platters.

It is past time to stand up and say something. We are working on a series of posts which will critique and expose some of the biggest charlatans who are selling lesbians a defective bill of goods, making money, and gaining kudos, while real lesbian lives are being misunderstood, maligned, harmed, and sometimes even destroyed.

We invite other lesbians, and our true allies, to join us in the quest for truth.  We invite you to think, to question, to speak up, and to take action. Lesbians deserve better.  It’s time we start demanding it.

~ Mrs. Dirt & Dirt

25 thoughts on “Most (So-Called) “Lesbian Experts” Are Neither Lesbian Nor Expert

  1. Thank you for cutting thru the bs and calling out the bs’ers. I stopped reading stuff like that years ago. Unrecognizable as part of lesbian experience.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Count me in as an ally! I have my questions and critiques regarding B/F, but even I, a relative newbie at one year, can see the lies. Even many rad fems deny that butches are attempting to be men, and any lesbian knows that butches are women doing woman different. It’s culturally constructed gender norms that claim butches are facsimiles of men.

    Liked by 6 people

  3. I must confess this stuff is so outrageously fake, it actually cracked me up. I mean, it’s poorly-written soft porn for the sad masses. But I do understand the frustration with this junk and I am definitely calling the bullshit it is.

    Are you also considering a series of posts on actual lesbian experts giving advice?

    Liked by 4 people

    • I know exactly what you mean; and much of what has been written is indeed VERY laughable stuff!

      We were just reviewing some “lesbian sex expert” literature (which, of course, was written by kinksters who are NOT LESBIAN), and it was, in fact, so very ridiculous, we started laughing many times.

      But, sadly, such people have made fortunes while making lesbians look like promiscuous oversexed wild-and-crazy-gals just waiting for a man to join us in our sexual escapades.

      There should be a special place in Hell for those people. Except they are so kinky they might LIKE Hell.

      Anyway, we hadn’t thought about posts with actual lesbians giving advice or answering questions; that’s a good idea!

      Just thinking how we could do it: Maybe I could post a question we get (I get emails with questions and Dirt does too) and then we could answer in the comments?

      Thanks for the idea! 🙂

      Liked by 6 people

  4. I am so frustrated right now, from first arguing on Twitter with a purported “lesbian feminist” who said she would “date someone with a penis” (huh?); but then, much more alarmingly, arguing with someone who I believe is actually a lesbian about lesbianism being a choice or not.

    Although she admitted that she felt like she did NOT have a choice herself (she said she could not imagine being with a man), she nevertheless argued that being a lesbian is completely a choice, apparently not seeing the incongruence or problems in her own argument.

    She had been subtweeting about me and Dirt, complaining that the whole debate about whether any woman could just choose to be a lesbian was ridiculous.

    It was a version of the “live-and-let-live argument” (“Who am I to judge…?”).

    This is exactly the sort of passive attitude that allows lesbians to get involved with women who are not genuinely attracted to them.

    Rant over…carry on!

    Liked by 3 people

  5. I remember flicking through the pages of The Persistent Desire in a bookshop in 1993/4 and thinking “Have we really come to this?” I was not tempted to buy it, not least because I would never willingly have put money into the pocket of Joan Nestle (the editor). How brave of you to have read it; I don’t think I could have done.

    Of course there are a few women who dream of raping and hurting other women, and a small percentage of them who act on those fantasies. There are also ‘gay’ men who long to be brutally raped and hurt by straight men, and a few of them go out of their way to get beaten up, and jack off to the memory of it as soon as their injuries have healed enough to allow them to do so. Hell, there are even stories on the internet by men fantasizing about being castrated (either by men or by women): the ultimate self-defeating sexual fantasy, you would think. In the field of human relations, none of us has so fertile an imagination that we can make up stuff that has never really happened somewhere, sometime, to somebody.

    If bad things have happened to those people to twist their sexual desires to such an extent, I am genuinely sorry for them. But when Jan Brown persistently uses the word ‘we’ in reference to her own morbid projections, she seeks to implicate all lesbians who may identify with the label ‘butch’ in her horrific scenarios.

    In the early 20th century, a lot of ink was spilled (mostly in German, which is why you may have missed it) on the ‘paradox’ of male homosexuality, according to which we all really wanted to be (apparently indifferently) brutally raped or protected and cared for by ‘real’ (i.e. heterosexual) men; but if they were really heterosexual, they wouldn’t do either of those things: hence the paradox. More crap from the crap-factory, but at least in those days it was heterosexual theorists tarring us with their brush. Now it seems ‘we’ dip our own brush in the tar-pot and slander ourselves.

    Since you read that shite “so I don’t have to”, I suppose the quid pro quo would be for me to read some of the male ‘nouveau-queer’ stuff (equally stomach-churning), and report back. If I fail to do so, I plead age and infirmity, but if you prefer to interpret that as simple cowardice, you needn’t expect a law suit soon.

    I’m constantly urged, concerning both my music and my prose, to be more ‘up-beat’. I’m not good at that, but here goes: I am proud of you and proud of Dirt, and hope there is enough solidarity left between real dykes and real faggots for me to feel prouder of myself through knowing you both.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. I agree that there are a lot of dyke-hating pretendbians out there giving lesbians a bad rep and generally confusing lesbians about what’s happening to the lesbian community. What’s happening? The lesbian community, such as it was up until the mid-to-late 1990s, has been systematically and deliberately destroyed by men. Men. I blame men.

    I blame the men who, as always, harass and terrify lesbians, making it clear that there are real economic consequences and physical risks/dangers for lesbians who are openly lesbian.

    I blame the men who pretend to be women, and who pretend to be lesbian to infiltrate/colonize and thereby destroy the lesbian community.

    I blame the men who groom children into a culture of sadomasochism masquerading as sex. I blame the pornographers and advertising executives and television producers and book publishers — the men who run the mensworld propaganda machine that defines male as the dominant class and female as the subordinate class.

    I blame the men who run pharmaceutical companies who are getting rich from convincing vulnerable girls that opting into a lifelong dependency on testosterone is a way to cope with or avoid the horrors inflicted by men on female bodies.

    I blame the men in charge. Do you see any women in charge of ANYTHING in ANY substantive way? No. It’s men. I blame men.

    Therefore, I find it hard to blame women. I don’t blame Sheila Jeffreys for the demise of lesbian communities — as if she has ever been the boss of anything. I find it hard to blame any of the countless women who married men, had babies, and only later in life found the courage to ditch their husbands and remake their lives as lesbians. I find it hard to say that such women are not “real” lesbians.

    We all know the enormous social, cultural, and economic pressure — we all know the COERCION backed up by very real threats of violence — that terrify women into denying their love for other women. I don’t blame late-blooming lesbians for this. I blame men.

    I don’t blame women for fearing butchness and dykishness. I am disappointed that butchness and dykishness are misunderstood and feared by some women, of course. But I blame men for this, not women. I blame the men who make gender rules and enforce gender conformity. Men are the makers and enforcers of ALL rules in our world, so who else can we blame?

    Yes, it sucks when women prioritize men at the expense of women. It’s best for women-who-prioritize-women to steer clear of women-who-prioritize-men. Don’t engage! Why? Because these women have been colonized by men. These women are the puppets of men, proxies for men. And for this, I blame men. Not women.

    Can we honestly say that we wish for and work for women’s LIBERATION from men if we write off all colonized women? Call them straightbians or pretendbians or manlovers — whatever. Aren’t colonized women (starting with ourselves) exactly the people in need of liberation? And how can we liberate women to discover and expand their women-lovingness if we deride as fake their efforts to change their priorities from male-focused to female-focused?

    Maybe for some women, it’s easy to love other women, and there has never been any question about it. But for most women (and men), woman-loving has been figuratively and often literally beaten out human beings since birth.

    I know who’s to blame. The question is what can be done about it.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hi and thanks for your comment!

      While I agree that men are to blame for a huge variety of crimes against women, I still maintain that the issues that Dirt and I are discussing here and in future posts are relevant and necessary…in these posts, we will be calling out the women who have willingly participated in the misinformation spread about lesbians, as well as those who have willingly entered into relationships with lesbians without fully disclosing their true orientation to men.

      Women who are NOT lesbians have no right to define “lesbian”. Period.

      Just to be clear, it’s not “late-blooming lesbians” that we have a problem with, which we have addressed in previous posts. It is women who are NOT lesbian AND who do NOT report their true attraction to men before embarking on a relationship with a lesbian that we have a problem with.

      While there is no denying that everybody is affected by society and culture to varying extents, giving all women a free pass from responsibility for their own actions is not the answer. If women are damaging lesbians in any way, this needs to be confronted. (Same thing with men, obviously).

      I believe in all of us taking responsibility for our actions, and to not take responsibility is to deny our own power.

      I won’t disempower other women by pretending that they don’t have the ability, or the responsibility, to do the right thing.

      We support all women in making any choices they need to make regarding their own lives; all Dirt and I have asked of Straightbians is to be honest about their true orientation prior to becoming romantically/sexually involved with lesbians, which is certainly NOT too much to ask of any potential sexual partner.

      Liked by 3 people

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