Lesbian Lives Matter

The following are just a small sample of recent responses to Dirt’s and my Lesbian pride-type and Straightbian-type tweets/comments/posts:

  • “I don’t see the need to label myself/anybody.”
  • “We’re all just people.”
  • “Surely ALL lives matter…”
  • “I’m just me; I don’t label myself as a Lesbian and don’t think you should limit/label yourself either.”
  • “People are more alike than different.”
  • “Views like this just cause further divide…”
  • “I’m very similar to many of my straight friends; why label myself?”
  • “I don’t feel the need to constantly define myself as a lesbian because I would still be the same person regardless of my sexuality.”
  • “Labels hurt people.”
  • “Why does who I’m attracted to have to make me ‘different’?”
  • “We should all move forward together. Not back into the dark ages of in-fighting” (in reference to in-fighting within the so-called LGBT++++ community)
  • “I’m just me. I’m more than my sexual orientation.”
  • “The only difference between me and my neighbor is I sleep next to a woman…”
  • “Sexuality is fluid; people can’t/shouldn’t be labelled.”
  • “I don’t want to label myself…I’m human.”

There are many, many more examples, but I think you get the idea.

There’s just one problem with this line of thinking: It’s utterly ridiculous.


Image: PicsArt #FreeToEdit

Well, technically, maybe it’s not completely wrong. After all, it is not wrong in the sense that we all are indeed human; because (of course…well, um…duh!!) we are. That fact has never been in question. Lesbians, like everybody else, have much in common with our fellow humans: we eat, we work, we try to stay healthy, we have friends and family and furry companions we care deeply about, we feel love and loss and hope and fear and every other emotion known to humankind, and we are mortal; just to name a few universally human traits.

Instead, what I mean is that this line of thinking is wrong (and ridiculous) in the sense of any attempt to lump all humans together into one huge amorphous blob is not only incorrect, it is damaging to everyone, including Lesbians.

And since Lesbians are my only focus, this post will cover how this “Surely All Lives Matter — We Are All One — We Are Just Like Everyone Else (Etc.)” mentality harms us specifically.

This pathetic attempt at forced assimilation denies our Lesbian uniqueness, encourages us to deny our own true nature in order to attempt to “blend in” with society, and further contributes to Lesbian invisibility.

Saying “but surely ALL lives matter” when Dirt and I are specifically trying to stand up for Lesbian rights and attempting to address uniquely Lesbian issues is just as offensive to Lesbians as tweeting #AllLivesMatter is to the #BlackLivesMatter movement.

Sure, it’s true that all lives do matter, but by saying that in response to our specific points/concerns regarding Lesbian lives, is a transparent way to minimize and deny what we are saying. It is a way to try to shut us up. It is a way to attempt to make us feel guilty for prioritizing Lesbian needs before anyone else’s.  It’s a way of saying “Lesbians Be NICE!

Whenever any group expresses concerns which are specific to them, it is both obnoxious and dismissive to immediately jump to a “but all lives matter/we’re all just alike” attitude.

It is especially offensive when people are replying “But ALL Lives Matter!” in regard to Straightbians. Straightbians have a long history of messing up Lesbian lives, in a myriad of ways ranging from breaking our hearts to spreading misinformation about us to even encouraging us to transition, and they continue to do so every single day.

Dirt and I are not advocating for harm or denial of rights to anyone, including Straightbians, but we sure as heck aren’t going to put Lesbian lives on the back burner in order to kiss Straightbian butt either. (That’s already being done by almost everyone else). Plus, Straightbians already have straight privilege, and they wield it like the weapon it is against Lesbians all the time. So they are on their own, they are not our circus.

Here’s the thing: Lesbians are different. We are still persecuted for this fact, each and every day. Anyone who is a Lesbian, or even anyone who knows Lesbians well, knows this fact, and those who are denying it are clearly not Lesbians or allies themselves.

Stop denying Lesbian existence. Stop minimizing our valid concerns. Stop trying to shut us up. Stop trying to force us to assimilate. Just…stop.

11 thoughts on “Lesbian Lives Matter

  1. I am an awesome out! proud! Butch Lesbian!. Still say we should get the “L” out of the the alphabet poop that is the lgbtqiwtf. They throw female under the bus. Read a story this morning, a high school in Maine (BECAUSE OF A TRANSGENDERED STUDENT) had a sadz and a madz because the school was flying the Pride Flag. The flag was taken down. *Fuming over here!.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. You’re so correct. It’s an illusion to claim that labels or words don’t matter when instead they are very important, because we are human and we have language and it is through language that we understand, define ourselves and communicate who we are to others. To deny our name is to deny our very existence.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Yes, thank you! Words have meanings after all. Plus, saying labels don’t matter is very hypocritical when it comes to the “L”GBTQWTFBBQ. They’re the special snowflakes obsessed with making up stupid pronouns like “zem and zirself” or “bots and botself”. The last one is for people who think they are robots. There’s ones for people who want to be plants or magical fairies too. It’s literally magical thinking.

    There’s the new “sexual orientation” labels that just amount to “I prefer this personality type and/or physical characteristic” Like “sapiosexual” for people who want smart people. Though, I have to say anyone calling themselves by a special snowflake label probably isn’t that attracted to smart people or the smartness just isn’t rubbing off. It can be summed up as, “I’m heterosexual, but I want brownie points and attention from complete strangers on the internet for being oppressed without having to deal with being oppressed for realsie. I’m going to claim to be a different gender and/or sexual orientation that I just made up five minutes ago and accuse people who don’t worship me of being bigots, terfs, erasing my existence, and queerphobic.”

    Yet, “lesbian” can somehow mean whatever people want it to mean. Even though five minutes ago, everyone was some made-up gender and/or sexual orientation, now suddenly when a lesbian talks about being a lesbian, we are “all the same/all human” and we must not talk about differences between lesbians and other people or about difficulties that lesbians face due to everyone and their mother distorting what “lesbian” means.

    Granted, the special snowflakes aren’t the only ones who do it. There’s plenty of average hetero folks who get offended by me saying I’m a lesbian. It’s like, geez, maybe don’t get all up in my business asking me “when” I’m going to have a husband and 2.5 kids and you won’t have to deal with the horror of learning that I’m a childfree lesbian.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Well, I’m back and semi-coherent, so here goes: 🙂

      Yes, it seems like nobody wants us (Lesbians) to actually stick up for ourselves and say “NO…THIS is what Lesbian means, not all the BS nonsense you have read before from decidedly NON-Lesbian individuals.” For many reasons, our crusade to Unstraighten Lesbian has been met with resistance from many sides, I always knew lesbophobia and hetsplaining existed, of course, but I had NO IDEA how much there really was until I started speaking up.


      • Hi, I hope that you have recovered from the flu. I’ve been fortunate that I haven’t had it since I was in fifth grade, but I still remember how much it sucks.

        Anyway, it’s amazing how much people getting pissy about lesbians standing up for ourselves. It’s not that hard to figure out that lesbian = homosexual female. I don’t understand how it is that a lot of people (rightfully) hate Rachel Dolezal for her black face routine while at the same time think that men can become lesbians or that straight women can become lesbians.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Hi, Thanks, I am slowly getting better.

          Yes, to what you said about lesbians and standing up for ourselves. I often say (rather facetiously) that it’s not rocket science to understand what lesbian really means (we don’t need complex definitions and handbooks and guidebooks, etc.). It is stunningly simple, in fact. But, for some reason, it is a constant struggle to discuss this because a shocking number of people are VERY resistant, even furious, at what we are saying. Sigh.


        • Yes, I agree! Not rocket science at all! Lesbians standing up for ourselves does get met with outrage. Ironically, it’s the “open-minded” liberals doing most of it nowadays. Apparently I’m “anti-queer” and “promoting in-fighting” by wanting a divorce from the alphabet soup mess and by not wanting to call myself “queer” or refer to myself by the acronym of doom. (Hint: It’s because I’m a lesbian and not a straight person with a special snowflake complex.) Also, newsflash idiots! In-fighting can only occur between people in the same group. So, it’s not in-fighting if I criticize straighbians, special snowflake straight people who think they are “queer” because they like weird shit in bed, or dudes who insist they are lesbians or any other kind of woman.
          None of them are lesbians so by definition they aren’t in the same group as me! Seriously, don’t they teach logic in grade school anymore?

          By the way, thank you for your extensive documentation about famous “lesbians” who aren’t actually lesbians at all! It makes me angry realizing that there were probably plenty of lesbian writers back in the day who never got published or whose works faded to obscurity because they didn’t have the connections that the straightbians had.

          Liked by 1 person

        • Thanks! Yes, to all of your comment. It makes me angry too that so many actual Lesbian works never got published or faded into obscurity while Straightbians have been defining us since forever. In fact, if it’s published AND popular/cited, it is almost guaranteed NOT to be actual Lesbian.


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