As anyone who reads my blog and/or follows me on Twitter already knows that I have been angry lately. Very angry. Heck, let’s just be honest here, I am still angry now.
I am angry at all of the Lesbophobia I see everywhere online and in real life, both overt and covert. I am angry at false allies, faux “
feminists“, Straightbians, and hetsplainers.
I am angry that nobody but a handful of fellow Lesbians seems to even notice, or care, that Lesbians are being thrown under the proverbial bus left and right.
As of this morning, I became aware of another feeling existing along with the anger:
Sadness is a much less comfortable feeling for me than anger. With anger, I feel “in control”, powerful. With sadness, I feel helpless.
As much as I don’t want to feel sadness, darn it…there it is.
It turns out, underlying my anger and defiance, there is something else lurking much deeper which I am not even fully consciously aware of yet myself. Something that I cannot fully articulate yet; something that I am just now beginning to see the fuzzy outline of through a thick fog of anger.
For some time now, I have been gradually coming to an uneasy realization of the increasingly obvious fact that Lesbians are ultimately on our own. I have been very resistant to this knowledge, because I don’t want to believe it.
I have about a zillion screencaps which would starkly illustrate my points about false allies, faux “
feminists“, Straightbians, and hetsplainers and the lesbophobia they perpetuate.
But I won’t post those screencaps in this post, because this post is not about proving my point…interestingly and ironically, their own comments prove the very points Dirt and I are making.
Anybody who wants to see specific examples of truly appalling anti-Lesbian sentiments can peruse my Twitter timeline/replies (and the subtweets about myself, Dirt, and other Lesbians) to see the hatred, nastiness, pettiness, and sheer meanness directed at me, Dirt, other specific Lesbians, and/or Lesbians in general.
Instead, this post is about the direct and indirect toll of such lesbophobia on Lesbian lives.
Here is just a small sample of the many possible ways that anti-Lesbian actions/comments take on Lesbians, every second of every minute of every hour of every day FOR OUR WHOLE LIVES:
- Feeling alone;
- Feeling misunderstood;
- Feeling attacked;
- Feeling sickened, physically and/or emotionally;
- Feeling chronically angry;
- Feeling the need to constantly defend ourselves, our partners, and other Lesbians;
- Feeling hesitant to speak up because it means facing a whole crowd of opponents;
- Feeling invalidated;
- Feeling invisible;
- Feeling anxious;
- Feeling outnumbered;
- Feeling different;
- Feeling hypervigilant;
- Feeling exhausted from all of the ongoing effort;
- Feeling a new wave of disappointment every single time someone else lets us down;
- Feeling offended/invalidated when outsiders tell us to “be nice” or when they try to make us mediate/get along with Lesbian-hating bigots (think about it: would they ask Black people to be nice to the KKK, or Jewish people to be nice to Hitler???!!!);
- And last on this partial list, but certainly not least: Feeling sad.
I have decided that it’s okay to feel sad today. It’s okay for myself and other Lesbians to feel any/all of the things listed above…and more…because ALL of those feelings are COMPLETELY NORMAL REACTIONS to living in a world in which the BEST case scenario is that we will never be fully understood/accepted and in which the WORST case scenario is that we are murdered, raped, beaten, fired, denied housing/employment/etc., and/or otherwise harmed for simply being who we are.
And my message to all of the false allies, faux “
feminists“, Straightbians, and hetsplainers (and to all of the simpering sidekicks) who are harming Lesbians with your copious bullshit: Karma is a bitch and she sees what you are doing.