“How Very Dare You?” (How Hets Respond To Lesbians)

Amidst all of the general nonsense Dirt and I deal with on a daily basis, a recent recurrent theme I have noticed in many argumentative comments and tweets to us is:


How dare we speak about/as Lesbians?

How dare we say that any woman cannot magically “become a Lesbian”?

How dare we say that words like “Lesbian”, “Butch”, “Femme” etc. have actual meaning and should be used correctly?

How dare we imply that we are “experts” of any sort?

How dare we say that many are falsely calling themselves “Lesbian”?

How dare we challenge the currently in-vogue idea that everything is all about “identity”: the idea that if you simply “identify as” ________(fill in the blank: Lesbian; Butch; Femme; Hippopotamus; Whatever) you ARE ___________?

The list goes on and on and on, but I think you get the basic idea, which boils down to “How very dare you?”

I recently replied that there are about 3,468,576,823,845 STRAIGHT blogs, books, articles, TV shows, magazines, etc.; yet NOBODY ever comments such things to them: Who are YOU to talk about being straight? What would YOU know? What gives YOU the right to talk about straight people/relationships? How would YOU know about being straight? Who are YOU to say who is straight? Etc.

Nope, that never happens, and I will tell you why. Because nobody questions “straight”. First of all, straights are the HUGE majority. Secondly, straight is pretty…well…straightforward: Nobody has hijacked “straight” like “Lesbian” has been hijacked repeatedly. Nobody is falsely speaking for all straight people, implying that they are all perverts and weirdos or that it’s all “just a choice” or any other such idiocy.

Even when a Lesbian comes out later in life, she didn’t hijack straight out of privilege; in fact, it’s the opposite: she felt she had to pretend to be straight in order to please family, society, or church. She got hijacked BY straight.

Think about it: For a straight person to even question our right to speak out as/regarding Lesbians smacks of privilege.

Let me be clear: While straight people are always very welcome to read our blogs and to comment, and while we still sincerely hope that some straight people will be capable of seeing the light, Dirt and I are not writing for straight people. We hope that some straight people will understand, but we don’t actually expect them to.

Instead, we are writing to Lesbians. And we are writing as Lesbians.

We not only have the right to do so, we have the duty. 

Attention: straights and Straightbians: We DO dare.  And all your arguing, snarkiness, denial, rudeness, subtweeting, and straight privilege in the universe won’t stop us.

In summary: Suck it up, buttercup(s), because we’re not going away.


Image: Pixabay: CC0 Public Domain

6 thoughts on ““How Very Dare You?” (How Hets Respond To Lesbians)

  1. I’ve started reading your series about “straightbians” and it is interesting and sad. I am well aware of the alarming number of men who claim to be lesbians who are socially accepted for it because “trans” is the most oppressed minority ever (yeah right). I knew that there were some bisexual and heterosexual women claiming to be lesbians, for whatever reasons, but I didn’t know it was this bad.

    Seriously, it’s not that complicated. If you are a woman who is romantically/sexually attracted to men, you are not a lesbian! Similarly (for humans and some other species) if you have two X-chromosomes, you are a female and if you have an X and a Y chromosome, you are a male. Words have meanings!

    I hate identity politics and post-modernism because it enables this dumbassery. I just don’t understand how any thinking person can argue that “lesbian” is whatever you want it to mean, or that an identity in someone’s head somehow supersede reality. I think that this nonsense is part of why people are becoming increasingly disillusioned with liberal/left politics and the Democratic Party (if you’re American).

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes! I find myself saying “Words have meanings!” over and over and OVER. Post-modern idiocy is abundant. Our Straightbian series barely scraped the surface of the problem. I can’t think of a single “lesbian expert” (someone who has written/spoken extensively about what it is to be a lesbian) who is an ACTUAL lesbian. Am always on the hunt though, so let me know if you think of any.


      • I really despise post-modernist identity politics. I am a scientist and you can’t just say, “well I feel this way because of reasons, so my data means this”. It doesn’t work that way.

        However, identity politics is post-modernism taken too far and the result is living in illogical la-la-land with ideas like “anyone can identify as anything” or “human bodies are social constructs”.

        I guess I just don’t care that much if I fit in and never really have. I don’t like lying either, so I refuse to stop using my brain and start believing that a fantasy inside someone’s head trumps material reality.

        If it was wrong for Rachel Dolezal to lie about being black and speak on behalf of black people, then it is wrong for heterosexual or bisexual women to lie about being lesbians and speak on behalf of us, and it is wrong for men to lie about being lesbians or other women and speak on behalf of us.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Yes on all points! I don’t much care whether I am liked either (although I do hate having constant conflict just from a peace of mind perspective). It is a good thing to not overly care about being liked, because many straight women on Twitter react as if you are threatening their very lives if you point this simple fact out to them. It has been shocking to see the rudeness and hostility from our supposed “allies”.


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