“Sexuality is Fluid”: The Great Big Hoax

NOTE: This is a follow-up to Dirt’s post, With Lesbians Like Sue Perkins, Who Needs Enemies?!

Lately, it seems that you can’t swing a cat (Public Service Announcement: PLEASE DON’T SWING CATS, PEOPLE!) without hitting an article or interview where somebody or other is saying that “Sexuality is fluid.”

You’ll notice, however, that it is always FEMALE sexuality to which these articles/interviews are referring; it’s quite unlikely that Men’s Health magazine will ever come out with an article about the best techniques for sucking dick.

Hmmmm…why is that? There are likely many reasons, but I believe that the main one is that females/Lesbians are routinely hypersexualized, and the idea of watching so-called “Lesbian” sex often appeals to straight men. However, the very same men would quite likely be freaked out by the thought of having sex with a man. Therefore, the myth that female sexuality is “fluid” is appealing and persists, while male sexuality remains “static” in the public’s mind.

It is especially disappointing to me when a famous Lesbian makes such a erroneous and damaging claim. Dirt wrote about such a situation here, in which one of my favorite comedians, Sue Perkins, who starred in the hilariously quirky Lesbian-trying-to-come-out-of-the-closet sitcom Heading Out, said in an interview that “sexuality is fluid”.

In Sue P‘s case, I think a combination of internalized homophobia and a desire to fit in with the currently in-vogue “queer” crowd, along with parroting the nonsensical storylines of Straightbians, are major driving factors in such a spurious claim. However, I don’t know her, so I can only guess as to her motivation(s).

Well, let’s all just think about the whole “sexuality is fluid” claim for a moment, shall we?

First of all, the correct term is ORIENTATION, NOT SEXUALITY. Being a Lesbian is NOT all about sex, and to reduce our entire lives, our very being, to “having sex” is both incorrect and insulting. We are always Lesbian, regardless of whether we even ever have sex.

Secondly, if orientation were really “fluid”, there would be no reason to “come out of the closet”, would there, Sue P.? Everyone would just “flow” back and forth, willy-nilly, including the very parents that you had to “come out” to, Sue! Why would anyone have to “come out” if there were no true orientation to begin with, since everyone would be “fluid”? Why are there heterosexuals and homosexuals in the world?

Think, Sue, THINK!

The (incredibly obvious!) answer here lies in the difference between Behavior Versus Orientation.

As an example of behavior versus orientation:

Anybody could have sex with anybody (Behavior), but a female having sex (or even a long-term relationship) with another female does NOT magically make her a Lesbian.

You either are a Lesbian (Orientation), or you are not.

Later-in-life Lesbians (those who initially date/marry men, before coming out later) were never straight to begin with; so their orientation is NOT “fluid”; they just did not act upon their true orientation for a variety of possible reasons (family, society, religion, internalized homophobia, peer pressure, etc.).

Here’s the thing:

Behavior is changeable. Orientation is NOT changeable.


So, whenever you see the claim that “sexuality is fluid”, I beg you to remember this formula:

Behavior ≠ Orientation

Behavior ≠ Orientation

Behavior ≠ Orientation

Behavior ≠ Orientation

Behavior ≠ Orientation

Behavior ≠ Orientation

Behavior ≠ Orientation

Behavior ≠ Orientation

Behavior ≠ Orientation

Behavior ≠ Orientation!!!!!!!!!!!

As for Sue Perkins, I still believe that she is hilarious and talented and I truly wish her all the best, but she really needs to stop towing the “queer” party line and start telling the truth…not just for the sake of her Lesbian fans, but, ultimately, for her own sake.

25 thoughts on ““Sexuality is Fluid”: The Great Big Hoax

  1. I wanted to bang my head on a wall watching that interview. Not only about the fluid bullshit. She thinks it is a GOOD thing that kids are saying they are pansexual now.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hi, Concerned Lesbian. I don’t know what interview you watched, though I do know that her girlfriend Anna Richardson (a journalist herself) gives interviews at the drop of a hat, and is much gabbier about Sue than I would care for any boyfriend of mine to be about me. An especially icky (print) example is here: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/11339805/I-just-happen-to-be-in-love-with-a-woman.html

      The interview referred to by Saye and discussed in Dirt’s post was on the radio, though Dirt’s discussion appears to be based on a slightly distorting write-up of it in Gay Star News: https://www.gaystarnews.com/article/sue-perkins-desert-island-discs-interview/#gs.ZwB0vbw

      You can find the original radio interview here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b08x4rzj . It lasts an hour, and the segment under discussion starts at around 35’40”. It will only be available online for another two weeks, so I have recorded it, and will happily send an mp3 to anyone who is interested but misses the BBC’s deadline.

      The “fluidity” angle is basically a self-justificatory line pushed by (straightbian) Richardson, and it’s hard to see how Perkins could publicly contradict her. I don’t believe for a second that Sue regards *her own* sexuality as “fluid”. I hope you all won’t judge her too harshly before listening to at least a little of the original source.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Dirt and I watched the whole interview and we both completely stand by our posts/statements.

        Of course, we agree that Sue P. likely feels she has to “stand by her Straightbian”, as we both said, but that does NOT absolve her in any way of her responsibility to Lesbians to NOT falsely claim that “sexuality is fluid”.

        So, yeah, I may be a fan of Sue P., but I do judge that particular interview/claim…and yes, I do judge it harshly.


        • I can’t quarrel with that, Saye. The only conflict on my side is between my head, which has to recognize the truth of your and Dirt’s statements, and my heart, which wants to defend and “make excuses” for Sue (though not for those particular misguided comments). I think we’ll see her views change in the future, but she’s very much under the spell of la Richardson at the moment.

          Liked by 1 person

        • I totally agree! I love Sue’s work myself, and being such a fan is a huge reason that it was so disappointing to me. I think she likely knows better deep in her heart, unless she has so much internalized homophobia that she is still mired in confusion. Certainly, being in love with a Straightbian undoubtedly clouds her perception.

          Liked by 1 person

      • Hi romantepner, I was referring to the same interview. I still agree with d & s that it is not okay for a lesbian to be saying that sexuality is fluid, even though i understand what her reasons are. Hello, straightbian lover!

        Liked by 2 people

        • I was just confused by the word “watching” in relation to a radio interview into thinking there might be some other, televised interview out there that I’d missed out on. Though for obvious reasons I can’t speak with the same certainty as you and D and S, I also don’t find it plausible that women’s sexuality is “fluid” in a way that men’s is not, though it may still (regrettably) be true that women are more compliant than men to the sexual demands and expectations put upon them.

          Sue’s goddaughter, btw, is 14, and I suppose if there’s any age at which you might reasonably imagine yourself to be “pansexual”, that’s it. I would like to believe Sue simply meant that her goddaughter and her schoolmates were unprejudiced in regard to what their and their friends’ sexuality might turn out to be, but I daresay that’s just wishful thinking.

          Liked by 2 people

        • I think the pansexual-is-great statement is liberal wishful thinking. Things have swung so far that people’s minds are so open that their brains have fallen out (I believe it was Magdalen Berns who I heard say that, & it is a perfect description of what is happening).


  2. It seems like many celebrities adopt the queer/everything-is-fluid worldview – so much so that I suspect it’s either covertly or outright required by their corporate owners.

    Aside from the fact that this ideology is a gateway to the huge profits from the transition industry, I think several groups get something out of it. Straight men, as you mentioned, get titillation and their sense of control reaffirmed. Straight women (bisexuals,straighbians) get to congratulate themselves for being “liberated” and “open minded”, as well as the various benefits from parasitizing lesbians. And lesbians get to delude ourselves that we’re “just like everybody else”.

    None of this is to excuse Sue Perkins, who I think does have a responsibility to represent us accurately. She seems like a woman with some internalized homophobia issues who is invested in the “any woman can be a lesbian” myth.
    Quotes from the straight girlfriend’s interview really speak volumes:

    “The sexual adjustment is easy, the emotional adjustment is something else, as you know, a relationship with a woman is far more instense. This I have learnt. It’s an emotional tsunami”, she confessed.”

    “Asked if it was tough to admit to being in a relationship with a woman after dating a man for almost two decades, journalist Anna replies: “Do I think it takes a certain type of person to go, f**k it, I’m going to give it a go, regardless of what other people may think about it? Yes I do.”

    “I feel extremely comfortable in the company of women.”

    And may I add how flattered I am on behalf of all dykes that we make this woman feel “comfortable”. /sarcasm

    Liked by 2 people

    • I 100+ percent agree on all points!

      That is an excellent point about celebrities’ corporate owners either covertly or overtly requiring the queer/fluid worldview. I imagine that is true, and it would be like selling your soul to the devil if so.

      As Magdalen Berns said in one of her videos, (paraphrasing here because I don’t remember the exact wording), “Some people’s minds are so open that their brains have fallen out”. That indeed seems to be the case with many liberal “open-minded” individuals.

      Liked by 1 person

    • “I feel extremely comfortable in the company of women.”

      Only a straight woman (or just about plausibly a straight man) could say such a thing, and what total nonsense it is. Which women, and for what purpose are you in company with them? Even a faggot, I’ll go further, even a man, knows to ask these questions before swallowing such drivel.

      I pray that Sue will soon be out of the clutches of the manipulative straight bitch Anna Richardson. God and Dirt and Saye be my witnesses, it takes A LOT to make me think I have the right to describe ANY woman in such terms.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Anybody can have sex with anybody (Behavior) While I do agree and share your anger about so called sexual fluidity, I do not agree with above completely. Yes, there are circumstances, that will make people behave in contradiction to their sexual orientation. But I don’t think that without those circumstances all people are able willingly have sex with anybody at some point in their life. Especially I don’t think, that they are able to feel desire for “wrong” sex, go with it and enjoy. There are homosexual people that can’t and heterosexual people that can’t and we even can’t imagine doing it.
    There are on the other hand people, who claim, that they can feel desire, fall in love and form relationship with both sexes. Without any special circumstances, like internalised homophobia for example. While I didn’t experienced it, I have no reason to doubt those people or tell them, they don’t feel what they feel. That is way I think concept of bisexuality comes handy. My suspicious is, that people who are able to have sex and enjoy it with both sexes are on fundamental level slightly different creatures than lesbians, gays and pure straights. It would be also good to have a name for people, who claim they are sexually fluid to kick them out from homosexual labels without questioning authenticity of their feelings and experience. To be able just differentiate without presuming malicious intent.
    I am not angry when someone say: my sexuality is fluid, I dated one sex, now I am dating other sex and I am open to date both in the future, I identify as bisexual or I don’t use label.
    I am angry when someone say: I was lesbian, now I am straight, it my change and people should be open to date anyone and lesbian can totally fall in love in man.
    I hope it wasn’t to much rambling, it make sense and I didn’t made to much errors(I am not native English)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi and thanks for your comment!

      I think I understand what you are saying, but I am not 100 percent sure, so please let me know if I have misunderstood.

      I didn’t mean that everybody LITERALLY just has sex with everybody else — sorry for the confusion.

      In other words, I was trying to distinguish between an action/behavior (having sex) from orientation (gay or straight).

      The statement “Anybody can have sex with anybody” was not meant literally; it was a hypothetical example used to distinguish the behavior of having sex from orientation itself.

      So, yes, I do agree with you totally that the HUGE majority of people are NOT willing to have sex with just anybody.

      There are indeed people who claim that they can feel desire for both sexes. The existence of true bisexuality (meaning, as a true orientation) is very debatable in my opinion; however, there is absolutely no doubt that bisexual behavior can and does exist. In fact, a friend and I did a whole series on this topic.

      My wife and I have written extensively about Straightbians — so I won’t try to go into all of that information in a reply (too complicated), but bottom line, regardless of their INTENT, Straightbians are ultimately detrimental to Lesbians in many ways.

      As I have said before, I have no problem if someone calls herself bisexual up front; that way, any Lesbian getting involved with her has been fully informed.


      • In my experience bisexual women do have some form of “desire” for other women, but I think it’s different from what a lesbian would feel. You can probably speak much more to their psychological makeup/motivations, but my totally non-professional observation is that bisexuals 1) extend their self-objectification to other women and 2) process their relationships with women though the filter of straight gender roles.

        Liked by 1 person

      • In my experience bisexual women do have some form of “desire” for other women, but I think it’s different from what a lesbian would feel. You can probably speak much more to their psychological makeup/motivations, but my totally non-professional observation is that bisexuals 1) extend their self-objectification to other women and 2) process their relationships with women though the filter of straight gender roles.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Yes, I agree with that. I also think there is actual “desire” there, even though I agree it wouldn’t be the same as what Lesbians feel. In fact, I think that the sex between Straightbians/bisexuals and other Straightbians/bisexuals or Lesbians is very intense. That is one thing that I have been meaning to write about for a while now…how it is possible/likely for Straightbians/bisexuals and the Straightbians/bisexuals and Lesbians they get involved with to mistake passionate sex for true love. I haven’t fully thought it through about what I want to say but something along those lines….


      • Yes, I have read discussion below and it is what I have in mind. There is some form of sexual desire for both sexes and/or willingness to try out not present in others. While willingness to have sex without desire is one thing, the desire is other.

        Liked by 1 person

        • I agree. For example, some young Lesbians might feel like they HAVE TO get married to please their families; so they then have sex with their husbands, but they never truly DESIRE their husbands because they are Lesbians. That is what I was trying to say in the post about the difference between behavior and orientation.


  4. Pingback: Is my sexuality a phase – Unite UK

  5. Right on! Years ago my buddy and I started explaining this same behavior isn’t orientation core matter of (obvious) fact (er, obvious to eyes peeping reality thru honest/unadorned/unashamed egos anyway) via our simple but scandalized turn of phrase of, “there’s getting gay, there’s being gay. getting gay ain’t being gay. It’s just getting gay.” As the two HETEROSEXUAL MEN, myself a chromosomally mosaic intersexed individual xxy, who has been rx hormonally since a medically stunted/non arrival of puberty (ie, ive been on “T” since late teen years and have over the past three and a half decades since often found myself in rapidly transformed sociological-identity “groupings” (however erroneously) alongside rapidly transformed endocrinologist MDs waiting rooms..and my long time above referenced pal is a heterosexual bio (ahem, “cis-“) male. That said, both of us have variously been sexually intimate with other men, including with actually gay men, other het men who are likewise just gettin gay, as well as ftm transmen and/or another intersexed male of mixed sexual orientations between the two of us. (to be clear not the same partners and, yes, I’m condensing both of our sexual biographical statistics..see below). Because we did a generally male taboo thing of openly discussing our own various experiences of having “gotten gay” at times yet are both plainly, inarguably very heterosexual men, the distinction between “gettin'” vs. “being” gay was made immediately clear and, as the phrasing reveals, linguistically and categorically totally uncomplicated and obvious once we broke out of the sick het male sexist mum mold silent code of silence, that is. As an aside, I’d be remiss if I didn’t let you saavy sensible lesbians in on a het male commonality… Most sexually active het men do or have, at some point(s), “get/gotten gay”…yep, i meant to type “most”.. While I’m certainly no sexologist and im almost as certain that reliable statistics on the matter in current western society couldn’t be ascertained even if I were, I have spent the last 15 years as a master barber on the floor owning and working far more than full time in a couple of the busiest, most diverse/rated/awarded/renowned barbershops in the united states…and the thing is, men DO talk, and ARE generally pretty willing to talk about their own experiences/opinions on “getting vs. being gay” in highly open, specific, personal ways once the seal of silence has been breached by the generally perceived alphas in the social/conversational spaces… (and no, by “most”, I’m not even including experimental/exploratory immature sexual behaviors of boys with other boys/young men, though that is also a pretty ubiquitous het male pubescent phenomenon too). In any case, I only recently changed upon you and your wife’s blogs..cant even recall/reliably guess how I surfed into yall, but it’s cool to read the posts and all the attendant reader comments and get a glimpse at the diverse, thoughtful, and highly spirited people and positions that unfortunately lack more socially sanctioned spaces compared with so much other (and comparatively often disingenuous) modern discourse.

    Liked by 1 person

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