Straightbian “Logic” 101

Straightbian “Logic” 101:

“Hi! I am a lesbian. Huh? Well, I know I am a lesbian because I LOVE and support womyn! Sending solidarity to my feminist sisters worldwide! I choose to center womyn in my life! And look: Here’s a dream catcher! Also, look at this pic of me kissing my girlfriend. And she’s not the only woman I’ve kissed either! Because I love p***y! Yummy yum yum yum! Could eat it all day! And here’s another pic of me at Michfest, and I am not even wearing a bra! Ha! That proves it! Look at my hairy legs, for the love of goddess! Womyn-born-womyn space is needed & TERF is a slur! Damn it, TERF is a slur! Mary Daly rocks! So does Kate Millett. Also, I once met Rita Mae Brown at a book signing. Plus, I have been no-platformed at least twice. I’ll have you know that I fight The Patriarchy every single day, and it’s hard saying ‘no’ to The Patriarchy! I had to have sex with multiple men before I finally figured out how to say ‘no’ to their perverted male needs! Oh, yeah, and #metoo and #yesallmen! I haven’t slept with a man since at least January, FFS! What is wrong with you? Why don’t you believe me? You **should** support all womyn! If I say I am a lesbian, that’s all you need to know! It’s my identity, not yours! You’re harassing lesbians! It’s harassment and bullying to not agree with me and to not fully support my identity as a lesbian! It’s up to every woman to choose her own sexuality! There’s no such thing as born-that-way, I can make whatever choice I want! Haven’t you heard of #BelieveAllWomen? Who are you to say what a lesbian is anyway?? You’re a man, aren’t you? Yes! You’re an infiltrator! Yes, I see it all very clearly now. Look at your picture, you do look kinda mannish there. Look at those biceps. You’re a TiM! I am going to tell everybody you’re a TiM! I am going to get you banned from Twitter! You are a misogynist chauvinist pig MRA! Waaaaaaaaaaaa! #DirtandMrsDirtSuckAFatOne

The Top Ten BEST Lesbian Films to see at Valentine’s Day NEVER Made

Another silly post, this time for Valentine’s Day…

The dirt from dirt

1). There’s Something GAY About Mary:  A cute coming of age meets coming out story!

2). When Terry Bet Callie: It began with a bet and ended in Les Romantique!

3). Tired in Tampa: Was it the Heat or her Lesbian Heart keeping her awake at night?!

4). Four Gay Weddings and a Lesbian: Will a Lesbian caterer meet her Mrs Right on the job?!

5). Two First Dates: Is the old Lesbian Adage really true?!

6). The 40 Year Old Lesbian: Too young to be put out to pasture but too old for the bar scene. Where can a single mature Lesbian meet a mate? You’ll be surprised! We were!

7). My Big Bad Bulldyke Wedding: She could fix a truck, but can she say “I do”???!!!

8). The Lesbian Wedding Singer: Will she sing at her own wedding? Only if…

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The Top 25 Lesbian Classic Books

A silly Sunday post; because we really need some humor to get through the next 4 years…

The dirt from dirt

1)  Gone with the Lesbians: A Novel Which Captured Southern Lesbian Heat! Oh, My!


2) Dangerous Lesbiaisons: The Title Says It All!

3) To the Lezzhouse: What Happens In The Lezzhouse, Stays In The Lezzhouse!

4) Anne of Gay Stables: The Horses Had Never Seen Anything Like It!?!?!

5) The Adventures of Tomboy Sawyer: She Never Met A Softball She Didn’t Like!


6) LezbolitaYou Better Wait Until She’s Not Jailbait!

7) Les Lesbiennes: Ooh La La, Mon Chéri!!!

8) Tender is the Dyke: Stick A Fork In Her…She’s Done!

9) From Here To Sapphistry: All Aboard The Lesbian Pleasure Cruise!

10) One Flew Over MichfestShe Joined The Mile-High Club!


11) The Old Dyke and the Sea: She May Be Salty, But She’s Still Lesbolicious!

12) Lesbians in Love: Or Is It Just Lust?

13) Dykes of…

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Lesbians Do Not Want A Damn Toaster Oven

Note: Please also read Dirt’s companion piece, Women’s Liberation-Recruiting Lesbians-When The Political Went Personal.

We’ve all heard the joke:

If a Lesbian “recruits” a straight woman to “play for our team”, we get awarded a toaster oven for our efforts.


This long-standing joke is so rooted in our collective consciousness that it was even included Ellen’s coming out episode.

Lesbians laugh along with this joke, and we even joke amongst ourselves about it. It is, after all, a funny joke, because, as with most humor, it is rooted in a long-term stereotype.

In this case, the prevailing stereotype of Lesbians is that we are always prowling the streets of Hetland to recruit straight women to jump the proverbial fence to come on over to Lesboville!

This trope plays itself out in an endless loop on TV, movies, books, and popular culture.

However, there’s a major problem with this popular stereotype:

It’s not true!

The stereotype of “Lesbian recruiting” is rooted in radical feminist doctrine encouraging and even exalting the welcoming, but incorrect, notion that “any woman can be a Lesbian!

Many straight feminists of that time, sick of men and the roles often perpetuated in straight relationships and in heterosexual-dominated culture, enthusiastically jumped onto the radfem bandwagon, called themselves “lesbians” and proceeded to recruit others to their cause.

In other words, the “man-hating lesbian recruiters” whose bandwagon laid the tracks in the road that led directly to the “recruit-a-het-and-win-a-toaster-oven” trope were NOT LESBIANS.

It apparently never occurred to these so-called “radical” feminists that co-opting Lesbian lives/space was not truly radical; because the truly RADICAL option would have been to stand their ground as heterosexuals, in order to work to revolutionize their relationships with men and to ultimately change the sexist standards of society.

Instead of doing the hard work necessary to actually change heterosexual power dynamics and society’s expectations, these radfem Straightbians instead cowardly avoided the underlying issues by running away to Lesboville, appropriating actual Lesbian lives with astonishing Straight-privileged arrogance ever since.

So, next time you hear the old toaster-oven joke, remember that it is not, and never was, Lesbians who were doing the recruiting ~ it was Straightbians all along.

So Straightbians can take those toaster ovens and shove them up their…well, you know.

Why Stating I Am A Lesbian Matters

Why am I so adamant about stating that I am a Lesbian?

This question arose on Twitter yesterday when an unknown man appeared in my mentions. At first, I simply assumed that he was just a typical troll, and responded accordingly. However, after the initial battle, it turned out that he actually wanted to have a conversation about those questions.

It started when I tweeted (for about the 584,328,901,475th time) that being a Lesbian is NOT a choice. To make a long story a little bit shorter, after we got past the initial volley of back-and-forth insults, he finally tweeted the following (which I have combined here for both clarity & brevity):

“i don’t define everything i stand for by which gender i prefer. My original point was that. Dont sell yourself short…my point is there is no reason to identify by sexual preference. Its an act for attention. …But im not saying its a choice. I agree…its like your saying to yourself- if people dont know im gay they wont value me as much. Not true…my whole point is i hate seeing people pigeonhole themselves behind sexuality, like its their greatest asset….I dont understand why you have to explain/declare sexuality to the masses…shouldn’t sexuality be way down on the list of things you tell strangers about yourself?…i just think sexual attractions are not something to be judged on and when you throw it out front, your actually asking to be.”

Basically, Twitter guy was wondering about why I so publicly and repeatedly say that I am a Lesbian.  He apparently felt that my insistence on doing so both limits and pigeonholes me, and, in his opinion, since it’s not really anybody’s business who I sleep with, he wondered why am I making such a big deal about it by stating it publicly.

Upon reflection, I realized that this general attitude is actually very common among heterosexuals, even among those who allegedly “support” us. When Ellen DeGeneres first came out on her show, I heard numerous straight people say things like: “I don’t care who she sleeps with, so why does she have to tell us?”; “It’s not my business; I don’t need to know!”;  “I like her even if she is gay, I just don’t want to hear about it“; etc.

(These are the very same “supporters” who say things like, “I am all for you people to have rights, but why do you have to call it MARRIAGE?”).

So this post is to explain, listed in no particular order, why it is important for me as a LESBIAN to say so, both publicly and privately, and why such questions themselves are based on faulty reasoning and Hetsplanations of “Lesbian“:

1).  The reason heterosexuals do not have to state that they are straight is because it is already assumed.  Nobody has EVER had to  come out as straight!

2). When I say I am a Lesbian, I am not trying to make my “sex life” public. Being a Lesbian is not all about sex (although, obviously, attraction/orientation are biological components thereof). Think about it: People do not assume that if a straight woman mentions her husband (or talks about dating, or makes any other reference to her heterosexuality) in conversation that she is talking about her “sex life” ~ but straight people seem to assume that if Lesbians mention that we are Lesbians, or if we mention a female partner in conversation, that we are somehow talking about our “sex life” ~ even when we are not, in any way, talking about actual sex. (Straight people project such hypersexual misconceptions onto Lesbians because of their own twisted notions of “Lesbian“).

3). Even though being a Lesbian is certainly not ALL I am, it is indeed integral to who I am…and therefore it is important to say so. Unlike being straight, being a Lesbian is not immediately assumed. Silence would be a form of covert lying.

4). By saying I am a Lesbian, I am not “pigeonholing” myself. It is simply an important fact about who I am. (Plus, quite frankly, anyone who would “pigeonhole” me in any way for being a Lesbian would not be someone who I would care about).

5). Saying publicly that I am a Lesbian is also not “an act for attention”, nor do I feel it’s my “greatest asset”. First of all, in case heterosexuals haven’t noticed, there’s a thing called homophobia, and it makes our lives hard and even dangerous. It would be much safer to stay in the closet and be silent, but it would also be dying a slow, painful, invisible death. Second, stating something factual is not the equivalent of bragging or attention-seeking. Third, it is illogical to believe that I am bragging about Lesbianism being my “greatest asset” when being a Lesbian can get me fired, denied housing, denied other rights/privileges, attacked, or even killed. That sort of “logic just doesn’t add up.

6).  Lesbian invisibility is a real issue, and this issue is illustrated well by what happened with this Twitter guy. Heterosexuals encourage Lesbians to be invisible…because they are uncomfortable and don’t want to actually see, hear, or think about real Lesbian lives. Even our most famous token Lesbian celebrity, Ellen DeGeneres, has been desexualized completely in the eyes of the public. She’s funny, she’s friendly, she’s cute, she’s approachable, and she’s neutral. And while sex is not everything to Lesbians, it is nonetheless an important part of our lives/relationships…and the same principle is true for heterosexuals, only MORE. In fact, sex is so important to heterosexuals that you cannot even watch TV for an hour without being exposed to sexual content, ranging from the innuendo of a shampoo commercial to actual depictions of heterosexual sex on practically every show now.

7).  One reason I personally am so vocal about my sexual orientation, both online and in real life, is because I am a Femme.  As such, people often mistake me for straight based on their own preconceived stereotypical and incorrect notions of what they think Lesbians look like. This makes it all the more imperative for me to speak out.

8). Twitter guy said that he thought that I believed that people wouldn’t “value” me as much if they don’t know I am a Lesbian. However, my experience is quite the opposite. I have lost “friends” and “family” over being a Lesbian; I have been told to be silent and “pass”. Ellen lost her original TV show over it, and it took years to recover. Other friends have been thrown out of college or fired from jobs because of it. Instead of people magically “valuing us more” for being a Lesbian, it is much more common to be hurt or rejected, which is hardly the privilege that straight people enjoy and take for granted every day.

9). Twitter guy’s questions centered on why would I find it important to say publicly that I am a Lesbian. In addition to all of the reasons mentioned above, one very important reason for us to come out of the closet and speak publicly about being a Lesbian is to show other Lesbians that they are not alone; and that it is okay to be open, comfortable, and yes, even proud of who we are. We are not second-class citizens and we don’t have to accept being treated as such. By showing acquaintances, friends, coworkers, neighbors, and the rest of world that we exist and we are normal, we are doing our part to increase Lesbian visibility and acceptance, both of which are desperately needed.

10). The only thing that Twitter guy and I agreed upon was the fact that sexual orientation is not a choice, so I do have to give him credit for that. By acknowledging that fact, he showed more insight and common sense that many so-called “lesbian experts” and many  alleged “lesbians on Twitter and elsewhere. Which is sad…very sad.

In summary, I realized that Twitter guy’s questions were important, because they represent the underlying assumptions/curiosities of many straight people….assumptions that we must address and challenge at every opportunity. The only way to free ourselves from damaging heterosexual misconceptions is for Lesbians to shine a light on our TRUTH at every opportunity.


Image: #PicsArt #FreeToEdit


What Straights Think Lesbians Eat VS What Lesbians Eat

A little Sunday humor…

The dirt from dirt

What Straight people think we eat:


What Lesbians actually eat:


What Straight people think we eat:


What Lesbians actually eat:


What Straight people think we eat:


What Lesbians actually eat:


What Straight people think we eat:


What Lesbians actually eat:


What Straight people think we eat:


What Lesbians actually eat:


Dirt and Mrs Dirt

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