Comment Policy

This is a reminder that if you submit argumentative, inappropriate, rude, ridiculous, threatening, and/or redundant comments, that I will not publish them.

I will attempt to answer your questions (if asked politely and appropriately), but I will NOT “beat a dead horse” (sorry to use that expression, I hate it!) by repeatedly going over the same information that I have already expressed.

I may choose to address all of your comments on a point-by-point basis, but if your points are redundant and/or unrelated and/or presented in a confrontational manner, I also may not. It depends on your points and your attitude.

Regardless, I will not continue to argue the same points over and over and OVER.

Please know that I welcome polite and productive comments, even ones which disagree with me. As I have said before, if you disagree with me, please provide some reasons for your thoughts so that we can have an actual discussion about it.

However, please understand that there are some issues which I will NEVER back down on, and further discussion becomes unnecessary once we reach the point where we are going around in circles.

My opinions are clear and are explained in my posts.  If I ever change my mind on ANY topic, I will do a new post to let everybody know.

This is MY blog and I will continue to speak freely about my thoughts and opinions.

You are entitled to your opinions too, of course, but you are NOT entitled to have them published HERE if you choose to present them in any of the manners described above.

Finally, I am not here to please people. I am here to speak my truth. If you don’t like what I have to say, and your only goal is to argue…well, sorry, but “bye” and have a nice life.

27 thoughts on “Comment Policy

  1. Also, I think you and dirt have an important perspective to present. We don’t all have to agree with each other about everything, but we cannot develop the best nuanced view if any of us are silenced. You never know who might be listening, whom you might influence. The conversation is key, but at the same time, a good conversation keeps moving, and it doesn’t do that well when people aren’t respectful of each other’s views.

    Blogging can be really tiresome. The Internet can be hell. It can be like one long firestorm. Permanent war. I always feel like I should say something encouraging, and sometimes I just want to say “burn it all down.”

    We should be like a bag of rocks wearing down each other’s rough edges, I guess, but this is an awfully large bag.


    Liked by 4 people

    • Thanks for saying that Dirt and I have an important perspective to present, I appreciate it!

      I agree that everybody doesn’t always have to agree on everything, and I do even like healthy discussion of various viewpoints.

      Yesterday was particularly taxing, with the usual “f**k you”-type comments; plus then I wasted time (and I do know better!) arguing first with an alleged “lesbian feminist” (Ha! NOT!) who said (and I am NOT kidding) that she would “date someone with a penis” and that “women can have penises”. Sigh. Then a bunch of other people jumped in and she blocked us ALL, LOL!

      So, after getting myself worked up over that, then I got into a couple of discussions that were more pleasant, but were still taxing because we disagreed.

      Then, someone who I had tried to painstakingly answer on the trans issue (twice) wrote again, and said I wasn’t addressing his/her(?) points when I had tried to and taken much time already doing so, and he/she(?) was even snarky about some of the other commenters, so at that point, I’d simply had enough. (I was unusually tired and grumpy too by that time!).

      It’s pretty clear what I think from my posts, and I don’t have time for going back and forth ad nauseum when my opinion hasn’t changed and they are just repeatedly saying, basically, in different versions, “shouldn’t we support trans people in their gender-affirming journey?”

      Anyway, all that is to say that I got a bit perturbed last night, which explains my updated Comments Policy. 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

      • There is nothing wrong with your updated comments policy. I have mine in my sidebar 🙂

        Lesbians shoud not be interfered with, with regards to determining what the definition of “lesbian” is. Similarly, women should not be interfered with with regards to defining “woman.”

        Men, and also women who experience sexual attraction to men at times, have no business contributing input as to the definition of the word “lesbian.” Only women who feel no sexual attraction to men have the right to enter such input. “Lesbian” is endlessly being eroded as a concept. That is wrong.

        And sexual biology is real, men and women are different, this is kindergarten stuff or should be. Do you ever feel like you’re sitting in a classroom with your students sitting in tiny chairs, waving their arms around?

        Liked by 3 people

        • I read an Oscar Wilde quote yesterday about how when people talk about the weather, he always felt like they meant something else.

          Thus are we always constrained in public blog commenting. I like what you’re doing here. It’s bold. I’ve been doing this stuff for years and years and I am not important and I do not want to be seen as important. I prefer to live in the grout.

          xox and keep fighting

          Liked by 2 people

        • You’re welcome. You’re doing interesting work. I feel hopelessly asexual, and that’s okay. But meanwhile I like to see what lesbians are up to. Your activism is important. I have lesbian friends. You are my sisters. I pay attention. It’s imperative to do so.

          Liked by 3 people

      • Of course. I have found many lesbians attractive in many ways, Their bodies, their intelligence, their savvy and their bravery. I could write a list as long as my arm with how many lesbians I have admired and sometimes loved. I could write a book.

        But when a man I love hurts me, it’s different. It’s visceral. It trashes me badly. It goes on for a long time. I have to re-evaluate everything about myself. I have to go reprocess the stacks, it’s extremely time consuming and wearying. I write poems for years.

        No, of course I’m not a lesbian, lol

        Liked by 2 people

  2. One more thing: your and dirt’s writing about sexual orientation has seeped into my views, I am not impermeable. I think about what you both say, and this has affected my perspective, added depth. I am seeing a little more clearly in some cases. This is not a matter of righteousness or political correctness, it’s more a matter of being open to a bit of a more nuanced perspective. Sometimes it’s sad or even painful to obtain such a perspective, but I am all about better perspectives.

    For that, I thank you both. I am one of those women who thought it might be a relief to be a man, and later thought maybe she could be a lesbian, but who has come to the understanding that it’s all pretty much pipe dreams. I’m a woman who gets her heart broken by men. I am straight. Shit.

    But, onwards. Doesn’t mean I have to let men do that to me, break my heart. I can be careful and ruthless. I can be kickass and strong.

    And it doesn’t mean I can’t have awesome lesbian friends, colleagues, blog compadres. I don’t have to be a lesbian to love women, and I don’t have to lie to lesbians in order to love lesbians. I can be who and what I am, without pretense, and still keep my arms wide open to other women, so many different women, so many women with all sorts of ideas and ways.

    Okay, I’m done. x

    Liked by 3 people

    • Well said! And it’s fine to be straight, LOL! 🙂

      Many of my real-life friends are straight; I have had the same friends for years; and they always joke around that it would be “easier” to be a lesbian because, yes, they get their hearts broken by men too.

      But what they often don’t seem to totally understand is that lesbians get our hearts broken by women in the very same way straight women get their hearts broken by men.

      It makes common sense to me (we get our hearts broken by the people we fall in love with), but there often seems to be a bit of a disconnect with my straight friends who don’t seem to quite grasp that it’s the exact same principle.

      Which is one reason Dirt and I write about Straightbians, even though we know it’s controversial and often unwelcome…because so many lesbians have had their hearts ripped out by them.

      What we have written about them was never been meant to be “exclusionary” and neither of us dislikes straight people at all; in fact, we both have very close friends and family members who are straight.

      I know I say it all the time, but all we want from Straightbians is to be honest with themselves and potential partners about their true orientation before starting a romantic/sexual relationship. Which is the same exact thing that anybody should expect from a potential romantic/sexual partner.

      Anyway, yes, you can certainly be a kickass, strong, warrior straight woman who has both lesbian and straight friends and is a true ally to us. Battle on! 🙂

      Liked by 3 people

  3. Hello,
    at first, sorry for my English, I’m not a native speaker. If I sound rude – keep in mind it was not my intention.
    I know this may be not a correct place to post this comment since it’s not related to comment policy, but honestly, I have no idea where I should write it. I just want to leave a feedback on yours and Dirt’s general work. I’m not sure if there’s a point of reposting it on Dirt’s blog, I guess you two talk about what happen on your blogs?
    Anyway: I’m myself a FtM and (heh, it will sound like heresy, right?) recently I thought what you two were doing was really important. Don’t get me wrong, I have no regrets nor I deny the existence of transgenderism, so while I don’t agree with your basic statement, I still think you made some good points.
    First of all I really appreciate Dirt’s posts about testosteron injection’s influence on female body. I regret most of the FtMs will be to busy with sending hate messages to actually read theses posts. 😛 Have you ever think of anonymously sending them rewritten in friendlier way to some transgender site? Most of transpeople perceive Dirt as their biggest enemy and don’t care what she has to say, but she’s saying things that doctors are unwilling to say. Of course, by this way you won’t change anyone view on transgenderism, but maybe some people WILL read it and be more cautious about their health. Honestly, some of the girls and boys on tumblr and other weird places talk about hormones as if they were candies with no side effects…
    Also – I noticed the same things as you did. This is becoming a trend. A couple of weeks ago I talked with a girl, who claimed to be a pre-everything transboy. She told me she has started to be transgender (?) when she realised she’s in love with a gay. I wish it was an isolated case but 95% of the “trans” people I met seem to be completely mindless about what and why they are doing, fetishists or deeply damaged, self hating people.
    There’s a short story I’d like to tell you, I think you’ll find it interesting. One popular trans activist in my country some time ago decided to detransition. She discovered she can truly enjoy her female self, found a love and stopped HRT. Probably in another order, though. 😛 Anyway I felt happy for her and I thought everyone else will react the same but… no. The amount of hate she got was terrifying. If people could they would instantly burned her alive. She didn’t even started to be critical about transition in general, she just said she has chosen the wrong path and found the right one. I don’t know, why would anyone who is ‘mindful’ about what they are doing react so angrily?
    Anyway I don’t agree with many of your opinions, but I think your voice should be heard and analised, not silenced by people who are trans, think they’re trans or just pretend to be.
    I guess I should post it on Dirt’s blog after all, since she’s more focused on gender critical (did I use the correct term?) activity, but I noticed she really like to have her place well organised and is not found of off-topic comments. And as I said, this is really off-topic. 😛
    Have a nice day.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hi Bartek,

      First of all, thanks for your polite comment, even though you don’t agree with much of what I say. That is a refreshing change, and I appreciate it.

      I will share what you said with Dirt. She appreciates feedback and she can always be reached at 🙂

      I agree that many people in general just don’t think things through well before embarking on a course of action, and in the case of medical transition, there are indeed potential side effects and risks that really should be considered.

      The story of the detransitioner is horrible and sadly, Dirt receives emails regularly with such experiences. Detransitioners are often treated with viciousness by the trans community as if they should be burned at the stake for heresy, rather than being treated as people who are simply making a personal decision about their own bodies.

      Regarding your question about presenting the information differently, that is a good idea, but it has been our experience that when it comes to the trans topic, it doesn’t matter how nicely the information is presented, if what is being said is even slightly critical, it is dismissed or attacked or even censored.

      Again, thanks for your comment and for your courtesy. Please feel free to comment anytime, off-topic or not! 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

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