Portraits of a Straightbian

In the ongoing effort to help Lesbians free themselves from the long-nailed clutches of Straightbians they may be involved with, and to spare all other Lesbians from ever getting involved with Straightbians, we bring you Portraits of a Straightbian.

Portrait A: She is often the victim of child sexual abuse, usually perpetrated by her father/father figure(s). Sometimes her mother knows she is being abused and turns a blind eye. This strange abusive familial coupling solidifies her hatred of both men and women: men for abusing her and women for failing to love/protect her.

Portrait A-a: This is a subcategory of Portrait A. In this category, we often find the Special Snowflake types. Women who may have grown up in an atmosphere where sexual overtones were in the air, but never quite crossed over into sexual abuse. Regardless, these women grew up feeling like they weren’t heard enough, loved enough, or told they were special enough. We often later find them to have many body piercings/modifications, tattoos, outrageous outfits such as angel wings, crazy platform shoes, studded or with chains/safety pins etc., multi-coloured hair, goths, “queer”, etc. You will find many with a litany of adjectives in front of their names. They may or may not be promiscuous; they may have both boyfriends and girlfriends. While they might frequently, when younger, date Lesbians, they don’t usually abuse/use them beyond bragging rights (“I’m dating a Lesbian now-I’m so cool”). Most grow up, marry a man, have kids, and move on.

Portrait B: She may not have been sexually abused, but she is straight and usually left-handed/right-brained. Her right-brainness makes her “feel different” from her female peers. She is both attracted to boys and repelled by them. During puberty and early adulthood, she may confuse not feeling like other women and her dislike/discomfort with the power dynamics between male/female relationships for Lesbianism. Many Portrait B‘s will be attracted to Feminism/academia; even sometimes becoming leaders in Feminist groups. They may insist to other group members that Lesbianism is a political choice. Many speak or dream of a feminist separatist utopia where they are the leader. They often try to appear (in heterosexual notions) “unfeminine”. This “unfemininity”, in their straight brains, is how they perceive Lesbians to look/be. Many will say that they have consciously “eschewed femininity”, believing that feminine or non-feminine are merely patriarchal fashion choices to be donned or discarded at will. Online, they will often change their screen names and/or have dozens of different online personas.

Portrait C: She may be a combination of Portrait A and B. Portrait C Straightbians pose a more sinister danger to Lesbians. Their right-brainness which makes them naturally good at math/science/map reading etc. is shared by MANY dykes. They legitimately speak of always “feeling different” as far back as they can remember from other girls. Because feeling different from our earliest memories is so common among Lesbians, when we hear another woman speak of it, we too can mistake that familiarity for Lesbian. But their psycho/sexual pathology doesn’t bond them to Lesbians, it pathologises itself in the form of a dual hatred of dykes. They hate us because they cannot be us (not desire men) and they hate us because we’re women.

Portrait D: This is the smallest minority of Straightbians. Portrait D‘s are an EXTREME form of Portrait C‘s. Extreme because their sexual/mental abuses were so tremendous, coupled with their right brainness they later identify and even idolize their male abusers. This idolization turns them into abusers themselves; usually abusers of women, mostly straight women who have also been abused as children. Their warped worship of male abusers/men even lead some to transition. Their heterosexuality will often display itself in the form of sexual fantasy or activity involving younger men. Their sadism with women will often take the appearance of  sex, because nudity/genitals etc are involved, but Portrait D’s, like all Straightbians, lack sexual desire for women. Their only desire for women is to hurt them. Their heterosexual desires will often come alive with younger males; partly because their attraction is to males and partly because their maturity puts them in a power position over younger males. In and of itself they may seem to pose more of a threat to male youth than dykes, which is true. But: what is also true is, they play out their sexual psycho-pathology of sadistic sexual abuses of women and boys under the rubric of “Lesbian” and often in academia.

Some general statements and subjects (by no means complete) routinely used by Straightbians:

  • Not all Lesbians are born that way.
  • Lesbian is a choice some women make.
  • Any woman can choose to be a Lesbian.
  • But anyone cannot choose to be a woman.
  • Lesbian has nothing to do with sex.
  • Sexuality is fluid.
  • Lesbians DO have sex with men and enjoy it.
  • Dykes and Butches are so manly/masculine and handsome.
  • Dykes/Butches transition because they’re really men inside.
  • I support Political Lesbianism.
  • Patriarchy is the root of all evil.
  • Patriarchy is to blame for all of women’s woes.
  • We do not fall in love with gender we fall in love with the person.
  • Gender Identity scientifically proves that the differences between men and women are not biological but instead based on societal expectations and prejudices.
  • Gender is socially constructed.
  • There are no male or female brains/brain differences at birth.
  • Compulsory Heterosexuality-wash/rinse/repeat, ad nauseum.
  • Prostitution. Prostitution. Prostitution.
  • Racism. Black Lives Matter. Racism. Black Lives Matter. Racism.
  • Pornography. Pornography teaches male violence. Pornography. Male Violence. Pornography.
  • Mansplaining. Mansplaining. Mansplaining.
  • Men are evil. I hate men. Men hate women.
  • Transwomen are not women, ad fucking nauseum.
  • Transwomen are forcing lesbians to have sex with them!
  • Abortion/Reproductive Rights.
  • MRAs are EVERYWHERE and they are bullying me! MRAs. MRAs.
  • Radical Feminists eschew femininity.
  • Intersectionality. Inclusivity. 
  • I’m a radical feminist, not the fun kind.

Important Note: While many of the issues listed above are indeed of the utmost importance, these issues are not Lesbian-centric, not Lesbian-accurate, and do not seek to improve the lives of actual Lesbians. Therefore, those who focus primarily/solely on these (or other) non-Lesbian issues to the exclusion of caring about specifically Lesbian issues are who we are referring to above. 

This clearly is a general overview, because were we to detail each Portrait and sub-Portrait, we could fill an entire book (a later project??) and obviously, this does not explain the history/behaviour of every single Straightbian ever. But we are confident that Lesbians can and will benefit from a greater awareness of and psychology behind straight women who seek out Lesbians to date, who with straight privilege in tow and heterosexual lens firmly in place define and DICKtate Lesbian to society and to Lesbians ourselves and who all-around have been to Lesbians what AIDS has been to gay men. 

dirt and Mrs. Dirt

**Edited to add to the “Important Note” above. Please also see Comments for further clarification.

36 thoughts on “Portraits of a Straightbian

  1. I absolutely love this post Saye. Now, youve opened up a slew of more questions for me if I may ask based off this post.
    1. Based on this post (yours and Dirt’s opinion) I would consider myself to be Portrait A.
    2. Ever since I can remember I’ve been attracted to both boys and girls but more afraid of boys. I’m mean scared to death afraid. So anxious that I would shake and I didn’t feel comfortable in thier presence (alone) when and if I had a boyfriend, I didn’t want to have sex, I just wanted a friend and when I did have sex, only did it because I had to, but didn’t enjoy it AND I STILL DON’T. What does this mean Saye?
    3. I have always had crushes on female actress, Michelle Rodriguez, Angie Harmon, Amanda Peet, Stana Katic and loads of 1980’s super models, hahaha! No joke, I’m weird. Ive crushes on maybe four of my closed friends and im not talking about “besties” I mean, I’d get super jeslous when they got boyfriends and i wanted my friends all to myself, crushes. Ive often asked myself, how far would i actually go with a girl? And this is embarrasing but, ive even joined Lesbian dating sites. What does this mean Saye. I just gotta know. It’s like I need some sort of confirmation. Why do I need confirmation on if I’m a lesbian or not?

    Liked by 4 people

    • For me, it was always clear that I was a Lesbian, but I have heard others (“later-in-life” Lesbians) say things like what you are saying, such as they always had crushes on other girls/women they knew and/or celebrities, but that they TRIED to be straight by dating (or even marrying) male(s), but never were TRULY sexually attracted to them. So I think for them, the process is likely more confusing and complicated, because they care about society’s “norms” and therefore feel more pressure to try to conform than I do. For them, the answer eventually became clear when their unhappiness with trying to fit in became unbearable and/or they fell in love with a woman, which brought the issue to a crisis. So, I guess the answer is there is no “easy” or “set” answer; it is a very individual process of self-discovery…:-)

      Liked by 4 people

  2. Some of the above points apply to me, and I suspect a few could apply to legitimate lesbians. As a picture, though, I concur: queer straightbian territory.

    Gender is a social construct in the sense that male and female roles are made up…it’s society, not nature, that dictates that boys wear blue, drive trains and wear pants, which girls love pink, bake cookies and wear stilettos. But it’s fantastical to pretend that if patriarchy didn’t exist, that no one would ever conform in any way to sex stereotypes, or that no one would ever truly enjoy something deemed oppressive by someone else. And the whole “eschewing femininity” bullshit gets me every time, as does the near total lack of personal and collective responsibility that some feminists espouse.

    Liked by 5 people

    • Yes, there’s no way to try to quantify the specifics of the “types” without either missing out on some possibilities or including some qualities that may apply to other people/groups.

      So the above portraits are generalities, for sure.

      Whenever I see someone say she “eschewed femininity”, it is like nails on a chalkboard…they might as well wear a “warning” sign!

      Liked by 5 people

      • Eschewing femininity makes me think of that middle school girl that tries way too hard to follow fashion trends, the college girl who wants to impress boys by pretending to know about cars and Grand Theft Auto…a desperate attempt to try to be something you are not. If it’s natural, that’s one thing, but when you go out of your way to avoid anything that might be considered feminine…that’s an act. Its also misogynistic because misogyny isn’t just a hatred of women, but all things associated with women. It reflects a disrespect towards feminine women and it reinforces the patriarchal idea that “masculine” is better. It reinforces men as the default human, which is supposedly what rad fems are trying to oppose.

        Liked by 5 people

  3. Forgot to add: I once read a looong blog post by a “butch” radical feminist in which she agonized over the guilt she felt over caving to patriarchal forces and shaving her legs one time. Give me a fucking break. Shaving isn’t some cardinal sin that needs confessing and absolution. It’s a personal preference/habit that you can choose to engage in. Is it oppressive to demand that all women be hairless all the time, or that men always be as hairy as possible. Sure. But the hang-wringing was over the top.

    Liked by 4 people

  4. I am outraged!! How dare you defame the so-called left-handed in such gross terms? My mother was left-handed, and while I am myself ambisinistral (or ‘ambidextrous’ as The Man prefers to call it), I honour her memory and will always fight for the rights of the left-handed. I may add that, while left-handed, she had full access to and deployment of her ‘left-brain’.

    Just kidding, of course, as you must be about left/right brain theory (long discredited). The true things in that are that my Mom was indeed left-handed and that I am (I’m told unusually) ambidextrous.

    Liked by 4 people

    • LOL! Yes, I am familiar with those studies. As with most research, the studies that allegedly discredited the left/right brain theory, the conclusions they reached went from one extreme to the other. There is indeed ample evidence that the hemispheres do indeed function differently, although the “split” between the 2 hemispheres is not as clear/pronounced as was previously assumed based on the “split-brain” studies. In other words, different areas of the brain do indeed have different functions (as evidenced when one area is injured, such as with a stroke or accident); however, neural pathways link the various areas leading to more overlap in function than previously assumed. So the new research did not completely “discredit” the previous research as was widely reported in the media; rather, as with most topics, the truth lies somewhere in the middle.

      Liked by 4 people

  5. Some of the items in the list of things commonly said by straightbians are the beliefs of activist groups. I agree with you that belonging to an activist group doesn’t make someone a lesbian; however, it’s possible to be a lesbian and also a part of an activist group. For example, it’s entirely possible for a lesbian to be a part of “Black Lives Matter” and therefore she would use that slogan. I don’t see how that has anything to do with sexual orientation. There are some list items here that are very important, but other items in this list feel out of place.

    Liked by 4 people

    • Yes, most of the items listed are indeed very real problems and obviously important; and caring about those things doesn’t mean someone isn’t (or is…whichever) a Lesbian.

      Basically, what that list is referring to are the people who those issues are pretty much ALL they ever tweet about (Meaning: to the exclusion of Lesbian issues).

      Sorry if that wasn’t clear!

      Liked by 5 people

    • Purplesagefem, I was also thinking about this while reading this post, especially since I consider some of the points/issues above to be critically important for women and the future of the world in general. There are a lot of radical feminists who I’m pretty sure are straightbians whose work I very much agree with, admire, and support.

      However, I think lesbians believing that they share fundamental values and a worldview with feminist Straighbians is actually a common way for these damaging relationships to get started. It’s not hard to confuse being really passionate on behalf of women’s rights with being passionate for women themselves.

      I’ve been participating in radical feminist groups online for years, and have only recently started to be aware of the subtle way the energy of lesbians is appropriated on behalf of causes which don’t directly benefit us. Yes, I have solidarity with straight women and understand that things like reproductive rights and prostitiution do affect all of us. However, as Saye points out, it is deeply suspicious when lesbian issues are specifically omitted from a platform that should take them seriously. The really upsetting part is the underlying assumptions which fuel all of this: that heterosexuality is a relentless shitstorm for women, chosen out of social pressure; that lesbians are fortunate to escape men, and lead some sort of charmed, misogyny-free existence; and thus, that it’s a positive “lifestyle choice” for straight feminists to become lesbians.

      Liked by 8 people

      • Yes! Exactly!

        This describes precisely what we see happening too in many different places (Facebook; Twitter; online “lesbian” sites; in real life; etc.).

        And because most of these issues truly are concerns…of course, Lesbians do jump in to support various causes and our straight sisters.

        In fact, what happens is that there are so many legitimate causes (abortion! domestic violence! racism! violence against women! etc.) that Lesbians spend so much time supporting our straight sisters that we don’t even notice that they aren’t supporting us as Lesbian-centric issues get minimized…or completely overlooked.

        And typically, what happens if a Lesbian finally says something about it or protests in any way, she is either ignored, muted, blocked, excluded, told she is overreacting, or otherwise given the strong message to “get back in line” (which is the BACK of the line).

        Liked by 6 people

  6. There seems to be a not-insignificant number of FTMs who go from identifying as lesbians to having sex with men post-transition. I’m wondering if you think this is a side effect of hormone treatment, or a part of the sadistic/abuser-identified pathology you mention. In the case of someone like Patrick Califia, I’ve always thought it was about choosing the only possible partner (another FTM) who was equally invested in the elaborate delusion of gender identity, and who could help keep it going for the longest time. Like two enablers finding eachother to insulate themselves from reality.

    Liked by 4 people

    • Yes, there is ample evidence that taking cross-sex hormones can change sexual attraction (in fact, there is so much evidence that it is sometimes included in the hormone warnings).

      In the case of Califia, I think the reasons/issues are likely complex. First, she never was an actual Lesbian; I feel she is one of the many Straightbians who called themselves Lesbian (Portrait D). Her pro-pedophilia efforts, her stories of extreme pain/torture (often NOT truly consensual), etc. all support that portrait. And the women (also falsely calling themselves Lesbians) who she perpetrated her extreme fantasies on were likely Portrait A’s. So all of the extreme sexual activity/stories by Califia have been falsely labeled as “Lesbian” while NOBODY involved in the activities/stories was actually Lesbian.

      I think transitioning for her was likely just another extreme step for her. She likely felt “becoming a man” would make her feel even more powerful; another step in the rejection of her true self.

      Re: FTM’s hooking up with each other; I agree it is usually a situation where the 2 people involved are insulating each other from reality, allowing the elaborate delusion to continue; your analogy of enablers is an excellent one.

      Liked by 5 people

      • “In the case of someone like Patrick Califia, I’ve always thought it was about choosing the only possible partner (another FTM) who was equally invested in the elaborate delusion of gender identity, and who could help keep it going for the longest time. Like two enablers finding eachother to insulate themselves from reality…
        I don’t have any acquaintances or friends who are transsexual but from the people that I’ve talked to on social media, especially the gender-critical ones, I’ve come to the conclusion that transsexualism is some kind of mental malfunction, of some sort, not necessarily an “illness”, but perhaps an deep, inner conflict that *never ends* no matter how well the person “passes” as the opposite sex.
        This is why so many trans-activists *really, really want* to have the definition of “womanhood” change to include trans-people so that they don’t have to call themselves “trans” anymore.
        They live in torment, a “mini hell” that can be alleviated but (I think) not cured by transition.
        (sorry if this was a bit off-topic)

        Liked by 1 person

        • Thank you for your reply Saye. I’m still forming my opinion about the trans-trend problem and, again and again, I have noticed that even the most educated and outspoken among the trans-activists eventually break down and become “defenseless” or evidently “hurt” when confronted with scientific arguments and facts about meaning of sex and transsexualism itself.
          When I notice this type of behavior, I usually withdraw from the confrontation to avoid hurting even more.

          The entire thing about the “trans-trend” seems quite anarchical, as if indicating some sort sort of disruption in an essential part of human society, of course, the *sexual* part – because our society is based on sexual oppression at its very core.

          Liked by 2 people

        • I know what you mean; I sometimes avoid saying stuff too because I honestly don’t want to hurt people, and I really don’t like conflict very much (believe it or not…I am forcing myself to speak out about stuff that matters…I am not naturally confrontational). 🙂

          Liked by 2 people

  7. This post is challenging for me. Partly because both myself and my current female ‘tomboy’ lover would use probably half of those statements and subjects, as does my lesbian friend now sleeping with men (after 30+ years living as a dyke), as does my cross-dressing poly bisexual ex male lover. But we are all over 50, and have long-aligned ourselves with gay rights/equal rights/queer culture here in Australia… so where do we all stand now, according to your warnings? I wouldn’t call myself a lesbian, but I am certainly not ‘straight’, and never have been… Thanks, G

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi, this was a joint post with Dirt, done as a continuation of our series on Straightbians, just as some background to explain where this post came from.

      I think I mentioned somewhere (am answering from my phone which makes it impossible to see the post itself when replying) that having a few of these characteristics certainly does NOT mean someone is a Straightbian — Dirt herself has tattoos for instance, and I have been known to participate in a tarot reading or two. 😀

      But I will say that a “lesbian” friend sleeping with a male is most certainly NOT an actual lesbian…& never was. 30 years of being with females does not a lesbian make…behavior not orientation is the key here.

      There is a big difference between “queer” and “lesbian”, and I think that difference is the key here.

      And, just to be clear, I honestly don’t care what other people do…the only problem I have is when they call themselves “lesbian” while doing it!

      Edited to Add: Also, many of the subjects listed are of utmost importance, but our point was if someone focuses almost exclusively on NON-lesbian issues ~ to the exclusion of lesbian issues ~ then that’s a warning sign…Also, I got this post and another confused; I think it was the other that I was referring to above…here’s the link: https://sayebennett.com/2017/02/25/lesbian-tools-for-identifying-a-straightbian/

      Liked by 1 person

      • Thanks so much for the effort you go to for such detailed replies. I am now on my smartphone in bed, so can’t click your link above. But I will follow up 😊
        My lesbian friend now exploring men is doing it as a rebound after an 18yr marriage to another lesbian who left her for another lesbian (all the terms they use themselves). She is in therapy (with a lesbian psychologist), & feels she is healing some kind of wound after her absent father childhood (her words). She still identifies her sexuality as ‘dyke’, & is sure she will go back to women eventually. She is co-parenting their son as a lesbian mum; I guess I want to suggest that not all categories can be as strictly applied as you propose. Surely as a marginalized community ourselves, we don’t want to alienate Queer folk who are exploring/maturing/healing etc? Thanks again, G

        Liked by 1 person

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