Once A Straightbian…Always A Problem

I had an unsettling experience on Facebook last night that sadly, but clearly, reinforced my sweetie Dirt‘s motto that “If you aren’t us, you’re against us“.

Without identifying anyone, here is a brief summary of the debacle that unfolded:

One of my friends posted an article/comment about how conversion therapy is horrible.

So far, so good, right? Right.

That is, until one of her Facebook friends, who I don’t know (and who I certainly don’t want to know!), decided to put her 2-cents in.

Although I don’t know this individual, I do know her type…all-too-well.


Except, in this particular case, this individual asshole has now eschewed her Straightbian ways (of harming Lesbian lives) to become a born-again, holy-rollin’, bible-thumpin’, holier-than-thou, know-it-all, married-to-an-unfortunate-man, “Christian” (still harming Lesbian lives).

The more things change, the more they remain the same.

I purposefully did not screencap the conversation, out of respect for my friend.

And I’ve honestly tried to just let it go, but the truth is: this incident has been bothering me ever since it happened.

What, exactly, was so upsetting about this particular incident? After all, Dirt and I encounter Straightbians, naysayers, trolls, and other assorted asshats on a daily basis.  

It took me a while to put my finger on it, but I think I finally have now.

It wasn’t that this boneheaded bozo believes that conversion therapy is possible/desirable, nor that she thinks that being a Lesbian is somehow related to porn (huh??),  nor that she incorrectly thinks sexuality is fluid, nor that she thinks all Lesbians will burn in eternal Hell. (Although it is indeed upsetting that anyone could be that asinine).

After all, what would I expect from a Straightbian-Special-Snowflake-Type-Turned-Religious-Proselytizer? Complete and utter nonsense, that’s what. 

Consider the source.

This inanity is just one of this fool’s anti-Gay/Lesbian FB posts:Image 3

In another FB post, our DICKgusting debutante referred to Lesbian relationships as “broken people” having “aberrant sex”. There are not enough words in the English language to describe my feelings toward this person for saying that, but “disdain”, “contempt”, and “hatred” seem like a good start.


No, it wasn’t the fact that this evil assclown spouts her offensive and uninformed opinions; even idiots have the right to free speech. 

(Just so there’s no confusion, here’s a sample of what is wrong with her assumptions: There’s no such thing as being “lesbian-identified” because you either are or you are not; there’s no such thing as “fluidity of attraction”; Lesbians are not “broken” nor do we “need healing”; our love is NOT “aberrant sex”; and furthermore, BEING A LESBIAN IS NOT A F**KING CHOICE, YOU DIMWITTED BUFFOON).

Instead: What upset me then, and still upsets me now, is that my friend would even be remotely friendly, much less be friends, with someone like this nincompoop.

What upsets me is that, instead of telling this dickgusting dickweed to take a proverbial long walk off a short pier, my friend actually seemed worried about me and Dirt offending this piece-of-shit Straightbian’s delicate “Christian” sensibilities.

(Guess it’s okay for Straightbian-Sally to insult us, though, and even deny our very existence).

What upsets me is finding out that my friend “liked” the FB post where Lesbian lives were referred to “broken people” having “aberrant sex”. To add insult to injury, the article linked in that post was shocking right-wing anti-Lesbian propaganda.

There’s nothing to “like” about that post. Or that person.

Once again, I (re)learned the lesson that Lesbians are on our own.

Maybe, just maybe, I will remember it this time.

05/23/2017: Updated to add: Happily, my friend and I have worked through this situation (see comments). 

31 thoughts on “Once A Straightbian…Always A Problem

  1. So, I’m going to play Devil’s Advocate for a moment, only because I like discussion and hearing perspective. I’m readily able to admit that my knowledge of such things is limited. And I fully accept the validity of lesbianism, gayism, bi-ism (is that a real word?), but maybe because I don’t identify as straight…

    Anyways, even coming to terms with my own sexuality and visiting umpteen different therapists, the common mode to discussing someone’s sexuality is in terms of fluidity. Some people do have attractions to both men and women and some people don’t really “pick a side”. Does that negate the validity of the fluidity argument?

    And I have long since accepted that religious zealots will typically refer to any sex outside of procreation with the purpose of creating a child as aberrant, so I’m curious at the expectation that it would be anything but that characterization from someone like the “fool” you mentioned.

    Again, please excuse me if I’m being insulting, there is no intention to offend, but merely expand any understanding I might have.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks for being polite!

      Hmmmm…let me try to explain:

      I don’t believe that orientation is fluid. Behavior does not equal orientation.

      (The only time “sexuality” seems to actually change/vary is when people start taking cross-sex hormones, but that is not the case with her, and there is an explanation for that).

      So, someone can have a relationship with someone of the same sex, but that behavior doesn’t make him/her gay/lesbian.

      And that is where the problem comes in. This woman clearly (by her own admission) used to say she was a lesbian, but clearly she never was. That is a gross appropriation of our lives.

      And now she is actively preaching the “gospel” of “if-I-could-change-they-could-too-if-they-would-just-believe-in-JESUS”.

      Nonsense. She never changed…she was straight all along. It is therefore inappropriate for her to speak for/about Lesbians.

      Liked by 4 people

      • Ahhh…that makes perfect sense. So, you’re not ignoring bisexuality, really, you’re simply saying that if you’re lesbian, then you will NOT have an attraction to the opposite gender. Did I understand that correctly? To me, that makes perfect sense and kind of aligns with something a therapist told me about gay men..she said gay men are almost disgusted by women (her words, not mine) – granted, she was helping me gain a better understanding of myself, for sure.

        Liked by 2 people

        • Yes, Lesbians aren’t attracted to men, don’t fantasize about men, don’t run off with men, etc. (etc. etc. etc.). I can’t speak for gay men, of course, but I have heard gay men make comments about female anatomy that was along the lines of “ewwwww….” so that may be true, hahaha!

          Liked by 5 people

        • hahahaha! Yes, that’s what I heard from my therapist…apparently, there have been studies to see how they react to female bodies, and apparently there was…um…no reaction down below like they had with male bodies.

          Liked by 1 person

        • Hmmm…I’m lost now…My girlfriend (who is a stud) finds certain types of men ATTRACTIVE but not sexually. Yeh, she’ll comment that she thinks a dude is HOT or something when we see one, but as far as I know she hasn’t been sexually involved with a man or fantacize about them ever. She’sā€‹ a stud who loves strictly women….

          Liked by 2 people

        • I don’t know the exact context of how she said it or the situation in which she said it, but it’s one thing to say/think that “________(movie star or whoever) is a handsome guy” versus “I think ______ is super-hot…and I want to f**k his brains out”.

          You know what I mean?

          What I am trying to say is it’s not impossible for a Lesbian to recognize that a man is handsome (after all, we’re Lesbian, NOT visually impaired), but it is indeed impossible for a Lesbian to be sexually attracted to a man.

          Edited to add: However, I will say that Lesbians also don’t go around and randomly comment on men’s attractiveness, though. In other words, we don’t THINK about men or notice men that much. But: if somehow, for instance in conversation, the topic came up (example: “Do you think _____ is handsome?”), then we might say “yes” or “no” or “sort of”, but we’re not likely to instigate that conversation ourselves unless there were some very unusual reason to do so.

          Liked by 2 people

        • Hahaha! You’re hilarious and so right on. And you’re right, I’ve NEVER heard her say she’d fuck so and so’s brains out. She more or less makes a sound like she’s about to vomit instead and it cracks me the hell up!! BWAHAHAHA!
          Yeh, we’re definitely not blind to attractiveness on anyone or anything…
          Thank you, Saye

          Liked by 2 people

      • OH let me add…
        You’re also explaining that “the fool” was projecting her experiences upon lesbians as a whole and that is what you take offense to… Did I grasp that correctly, as well?

        Liked by 3 people

  2. Oh, this sounds so awful! I’m so sorry you’ve had such a negative experience, and that your friend supported this person! They should (from what I understand and what I would expect from supportive straight people) is to defend you. Don’t give up on humanity, please, we do have some very good straight allies out there.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I may as well out myself as the guilty party in this argument. I was friends (emphasis: WAS) with this “former lesbian” individual starting when I met her in an anti-trans activist space. We were both Catholic. She was nice to me. She and I seemed to agree on a lot of stuff. She was even willing, in the beginning, to hear me debunk stereotypes about gays and lesbians and about the positive contributions of gays and lesbians, as well as the innate nature of gay orientation. Sounds good, right?

    I knew for awhile that she was hard-right, but I have friends in the hard-right that are good to me personally and who can talk rationally to me. I thought Mrs. Straightbian might be one of those. I thought I would congratulate her baby steps and, meanwhile, focus on where we agree…that trans activism is destructive and so is the mainstream Gay, Inc. movement. Those two positions were the reason for my (very limited) agreement with that Facebook post that I liked. No, I didn’t like that “abberant sex” thing, or the evil liberal thing, or the “recruiting children” thing…but I figure if I reach out a little bit, find a tiny speck of agreement, maybe we could talk. I have befriended right-wing folks before and made converts out of them. I have made a few of them realize that being gay is not evil, that being pro-choice is a viable position, etc. so listening to right-wingers at their worst and conversing with them didn’t bother me. I am very desensitized to right-wing talking points, since I hear them in person in my real-life cirlce all the time. Constantly. As far as I was concerned, this whole thing was business, politics, etc.

    Well, Saye and Dirt were right. This person really, truly hated gays and lesbians, there was no talking to her, and my liking anything she posted was just reinforcing her extreme homophobia and showing my agreement with it. Saye and I had a lot of talks about it. I have thought deeply about it. Lots of mental handiwork has transpired since then, and I made the decision to block this person because she is a hard-core right winger Trump supporter and there was no reason for me to talk to her except on a political basis, and if I really wanted the punishment, I could talk to her on Twitter, her own website, or some other place that is not my personal Facebook page, which for most people is an intimate circle just for friends and family. There was no need for her to have such intimate access to me and my friends. I should have defended my friends most vigorously and not been so concerned with being nice to this person. She certainly didn’t give two shits about being nice to Saye and Dirt…or, for that matter, me. So in summation, I decided Dirt and Saye were more important than this lunatic. Maybe I have latent homophobia going on that is too deep for me to see, maybe I just didn’t want to turn away another Catholic, I don’t know. I still can’t explain to anyone, or myself, why I didn’t see this person for who she was.

    After a few weeks since dumping this lunatic, I don’t miss her. Should have done it much sooner. She apparently believes now that SB and Dirt are demon possessed and they are trying to corrupt me into their evil ways and drag me to Hell. So I turned and ran. Good riddance.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks and hugs! šŸŒŗ I truly appreciate you thoroughly considering the situation and listening to my concerns.

      While I admire your willingness to engage with all sorts of people, I have learned the hard way myself that some people are simply not worthy of the effort.

      Demon possession is a new accusation, BTW…šŸ˜ˆ! Dirt and I have been called a lot of names but this is the first time someone actually thinks our heads spin around while we vomit pea soup. šŸ™‚


  4. I think for those of us in religious, conservative backgrounds, especially those of us who still have close contacts from these backgrounds, have a hard time summoning the moral courage to cut these people off when they cross the line, or even seeing that they have crossed a line. We don’t turn on family, friends, the church, etc. We keep the peace. We are polite, blah, blah, blah. If we are liberals, we have to prove to the conservatives in our midst (the majority) that we are not snowflakes, and the end result is that we tolerate all kinds of things we wouldn’t otherwise, and this test of endurance usually ends in the liberals compromising values that we say we hold dear to prove a meaningless point to conservative blowhards. These people will never listen to us, they will never respect us, their goal is either to convert us or trample us, and if we do anything to challenge them, they do what they always accuse us of doing, and act like victims. It’s hard to accept this as a reality, but that’s what it is. If I value being a good friend and a good ally, this is a conversation that needs to be had.

    I know the above has been a problem with me for years, and while I have successfully cleaned house several times in my life, I clearly need to do it more often, especially in the wake of Trump’s election. The rules are different now. No negotiating with terrorists. And if you lay down with dogs, you get up with fleas.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I agree that things certainly seem to be much different (worse!) since Trump’s election. The prejudice and hatred has always been there, but it seems to me that Trump et al have emboldened many people to be more obviously hateful. Ugh. I don’t have the time, energy, or desire to try to communicate or negotiate with people like that. Life is way too short!

      I truly appreciate your thoughtfulness, friendship, and insight…about this situation AND everything else too. šŸ™‚


      • Thank YOU for hearing me. I mean, in the end, the choice is obvious. I can have the Dirt couple…or I can have Trump’s groupie. The Dirt couple wins hands-down. Trump’s groupie can be homophobic, and hardcore fundie, somewhere else, not on my personal page. My page is so much better without all the skid marks.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. So I want to do a post about how homophobia manifests and why people, even gays and lesbians themselves, or their allies, tolerate it more than other types of prejudice…can I link back to this post? We can do a back and forth.

    Liked by 1 person

    • The clue is in the name, Joanna. “Catholic” means more or less “for everybody”. The whole history of our church isn’t at all about getting along with people or making nice (if you want that, the Episcopalians would be delighted to have you). It’s about vicious infighting and the struggle to have one’s own ideas accepted as “orthodox”.

      I recognize in so much of what you say the very catholic virtues of fellow-feeling and the treasuring of the innate worth of all human beings, and so much more. Those values will go with you even if you decide to break free from the Catholic Church. I have no wish to convert or deconvert you. I am a nostalgic ex-catholic, and defend the positive virtues of our tradition alongside a heartfelt nostra culpa for our errors.

      Liked by 1 person

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