Trump won. Oh my God…this is not just a nightmare.

The disappointment and dismay I feel about this is so huge that words fail me at the moment to describe my thoughts and feelings.

However, there is something going on that I noticed today that I feel the need to address:

All over social media, I keep seeing “be positive!” and “unity now!” and “let’s just all get along!” type posts and comments, and quite frankly, they are dismissive, inappropriate, and annoying.

We have the right to feel the way we feel — disillusioned, disappointed, angry, betrayed, sickened.

Women/Lesbians do NOT have to “Be nice” and “get along”.

It okay to feel the darkness that this election has cast over the nation; being surrounded by darkness is a very real thing today for myself and many others.

We don’t have to be relentlessly positive. In fact, we shouldn’t be, because it would be dishonest to our own deeply held convictions.

Bottom line: The truth hurts sometimes…especially today.

If you truly care about us, you will accept the fact that our feelings and fears are valid, and stop trying to sweep this travesty under the rug.

You will stand with us in our pain, rather than encouraging us to make YOU more comfortable.

If you cannot do that, then please kindly fuck the fuck off.

35 thoughts on “Darkness

  1. Any trump voter who is fucking stupid enough to announce it, is dead to me. Albeit a neighbor, an acquaintance, family. You will not get a pass, you will never be forgiven for you have shown me everything about you I need to know.

    YOU voted for president, a white man, who crows about his business acumen when the truth is, he limps along with bankruptcy after bankruptcy, a man who boasts about sexual assault, a man who wants to throw families out of this country and then build a wall behind them. A man whose vice president thinks under religious freedom, business’ can legally not serve gays, a man who wants women who have miscarried to pay for the dead fetus’ funeral.

    I worry for all women, the earth. He wants to loosen regulations for business’, gut the EPA, the FDA. Raise military spending (Really?) by cutting social programs designed to give the weakest among us a helping hand.

    This is plain and simple, an unmitigated disaster for all things good.

    There is not enough ink on the internet for my concerns.

    Liked by 6 people

  2. I will never understand how A) Trump won this election being the train wreck he is and B) how he even got past the primaries. I could have accepted, say, a Ted Cruz presidency even though he wasn’t my first choice. However, when large numbers of prominent politicians from your own party abandon you, and equally prominent conservative Christians publicly compare you to Satan and refuse to endorse you…shouldn’t that…be a warning of some kind?

    Liked by 3 people

  3. As an immigrant with a Muslim family, I am afraid. I am looking at the people around me and wondering if they voted in favor of tyranny, racism, and xenophobia. I am mourning for what I thought this country was. There really are no words. My best wishes to all of you here.

    Liked by 4 people

  4. We each have our own ways of grieving and coping; and these will shift over time. I’ve gone thru a number of emotional states since the election, and there will be more.

    it’s a good time to not be judging each other – whether we just need to scream, or we look for some kind of healing – or switch back and forth. Progressives talking about unity are not our enemy; time will tell if this is misguided. I’m not hearing “trust him” from any friends; but some are saying that we have to watch and learn more about the terrain, and not wear ourselves out fighitng our internal terrors, before the real battles even begin. Trump is IMO an egocentric populist attentions seeker, not a true believer conservative. While we can expect most of his iniatives to be disasters, some may upset the conservatives more than us. Or not – his real intentions are often vague and shifting (and often probably unknown even to him).

    If some want to march on the streets, go for it. But let’s not imagine that our thousands on the streets are going to cause him to give up power; marching may have symbolic power but at this stage it doesn’t have real power.

    Can you think of anybody in the White House in your lifetime who is more likely to truly overstep the bounds in his arrogance, and get impeached and convicted for some real issue? He has a lot of enemies, on both sides of the aisle. That would leave us with Mike Pence, a major real conservative, tho. Is hard right Pence preferable to maybe-crazy Trump? See why we have to wait a little before we know what’s underneath the showmanship? We need to get to know the shape of the enemy in more detail – where is he just conning his base, or pretending to go further as a negotiating tactic, versus where is he going to be stubborn and unrelenting? Where is he weak? Where does he depart from his base, once they get to know him?

    Yeah, I’ll admit that trying to dispassionately understand things is one of my coping behaviors; but I think it can be a functional one. I slip into other approaches and emotions too!

    Anyway, the main point is let’s be gentle with each other and remember that we will be and need allies when the time to oppose specific iniatives comes; We need to not take out our frustration and pain on each othere, we some of us follow a different course in dealing with this blow. This is a time to widen our coalitions, not narrow them to just those who are “just like us” in their approach.

    And we may not want to hear it, but we need to stop lumping all Trump voters into one bag. They are not going away because we express hate and mockery. We need to find a way to reach some of them by the next election, refocus some of their anger. For example, we need to show them that corporate outsourcing of jobs, and consumer choice of cheaper imports, have had way more effect on their losing jobs, than competition from Mexicans. I’ve spoken to Trump supporters who are quite decent human beings, and no more racist than many Clinton supporters – tho they do have a different narrative about many things than I do. Calling them names doesn’t help us win them back in the next election. (And no, I don’t think that we can reach all Trump supporters; but a few million of them would change the next elections outcome.


    • I never lumped all Trump supporters into one bag, in fact, I have not publicly commented on my thoughts on the details of this election, other than this post to explain why it is NOT okay to tell us to “find common ground” and “be nice” and other manipulative platitudes.

      I think there are a number of problems/issues going on that have led to this debacle and yes, ALL Trump supporters cannot all be lumped into ANY single category.

      But none of that was my point with this specific post. My point with this post was to say: Let us feel. Let us grieve. Let us analyze. Don’t tell us that we “should” nor why we “should” immediately jump to “reconciliation” and “unity”.

      Trump/Pence combo are a very real threat to many Americans, including myself, and frankly, anyone who is not seriously concerned at this point is either in denial la-la-land, is too privileged themselves to care, and/or is too stupid to know why they should be concerned.

      I will not allow anyone to tell me what to feel, think, or say.

      Liked by 2 people

  5. Hmm. Reading further in the blog, I see that you appear to feel a lot of anger and separation from feminists and other non-lesbian women. I’m not saying it’s not justified. I am saying this is a time for all of us (ie: them too, and beyond them) to find common ground with each other, rather than being divided and defeated by Trump and his supporters. There are far worse things possible in coming years than fights over eschewing feminism; Trump CAN give us some perspective.


    • Hmmm…reading this comment, I can tell that you don’t actually have a clue what I am saying nor why it’s important to say it.

      I am not anti-feminism (um…hello!): rather, I am against straight women co-opting Lesbian and defining it. The reasons should be obvious.

      The post you are referring to was about a common phrase used by straight women who are appropriating “lesbian”, which is “eschewing feminity” — NOT “eschewing feminism”.

      Big difference.

      This is not a time to sweep our feelings and concerns under the rug in the name of “finding common ground” with the very people who screwed us over.

      This is a time for us to fully analyze the hideous ramifications that our country will face now with a bigoted tyrant in office…and to figure out what LEGAL actions can be taken to protect ourselves and our fellow citizens.

      Liked by 3 people

  6. Hmmm….is this person ‘Zhahai-splainin’?’ For pete’s sakes, we do NOT need to come-together, find a middle, reach out our hands for any trump voter! They are a basket of deplorables, beyond ANY redemption. What we DO need to do after our hot red anger slowly numbs, is to unite the 77% of eligible voters who are females, people of color and Lesbians and gay. The MINORITY of white privileged males is not the group to waste any energy on. With each passing year, their numbers diminish. They know this and I truly believe this is their last gasp to hang on to their power.

    A dying and cornered animal is the most dangerous.

    Liked by 2 people

    • One way to understand the high numbers of white women voting in favor of Trump is in terms of their efforts to hold on to the privilege they get vicariously from their (presumably white-male conservative) spouses and family members. I think this ties in with some conversations which have taken place on this blog recently – for example about the economic resources and access to a mainstream platform that Straightbian “experts” take advantage of.
      I agree that we should be working to unify women, poc, and workers under the banner of the left, but I personally need to understand what my political boundaries are before I can do that. I was always willing to overlook the casual homophobia, the appropriation, and the patriarchal investments of straight women for the sake of feminist unity. It’s a strategy that I feel has been detrimental to me personally, as well as detrimental for lesbians in general. So I don’t know. I am skeptical of alliances right now, although I see the pressing need for them.

      Liked by 3 people

      • As usual, I agree. I want to act but am wary of our (Lesbian) needs, as usual, taking a backseat in alliances. I am still reeling from the results of the election and overwhelmed with deciphering all of the information coming at us from all sides, and unsure how much is propaganda versus truth. Doesn’t help that I am still sick, oso have limited energy. Anyway, I agree – I see the need for alliances but am wary.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. In the face of this news, I find myself unable to offer the kind of jokey, it’s-serious-but-let’s-see-the-funny-side comment I sometimes contribute here. In truth, there is no funny side, and I feel very deeply for all my American friends, and the friends of their friends, regardless of their gender or sexuality.

    I have been reading online about Californian independence proposals. I have no notion whether this is a serious, let alone viable idea, or just rhetoric and another way of venting anger, but I know if I was resident there, I would find it attractive. On the other hand, I am sensitive to the counter-argument that if it became reality, it would abandon the rest of the USA into the hands of stupid, ignorant rednecks, or more accurately those of the smart, well-informed, powerful men who manipulate them, perhaps permanently. The same arguments, pro and con, apply to Scottish independence from the UK.

    Whatever havoc Trump may wreak upon the United States internally, it is certain that his election can only exacerbate international instability, and Europeans, including conservatives, are anxious, to say the least, about what will blow, or blast, across the Atlantic next year. I think the same is true of all America’s traditional allies, with the possible exception of Israel.

    I suppose Obama, both Clintons et al. are obliged by their position to indulge in mealy-mouthed “give him a fair chance” hypocrisy, but the rest of are not. It would be the height of stupidity to enjoin our children to “play nicely” with the school bully, but it is not stupid to advise them to “play nicely” with their fellow-victims and join forces against him. In other words, in this state of emergency, it may be appropriate for all of us to cast our net of alliances more widely than we might feel comfortable with in normal circumstances.

    The USA remains as it has ever been a surprising nation for Europeans, sometimes delightfully, at others, like now, appallingly. Many of us really thought you had hit rock bottom with the second Bush, but we have been once again disproved. It would be outrageously presumptuous for me as an outsider, on every possible criterion, to “give advice”, but I deeply wish I had some to give, even if I chose to keep it to myself.

    As it is, I can only cry with you.

    Liked by 2 people

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