“Straight” To The Point

Over the last several days, Dirt and I have been arguing with straight female “allies” on Twitter over the premise that Lesbians are different.

To make a long story short, not 1, not 2, not 3, but a whole coterie of straight females have tag-teamed us, alternating between telling us to “be nice to our allies“; completely dismissing us; twisting whatever we say; bringing up unrelated topics/issues to try to derail/confuse the discussion; making analogies that make absolutely no sense whatsoever; acting like we are saying something we are not, then being offended by their own incorrect assumptions; trying to make us seem mean/bad/rude/etc.; name-calling; subtweeting; and usually, finally blocking us. Just when one wave disappears into the horizon, a new wave appears. Rinse and repeat.

Here’s the thing: It takes an astonishing amount of straight privilege to argue with Lesbians about OUR OWN LIVES.

These straight women do not know what it is like to be a Lesbian; but much more importantly, their actions of arguing with us ad nauseum proves that they don’t CARE.

I don’t know what it is like to be a man, or a Black person, but you don’t see me telling men or Black people how they “should” feel or denying or arguing with what they say about THEIR OWN EXPERIENCES.

Yet, that is precisely what these straight women are doing. Instead of listening to what we are actually saying about our own Lesbian experience/lives, they are actively attempting to silence us, shame us, twist our words, deny our experiences, and discredit us.

Why? There are likely a number of reasons, depending on the person, including, but not limited to: ignorance, arrogance, straight privilege, fear, reacting with emotion instead of logic, faulty preconceived notions, wanting to keep the incorrect notion alive that “any woman can be a Lesbian”, comprehension difficulties, not wanting to listen, misdirected anger, etc.

Whatever the reason(s), their behavior is completely unacceptable. 

Whether or not people agree with us, Lesbians deserve the same respect and courtesy straight people expect (and routinely get).

People, especially those who purport to be “Lesbian allies, should actually BE allies by listening rather than talking; caring rather than dismissing; remaining open rather than blocking.

And if you fruitcakes cannot do that, you are NOT an ally.

AND you can kindly fuck off.

(Please also read Dirt’s post on the same topic, here).

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Image: Pixabay: varintorn: CC0 Public Domain

6 thoughts on ““Straight” To The Point

  1. “I don’t know what it is like to be a man, or a Black person, but you don’t see me telling men or Black people how they “should” feel or denying or arguing with what they say about THEIR OWN EXPERIENCES.” WORD!

    Liked by 1 person

      • It’s not wrong to imagine how it might be to be somebody else. When I “came out” in the 1970, that was largely driven by feminist writers, writing for other women, which I managed to apply to me.
        Our sisters at the time told us, sincerely, how we “ought to” feel, and we told them, equally sincerely, why we didn’t. Don’t get me wrong: by ingrained ideology, I am a radical feminist, and regard any failure of my boyfriend and me to live up to that as a falling-away.
        I know that’s in direct contradiction to my support for Saye and Dirt, but go figure, just like I have to do.

        Liked by 1 person

        • I don’t think it’s wrong to try to imagine what someone else’s life would be like; in fact, without that ability, we wouldn’t have literature, plays, movies…or empathy.

          What I take offense with regarding these straight women who I am referencing in this post is their apparent inability to listen to what we are actually saying and their arrogant presumptuousness to “talk over” actual Lesbians to tell us what we “should” feel/do/say/etc. That’s not trying to understand our lives; that is the opposite.

          All of the women referenced here aren’t radical feminists, but some are. My main problem with radical feminism in general is the tenet that “any woman can be a Lesbian”; total BS. I honestly don’t care if straight women eschew men totally and live together until the cows come home, but just don’t call it Lesbian because it’s not…

          Liked by 1 person

        • You’re so right, Saye. “Real” lesbians were always an uncomfortable reality for the feminists of my era who wanted to “reinvent” lesbianism. It’s an enduring source of shame to me that we (gay men) were too cowardly to speak out on behalf of out real allies rather than our imagined “sisters”. But we live and learn (let’s hope).

          Liked by 1 person

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