Lesbian Tools For Identifying a Straightbian

Note: This is a joint post with Dirt, originally posted here.

In recent posts, Mrs. Dirt and I have written individually and written together, slowly chipping away at centuries of Lesbian inaccuracies, revealing a dual picture of the oblique perception of Lesbian and the Women who have forged that skewed perception by co-opting Lesbian.

By injecting biology back into the paint, each post is a brush stroke laying bare the vast differences in Lesbian behaviour vs the behaviour of Girls/Women. These differences are KEY to understanding ourselves, our unique behaviour and our place (or lack thereof) in Hetero society and perhaps more importantly possessing the tools to recognize the overwhelming number of (STRAIGHTBIAN) Women hetsplaining their distorted approximations of Lesbian that has gone to make many STRAIGHTBIANS wealthy, fortified many more academic careers and generated an impotent political movement (Radical Feminism), carving a treacherous landscape that threatens the safety of every Lesbian alive least we mention every Lesbian dead!

The more tools we have in our Lesbian arsenal, the better equipped we are to fight the egregious lies STRAIGHTBIANS/RadFems have lead society and worse Lesbians ourselves into believing. Below are some core behaviours that should raise a Lesbian red flag or two:

  • Regardless of age, declaring they’re a Lesbian is constant, excessive and over the top. Lesbian youth obviously are allowed a honeymoon period when they first come out, but once acquainted with other Lesbians/Lesbian community that “shout-it-from-the-rooftop-I’m-a-Dyke” fades. If said Lesbian is 40-something, been out for a while, and still acting like they just came out-BEWARE!
  • If heavily involved in abortion rights/rape issues/prostitution/domestic violence and other primarily Heterosexually-focused topics/groups/activism (especially if to the exclusion of caring about solely Lesbian issues)-BEWARE!
  • If arguing with men/MRAs/men calling themselves women etc. factors heavily in their life/day to day-BEWARE!
  • If sexually abused between the ages of 0 to 18, particularly 0-12, straight females have either an aversion to males or a pathological need to be sexual with men. For sexually abused straight females who developed an aversion to males, the hypersexual pathology often still persists. This may present itself as a seemingly intense sexual newness that can be mistaken for normal Lesbian relationship newness/passion, but instead of a genuine Lesbian passion, the hypersexuality is due to pathology rather than legitimate Lesbian passion. Lesbian passion surely involves sex, but the intimacy developed through sex and passion quickly matures into a Lesbian relationship. Hypersexuality as exhibited by STRAIGHTBIANS/sexually abused straight females never develops beyond the sex stage, and parallels the internal age they were frozen at when the abuse occurred. That isn’t to say that a STRAIGHTBIAN and a Lesbian may not form a long term involvement, but that involvement never develops into a fully mature intimate relationship. Lesbians usually find themselves confused in these involvements, often playing out the role (over and over) of a rescuer/saviour/helpmate and if the involvement lasts beyond a year the once hypersexual (straight) partner’s interest in sex wanes (Lesbian Bed Death). BEWARE!
  • Repeated claims of victimhood, usually where none exists. Repeated attempts at creating seemingly useless/needless drama. BEWARE!
  • Pathologically (paranoia) thinks everyone is either an enemy and/or makes enemies out of everyone at some point. BEWARE!
  • Can seem younger than their age (child-like/teeny bopperish)-again stuck in time (like the needle on a scratched record)-usually at the age they were sexually abused. BEWARE!
  • Adamant in the belief that any woman can be a Lesbian. REALLY BEWARE!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • Exhibits stalkerish behaviour toward love interests, exes, perceived enemies. BEWARE!
  • Will perseverate on real or imagined slights (Borderline Personality issues) and stop at nothing to get even (time or money no object). BEWARE!
  • While as Lesbian youths we all play around with our look (hair/clothes etc), but where you see this persisting past the age of 30 (excessive piercings/tattoos/shaved heads/body modifications/mohawks/pink/blue/purple/funky hair colours/clothing usually worn by preteens/teens etc). BEWARE!
  • These Women are often either directly or indirectly involved in versions or variations of the kabbalah, shamanism, witchery, tarot reading, runes, crystals, moon howling, drum circles, art projects involving their period blood, crones, midwifery, ceremonial blessings/unions, high priestery, celestial shitola, and/or many other special snowflakeries. STRAIGHTBIANS will have deeply studied or tried any or all in vain efforts to fix their early traumas/themselves. BEWARE!

While Lesbians also suffer from sexual abuse, due to differences in brain function, Lesbians obviously behave differently than Girls/Women who were abused. And because sexual abuse is usually perpetrated by a male, natural attraction isnt problematic for Lesbians in the way it is complicated for sexually abused Women. While we will elaborate these differences and complications in a later post, our point here being is that the behaviours listed above are not displayed in any enormity by sexually abused Lesbians or any Lesbian for that matter, they are however seen in high levels in STRAIGHTBIANS.

So to recap, we are not saying your new girlfriend’s interest in the kabbalah or astrology should send you running for the hills, but we are saying if you can tic multiple checks beside our list above-BEWARE!

Until Lesbian biology takes its rightful place, both Mrs Dirt and I individually and together will continue to give Lesbians the tools needed to see themselves as NORMAL, to see imposters in our dating pools and Lesbian authorities, and to gain confidence and accuracy in our gaydar.


03/01/2017: Edited to emphasize that one (or even a couple) of the attributes above, alone, are not cause for concern, but if MULTIPLE items from the checklist are present, then the likelihood of a Straightbian increases. So, for example, if a person has tattoos and likes tarot, it’s likely not a problem. But if she ALSO constantly talks/posts about predominantly heterosexual concerns, if she believes/argues “any woman can be a Lesbian”, if she engages with males all the time, if she engages in drama-drama-drama, (etc.), then it is worth starting to observe closely.

03/02/2017: Edited (again) to add that our point is that if a woman focuses much attention/energy on predominantly heterosexual concerns (such as abortion), and especially if she does so TO THE EXCLUSION OF CARING ABOUT LESBIAN CONCERNS, then that is a warning sign of a Straightbian in combination with other factors. We are not saying those straight issues aren’t important, just that they are NOT PRIMARILY LESBIAN.

29 thoughts on “Lesbian Tools For Identifying a Straightbian

  1. What an observant post! Also thank you for using very clear language to describe points. I have to agree with you on the points on the check list. Have known a number of folks over the years with such traits. Really the lesbian-sex twist on the above traits is the only thing that differentiates from your average BPD female. Of course I am most wary of diagnosing anyone & feel it’s always best to approach each individual on a person-to-person basis, however having some guidelines to sort out what will help a lesbian (or anyone) attain or maintain happiness & health (sanity) is a good thing…and this post is a good thing.

    Have a little theory of my own I’ve been chewing on regarding all this trans stuff. Real gays, lesbian and even bi’s understand gender differences & the importance of how genders work together to create a language or “gaydar.” I wonder if trans folks have a sort of “gender dyslexia” when it comes to “reading” gender expression and it’s congruency for heterosexuals as well as lesbians/gays (I include butch lesbians). For example most gay men I know like men. They may couple with someone more androgynous upon occasion but it’s not the norm. Perhaps trans folks need other people to become/accept them as, more or less sexless and genderless…so they feel more comfortable because of their inability to “read” gender. Or maybe it’s like Gender Anxiety Syndrome. I don’t know. I’m still thinking about it but if you have any thoughts I’d be obliged.

    BTW- Check into the topic of transgenderism being a part of the transhumanism movement. This book would be a good start for a horses mouth perspective.

    Liked by 4 people

    • Hi Mrs. Q & thanks for your comment! I am not familiar with that book; I will check it out, thanks! I think your theory about transgender is intriguing; I will give it some thought and ask Dirt what she thinks too. 🙂

      Liked by 3 people

    • Hi Joanna!

      My Mom breastfed me till I was 3 or 4 months old, then put me on the bottle. I’ve been “on the bottle” ever since, but that’s another story. Anyway, thanks Mom, you got it about right.

      I saw a very disturbing interview on TV with a woman who was still breastfeeding her school-age children. The elder, a girl, 10 at the time of the interview, had stopped it by her own decision when she was 6 or 7, but the younger, a boy of 8, was still “on the tit” and when asked by the interviewer when he thought he might stop, replied “when I get married, I suppose”. His poor wife, if any!

      If you can explain to me why that’s NOT child abuse, please do so.

      Liked by 2 people

      • I was going to say that this list describes about 70 percent of people in “lesbian” book groups and political groups and online groups, then I saw this comment. Sounds like my book group too.

        Liked by 2 people

        • Yes, I have been in some of those groups myself and agree there is usually a high percentage of NON-Lesbians in Lesbian spaces. And they do often have a few, or sometimes even all, of these characteristics. They are to spot once we have been exposed to them enough…that is, when we are willing to admit the truth that not every woman can magically become a Lesbian just because she says it.

          Liked by 2 people

  2. Hey There!
    So I can definitely appreciate lots of points and intent of this post but I had kind of confusion or response to 2 of these points.
    One is about lesbians vs het women and sexual abuse. I saw it was mentioned this would be elaborated on later but this language already makes me very nervous. In terms of how are we going to say this____is how real ______ acts in response to trauma. trauma and its after effects are often irrational unpredictable so dependent on so many other factors, it seems like dirt insinuates lesbians who have been sexually abused by males well never act out with males…I think it is *equally* confusing with lesbians lack of attraction to males as het womens attraction to them but in different ways. A het woman may think shes lesbian because of repulsion to males after trauma, and a lesbian may believe she is het for compulsively and inauthentically acting out sexually with males after sexual abuse(i do believe this is possible).
    How could we deny this type of type of psychological complexity?
    I also wanted to ask, is there any room for genuine confusion of one’s sexuality (we could ask for both someone who has never experienced sexual abuse, as well as for someone who has)? Or is any confusion or questioning/uncertainty automatically mean you must be heterosexual?
    I am a non white lesbian and it seems 10000% more common for women of color to come out later, be confused/deeply internalized lesbophobia, or think its no way possible *they* are actually gay, and also have had (often unhealthy) sexual experiences and/or abuse with men(or women if they are gay male). and no i dont believe its because homosexuality is a white thing(something sometimes said by homophobes in our community), but i wish there was more ways to discuss these nauances. without so much alienation. because theres a lot.
    finally also wanted to comment on the last bit about witches/tarot/spirituality stuff….Why is this on the list at all? lesbians have a right to spirituality and religiosity as part of any and all complex human experiences. This part confused me honestly because while I have seen het women who are post trauma/confused/trying to heal and might be in some questionable spaces it isnt *their* space, they dont own it. Im deeply into astrology and it has always brought me comfort and a quiet joy how many gays and lesbians(actual ones) seem to really be drawn to astrology. I can think of many gay astrologers and tarot readers(gay not queer). So much it has almost become like a joke. I know if I ask a lesbian about her zodiac sign it will prob open up a whole conversation and not a judgemental scoff as with het men/women and i love it!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Good morning, and thanks for commenting!

      I will try to address your questions/comments, but it sounds like you may have some specific questions for Dirt too. If so, here is the link to her blog/contact form: http://dirtywhiteboi67.blogspot.com/

      First, let me say that it is impossible in posts such as this to address every single instance of whatever we are talking about ~ so when we are doing a general post, by its very nature, we are (intentionally) speaking in generalities, and of course, every single point won’t fit every instance.

      Re: sexual abuse, I agree that there are a huge variety of factors that affect people’s responses (age, circumstances, etc.). And of course, Lesbians can be sexually abused, just like anyone else.

      However, as with everything else, Lesbians do think/react/act differently than straight girls/women, and reactions to sexual abuse is not an exception.

      Re: astrology, we purposefully did NOT include astrology in our list, because it is so common.

      At the bottom of the post, we intentionally gave a disclaimer that if only one or two of the checklist items were present, then it may not be of concern, but if multiple items were present, it’s time to become aware of a potential Straightbian!

      In other words, we are saying that being into, for instance, tarot, wouldn’t necessarily be a concern, but if multiple check boxes are present, beware, because where there’s smoke, there’s fire.

      We aren’t talking about general spirituality/religion here either.

      I have never heard the statement that “homosexuality is a white thing”; and it’s definitely not. Homophobes say a lot of idiotic things, so looks like we can add that one to the list too.


  3. Who’d a thunk it!? I leave my abusive husband after 17 years and not less than three months later…I went and found myself a “stud” as she calls herself. NOT a butch, but a STUD. Have you or Dirt ever heard of this terminology?


  4. Mrs. Q – “I wonder if trans folks have a sort of “gender dyslexia” when it comes to “reading” gender expression”. That may be true for a few, but I think mostly they deliberately, and politically, repress the same “reading” we all have.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. If I may 🙂

    While I can agree with most of what you say, I’m not so sure about the excessive piercings/tattoos/mohawk cuts bit. The way it’s put right now sounds to me more like policing people’s clothing than having to do with lesbians 🙂 I am saying so, because I’m a metalhead with much love for a variety of alternative music (punk, certain types of rock, etc.), I have several large tattoos and a mohwak and I wear a rather, hm, aggressive style of clothing – yet I’m a lesbian in my 40’s. This is an example of my style (minus the mask):

    I believe your intention is to say that these women act out on juvenile expressions of the self, but I would use more caution with these examples. The way it comes across right now, at least to me, is sort of like saying that butches should be wearing flannel at all times and femmes should be in dresses all day long 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi, thanks for your feedback! That’s actually not the way it was meant, but the concepts we are writing about are somewhat difficult to describe when we try to give concrete examples, so I am not surprised that there is some consternation.

      Dirt has tattoos too, and many of our (Lesbian) friends do too.

      Also, like we said at the bottom of the list, one (or two) of the factors listed wouldn’t be worrisome, but when we start seeing multiple ones on the list, with every check mark, then it would be increasingly more likely that there may be a Straightbian afoot.

      Hmmm…let me see if I can try to explain better what was meant:

      As just one example, sometimes, you will see a straight woman ~ who is obviously straight: she’s never been remotely interested in a woman before ~ suddenly proclaim she’s a “Lesbian” at, say, age 40. She’ll then proceed to shave her head, get multiple piercings and/or tattoos, start dressing like what she perceives to be “Lesbian”, etc. In other words, her perception is that, in order to “become a Lesbian” (which is not possible, but that’s what SHE thinks), she has to do X, Y, and/or Z, so she’s going to change blatantly (and falsely).

      I have personally seen this sort of thing happen, to varying degrees, over and over. I remember one of my previous coworkers’ elaborate “transformation” when she decided to “be a Lesbian” (and then, a couple years later, back again to suburban wife-and-mommy when she returned to men!).

      I have to admit that I actually don’t understand your analogy of what we said in the list being equal to the idea that Butches “should” wear flannel and Femmes “should” wear dresses; can you please explain the equivalency? Thanks! (Tired after a hectic day at work).


      • So, let me quote the actual wording:

        “While as Lesbian youths we all play around with our look (hair/clothes etc), but where you see this persisting past the age of 30 (excessive piercings/tattoos/shave heads/mohawks/pink/blue/funky hair colours/clothing usually worn by preteens/teens etc). BEWARE!”

        I didn’t understand you were referring to a woman who suddenly proclaims she’s a lesbian past her 30’s. I thought you meant any woman who, past her 30’s, continues to dress in a certain way and to wear a certain type of clothing. So, it seemed to me like you were saying that exhibiting any of the above in parentheses is a direct manifestation of being juvenile. Which I completely disagree with, because I believe you shouldn’t judge a person on what s/he wears or his/her hairdo, as it’s like dictating that butches should be wearing flannel and femmes should be in a dress at all times.

        I hope it’s clear, now 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        • Okay, I think I see what you mean about Butches and Femmes now…thanks for explaining.

          We’re not saying it is JUST anyone of a particular age who would apply, but the example I gave earlier is an example I have personally witnessed with Straightbians.

          We are saying that those attributes listed, when taken in combination with the others listed (again, not solely, but in combination), can be warning signs of a Straightbian.

          So many Straightbians who are “trying” to be “lesbian” by being “edgy” end up with some combo of those attributes (purple hair, whatever).

          Doesn’t mean that everyone with tattoos or the other features listed are Straightbians, just like an interest in Tarot alone, would be of concern. But again, when multiple things are combined, the likelihood increases.

          (Edited b/c I hit “send” too soon accidentally).

          Liked by 1 person

        • Anybody who has read this blog for more than five minutes will know what a big gay-les crush I have on Lesbian Blood Comics (yes, that’s a thing), and will therefore know how hard it is for me to disagree with her. I’m (reluctantly) OK with tattoos, but it seems to me that piercing our tongues, nipples, labia or penises is a violation that no amount of “It’s our body, so we’ll do what we want with it” rhetoric can cover. I have no expectation of winning any argument on this question, we know when we’re beat. Just registering my dissent.

          Liked by 2 people

        • I’m not sure “ouch” really covers it, Saye. It seems like when my urologist says “This may cause you a little discomfort”, and my “OK” is a licence for him to torture me mercilessly. But we all have to put up with that, and not be a cry-baby about it.

          Liked by 1 person

  6. I was just wondering why is rape(a crime that affects all women) considered a heterosexual concern alongside something like abortion(not entirely but somewhat more related to personal sexuality/activities)? How is prostitution a heterosexual concern as well a large number of prostitutes are trafficked and/or forced into it against their will before they are even fully mature adults? Is it because it sounds feminist-y and feminists are heterosexually oriented?


    • While, of course, any female** can be raped or kidnapped (and become a victim of trafficking), still those are primarily heterosexual issues because of a couple reasons — straight women far outnumber Lesbians, and they interact with men in different scenarios/settings than Lesbians — because Lesbians are not going out on dates with men, and we are not going to be talking to a guy at a bar leading to getting roofied, etc.

      This is in no way “blaming the victim” in any way — just saying that straight women are more likely to encounter males in various scenarios/settings which statistically increases the likelihood.

      And we are also not saying that Lesbians should not care about those issues, or volunteer to help with those issues, if we want.

      What we ARE saying is that if a woman focuses on mainly heterosexual topics, to the exclusion of lesbian issues, then she is more straight-focused than lesbian-focused, and that fact, in combination with other factors, is a Straightbian warning sign.

      (**Males get raped too, but I won’t get into that since our topic is about females).


  7. One other thing I’d add to the list is: “Is she a single mother with child(ren) from a former boyfriend/husband/one-night stand? Is she pregnant?”

    I knew a lesbian (Ann) who was infatuated with a straight woman (Beth) who was pregnant thanks to her druggie ex-boyfriend. Ann always had an infatuation with Beth and Beth took advantage of this. I knew them both from a job I used to have. Ann would go on about how great and wonderful Beth was. Meanwhile, Beth referred to Ann in a derogatory way behind her back, always calling Ann “my lesbian” and basically taking about Ann as if she were a pet or walking ATM machine. And unfortunately, that’s what Ann was to her. I tried to warn Ann and tell her what Beth was saying but Ann accused me of being jealous of her happiness and new family. I haven’t worked there in years, but I heard that Ann moved to a different company after Beth broke her heart and got back together with druggie boyfriend. Of course, this was conveniently after Ann had paid for Beth’s numerous pregnancy-related medical bills and a ton of baby stuff.

    (Note: Names have been changed for anonymity’s sake.)

    Beware of single pregnant women! They are not lesbians and you are just a meal ticket. Similarly, beware of single mothers who have recently gotten out of a relationship with their child(ren)’s father and who haven’t ever had a relationship (or especially a crush) on another woman besides you ever!

    In general, watch out for single parents if you are doing online dating. There are single parents who want a relationship and it can work out if you’re comfortable with being a step-parent. However, some are just out to get another source of income/babysitter for their kids and will pair up with the first half-way decent person who says “yes”. Even if you are childfree (meaning you don’t want biological, adopted, or step-children), some of them will still try to hit you up because they think that they and their children are speshul enough to change your mind.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, definitely! I also know of many instances too of pregnant women or single parents that suddenly “became lesbians” (NOT!); long enough to get bills paid, get back on their feet, etc. ~ long enough to wreck Lesbian lives. Ugh! Great point!


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