Being a Lesbian Is NOT All About Sex

I have touched upon this topic before, but it deserves a specific post. Heck, it deserves multiple posts!

Due to the fact that being a Lesbian is labeled a SEXUAL orientation, people in general, including Lesbians, often equate Lesbian with SEX.

ThisSucks

(Pun Semi-Intended)

Here’s the thing: Yes, Lesbians do have sex. But: Um, hello, so do straight people!

But somehow, when straight people talk about their romantic relationships in general terms, nobody…NOBODY…assumes that they are talking about SEX…well, unless they’re actually talking about sex!

If a straight woman says, “My boyfriend and I went to the Farmer’s Market on Saturday”, nobody tells her, “I don’t need to know about your sex life!” or “I don’t care who you sleep with, because love is love!”  And nobody asks a straight woman, upon learning that she has a male romantic partner who accompanied her to the Farmer’s Market, “How does that work? Who’s on top?”

Nope, they just ask whether they bought heirloom tomatoes.

But let a Lesbian mention our female partner in a general, non-x-rated conversation, and BOOM! We are quite likely to hear a variation of the above comments, get a barrage of intrusive questions, or, at the very least, potentially face an awkward moment.

For a hilariously accurate overview of what would happen if Lesbians suddenly started acting like straight people, watch this video. Then watch it again, and let it truly sink in.

The incorrect over-emphasis on the SEXual part of orientation leads to a variety of problems and misunderstandings, ranging from mildly annoying to outright dangerous.

First, to focus solely on sexual activity as the basis for defining Lesbian opens the door wide open to the problem of Straightbians of all sorts falsely claiming to be us and spreading misinformation to and about us. Having sex (or even a long-term relationship) with another female does not make anyone a Lesbian. Behavior ≠ Orientation.

Second, to oversexualize Lesbianism leads some men to think of us as available sexual objects. To make matters worse, Lesbians are typically falsely portrayed as hypersexualized nymphets just WAITING for a man to sweep us off of our feet. Ugh and double ugh.

Thirdly, and most importantly, for Lesbians to define ourselves as simply a SEXual orientation denies the very real fact that Lesbians are different from straight females in ways that have nothing whatsoever to do with who we f**k ~ or even whether we f**k.

This is a theme that both Dirt and I will write more about in the future…so stay tuned…

One thought on “Being a Lesbian Is NOT All About Sex

  1. Here’s me sticking my nose into lesbian business again (a disturbing image for all of us), but my friends tell me that (even more than for us g.m.) it’s a kinda Scylla and Charybdis deal, between the fervid oversexualized imagination of straights and the undersexualized “definitions” of politicalesbians.
    A young (male) whipper-snapper recently accused me of being “closeted” because, in a neutral context, I favour the word “partner” over “boyfriend” (so people hear the Farmers’ Market I’m actually talking about rather than my by-the-way boyfriend). Of course, that “triggered” me into full-on outraged and outrageous queen mode, so I at least had the transitory revenge of publicly embarrassing him.

    Liked by 1 person

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