I recently received a comment that didn’t get published, but it contained so many ignorant and bigoted statements against myself and Dirt (and Butch/Femme in general) that I saved it for future fodder.
The same individual has submitted multiple comments to Dirt’s blog too, most of which also did not get published.
It appears as if this person has a reading comprehension problem (and perhaps she actually does), but I think the main problem that she has her own preconceived notions and therefore is being argumentative and intentionally obtuse.
This post is to address this person’s repeated questions, jibes, and trolling, so perhaps she can finally move on and start living her own life.
The easiest way to address all of her points is to quote from her comment, then to address her points sequentially, so here we go:
If you can’t be recognized without “your butch” around, how are you any different than a straight woman who relies on “her man” to be seen as a person?
What I actually said is that frequently other people don’t initially recognize me as a lesbian.
I did NOT say that I don’t recognize myself as a lesbian, nor did I say that I rely on a partner to be seen or to see myself through.
I recognize and accept myself just fine as a lesbian, and I don’t need to change my appearance to meet random strangers’ uninformed views of what a lesbian “should” look like.
If you are a lesbian, why do you only feel satisfied with another lesbian who, for lack of a better description, would perfectly fit gender norms had she been born in a male body?
Whoa. Despite the dummkopf’s disclaimer of “for lack of a better description”, this question is mind-blowingly ignorant, offensive, and revealing.
The “lack of a better description” here isn’t the result of a lack of adequate language available; rather, it is the result of a lack of knowledge and understanding on the part of the writer.
I am a lesbian ~ ergo, I am attracted to females.
The fact that this person asked this question displays a stunning lack of insight into the fact that there is no “right way” nor “wrong way” to be a lesbian/female.
Butches carry female differently. That does NOT mean in any way, shape, or form that they are “born in the wrong body”.
Lastly, why does your wife act as if any lesbian (including gold stars) are “straightbians” if they are not a butch with a femme or vice versa?
Neither Dirt nor I have ever said that any lesbian is a Straightbian, regardless of whether they are Butch, Femme, or any other sort of lesbian.
Therefore, this comment doesn’t even make sense. It helps to read what we actually said, and then think before commenting to avoid embarrassing yourself.
You mentioned Marcie from Peanuts liking her dyke gym teacher. Remember Daphne and Velma from Scooby Doo? What if, say, Marcie thinks her dyke gym teacher is mean and yells too much and thinks Peppermint Patty isn’t a dyke, just a tomboy obsessed with Charlie Brown? What if she likes Velma because of the similarities they share, and is unwilling to chase after superficial Daphne?
My point is that being a lesbian is about sole sexual attraction to females from a pre pubertal age along with a lack of attraction to males. Why act as if one lesbian archetype (stereotypical butch/stereotypical femme) is the only valid one?
Neither Dirt nor I have ever said that being Butch or Femme is the “only valid” way to be a lesbian. Never. Not once.
In fact, we have said repeatedly that B/F is actually very rare in the lesbian community.
And B/F isn’t a hypothetical “archetype” either. It’s who we are.
There are plenty of born lesbians who both cringed at their gym teacher AND even the idea of wearing skirts/makeup AND cried their eyes out when the best friend they loved and dreamed of marrying told them they found some sadistic male classmate “cute”.
Not every lesbian passes as a man by accident and desires women who passes as straight by accident, or vice versa.
If you or your wife disagree, I’m curious as to why.
Do you both think that lesbianism not only is something one is born with, but can also only manifest itself through the “yin” partner being like any other girl except for desiring what our society calls “masculine females” and the yang partner being “butch from an early age” and solely desiring feminine women, even though most feminine women are not only straight/bi but perfectly willing to take advantage of lesbian love and need when they are in a phase of being angry with men.
Neither Dirt nor I have ever said that “every lesbian passes as a man by accident and desires women who passes as straight by accident”.
Lesbians come in many different “types”, physical characteristics, “styles”, shapes, sizes, colors etc.
We have said repeatedly that there is no “right way” nor “wrong way” to be a lesbian/female.
The comments about most so-called “feminine” females ~ AKA Femmes (because your comment is in the context of a lesbian relationship) being “straight/bi but perfectly willing to take advantage of lesbian love and need when they are in a phase of being angry with men” shows shocking outright ignorance, prejudice, and preconceived false notions.
We do believe that being a lesbian is something we are born with; because not every female can “become a lesbian“.
Again, it helps to read what we have actually said, and open your mind enough to process it, before continuing to make inane comments.
I couldn’t care less about what you both say about trans people. I am interested in what seems to be a belief that lesbians are really “straightbians” unless they are a born butch lesbian partnered with a born femme lesbian or vice versa. Especially since I rarely see any lesbian couples that resemble this archetype in recent years despite seeing hundreds of female couples, most of whom are similar in masculine/feminine expression to each other. Do you really think that all of these loving couples are pretend and that one or both women in the relationship are really straight because they don’t completely fit butch/femme archetypes?
See all answers above and refer to what we have previously written. You are perseverating.
Most gay male couples do not have a dynamic of one effeminate man and one straight passing man. In fact, they usually are similar to each other in terms of masculine/feminine expression. If these similarly gendered female couples aren’t really lesbian because they are not butch/femme (or because they are butch/butch or femme/femme), why do you ostensibly not feel the same about the gay male couples? I doubt you would consider a gay man “faux gay” (parallel to straightbian) because he and his partner looked similar with regards to gender expression.
Dirt and I don’t write about gay males or gay male culture. We aren’t gay males. They can speak for themselves.
Our focus is on lesbians. So I won’t comment on that part about gay men because it is irrelevant to our focus.
Once again, neither Dirt nor I have ever said that lesbians aren’t “really lesbian” if they aren’t B/F. I am not sure where this bizarre notion came from, since it doesn’t even remotely resemble anything we have actually written. Ever.
This person is also the persistent yet idiotic commenter who repeatedly asks why I call myself “Mrs. Dirt” on Twitter and on our joint posts, then implying that I am a fluffy-headed, Straightbian, Stepford-Wife because I use that name.
So, here’s the scoop on that, for her and for anybody who may be thinking the same thing:
I started calling myself “Mrs. Dirt” on Twitter right after we got married. It started as a light-hearted, silly, goofy celebration of the fact that…at long last, hallelujah…Dirt and I were able to do what our straight peers have always taken for granted since forever: get married. It was a dorky way to say to the Twitter world: “We are freakin’ MARRIED!”
This asshat commenter would likely then ask, since she apparently thinks I am an imbecile: Then, why did I say I am “Mrs. Dirt”, versus Dirt saying she is “Mrs. Saye Bennett”?
Well, that answer is very simple too. Dirt is a well-known blogger who has been blogging for years, while I am not. I started this blog as a hobby, which I love, but very few people would know about my blog or my pseudonym. It would have been stupid to do it in reverse, because nobody would have gotten the joke.
Plus “Mrs. Dirt” is cuter too.
Then the whole “Mrs. Dirt” nickname just sort of stuck so I kept it. It’s an easy way to identify me on Twitter and on our joint posts, and quite frankly, I like it…NOT because I am oppressed, or unaware of the history surrounding the use of the term, or unfeminist, or stuck in the 1950s. Instead, I like using “Mrs. Dirt” because it is a public, simple, and obvious way to align myself with Dirt.
I use my real name and my real title in real life, and Dirt does too.
“Mrs. Dirt” is an internet name…it is not my real name, duh! (Saye Bennett is not my real name either, by the way).
So there’s absolutely no need for anybody to get her panties in a wad about an internet name because most people call themselves names on the internet like “fluffypoodlemom101“.
Furthermore, I don’t care what this particular asshat commenter (and anybody like her) thinks of what I call myself on Twitter. If anybody doesn’t like me or anything about me, avoid me. Simple! Problem solved.
1). Reading comprehension is a fabulous thing. I am sure there are numerous adult education courses in the Santa Barbara area if a refresher is needed.
2). It helps to fully read and process what is actually being said before making numerous incorrect assumptions based on your own misunderstandings.
3). I will try to make it simple for you:
Lesbians are female. Including Butch lesbians.
Lesbians come in many different presentations, including Butch/Femme, as well as many other “types”. All are valid.
Femme lesbians are NOT Straightbians and we are NOT “trying to pass as straight”.
There is no “right way”, and no “wrong way”, to be a lesbian/female. Challenge your own assumptions if you find yourself saying that there is.
Lesbians are lesbians, and Straightbians are Straightbians. If you are one, you cannot be the other. Period. Zero overlap.
There is a difference between orientation and behavior. Learn the difference.
4). Nobody likes a troll. Get another hobby.