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Straightbians: Where Pathology Meets Desperation

In retrospect, I belatedly realize now how incredibly naive I was when I first started blogging and when I first started Twitter. Back then, I actually thought that most people could have respectful discussions and disagreements. Back then, I truly believed that most people who purported to be Lesbians or claimed to be Lesbian allies cared about the welfare of actual Lesbians. Back then, I really thought that it was very, incredibly obvious why real Lesbians would care about owning our own name/lives and therefore, it would be equally obvious why Lesbians would resist the appropriation of our name/lives by non-Lesbians.

I look back now on my own rose-colored glasses and laugh at myself.

Not only was I naive about human nature in general, I also severely underestimated how very many Straightbians are living a lie and stealing our Lesbian name. I underestimated how many self-proclaimed “Lesbians” are not actually Lesbian…sooooooo sooooooo sooooooo very many, in fact, that actual Lesbians are a major minority within our own (alleged) “community“.

Even more importantly, I also severely underestimated their desperate pathology: it turns out that these long-term Straightbians are so desperate and so pathological that they will attack like cornered, rabid animals when their elaborate ruse is even vaguely threatened.

When a Straightbian has staked her entire so-called life and her incredibly fragile sanity on the complete lie that they are a Lesbian, when it is pointed out that it’s impossible for anyone to “magically become a Lesbian“, the true deep disturbance underneath the faux “feminist“/ “sisterlyStraightbian surface quickly rises to a boil, threatening all in it’s toxic path.

Of course, hindsight is 20/20, as the saying goes. It seems very obvious to me now that there is always at least some degree of deep-seated pathology present whenever anyone is living an on-going lie about their true selves; some have more issues than others, clearly; but: some degree of pathology is always present for all long-term liars.

Outside of a very small subset of temporary-Straightbians (who take a brief detour into the “lesbianism” boulevard while on the road to their true destination of HetTown), the vast majority of Straightbians have firmly planted their “identity” flags smack-dab in the center of Lesboville, where they remain for years, even decades — and they are more difficult to eradicate as any other squatters who have taken up residence in a property that is not legally or ethically theirs.

Think about itWhy would anyone live a complete lie on an on-going basis? Why would anyone claim to be a Lesbian if she is really heterosexual? Answer: Because something is wrong with her and that pathology has derailed her ability to be her true self. The underlying reasons may vary: perhaps she was sexually, emotionally, and/or physically abused by males; perhaps she doesn’t have the appropriate assertiveness skills to delineate boundaries in order to achieve a healthy romantic relationship with a male; maybe she is brainwashed into the radfem rhetoric that an all-powerful “Patriarchy” is systematically oppressing her into perpetual sniveling victimhood and the only way to escape it is to “become a Lesbian“; maybe she has made a political decision to “center womyn” (or any other ridiculous spelling of “women”) in her life; maybe she has made money or even an entire career out of her false “identity” as a “Lesbian; maybe she hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates HATES all males to the point where she “identifies” as a “hairy, man-hating Lesbian SCUM-manifesto angry virago harpy #yesallmen” (or any other similarly ridiculously-worded bio) — but, whatever the case, a Straightbian has CHOSEN to attempt to “eschew” her own TRUE heteroSEXual orientation in favor of living the egregious LIE that she is a Lesbian. (Of course, it should be noted that nobody can change who she really is, so all Straightbians’ attempts to “eschew” their own straight selves is a fool’s errand; a Straightbian remains straight whether she has sex with one female or with 1,678,343 females, and she remains straight even if she never has sex with a male — because, as I have said many times previously, behavior does NOT equal orientation).

The ultimate irony about radfem Straightbians should be obvious to anyone with an IQ higher than Diet Dr. Pepper: On Twitter, these hypocrites go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and ON ad nauseum about how transgender individuals should not call themselves “Lesbians“, and about how transgender individuals are purportedly bullying their way into “Lesbian” spaces, yada yada yada, without even apparently fathoming that they, themselves, are DOING THE VERY SAME THING THAT THEY ARE ACCUSING OTHERS OF. These Straightbian charlatans are brazenly appropriating an “identity” that is NOT THEIR OWN; and they have bullied their way into Lesbian lives/spaces in every way imaginable for many, many years now and they continue to do so, even as I am typing.

Also, Straightbians regularly falsely claim that Lesbians are being systematically coerced into sex with males and that Lesbian “sexual agency” is being removed (and endless other wording variations of these lies). While it may be true that some males may indeed ATTEMPT to coerce Lesbians into sex, the truth is that REAL Lesbians aren’t being coerced. If anybody is falling for this crap, it’s Straightbians themselves. Real Lesbians aren’t weak, and we aren’t stupid, and we aren’t gullible to male manipulations. If anyone is literally forcing an actual Lesbian to have sex, that would be called RAPE, which is a freaking crime — and Lesbians certainly wouldn’t simply be #metoo-ing about it on social media — no, Lesbians would be taking concrete action to bring the rapist to justice. The ultimate irony regarding the topic of “sexual agency” that these Straightbians are missing is that it is Straightbians themselves who are the ones who are compromising Lesbian’s “sexual agency” — because by Straightbians LYING about their true orientation to Lesbians, they are removing the Lesbian’s ability to give true informed consent to sex. That, my friends, is the very same purported “rape culture” that these very same Straightbians are always yacking about. Look in the mirror, ladies: YOU are a perpetrator of the very thing you fear most.

Furthermore, radfems of yore initially fervently bought into John Money’s failed experiment because of the misguided premise that, by eradicating the concept of  biological “sex” in favor of “gender”, they could somehow magically socialize everyone into an equality-utopia-wonderland. Now, when things clearly haven’t gone the way they hoped it would in the intervening decades, they have reversed course and are now crying “It’s sex, NOT gender!”. Make up your minds, cupcakes. You can’t have it both ways.

My point with this post is that when I first started blogging (and Twitter), I naively thought that reasonable conversations about such topics were possible, but the sad, stark truth is that Straightbians are not simply not capable of handling balanced, logical discussions. Instead, Straightbians are too buried in their own bullshit; too deeply invested in their own junk bonds; too handcuffed to their own self-made beds; and too busy profiting off of their own copious lies.

Somewhere near the intersection of pathology and desperation, all truth and rationality is completely lost.

What Straightbians Think “Butch” Means And How They Are Wrong

A very smart friend, Genuine Femme, recently commented on Twitter:

Butch to Straightbians is a term with no meaning beyond fashion choice. And they even get that wrong too!

This quote completely sums up a huge problem with the ongoing bastardization of the meaning of Butch and explains a great deal of the confusion and conflict that Dirt, I, Genuine Femme, and other (REAL) Lesbians experience in trying to reclaim the actual meanings of words from the lying, twisted, claw-like talons of Straightbians.

Here is what Straightbians incorrectly think Butch is:

ANY female (who may be a Lesbian, but quite often is another Straightbian) who does any/all of the following:

  • Cuts her hair short or shaves her head or has a mohawk or has dreadlocks, etc.;
  • Has a copious amount of tattoos and/or piercings and/or body modifications and/or rainbow-colored hair;
  • Wears so-called “men’s” clothes (or even so-called “women’s” clothes that are stereotypically perceived to be “non-feminine”), including, but not limited to, any or all of the following: suits, ties, bow ties, ball caps, trousers, suspenders, Doc Martens, jeans, boxers, vests, cargo pants, leather, etc.;
  • Simply (but incorrectly) calls herself “Butch”;
  • Calls herself “gender nonconforming”, “gender defiant”, “gender deviant”, “gender diverse”, “genderqueer”, “non-binary”, or any other such offensive terms;
  • Incorrectly playacts “Butch” using her own uninformed preconceived notions of “Butch” via her version “acting like a man” (because “male-wannabe” is what she stupidly THINKS “Butch” is!), including, but not limited to, any or all of the following: being hypersexual, typically in a “top”/”Daddy” (ewww!!) sort of way; being domineering or overbearing; swaggering embarrassingly around like Barney Fife on steroids; packing; being sexist (treating her Straightbian like “the little woman” in the relationship); etc.;
  • Eschews femininity” (which is a ridiculous and untrue radfem notion; remember that REAL Lesbians do NOT “eschew feminity”).

The above misconceptions explain how Straightbians (many of whom often incorrectly call themselves “Femmes“) state (with the totally misplaced confidence of the completely ignorant) that “Butches strip” and other such nonsensical, inane claims.

Once again for the numerous seemingly slow-witted Straightbians/others who are perpetuating and/or believing such ridiculousness: 

Many people ask why we continue to insist on calling out the numerous shocking inaccuracies about Butch, Femme, and Lesbian in general. We continue because words have meaning, and the truth matters.

If you find yourself feeling threatened by what we are saying, it’s time to stop and ask yourself why.

Perhaps you already know deep-down, underneath all of your rationalizations and layers of denial, that the life you are living is ONE BIG FAT LIE.

It’s time to face YOUR own demons instead of making demons out of us!

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Twitter Is A Cesspool and I Am Tired Of Swimming In Excrement

No, this isn’t one of those “I’m leaving Twitter!” posts that are springing up everywhere lately.

I am not leaving Twitter (at least not at this point), but I am dramatically changing my own feelings about, behavior on, and relationship with Twitter.

A well-known (but infrequently followed) principle is that “You can’t change other people. You can only change yourself.” (After a brief search, I could not find the original source of this idea easily, but it’s darn good advice anyway).

Well, the same principle applies to myself and Twitter: I can’t change Twitter (nor the people on Twitter), but I can certainly change my relationship with Twitter (and the people on Twitter).

The main reason I am changing my interactions on Twitter is because I realized that I was letting all of the stress and drama suck up too much of my time, to the point of derailing me from my primary purpose, which is: to write to other Lesbians and about being a Lesbian.

I don’t need, nor even want, the approval of all of the Straightbians who are personally invested in the nonsensical and lesbophobic rhetoric that “any woman can become a Lesbian” nor the hetsplaining gender critical types who call us insulting terms like “gender non-conforming” while pretending to be supportive.

Also, as I have written about before, I truly think that Twitter somehow often brings out the very worst in people, myself included. The fast-paced, free-for-all Twitter environment, in combination with tons of strangers attempting to discuss complex, usually emotionally-charged, topics using limited characters and disjointed threads, frequently results in a frenzy of anger, insults, incoherence, rudeness, misunderstandings, etc.

That sad situation has always been the case, and has made me very wary of Twitter…but that’s not entirely what has precipitated my decision to change my relationship with Twitter.

Recently, I have become increasingly aware of a much more sinister trend on Twitter; one that Twitter is apparently quite fine with, by the way:

Someone (anyone!) can get angry at you, but instead of confronting you directly and dealing with that anger in a straight-forward, rational fashion, that person instead blocks you so you cannot see what they are saying (well, at least theoretically, anyway); then makes up and spreads utter defamatory lies about you, knowing you cannot reply to defend yourself; while encouraging/supporting others to do the same.

Of course, this behavior is certainly NOT limited to Twitter or even to social media in general. Stereotypical “mean girls”, in particular, have used lies, defamation, and exclusion as a tactic, probably since the dawn of humankind. But the advent of social media, particularly in a public situation such as Twitter, has magnified the damage that such sorry behavior can cause.

As you can probably guess, the reason I am writing this post is because this sordid scenario recently happened to myself and my wife, Dirt.

These lies include, but are not limited to:

  • One or both of us are purportedly actually males/trans — and that they reportedly have proof “on good authority”. (A+ for creativity, folks; but that’s a big fat F for basic research skills, truth, intelligence, reasoning, and logic).
  • We have allegedly stalked, harassed, and/or bullied the lying accuser on Twitter (and purportedly her wife too, who, ironically, we did not even know existed until she decided to back up her wife’s lies with lies of her own), “despite being blocked.” (Not only did this never happen, but anyone saying this clearly doesn’t know how Twitter works and sadly isn’t even smart enough to find out before outright lying).
  • A “mob” of us (a couple is a “mob” now?) reportedly “targeted” one of the copycat liars on “both Twitter and Facebook” “12 months ago”. (I’ve never even interacted with this particular lying accuser at all; furthermore, both of our Facebook accounts are private for family and friends only; and we very rarely even comment outside our own circle on FB. In other words…complete and utter bullshit.

Actually, such ridiculousness is probably still happening, but I am attempting to ignore it and to systematically block anyone who likes, retweets, comments, supports, follows, etc. the main perpetrator and her mean-girl posse.

The “old” me would have done a post about it, complete with screencaps of the actual lies with my (usually snarky) responses to refute the lies. I am keeping all of the screencaps, in case I need them in the future, but (at this point) I don’t plan on doing a post about it, nor do I plan to continue trying to defend myself here, on Twitter, or elsewhere.

Why?

The answer is simple: Because the lies being told about us are so ludicrous that anyone with an internet connection, rudimentary research skills, basic reading comprehension skills, a sufficient IQ, and even a modicum of logic/fairness could very quickly ascertain that what is being said about me and Dirt is completely untrue. Ergo, the liars and their sycophants are ALL revealing that their meanness and pettiness FAR outweigh their intelligence and common human decency.

Dirt’s and my true (Lesbian/female) identities have been revealed (long ago!), and both of our blogs plus our Twitter accounts are public, so everyone is welcome to do their own research to determine the veracity of the allegations.

In other words, anyone who is jumping on the BS bandwagon (either by simply blindly believing outright lies, or, even worse, contributing with additional lies) is not someone who I would want in my life anyway, even tangentially.

And everyone who continues to follow/support anyone who has said clearly mean-spirited, untrue, defamatory, insulting, hideous, and/or lesbophobic garbage about myself, Dirt, any of our friends, and/or Lesbians in general will be promptly blocked whenever I come across them.

Ditto for people who stand silently by and watch such debacles happen, while pretending to be supportive of us in private.

This is not a simple case of a “misunderstanding”; this is not even a case of an “argument” gone wrong.

No, this is a situation that involves outright lies of a defamatory nature; it’s a targeted attack designed to harass, insult, ostracize, discredit, defame, and harm myself and my wife.

And that is not okay by any stretch of the imagination, in any circumstance. Anyone with even the slightest iota of common decency would realize that, regardless of what you think about myself and/or Dirt…even if you HATE us:

It’s not okay to lie. It’s not okay to encourage others to attack; block; report; harass; defame; lie about (etc.) us (or anyone else, for that matter) based on such garbage.

And it’s also certainly not okay to insult our (or others’) physical appearances either. It’s not witty, it’s not decent, it’s not mature, it’s not smart, it’s not kind, and it’s most certainly NOT feminist. 

Do better. 

Even kindergarten students know that behavior is wrong.

You know that behavior is wrong.

Karma knows that behavior is wrong.

Both Dirt and I are resilient adults, and we are secure enough with ourselves to withstand such insults/lies (although, admittedly, it is certainly not pleasant to have to do so).

But: What if we weren’t resilient? What if we were young Lesbians, peer-pressured into believing the lies that we, as Lesbians, are “really male”? What if we were insecure, isolated, depressed, lonely, confused, and/or rejected by our families/communities for being Lesbians (as many Lesbians are)? What then? How would such a young Lesbian respond to the kind of bitter, venomous meanness and vile lies that we have been subjected to on Twitter?

Think about it. Just think about it. Please.

Here’s the (very obvious, already proven) thing: If anyone has an actual problem with either of us, or a question/concern they would like to approach us about, it is really easy to find us to reach out. When either of us is approached in a respectful manner, we always respond in a respectful manner. There are numerous examples of this fact, both public and private.

While both of us can admittedly be snarky, sarcastic, and/or even rude when we are treated with rudeness or disrespect, we have also both demonstrated repeatedly that we are willing to have respectful conversations about any of the topics we write/tweet about when we are approached directly and politely.

If you don’t believe me, look back at our tweets and replies to comments on our blog, which are all public. Or: Simply try it yourself to see how we respond.

Bottom line: Nobody needs to stoop to spreading lies and hatred…ever, for any reason. To do so says much more about the lying person’s (lack of) character than it says about any of her targets. I don’t want toxic people in my life and I don’t want any of their followers in my life either. So this is it for me. I would say “It’s been nice”, but I’d be lying, so I will just say “Goodbye” instead: Goodbye to meanness, goodbye to liars, goodbye to Straightbians, goodbye to hetsplainers, goodbye to hypocrites, goodbye to cowards, and goodbye to anyone who supports any of these in any way.

Assorted Straightbian Subtypes: Part 2: So Many ASSes

As a follow up to our previous post entitled Assorted Straightbian Subtypes: AKA the Seven ASSes, we wanted to follow up with 2 other subtypes of Straightbian, both of whom may likely have significant overlap with some of the previously described 7 subtypes.

Additionally, although this should go without saying, obviously it needs to be said anyway, based on comments we have received:

Of course, some just-plain-straight females (not Straightbian posers claiming to be Lesbian, but straight-up heterosexual females) may share characteristics that fall into one or more of these archetypes. That makes sense, since both just-plain-straight females and Straightbians share a VERY important characteristic: THEY ARE STRAIGHT, but always remember: we are never going to be talking about straight women unless they are impacting upon Lesbians in some way

So, before you comment, “I know a straight female who likes Tarot”, please stop and remember that unless she is a STRAIGHTBIAN, we are not talking about her, nor denying her existence. She is simply irrelevant to this topic.

So, without further ado, here are 2 follow-up ASSes to add to our previous Assorted STRAIGHTBIAN Subtypes:

8). White Picket Fence and 2 Children In The Suburbs Straightbian: The White Picket Fence (WPF) Straightbian just wants to fit in, to be “normal” (in the eyes of society), yet still retaining her Straightbian status due to her own pathology.

This Straightbian will say that there is absolutely no difference between herself and her soccer-mom neighbor, except who she is in a relationship with (and, actually, she is right about that…because they are BOTH STRAIGHT!).

“We’re all the same”, White Picket Fence loves to say, “Why label people?” Because “Love is Love”, after all! “We’re all human, why create all of these unnecessary divisions?”, WPF often thinks, shaking her perky head.

The White Picket Fence Straightbian loves this cup and carries it everywhere because, gosh darn it, we are all just HUMAN, now aren’t we?:

The White Picket Fence Straightbian cares very much about appearances and fitting in with society’s expectations.

She is in a relationship with another female (either another White Picket Fence Straightbian or a Lesbian who can pass as Straight) but, by golly, she and her partner are going to FIT IN OR BUST:

House in the suburbs? Check!
Golden Retriever? Check!
Volvo? Check!
Casually rumpled, but subtly elegant, decor? Check!
White wedding? Check!
2 adorable children? Check!
Picture-perfect holidays? Check!
Roth IRA and 401K? Check and Check!

On social media, she will call herself something like “just2mommies2kidsand1goldenretriever”. She will follow only others exactly like herself, “eschewing” any real Lesbians who point out that Lesbians are actually different than straight women. So darn divisive, those Lezzies are!

LOVE IS LOVE, after all…

White Picket Fence may be married to a female…

BUT she is not a Lesbian.

8a). Sunshine and Roses:

Relatedly, a sub-sub (-sub…?) type of the White Picket Fence is the Sunshine and Roses Straightbian, who is an emotionally-fragile straight female who uses relentless, sugary-sweet positivity to completely escape/avoid dealing with her own issues that have led her to mistakenly believe she is a “Lesbian“.

Sunshine and Roses was perhaps physically, emotionally, and/or sexually abused as a child; or at least likely had a very chaotic, disturbing home life while growing up. She likely has had very bad previous experiences/relationships with past boyfriend(s)/husband(s).

Sunshine and Roses is desperate to escape not only those bad situations, but also all of the heavy emotional baggage that she carries from those situations.

In fact, she has stuffed that baggage down so far that she actually mistakenly thinks she has left it behind.

On social media and in real life, Sunshine and Roses “eschews” all negativity and strives to keep herself forever insulated from real-world unpleasantness. Her social media posts are likely predominantly inspirational memes and/or cutesy GIFs and/or dreamy “Peace, Love, and Harmony” sentiments, and/or heartbroken laments about “Why is there so much strife in the world?”.

Sunshine and Roses may not even attempt to embark upon a relationship, preferring to call herself a “Lesbian” (or possibly “queer” or “LGBTQQIAAP+“) without the pesky reality of dealing with another fallible and not-always-positive human being. She lives in a fantasy world, perhaps fantasizing incessantly about an idealized version of a particular singer, actor, book, movie, TV show, author, etc. She may read or even write happy-ending fan fiction to erase the unpleasant reality of how an actual storyline turned out.

Sunshine and Roses is likely to unfollow or block anyone on social media who she perceives to be “negative” or “crass” or “unpleasant” in any way. She surrounds herself with beautiful objects and frantically attempts to create harmony in a world sadly lacking it.

Sunshine and Roses is not a bad person. In fact, she is typically a good person who has been dealt a very bad hand in life.

BUT she is not a Lesbian.

8b). The Urban Version of the White Picket Fence (WPF) STRAIGHTBIAN:

Like her suburban counterpart, the Urban WPF Straightbian just wants to fit in, but with a very different crowd.

The Urban WPF doesn’t want the actual white picket fence of her suburban counterpart’s dream…no, of course not, because that would be just too common for Urban.

No, the Urban Straightbian “eschews” the suburban lifestyle, wanting something more “edgy”, more “in”:

Renovated loft in an old cigar factory? Check!
Assorted popular Artists/Actors/Authors/Directors/Designers/Etc. as friends? Check!
Being the cool moms at the most exclusive private school available? Check!
Invitations to the most exclusive events in town? Check!
Season tickets to the local alternative theater? Check!
An amusingly pretentious Chilean chardonnay for the farm-to-table dinner party? Check!
Offspring named Jayden, Ayden, Cayden, or Brayden? Check!
Transgender child? Check!
Roth IRA and 401K? Check and Check!

The Urban Straightbian is popular with the liberal crowd, fitting right in with her liberal friends’ collective desire for diversity…

BUT she is not a Lesbian.

9). Mean-Spirited Unbalanced Faux-Feminist Yahoo (Muffy):

Muffy often overlaps with many/all of our previous 7 Assorted Straightbian Subtypes. In fact, Muffy has likely dabbled with playacting many of the subtypes at one point or another.

Muffy loves and uses social media with a vengeance. And “vengeance” is the key word here, because Muffy is one angry, hateful harpy. In fact, in her social media bios, she proudly claims to be a/an “angry, hairy Lesbian“, “man-hater”, “virago”, “shrew”, “Patriarchy-smasher”, “radical Lesbian“, “angry feminist“, “Lesbian separatist”, “woman-identified-woman” (or womyn or womon or wimmin or wimms…or any other ridiculous misspelling) and/or some similar descriptor.

On the surface, Muffy may seem to be the polar opposite of Sunshine and Roses, but these two subtypes share common denominators; the difference between them is exposed in how their underlying issues are expressed in opposite ways. Instead of internalizing/repressing her anger/angst (as Sunshine and Roses does), Muffy externalizes her rage, spewing her hatred outward in an incessant vomitous torrent, reminiscent of the pea-soup scene from The Exorcist.

Muffy doesn’t just wait for trouble to find her on social media; oh, no, not Muffy. She goes looking for trouble and when she doesn’t find it, she creates trouble.

Like a trigger-happy bounty hunter, Muffy is always on the hunt for people she finds offensive, and when she inevitably finds someone who dares to say something she disagrees with, she tries to blow that person away with her high-caliber nastiness.

In her quest to destroy her perceived enemy/enemies, Muffy completely “eschews” all logic, listening skills, and literacy, opting instead for sheer unadulterated, completely illogical, meanness.

No insult is too low nor off-limits for Muffy. Muffy hits below the belt and is proud of it.

Despite claiming to be a “feminist“, Muffy regularly insults other females’ looks, clothes, hair, makeup (or lack thereof), weight, age, marriage, choices, profession, ideas, words, work, etc., etc., etc. She calls Lesbians “men” without a single thought, nor care, in her venomous, vitriolic, vapid head about the potential effects of her words.

Muffy LOVES using inane memes/GIFs in the heat of battle, apparently not realizing that her memes/GIFs are as lame, illogical, nonsensical, and ineffectual as she herself is. She will then throw at least a few red herrings into the discussion, saying untrue things that make no sense whatsoever, and have nothing to do with the conversation at hand, but are intentionally designed to try to make the opponent(s) look bad and to distract from the fact that Muffy has no coherent argument. (Examples include falsely claiming that the perceived opponent(s) is/are: racist, sexist, misogynist, rape-apologist, perverted, pedophilic, etc.).

Finally, despite having deliberately sought out and started/continued the argument herself, and, despite having said absolutely false, defamatory, and despicable things to her opponent, Muffy then pretends to be the victim in the situation, falsely claiming that the other person is “bullying”, or even “stalking”, her. And Muffy is not above nor below using a fake suicide attempt to garner sympathy and support, thereby completely nullifying any further arguments.

She will then enlist other Muffys to attack, berate, harass, block, defame, exclude, and/or report her perceived opponent(s), while basking in the shallow, brittle “sisterhood” and feel-good-for-a-minute attention afforded from being The Perpetual Victim Of The Patriarchy.

Rinse and repeat, ad nauseum.

Muffy is one nasty, bitter piece of work.

BUT she is not a Lesbian.

In conclusion, while some Straightbians are clearly more dangerous to Lesbians in the individual sense, even Straightbians who partner with each other are dangerous to Lesbian as an idea. Straightbians are collectively responsible for taking the real flesh-and-blood Lesbian and turning us into nothing more than an idea which they, warped Het Women, flesh out through their own individual pathologies. Pathologies which the Psychiatric community has documented, diagnosed, and demonized for centuries. Pathologies ignorantly accepted by Het society as truth. Heterosexual Pathologies widely and readily, though incorrectly, attributed to actual Lesbians, haunting our relationships with family, friends, and even strangers, all with long held preconceived, wrong IDEAS forged by Straightbians!

But Lesbian isn’t an idea, we are flesh, blood, and bone.

Dirt and Mrs. Dirt

Unstraightening Lesbian from Social Media’s Plethora of Straightbians

I have written before about the ongoing harassment, denial, hate, insults, opposition, and sheer mean-spirited hatred that Dirt and I have faced, particularly on Twitter, due to our ongoing efforts to unSTRAIGHTen Lesbian from the twisted claws of the myriad of Straightbians who have stolen our Lesbian name and our Lesbian history, steamrolling over Lesbian lives with hetsplaining lies and arrogant straight privilege.

Unfortunately, this ongoing saga continues, because radfem straight “feminists” in general, as well as Straightbians specifically, GREATLY outnumber actual Lesbians.

Such altercations all-too-often explode into a full-blown Straightbian hissy-fit of paranoia, delusions, outright lies, mind-boggling nastiness, bizarre accusations, manipulation, gaslighting, smear campaigns, and nonsensical gibberish.

For the latest installment of the Straightbian Train To Crazy-Town, read this sorry saga at the link here.

ATTENTION: All Lesbians: If anyone tells you it is a “choice” to be a Lesbian, calls you a male for speaking up, and/or in any other way denies/denigrates Lesbian essential existence: rest assured that that person is not a Lesbian, not an ally, and not your friend. And if anyone uses insults based on appearance, age, etc. against a Lesbian/female, she is also not a true feminist. Beware.

The Covert Lesbophobe Checklist (CLC)

We all know what an overt lesbophobe is: He/she will just say what they feel very directly: “I hate Lesbians!”; “You’re evil”; “You’re going to HELL!”; “You’re an abomination to the Good Lord Jesus!”; “You need a man!”; “Marriage is for a man and a woman!”; “You need to be TAUGHT A LESSON!”; “No, I won’t rent to/hire you!”; “Your kind isn’t welcome here!” etc. etc. etc. They are obvious. They are obnoxious. They are our visible enemies.

But what about the covert lesbophobes? They are our friends, our acquaintances, our coworkers, our family members, our neighbors. They are subtle. They smile to our faces. They shake our hands. They bake us cookies. They say that they love us, like us, support us, and would fight for us ~ and they probably even truly believe that they mean it.

They say that they would NEVER, EVER tolerate lesbophobia/homophobia.

And we believe them, and will continue to believe them…until one day we find the proverbial knife between the shoulder blades and realize who put it there.

“If only there were a way to know“, you may be thinking.

Well, there is a way to know, but only if we are completely willing to keep our eyes and ears wide open, and only if we are willing to put aside our own wishful thinking long enough to accept the cold hard truth.

So, without further ado, here is a handy-dandy little lesbo checklist to see whether your Aunt Susie, or your neighbor Gladys, or, I don’t know, let’s say, um, the president of an international creative organization is a covert lesbophobe:

Does he/she do any of the following (or anything similar)?:

  • Refer to being a Lesbian as “a lifestyle”;
  • Refer to being a Lesbian as “a sexual preference”;
  • Refer to being a Lesbian as a “choice”;
  • Refer to being a Lesbian as a “behavior”;
  • Refer to your partner as “your friend” or “your roommate” when he/she knows better;
  • Say anything like “sexuality is fluid”;
  • Say anything like “sexuality is on a spectrum”;
  • Say anything like “anybody can become/be a Lesbian”;
  • Say anything like “I am all for you people having rights, but why do you have to call it marriage?”;
  • Say anything like “I am fine with you being a Lesbian, but why do you have to TELL everybody?”;
  • Say anything like “Why do you have to put Lesbian on your social media profile?”;
  • Say anything like “I don’t care who you have sex with, I just don’t want to know about it!”;
  • Say anything like  “Who’s the man one?”;
  • Say anything like “Maybe you just haven’t met the right man yet!”;
  • Say anything like “But how do you know you wouldn’t like it if you haven’t tried having sex with a man?”
  • Say anything like “You and your friend can’t share a bedroom in my house!”;
  • Blame you in any way for the lesbophobia you encounter;
  • Punish, shame, or penalize you in any way for the lesbophobia you encounter;
  • Defend, befriend, or take the side of lesbophobes in any way;
  • Support you in private — but not in public;
  • Refuse to let you (or in any way support/defend the premise that you shouldn’t be allowed to): get married, adopt an animal, get hired for a job, buy a wedding cake, rent an apartment, patronize a business, buy a house, have benefits, inherit from your partner, file taxes together, travel together, visit your partner in the hospital, etc. etc. etc. etc. (This list consists of anything and everything that straight people can do without question);
  • Encourage you in any way to be nice, be quiet, remain silent, be invisible, and/or get along with lesbophobes (or in order to avoid being attacked by lesbophobes);
  • Treat you and your partner differently that they would routinely be treated with their spouse (Examples: when traveling together, walking into your hotel room without knocking; or putting you and your partner in twin beds or on the floor when you visit their house, while straight couples are given the double, queen, or king beds);
  • Ask that you not tell someone/anyone/everyone you are a Lesbian. (“Granny doesn’t need to know, it will kill her!”);
  • Support and/or vote for a candidate/politician that is known to be against Gay/Lesbian rights;
  • Does not even recognize blatant lesbophobia in others (does not even understand what was wrong with what was said!).
  • (Update: Added because of suggestions from 2 readers — thanks!): Minimizes, belittles, and/or denies the existence of lesbophobia itself (and minimizes, belittles, and/or denies the consequences of lesbophobia on Lesbian lives).

It’s important to note that before jumping to conclusions, it’s always best to verify our perceptions. I believe that some people can be covertly lesbophobic and aren’t even aware of it themselves. So, I always try to explain why _______ was lesbophobic, and then watch to see how the person responds. Does he/she listen and attempt to change? Or does he/she barrel right along and then do something similar immediately afterword? If you start to notice their actual behavior, without denying or sugar-coating it, sadly, you will likely learn quite quickly that covert lesbophobia lurks in the psyches of many who mistakenly think they are our allies.

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Image: Pixabay: evondue:  CC0 Creative Commons

Nameless

Believe it or not, I have a life outside this blog (No! Really???LOL!).

This life includes my wife, our cats, my work, our home, family, friends, chores, and errands ~ and, for the last several years, it also included something else that I once truly loved: a specific creative practice in connection to an organization in which I’d felt that I was a part of a larger community…but that part of my life ended abruptly earlier today.

Early this morning, I received an email from the official representative of this organization, which I will call “Nameless” (Note: The email has been edited for clarity/brevity; but also to remove any identifying information, of course):

Hi Anna,

I read your blog and support you speaking out and telling your truth, but…my concern is having your “Nameless” credentials listed on the account where a lot of angry postings are might make people feel unsafe to do “Nameless”…I know you said on your blog that “I will continue to speak up, to speak out, and to stand in solidarity with other Lesbians & with gay men, but I plan to try to do so in a way that doesn’t tear others down and create unnecessary angst/division.” and that is great, we support that mission, but the conversations don’t seem to concern “Nameless” per se and it might be better for “Nameless” work…if we could prevent people connecting “Nameless” inadvertently with any of those pretty ugly postings from others. Can you let me know if this makes sense to you?

Warm regards,

(“Nameless” Representative)

So:

Based upon this email, I truly feel it is best for myself, as well as for “Nameless”, to sever my connection with this organization.

Although I seriously doubt that my arguing with lesbophobes (who attacked us first, by the way) on social media would, or even could, make anyone “feel unsafe” to do a nonthreatening creative activity (why would it???), I nevertheless felt it best to remove myself immediately from an organization which clearly feels that being associated with me is undesirable.

I think I have now removed all traces of my former connection to “Nameless” from this blog and from my other online accounts, including removing old tweets that even tangentially referenced any connection whatsoever to “Nameless”. If I come across any other references in the future that I somehow missed, I will promptly remove those too.

Contrary to my typical first emotional response (anger masking hurt), I am not even angry about it right now; instead, this time, I somehow completely bypassed anger and went straight to hurt.

Although I was confused by the first email, because she mentions my blog, even quotes from my blog, and Twitter, it later seems that she was referring primarily to my Twitter account, and seemingly especially so in regard to the recent lesbophobic brouhahas, which I fought against and documented, in part, here at this blog.

What I do find rather odd and quite ironic, however, is that the very quote she used from my blog was taken from the post where I was specifically denouncing all of the hostility on Twitter and vowing to do my part in ending it ~ despite the entirely justified hurt and anger I felt (and still feel!!) toward those who were/are shockingly lesbophobic (and just plain mean) to me, Dirt, and other Lesbians.

I also find it quite intriguing that somehow suddenly this is an issue, when my connection to “Nameless” had been going on for several years (and I haven’t suddenly changed my topics/style here or elsewhere).

I will likely never know the answer to the question of “why now?”, but my best guess is that someone complained to “Nameless” about me. (If so, I have one word for that person: Karma).

The other major puzzlement I have is: Why am I being called out because of (and I quote) “pretty ugly postings from others“?

As I have always known, but have cruelly been reminded of in recent weeks, lesbophobia is alive and well, and it rears its ugly head on Twitter on a regular basis.

I cannot help that sad fact; nor can I control the postings of others; and my anger and defensiveness at the recent situation were my attempts at fighting the overt and covert lesbophobia that is constantly hurting me and my fellow Lesbians.

It also hurts that this representative showed absolutely ZERO concern/empathy for the horrible lesbophobic treatment I have been subjected to on Twitter…she doesn’t even attempt to pretend that she cares! There was not even a general “I’m sorry that happened”. Instead, she clearly blames & penalizes me for other people’s cruelty.

I can’t help but wonder whether some of this organization’s members’ seeming “acceptance” of me as a Lesbian was conditional/superficial, and I also can’t help but wonder whether there may even be some subconscious, covert lesbophobia lurking behind this person’s emails.

It feels as if I am being told: “It’s ‘fine’ to be a Lesbian, well, as long as you are always super-duper nice at all times, so as not to provoke the hatred/homophobia of others; and then you need to remain super-duper nice, even when under direct attack.”

Plus, what do you think an appropriate response to overt lesbophobic bullying would be?:

A). Come to the defense of a loyal long-term member of your “community” who is being attacked?

(OR)

B). Blame the loyal long-term community member for being bullied, and demand that she distance herself from your organization on the bizarre and nonsensical premise that some unknown person who may (or may not) want to try your technique in the future might be inexplicably afraid to do so, based on a stranger defending herself in her own Twitter account?

Hmmm. Think about it. Is it lesbophobia or just a supremely insensitive response to a terrible situation?

Who knows?

Regardless, it is all a moot point now.

Life will go on. I will do what I always do when dealing with any sort of hurt/loss: I will think, journal, and do artwork about it, until it feels like I am ready to truly move on.

Until then, I will allow myself to feel sad about the loss of something that has been important to me and that I truly believed in…even though I belatedly realize now that my feeling of community with “Nameless” was always just an illusion.

***(Please also scroll down to see the 8/25 Update, below the picture)***

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Image: maxpixel.freegreatpicture.com/CC0 Public Domain

August 25, 2017: 9:30 a.m.: Edited to Add:

Subsequent emails have sadly clarified my suspicions about covert lesbophobia lurking beneath the civil surface.

Specifically, later emails from the “Nameless” representative included the following direct quotes (again, note that I am redacting the name of this organization and any other personal information):

“…where you are doing some good activism re helping people understand sexual preference issues, but yet are unfortunately attracting some comments that make the site feel unsafe for prospective _______________(customers of ‘Nameless’)

AND

“I did get an email from (someone) who was worried whether followers to your Twitter account would feel safe re: ‘Nameless’.”

AND

“I am truly sorry you want to sever your connection with “Nameless”. To be clear again, we just wanted to….separate that part of your work from the page where people are responding to your lifestyle with lots of judgments and homophobia.”

So: Let’s sum it up:

The “Nameless” representative is apparently worried about being associated with me because my Twitter account allegedly “attracts” lesbophobic and judgmental comments from others because of my so-called “sexual preference” and “lifestyle”, which then might inexplicably cause my own Twitter followers to be afraid to do “Nameless”. (Um…Huh????)

Ugh!  I think/hope my readers will immediately see the underlying lesbophobia in these quotes, and I trust that you will also see the glaring problems with her  “logic”.

And: to the sniveling, sneaky, lowlife, despicable, immature coward who emailed the “Nameless” representative: I fervently hope that Karma has something very special in mind for you, something you truly deserve.

Also:  Please see Dirt’s post, here, on this situation.