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I Used To Be So Nice (Or: Why I Cannot Walk Away From A Battle With Lesbophobes)

As anybody who has read even a couple of my recent posts will likely already know, I have been angry lately at all of the faux allies and hetsplainers ~ very angry, in fact, but I must admit that underlying that anger is disappointment, frustration, puzzlement, and sadness.

I won’t rehash all of the drama….if anyone is interested, feel free go back through my tweets and replies to get a just a small taste of the brouhahas. I have also done several recent posts which mentioned the drama.

Anyway, someone on Twitter who also knows me in real life (and has known me for over 20 years), recently said something to the effect of being shocked that so many people were being so rude to me.

I actually laughed out loud when I saw that, because I immediately knew exactly what she meant:

In real life, I am, in fact, what most people would consider “nice”.  Meaning: I am typically polite, kind, considerate, giving, etc.; in other words, I get along well with others. (I am always direct and assertive in real life…but I am not aggressive/rude unless it becomes absolutely necessary).

But on Twitter (and to a lesser extent, on this blog), I am quite outspoken…sometimes even outright rude (which occurs, lately with shocking regularity, when I finally reach my maximum frustration tolerance level).

The problem is not just that Twitter is online interaction (meaning: versus in-person), either. I participate regularly on Facebook and LinkedIn and on other various websites/forums/etc., and I get along just fine with people on those, just like I do in real life.

No, I really think it’s specific to Twitter. Somehow, Twitter seems to bring out the worst in me. Actually, perhaps Twitter brings out the worst in everybody, based on my recent observations of various assorted brouhahas that I have NOT been involved in.

I think it’s the combination of the limited characters available to make important points, the fast paced environment, and the discontinuity in threads when multiple people are responding at the same time (which makes it difficult to follow the order of the conversation) that makes Twitter the perfect storm for misunderstandings, anger, hostility, drama, and trouble.

Combine that perfect storm of Twitter with my temperament (I am unwilling to back down — when dealing with a topic which matters to me greatly) and BOOM, it’s Armageddon.

Recently, I have been wondering whether I should just let an ongoing fight with a specific group of mean-girl lesbophobic feminists go…whether I should just walk away and let them stew in their own putrid, poisonous juices.

After all, I do actually believe in karma. People who are mean-spirited and vicious are obviously not happy people.

Also, I truly believe on-going anger and conflict is unhealthy…mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. And these individuals are certainly not worth my health or my time.

So, I have been wondering:

Why am I having such a hard time letting this particular fight go? 

It’s not just my ego from being personally and viciously insulted by the ringleader, although I am sure that is indeed a part of it.

And it’s not just their shocking lesbophobia and appalling ignorance about Lesbians, although I am sure that is a HUGE part of it also. After all, utter obtuseness appears in many guises, including some very unexpected sources.

After much consideration, I think that (in addition to the above-noted factors) I am reluctant to stand down for 2 reasons:

First, I am truly horrified at the support that these individuals are getting from other straight feminists, so a big part of me wants EVERYBODY to see who these people really are. So, by calling them out and posting screencaps of their copious bigoted nonsense, I have been hoping that the proverbial aha! lightbulb would suddenly and magically appear above somebody’s head…anybody’s head! (I am afraid, though, that this wish is just a pipe dream).

Secondly, and much more importantly, I, Dirt, and the other Lesbians on Twitter who have been standing up to these individuals are all assertive, secure adults with a strong sense of self and a healthy acceptance of ourselves as Lesbians. So we can take their nastiness with a grain of salt. But: what if we were different? What if we were young dykes, just coming out, currently being rejected by family, friends, and society? What if we were vulnerable, scared, alone, confused, maybe even suicidal? What if we were struggling with self-hatred, dysphoria, and/or internalized homophobia? Would the horrid lesbophobic venom directed at us as Lesbians potentially be the last straw for someone like that? I honestly don’t know, and I sincerely hope not, but I cannot in good conscience allow these people to say such horrible, lesbophobic things without calling them out on it.

The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior, and if these individuals would say such repulsive, vile, hurtful, homophobic things to us, it is a fact that they have the capacity to do it to others.

My crusade may not do any good. I may, at some point, decide to lay down my metaphorical sword and walk away from this riDICKulous battle…

But not today.

Sword

Image: Pixabay: azboomer: Creative Commons CC0

Lesbians Are Not Mimicking Heterosexuals, Nor Do We Want To. (Duh!)

When hetsplaining Lesbian, one frequent mistake that heterosexual people make is assuming that Lesbian relationships are mimicry of straight relationships, along with the incorrect assumption that Lesbians seek to emulate straight people.

One particularly odious and completely ridiculous trope is that Butch Lesbians have “eschewed femininity” and that they are “trying to be men“, and that Femme Lesbians are playing the “straight woman” in our relationships.

No. Just NO.

It’s way past time for all of the straight people who think/say such things to remove their head from their own egocentric asses.

It is even more bizarre and distressing when such utter nonsense emerges from alleged “feminist allies“.

 Let’s take a look at just a couple of the multiple lesbophobic comments from these faux “feminist allies” about Dirt, and I hope that these examples will expose what these faux “feminist allies” REALLY think about Lesbians and our relationships ~ underneath their FAKE, chipper “But I totally support Lesbians!” rhetoric: 

IMG_1193

Please recall that Harpy is the very same individual who came up with this gem to explain our Lesbian relationship: 

Harpy

Let’s examine exactly what these self-proclaimed “feminist allies” TRULY think/feel about Lesbians underneath their bullshit “support“:

  • They are condescending, rude, hateful, and/or vicious toward us.
  • They clearly don’t understand Lesbians nor our relationships.
  • They don’t TRY to understand Lesbians nor our relationships.
  • They see Lesbians as simplistic heterosexual mimickers/wannabes.
  • They see Lesbian relationships as imitations of straight relationships.
  • They see Butch Lesbians as intentionally/willfully “non-conforming to gender norms”.
  • They think Butch Lesbians are imitating men and that they want to be men.
  • They think Femme Lesbians are imitating straight women/relationships.
  • They think Femme Lesbians are stupid, shallow, vacuous, vain, and dependent. (Which is quite an interesting perception, since they think we are imitating THEM. Think about it.).
  • They think that heterosexual relationships are higher status than Lesbian relationships. (For instance, in other tweets, they talked about our relationship with “marriage” and “wife” in quotation marks!).
  • They think that Dirt’s parents would/should be upset with the fact she is Butch, which shows their own underlying shocking lesbophobia.
  • They think that we are Lesbians because we are damaged in some way (“Would be intriguing to hear about her parents”).
  • They think Lesbians are simply play-acting; that our entire lives are a flimsy choice to mysteriously try to emulate heterosexuality….which doesn’t even make any sense, but apparently logic is optional for these cretins.
  • They see Lesbians only through their own narrow heterocentric lens…which is to say: they don’t really see US at all, nor do they care to.

I could go on and on, but I think that is the general summation of the falsehoods that these false allies TRULY believe about us when you scratch underneath the shiny surface of their “help“.

Once again for the slow learners: Lesbians are NOT “mimicking straight relationships” nor are we “trying to be men” (nor any other obnoxious variation of these lies). WE ARE LESBIANS. Lesbian lives/relationships are IN NO WAY related to these outlandish claims. 

These same individuals will tweet all day about how men are allegedly trying to coerce Lesbians into sleeping with them etc. etc. etc. ~ and some complete fools therefore mistakenly think that means they support Lesbians:

Rya

My message to these hetsplaining hypocritical harpies (and their ilk) and their fawning fan-boy is:

Fuck off.  

Attention Lesbians: These people are not allies to Lesbians, and they are not our friends. Furthermore, Lesbians don’t want, nor need, their “help“. These people are not only NOT helping Lesbians, but they are a HUGE part of the problem themselves by continuing to believe and to spew hateful lies and ignorant misconceptions about Lesbians.

With every hateful and/or ignorant tweet, these people are showing their true lesbophobic colors.

So: Keep it up, harpies & sycophants, because I WANT Lesbians to see the truth, and these folks are proving what Dirt and I are saying with every venomous word.  

Do Dirt and I Hate Straight Women? Part 2

Please see Do Dirt and I Hate Straight Women? Part 1 first, because this post is a continuation.

The controversy surrounding the accusations that Dirt and I hate straight women has continued unabated on Twitter despite our repeated explanations.

Some particularly unbalanced straight “feminists” apparently think that their own misconceptions of the situation gives them license to say cruel things about Dirt, myself, our relationship, other specific Lesbians, and Lesbians in general.

They are wrong.

While everybody is free to agree or disagree with an opinion (or to like or dislike a person), there is absolutely no legitimate excuse whatsoever for the hateful, vile lesbophobic statements that have been made.

So this post will attempt, yet again, what Dirt ACTUALLY said versus what these asshats are claiming she said. I have no hope that those boneheads will listen or understand; it is abundantly clear that they have no interest in even trying to.

Instead, I want it on the record that what is being said is not even close to being accurate.

So, here’s what happened:

Weary of seeing straight “feminists” yammer on and on and ON every day, all day on Twitter about how men are horrible, men are violent, men are holding women down, men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men (ad nauseum), Dirt finally got fed up and said that if straight women were so very very very concerned about MEN, that they, being the sole childbearers, could potentially band together to reduce the male population to a more manageable number over time.

Literally, women hold the power of life itself. Think about it.

Dirt did NOT say that men/boys should be murdered.

Dirt did NOT say that boy babies should be aborted.

Dirt did NOT say that no male babies should be born.

Dirt did NOT say that the male population should be extinguished.

Dirt did NOT say that straight women should not date/marry/love/fuck men.

Dirt did NOT say that straight women should be celibate.

Dirt did NOT say that all male violence etc. was the fault of straight women.

Dirt did NOT blame all of the world’s problems on straight women.

Dirt did NOT say that straight women deserved any violence or trouble.

Dirt did NOT say that boys/men were bad or that they should be harmed in any way whatsoever (remember: Dirt was responding to THEIR OWN complaints about men…NOT hers).

Dirt did NOT say that they should throw boy babies in a wood chipper.

In short, Dirt did NOT even say that she personally thought that reducing the male population SHOULD even be done.

Instead, Dirt was making a hypothetical point that it theoretically COULD be done by systematic planning, birth control, etc.

My point is if you are going to kvetch about what Dirt said, at least find out WHAT SHE ACTUALLY SAID instead of taking the word of certain hetsplaining hysterical harpies and their simpering sycophant sidekicks.

Just sayin’.

Everyday Lesbophobia and How It Harms Lesbians Every Day

As anyone who reads my blog and/or follows me on Twitter already knows that I have been angry lately. Very angry. Heck, let’s just be honest here, I am still angry now.

I am angry at all of the Lesbophobia I see everywhere online and in real life, both overt and covert. I am angry at false allies, faux “feminists“, Straightbians, and hetsplainers.

I am angry that nobody but a handful of fellow Lesbians seems to even notice, or care, that Lesbians are being thrown under the proverbial bus left and right.

As of this morning, I became aware of another feeling existing along with the anger:

Sadness.

Sadness is a much less comfortable feeling for me than anger. With anger, I feel “in control”, powerful. With sadness, I feel helpless.

As much as I don’t want to feel sadness, darn it…there it is.

It turns out, underlying my anger and defiance, there is something else lurking much deeper which I am not even fully consciously aware of yet myself. Something that I cannot fully articulate yet; something that I am just now beginning to see the fuzzy outline of through a thick fog of anger.

For some time now, I have been gradually coming to an uneasy realization of the increasingly obvious fact that Lesbians are ultimately on our own. I have been very resistant to this knowledge, because I don’t want to believe it.

I have about a zillion screencaps which would starkly illustrate my points about false allies, faux “feminists“, Straightbians, and hetsplainers and the lesbophobia they perpetuate.

But I won’t post those screencaps in this post, because this post is not about proving my point…interestingly and ironically, their own comments prove the very points Dirt and I are making.

Anybody who wants to see specific examples of truly appalling anti-Lesbian sentiments can peruse my Twitter timeline/replies (and the subtweets about myself, Dirt, and other Lesbians) to see the hatred, nastiness, pettiness, and sheer meanness directed at me, Dirt, other specific Lesbians, and/or Lesbians in general.

Instead, this post is about the direct and indirect toll of such lesbophobia on Lesbian lives.

Here is just a small sample of the many possible ways that anti-Lesbian actions/comments take on Lesbians, every second of every minute of every hour of every day FOR OUR WHOLE LIVES:

  • Feeling alone;
  • Feeling misunderstood;
  • Feeling attacked;
  • Feeling sickened, physically and/or emotionally;
  • Feeling chronically angry;
  • Feeling the need to constantly defend ourselves, our partners, and other Lesbians;
  • Feeling hesitant to speak up because it means facing a whole crowd of opponents;
  • Feeling invalidated;
  • Feeling invisible;
  • Feeling anxious;
  • Feeling outnumbered;
  • Feeling different;
  • Feeling hypervigilant;
  • Feeling exhausted from all of the ongoing effort;
  • Feeling a new wave of disappointment every single time someone else lets us down;
  • Feeling offended/invalidated when outsiders tell us to “be nice” or when they try to make us mediate/get along with Lesbian-hating bigots (think about it: would they ask Black people to be nice to the KKK, or Jewish people to be nice to Hitler???!!!);
  • And last on this partial list, but certainly not least: Feeling sad.

I have decided that it’s okay to feel sad today. It’s okay for myself and other Lesbians to feel any/all of the things listed above…and more…because ALL of those feelings are COMPLETELY NORMAL REACTIONS to living in a world in which the BEST case scenario is that we will never be fully understood/accepted and in which the WORST case scenario is that we are murdered, raped, beaten, fired, denied housing/employment/etc., and/or otherwise harmed for simply being who we are.

And my message to all of the false allies, faux “feminists“, Straightbians, and hetsplainers (and to all of the simpering sidekicks) who are harming Lesbians with your copious bullshit: Karma is a bitch and she sees what you are doing.

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Image: Used under license with Shutterstock.

The Sadly Predictable Stages of Hetsplaining

Note: Please also see Dirt’s post on the same topic: Lesbians: SEEING the Forest because we are Not Trees

Dirt and I have been attacked on Twitter by hetsplaining straight “feminists so many times now, I have discerned a predictable pattern of behavior which delineates the stages of hetsplaining:

Butt in to a conversation uninvited;

Attack viciously; twist everything being said beyond all recognition; falsely claim we are misogynists, racists, etc.; even sometimes stooping low enough to insult us personally by attacking our appearance, our relationship, etc.;

Rage all out of proportion to the situation; using all emotion with no logic whatsoever;

Block us so we can’t see what they are saying;

Incite others to attack;

Enlist others to continue the drama;

Subtweet about us, knowing we cannot see what is being said to defend ourselves (which is quite cowardly).

(Rinse and repeat ad nauseum with each new wave of straight “feminists” who pick up the gauntlet).

You can remember this sadly predictable pattern of hetsplaining by using the acronym BARBIES. The most recent brouhaha involved a Barbie harpy (see below).

And for just ONE example of how these hetsplaining harpies treat Lesbians who don’t kowtow to their straight-privileged BS, here’s just one of many insulting tweets Dirt and I have been subjected to for simply stating our opinion:

Harpy

And people wonder why I say that Lesbians are on our own…but, seriously, with “feminist allies” like this, who needs enemies?

“Sexuality is Fluid”: The Great Big Hoax

NOTE: This is a follow-up to Dirt’s post, With Lesbians Like Sue Perkins, Who Needs Enemies?!

Lately, it seems that you can’t swing a cat (Public Service Announcement: PLEASE DON’T SWING CATS, PEOPLE!) without hitting an article or interview where somebody or other is saying that “Sexuality is fluid.”

You’ll notice, however, that it is always FEMALE sexuality to which these articles/interviews are referring; it’s quite unlikely that Men’s Health magazine will ever come out with an article about the best techniques for sucking dick.

Hmmmm…why is that? There are likely many reasons, but I believe that the main one is that females/Lesbians are routinely hypersexualized, and the idea of watching so-called “Lesbian” sex often appeals to straight men. However, the very same men would quite likely be freaked out by the thought of having sex with a man. Therefore, the myth that female sexuality is “fluid” is appealing and persists, while male sexuality remains “static” in the public’s mind.

It is especially disappointing to me when a famous Lesbian makes such a erroneous and damaging claim. Dirt wrote about such a situation here, in which one of my favorite comedians, Sue Perkins, who starred in the hilariously quirky Lesbian-trying-to-come-out-of-the-closet sitcom Heading Out, said in an interview that “sexuality is fluid”.

In Sue P‘s case, I think a combination of internalized homophobia and a desire to fit in with the currently in-vogue “queer” crowd, along with parroting the nonsensical storylines of Straightbians, are major driving factors in such a spurious claim. However, I don’t know her, so I can only guess as to her motivation(s).

Well, let’s all just think about the whole “sexuality is fluid” claim for a moment, shall we?

First of all, the correct term is ORIENTATION, NOT SEXUALITY. Being a Lesbian is NOT all about sex, and to reduce our entire lives, our very being, to “having sex” is both incorrect and insulting. We are always Lesbian, regardless of whether we even ever have sex.

Secondly, if orientation were really “fluid”, there would be no reason to “come out of the closet”, would there, Sue P.? Everyone would just “flow” back and forth, willy-nilly, including the very parents that you had to “come out” to, Sue! Why would anyone have to “come out” if there were no true orientation to begin with, since everyone would be “fluid”? Why are there heterosexuals and homosexuals in the world?

Think, Sue, THINK!

The (incredibly obvious!) answer here lies in the difference between Behavior Versus Orientation.

As an example of behavior versus orientation:

Anybody could have sex with anybody (Behavior), but a female having sex (or even a long-term relationship) with another female does NOT magically make her a Lesbian.

You either are a Lesbian (Orientation), or you are not.

Later-in-life Lesbians (those who initially date/marry men, before coming out later) were never straight to begin with; so their orientation is NOT “fluid”; they just did not act upon their true orientation for a variety of possible reasons (family, society, religion, internalized homophobia, peer pressure, etc.).

Here’s the thing:

Behavior is changeable. Orientation is NOT changeable.

BehaviorVsOrientation

So, whenever you see the claim that “sexuality is fluid”, I beg you to remember this formula:

Behavior ≠ Orientation

Behavior ≠ Orientation

Behavior ≠ Orientation

Behavior ≠ Orientation

Behavior ≠ Orientation

Behavior ≠ Orientation

Behavior ≠ Orientation

Behavior ≠ Orientation

Behavior ≠ Orientation

Behavior ≠ Orientation!!!!!!!!!!!

As for Sue Perkins, I still believe that she is hilarious and talented and I truly wish her all the best, but she really needs to stop towing the “queer” party line and start telling the truth…not just for the sake of her Lesbian fans, but, ultimately, for her own sake.

Hymn to a Hetsplainer

Last night, I received a comment that didn’t get published, but I realized that it needs to be addressed, because I believe the wanna-be commenter likely echoes the feelings/thoughts of a lot of women who Dirt and I have been writing about and arguing with lately.

As some background, the situation started on Dirt’s blog with this post/comments, and led to this post/comments.

When Dirt refused to publish some of her comments due her insistence on linking to a particular “gender critical mom” blog, despite being asked not to, she moseyed over here, apparently in the hopes that I would publish her comment including links to said blog.

Sorry, but no. (Will explain further below).

My first instinct was to simply publish the comment and proceed to rip our wanna-be commenter a new one. After all, her rude, and vaguely threatening, comment is riding on the coattails of numerous arrogant hetsplainers who seem to think they know more about Lesbians than actual Lesbians.

To put it simply, I am completely fed up and the gloves have come off, especially in the last few weeks.

nnnl

So, anyway, I was angry, tired, and hungry when I read her wanna-be comment, but wisely (well, at least THIS time, LOL!) followed my own advice and walked away to consider how best to deal with the situation before responding.

I woke up this morning less angry and decided to proceed with a bit more compassion, especially after I saw this tweet.

So this post will address this wanna-be commenter‘s statements, without linking to said blog, and without identifying the commenter.

(Side Note: Heads-up regarding internet safety: Within minutes of receiving this woman’s comment, I was able to ascertain her full name, age, phone number, home address, previous address, email address, LinkedIn profile, place of employment, IP address, Facebook account, etc. I will not publish that information, but I do retain such information when I receive either vaguely or overtly threatening comments/emails. Just be aware that if I can find out all of this information, other people who may not be so considerate can also do it. Be safe, folks.)

Without further ado, here are her comments & my replies: 

1). Comment:

“Based on my personal observations, not only does dirt hate straight women with a vengeance, she hates lifelong lesbians who challenge her particular political views, or question anything she says. If this website is for lesbians, then I should have a right to speak. If LESBIAN. TRUTH. means anything, then let me speak.

As a professional psychologist, I don’t imagine it looks good for your professional career to be associated with a woman who makes these kind of vulgar irrational comments online. See a few examples below.”

My Reply: 

As I have written before, neither Dirt nor I hate straight women.  This commenter, along with many others, is apparently mistaking very direct communication with “hate”.  The two are not the same thing. Even when Dirt and I are rude (and yes, I know we can be), it does not equate to “hate”.

Furthermore, I don’t have to let ANYONE speak; this is my blog and I can, and do, choose what comments get published. If you want to speak unfettered by concerns about whether someone else will publish whatever you want to say, the simple solution is to get your own blog.

Also, the term “lifelong lesbian” is debatable (I will write more on this below).

Most importantly, though, out of this section, the last part sounds vaguely like a threat to my professional status. Perhaps it is not intended that way, but when dealing with angry people, I always have to be alert to such things.

Here’s the thing with her last statement (“I don’t imagine it looks good for your professional career to be associated with a woman…” ~ meaning Dirt, of course):

The United States is a democracy…well, at least it still is for now. Freedom of speech is still allowed in my country…and yes, that right to speak freely even includes psychologists.

It’s neither unethical nor illegal for me to state my opinion on a variety of topics. I never have, and never would, do anything unethical or harmful, and to imply that I have or would is both incorrect and libelous.

In fact, spirited debate about a variety of topics is a healthy part of most professions, including psychology; as well as being a cornerstone of democracy itself.

The most interesting thing about the latter part of this comment is the implication that I should be held accountable for not only my own actions/statements, but also those of my wife.

Um…no. It is not my job to police my wife’s words/actions; I am her wife, not her keeper. Dirt is a fully functioning adult who can, and does, speak/act for herself. So am I. Healthy relationships are not codependent or controlling.

2). Comment:

“Why would people get the impression that dirt and Saye hate straight people? Gee, it couldn’t have anything to do with all the obscene and vulgar “STRAIGHTBIAN/Het Woman, Miss STRAIGHTOTHENEXTDICK” rants that dirt often uses on her blog. Dirt even calls lifelong lesbians who point out some of the ridiculous statements she says on her blog, “STRAIGHTOTHENEXTDICK”. It’s a fact that dirt did call a woman she incorrectly assumed was straight, ‘Miss STRAIGHTOTHENEXTDICK”. No, this doesn’t mean dirt hates straight people. And, these are some of the nicer comments. All we have to do is read some of dirt’s comments.

I have to admit that as a lifelong lesbian who has never had sex with a male in my entire life that I’m no expert on straight people. Straight people have always confused me. Most of the time I feel out of place around them. Frankly, I’ve never quite understood heterosexuals, and I’ve never been attracted to males on sexual basis. Ever. Not even once. I love women physically, sexually, and emotionally. I love women from the depths of my soul. Having said this, I don’t hate heterosexuals. In fact, as lesbians we need educated heterosexual as allies.”

My Reply:

Dirt has never pretended to be Miss Manners; if you want Miss Manners, you are looking at the wrong blog.

As noted above, very direct, even rude, language does not equal “hate”. I can see why this would be somewhat puzzling to some people, but there is an important distinction between the two.

Regarding the “lifelong lesbian” portion of this comment, being with women and/or NOT being with men does not necessarily equate to being a Lesbian.

Behavior does not equal orientation. So: a woman can be with another woman for 50 years, but that does not necessarily mean she is a Lesbian.

Conversely, a “later-in-life” Lesbian can marry a man and perhaps even stay married for years, but that doesn’t mean she is straight; because if a woman is truly a Lesbian, she was NEVER straight, no matter how long she was with a man.

Once more in the off-chance that it will finally sink in:

Behavior ≠ Orientation!

Being a Lesbian is much more than who we f**k, or even whether we f**k. Lesbians process information and communicate differently than straight females. And I must say, our wanna-be commenter does NOT act/think/communicate like a Lesbian.

Finally, the comment “as lesbians we need educated heterosexual as allies” shows that the wanna-be commenter is unaware of the sad fact that Lesbians are on our own.

Our seeming “allies” are often shockingly lesbophobic, in both subtle (example: ignoring Lesbian comments, while enthusiastically responding to heterosexuals and Straightbians) and not-so-subtle (example: calling us offensive terms such as gender non-conforming or gender-defiant, which incorrectly implies that Lesbians are willfully defying societal norms).

And those are just a couple of examples.

3). Comment:

Note: This portion is redacted because of the wanna-be commenter‘s insistence on cramming the “gender critical mom’s” blog down our throats, against our will, despite the fact we have made it clear that we feel that such blogs are NOT true Lesbian allies.

The wanna-be commenter goes on to give an example posted on said blog which (allegedly) refutes Dirt’s (correct!) assertion that males who are transitioning are NOT coercing Lesbians into sex with them.

I won’t belabor that particular point again here, since Dirt has already covered it more than once, except to say that I have no doubt that there are males out there who are attempting to coerce females into sexual situations with them.

However, Lesbians are not the ones falling for it. Here’s your first clue, Sherlock: Lesbians don’t do dick.

The problem is, the example given by our wanna-be commenter does NOT, in fact, refute Dirt’s statement.

The example was based on a post by an self-described “detransitioned Butch Lesbian” on said redacted blog. Part of this example included this self-identified “detransitioned Butch Lesbian” revealing that she’d sent nude pics to not just one, but TWO (!?), males, having contacted them herself after seeing these 2 dillweeds posting about being “horny + suicidal”, and how only nude pics would make them feel better.

Um. Wow. How can I say this as nicely as possible?

First and foremost, any adults (regardless of who they are or how they “identify”) who are eliciting/accepting nude pics from any minor need to face severe consequences for their actions.

And any 16-year-old female who seeks out such predatory males herself and proceeds to send them nude pics needs sympathy, empathy, and professional help to examine the reasons why such a bizarre thing happened not just once, but TWICE (!?), and how to prevent it from happening in the future.

But would a LESBIAN do any of that? No.

Actually: Not just no, BUT HELL NO.

Lesbians don’t seek out males of any sort, nor do we send them nude pics of ourselves. Think about it.

Additionally, someone willing to send nude pics is obviously NOT dysphoric.  Think about it.

So, what does our wanna-be commenter‘s example prove? It certainly does NOT prove what she hoped it would.

All it proves is that our gender-critical straight “allies” don’t have a single clue what the meaning of either “Lesbian” or “Dysphoria” is, and continue to pimp out even more misinformation about Lesbian lives, all in the name of “helping” us.

Thanks, but NO THANKS.

4). Comment:

“This (Note: ‘this’ is referring to example discussed above regarding the nude pics) is happening to vulnerable young lesbians, and dirt doesn’t want to hear it. Nothing in this article makes me believe that this young woman is straight. Tomboys who would have grown up to be proud butch lesbians are being harmed.

This is how dirt describes the courageous young woman in this article posted on (REDACTED BLOG). To me, the young woman in the article sounds like a young lesbian who just got caught up in the trans craze. Young women feel intense pressure to identify as trans/queer/nonbinary, and this young woman says there is pressure on young lesbians to date transwomen, or be seen as transphobic. This young woman is now in a romantic relationship with a woman. She is just one of thousands of young lesbians who got sucked into the trans craze.

Dirt says,

“Her proof that Dykes are being duped into dick is a (clearly mentally screwed Het Trans Female) who now and I fucking quote IDENTIFIES as lesbian! Oh WOW! Yeah Mrs Dirt and I are so convinced by this we too are feeling pressured to dick lick! N O T!!!”

(source: http://dirtywhiteboi67.blogspot.com/2017/06/unstraightening-straight-lies-about.html)

I don’t have any problem with my sexuality, and I don’t care if dirt insults me. Why would dirt insult the courageous and well informed mother who runs (REDACTED BLOG)? Why would dirt insult the young woman in the (REDACTED BLOG) article? To me, this article sounds like a confused young lesbian who got caught up in the trans.”

(NOTE: What follows is several more links from said REDACTED BLOG and comments about how we should LOVE said REDACTED BLOG. Needless to say, I am not going to post all that rhetoric. Let’s just say our wanna-be commenter seems sooooo intent on crawling up this blogger’s butt, we would normally suspect she is a proctologist, but we know she’s not from her LinkedIn profile.)

My Reply:

Again, as I noted above, the example given most certainly does NOT sound remotely like Lesbian behavior, plus the words “identify as a Lesbian” raise a huge red flag of NON-Lesbian status.  (Lesbian is NOT something to “identify as”…you either are, or you’re not, and actual Lesbians know that).

What part of sending nude pics to males is unclear to our wanna-be commenter? “Nothing to suggest she is straight”, huh? Really?

Furthermore, neither Dirt nor I have ever said that Lesbians, young or otherwise, aren’t feeling tremendous pressure to transition and pressure in other ways as well.

QUITE THE OPPOSITE, in fact.

(HELLO!! Anybody home? Knock-knock, reality is calling!)…

Dirt has been writing about these very issues for approximately a DECADE now. She was writing about the pressures on Lesbians long, long, LONG before this new posse of so-called “gender-critical” hets even noticed the trans trend, but in typical straight-privileged fashion, decided that THEY were the experts on the topic, giving ZERO credit to the Lesbians, especially Dirt, who had been voicing the very same concerns, and MORE, for YEARS. Years.

Shaking my head.

Is that the behavior of true allies? No, it is most certainly NOT.

5). Comment:

“I’m a lifelong lesbian who has never had sex with a man, and this is how dirt describes me. I’m a lesbian, and this made me cry. This insult is the worst possible insult to say to any lesbian. It was so over the top offensive. This is the way dirt attacks lesbians who have different opinions, or challenges some of her articles.

‘This comment by Miss STRAIGHTOTHENEXTDICK is an vain attempt at proof she is a Lesbian by describing a litany of known STRAIGHTBIAN behaviours. Lesbian to her is about who you share your pussy with, not whats between your ears. Again, neither Mrs Dirt nor myself have ever said not diddling dick equals Dyke. Plenty O STRAIGHTBIANS have long term relationships with Women and Lesbians, but if you are N O T a Dyke in the womb, you are N O T a Dyke PERIOD!!!

….Clearly Miss I-kissed-a-man-on-the-phone-and-I-liked-it, you thought wrong about me/this blog! If a Woman wrote to me for legitimate help (and many have), of course I would do what was in my power to help them. But this blog and its intentions have/are/and will ALWAYS remain for LESBIANS/ABOUT LESBIANS, not Het Females (regardless of their trans state).

Miss I-flunked-out-of-elementary-school knows what she’s talkin ’bout cuz she spoke to a man pretending to be a Lesbian on a Lesbian dating site where she (Het Woman) was pretending to be a Lesbian!’

(source: http://dirtywhiteboi67.blogspot.com/2017/06/unstraightening-straight-lies-about.html)

I graduated from the University of California, one of the most respected institutions in the US, and dirt says I’m, ‘Miss I-flunked-out-of-elementary-school’. It’s a miracle that my uneducated mind can even string together a few sentences. So, please forgive my ignorance.”

My Reply:

My first thought is that I can think of about 20 insults, just off the top of my head, that are worse than that, but I will spare us all that list since my intention is honestly NOT to make anyone cry.

My second thought is that both Dirt and I receive insults, even threats, on a regular basis, that are much worse than “Straight-To-The-Next-Dick”, so I have to admit that I am genuinely puzzled why that particular statement would be sooooo upsetting.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t expect anyone to be happy about it, but I actually cannot imagine being moved to tears over a stranger’s verbal sparring.

My other thought is that neither Dirt nor I “attack someone for having different opinions” nor do we attack all of those that “challenge” us. (If we did, it would be a 24-hour-a-day job).

We do, however, routinely call out people who we feel are misrepresenting Lesbian lives and we do address the myriad ways in which Lesbian is continually bastardized, which is most certainly NOT a simple “difference of opinion”.

6). Comment:

“For the sake of argument, let’s say I’m not a lesbian. Apparently, only dirt and Saye know what lesbian means. I know I’m lesbian, and people who are secure in their sexuality don’t feel the need to explain themselves. At any rate, if I were heterosexual, which I clearly am not, dirt’s incoherent and especially mean spirited rants are proof that dirt has some serious issues with heterosexuals. I mean some serious underlying issues. Dirt and Saye want all of us to believe that calling a woman who they incorrectly perceive as straight, ‘Miss STRAIGHTOTHENEXTDICK’ is not being disrespectful to heterosexuals. Please, get some help for dirt. Aren’t you supposed to be a psychologist?”

My reply:

I’m not “supposed to be a psychologist“, I AM a psychologist. However, to clarify, once again: the huge bulk of the writing I do is speaking as a LESBIAN, not as a psychologist. When I am writing as a psychologist, I am careful to say so.

Regardless, yes, Dirt and I are indeed saying that many, both past and present, who have claimed to be Lesbians are NOT actually Lesbians. And yes, we do know the difference; it is usually quite clear by such data as statements they make (such as “being a Lesbian is a choice” ~  when a real Lesbian would know it’s not). The non-Lesbians we wrote about in the Unstraightening Lesbian series have a huge body of public statements from which to analyze. Plus, there’s a little thing called gaydar.

We didn’t ask our wanna-be commenter to verify her orientation, but for some unknown reason, she seems determined to try to convince us.  As she herself says here, why would anyone feel the need to continue to try to explain herself (as she herself clearly does)? Doth she protest too much?

Also, what Dirt is saying is only “incoherent” to our wanna-be commenter, who clearly doesn’t speak Lesbian.

Finally, and most importantly, our wanna-be commenter is very wrong about her statement that Dirt needs help.

And, yes, I AM saying that both as a psychologist and a Lesbian.

The only “help” Dirt needs is for individuals such as our wanna-be commenter to stop talking long enough to listen; to stop arguing long enough to THINK.

Unless our wanna-be commenter can arrange for that, I must now bid her a not-so-fond adieu.