Clearing Up Misconceptions (FAQ #3)

As usual, some “Lesbian feminists” are either actually misunderstanding, or, much more likely, deliberately “misunderstanding“, what Dirt and I say about Straightbians.

drama

Image: PicsArt #FreeToEdit

Actual misunderstandings are always fine and normal;  however, willful “misinterpretations” are apparently being made by some, perhaps in order to get attention, to cause drama, and/or to ATTEMPT to derail the work Dirt and I are doing.

So, as an extension of my FAQs here and here, I wanted to do a 3rd FAQ to address these misinterpretations:

Misinterpretation #1).Dirt and Anna are trying to control women and/or control women’s thinking.”

Answer: No, nope, never, not even close.

Every woman is free to feel, think, say, or do whatever she wants. We have both said so numerous times, in a variety of ways.

We know what the truth is, but we understand that there are people who want to cling desperately to the false idea that every woman can be a Lesbian for a variety of reasons.

Believe, think, say, and do whatever you want, but “the proof is in the puddin'”, as Dirt’s granny would say.

Furthermore, we are truly flattered that anyone would think that we are magical wizards possessing the mysterious powers of mind control, but sadly, we are mere mortal bloggers.

Misinterpretation #2):  “Dirt and Anna think that they can just look at a woman’s picture on the internet and declare whether that woman is a Lesbian or not.”

Answer: Again, this is twisting the truth.

First of all, the women we wrote about in our Straightbian series all have extensive histories of writings, interviews, lectures, quotations, appearances, etc.  We didn’t just look at their pictures and BOOM! declare them “non-Lesbian”. There is extensive data available on each of the women we have written about.

Furthermore, however, what our critics don’t seem to understand is that there is indeed something called gaydar, which is real (and which I believe is an evolutionary-like response honed to identify each other in an often-hostile world).

The fact that these so-called “Lesbian” critics don’t understand that it is often possible to indeed identify another Lesbian by sight further suggests that they are not, in fact, Lesbians themselves.

Misinterpretation #3):  “Dirt and Anna are being abusive by ________ (fill in the blank with any action of your choice: existing; blogging; thinking; breathing; critiquing; telling the truth; tweeting; attempting to write anonymously; etc.).”

Answer: Huh?

As an astute commenter just said today on Dirt’s blog, to say that Dirt and I are “abusers” (or any similar accusation, such as “bullies”) is not only ludicrous, it is also an insult to actual survivors of any kind of real abuse.

Here’s a clue, Sherlock:

Writing on a blog, or tweeting, etc. is not “abuse”….it’s free speech. Reading what we say is completely optional. If you don’t like what we have to say it, don’t read it. And if you don’t like us, ignore us. Problem solved!

I’m sure that there is a buttload of subtweeting going on that I don’t even know about, but the above complaints are what have been screencapped and sent to us by several allies, so I will stop here for now.

If you have any other questions or concerns, please feel free to ask me. As I said, true misunderstanding are normal and fine. I don’t mind answering questions and discussing topics.

What I do mind is drama.

13 thoughts on “Clearing Up Misconceptions (FAQ #3)

  1. “What our critics don’t seem to understand is that there is indeed something called gaydar, which is real (and which I believe is an evolutionary response honed to identify each other in an often-hostile world).”

    It’s hard to see by what mechanism gaydar could be, in a strict sense, ‘evolutionary’, but you’re right to insist on its reality. Watching long-forgotten secondary actors in old films, I can say “he was a faggot”, “she was a dyke”, and if I take the trouble to research it, insofar as data is available, I’m right 8 times out of ten for men and 7 times out of ten for women. I think it’s excusable that my lesdar is less finely tuned than my gaydar.

    It’s not even very mysterious. My Jewish friend Michael can spot a Jew at 20 paces, even when the latter is trying hard to pretend s/he is not. Being Ashkenazi, the Sephardim can slip under his radar. Just as with us, it’s all very normal – just like we can more or less tell where other English-speakers come from when they talk, without being expert analytical linguists. Indeed, if you need analytical linguistics to figure out whether your interlocutor comes from Manchester or London, North Carolina or Chicago, that’s a sure sign you’re not yourself a native English-speaker.

    Of course “native English-speaker” is a misnomer, because we are not born speaking any particular language. Similarly, if I describe myself as “native gay”, I’m not committing myself to any genetic or congenital theory of sexuality. It’s just that my sexuality is as ingrained in myself as my first (‘native’) language. And despite the many differences and conflicts of interest between lesbians and gay men, when I ‘spot’ a lesbian, my automatic gut-reaction is to see “one of us”.

    I have no beef at all with straight people of either sex “having a go” at being gay. But if they’re ‘bi-curious’, why can’t they do that with each other, rather than have a free ride on us? (More fools us is the uncomfortable answer.) My lesbian friend Maureen and I had a little go at sex with each other (I hesitate to call it heterosexuality), but neither of us really took to it, so it was only an evening out of our time, and some lessons learnt, I suppose…

    I’m just out of hospital, and may still be a little drugged-up, so if I’m rambling more than I can recognize myself, I rely on your editing skills.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh my god. Just shut the fuck up……Stop man/gay splainin’. And Dr. Bennett, please stop giving him an audience.

    The beginnings of a trump* admin. None of this is acceptable.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Was too tired last night to muster a coherent reply.

    There is no way to prove — or disprove, by the way — my theory about gaydar.

    Therefore, I suppose it is pointless to argue about it because gaydar’s origins will likely remain a mystery.

    However, it is something that any gay/lesbian person knows is true.

    Nobody taught it to us. Our mommies didn’t push us around in strollers and say “Oh lookie, honey, there goes a dyke!”

    Our teachers didn’t teach us from a textbook; quite the opposite, actually. No, we are hidden from the world, denied, “hetsplained”, ignored, and made invisible, but yet we still see each other.

    Liked by 3 people

      • I agree absolutely. The intention of my original comment was to offer a dribble of endorsement to Saye’s assertion of the reality of gaydar, about which we all agree (though contested by straightbians among others). Whether it’s strictly speaking ‘inborn’ and/or ‘evolutionary’ are academic questions for biologists, which lie well outside my field. Of course, we don’t need “proof of its origins” to recognize its reality.

        Chonky, I take your rebuke on board, but please believe I had no intention to provoke any kind of argument on this question. I can’t see that we disagree in any significant way.

        Saye, thanks for your concern about my health. I’m fine, though still rather pleasantly drugged-up. I should know better than to put on the man-sick poor mouth on a lesbian site (-:

        Liked by 2 people

  4. Hey there!
    My therapist(Lesbian) recommended I take a look at a book called Lesbian Pyschologies and I was wondering if you’ve read it or have an opionion also as a psychologist? So far the book definetly includes “political lesbianism” and maybe grants it too much weight HOWEVER it does so as a point of contrast and contention and does include discussion of “real” lesbian issues. So far it seems to do a decent job and is direct at spelling out issues that lesbians face. It basically doesn’t stand from one side or other (born vs chosen) but it doesn’t skirt around this whatsoever. Even still it’s a little frustrating that poli les/feminism is inserted when I was hoping something more relatable for some issues I face. I know dirt has that straughtbian series. I just wanted to know do you feel there is any real genuine lesbian literature or pyschological texts? Is there anything you can recommend? Or is everything out there fake? Is it wrong to ask my therapist if she’s a political lesbian? (she’s a much older woman and she has only shared that she does identify as a lesbian and has at some point in her life dated males but I didn’t press for details) she has insinuated the possibility of “sexual fluidity” to me, does that *necessarily* mean she’s a straightbian?

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hi! I do think that most (perhaps even all?) “Lesbian” texts are NOT truly Lesbian; the huge majority (maybe all?) are written by and/or are focused on Straightbians.

      Yes, I am indeed deeply suspicious of anyone who says she “identifies as” a Lesbian; or speaks of “sexual fluidity”; particularly someone old enough to know better.

      While I think it is possible when young for Lesbians to be initially brainwashed by the plethora of nonsense out there regarding the horrid “queer theory” and the like — any true Lesbian starts seeing through such nonsense once they are old/wise enough to have been around the block at least once.

      The other complicating issue is that some Lesbians feel the need to be “politically correct” and “inclusive” so they may tow the party line by spouting such nonsense in an effort to fit in.

      While I don’t know your therapist, from what you said, there are a couple of “Straightbian red flags”; however, as I mentioned above, sometimes liberal Lesbians (and many therapists are) will sometimes use such “inclusive” language without understanding the damage they are doing to Lesbians everywhere…

      Liked by 2 people

  5. As a gay man, I’m not completely above rather childish arguments with straight feminists about whether lesbians are more truly “theirs” or “ours”. In reality, of course, you are your own, and if you pick sides, that’s your choice too.
    Some of my friends have found the book “Lesbian Epiphanies: Women Coming Out in Later Life” interesting. I’ve dipped into it, but found it too focused on American experience to have a lot to say to us in Europe.
    Everybody must know the old joke about lesbian girls and gay boys: edging toward coming out, you head straight for the public library, we for the public toilet. While not recommending the toilet, such things can be over-thought, and over-researched.
    I hope Saye will forgive me for advising you to take anything your therapist says with a “pinch of salt”.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s