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Are We The Only Lesbians In The World?

I wish we had a nickel every time someone made a dismissive, derisive, and untrue comment implying that Dirt, myself, and/or a specific friend of oursthink that we are the only Lesbians in the world” because of our outspokenness about Straightbians. We could all retire in comfort if only someone would pay us for even a small portion of the utter nonsense spread about us.

So, I thought I would do a post addressing this specific, nonsensical, and completely irrational (yet shockingly common!) comment.

Question: Do we think we are the only Lesbians in the world?

Answer: No.

Let’s all just take a minute to really think about this claim: If we actually did think that we were the only Lesbians, there would be absolutely no need to write to/for/about Lesbians. We would just talk amongst ourselves and save ourselves a bunch of time and trouble, now wouldn’t we? (Duh!).

This message has been brought to you on behalf of my ongoing “Just Say No To Saying Ignorant Crap on Twitter” campaign. You’re welcome.

AVITAL RONELL IS NOT A FREAKING LESBIAN

For those of you who have not been reading the news, a Title IX investigation found a NYU female academic named Avital Ronell to be guilty of the sexual harassment of a gay male graduate student.

I won’t rehash the entire sordid scenario here because it has already been beaten to death many times elsewhere. Google it if you want a synopsis or an in-depth analysis.

The one and only point I want to make is this:

AVITAL RONELL IS NOT A FREAKING LESBIAN.

Mainstream media has widely reported variations of “a lesbian was found guilty of sexually harassing a gay male.”

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This is not rocket science, folks.

Apparently, the writers of articles falsely claiming that Ronell is a lesbian, and anyone who believes them, have the IQ of aioli.

Allow me to break it down for those too damn stupid to understand the very simplest of concepts:

LESBIANS DO NOT SEXUALLY HARASS/ASSAULT MALES. LESBIANS DO NOT STALK MALES. LESBIANS DO NOT WANT/CHASE/DATE/ETC./ETC./ETC. MALES. LESBIANS DO NOT WRITE NOTES TO MALES THAT SAY RIDICULOUS, IDIOTIC DRIVEL LIKE “Most cherished…Cock~erspaniel” (Ewwww).

Once again for those who need a refresher course in Critical Thinking 101, Avital Ronell is NOT a freaking Lesbian.

She is a “queer” (ugh!) Straightbian, a combo of the Academic Straightbian Susie and the Very, Very, Incredibly Special Snowflake Straightbian.

Duh. Geez. FFS. Grow a brain, people. Learn to freaking use your head for more than a hat rack. Please.

You’re welcome.

The Official Straightbian Guide To Becoming A “Lesbian Expert” On Social Media

Attention: Straightbians! Have you ever thought how nice it would be to show the world your “Lesbian expertise”? Would you like to get your slice of the “Lesbian pie” and the attention and adoration of other Straightbians, “feminists”, “gender-critical” individuals, and all other straight people on social media? Hey, if you are lucky, and if you meet what heterosexual society deems as attractive, you too may get the opportunity to write for a popular “Lesbian magazine” or to be a contributor to a popular “Lesbian website”! Wouldn’t that be exciting? If this is everything you have ever dreamed of, never fear, you’ve come to the right place! This handy-dandy guide will take you from an obscure typical straight female to an internationally celebrated “Lesbian expert” quicker than you can spell Straightbian!

You may be wondering how to get started. Yes, it can indeed be a daunting prospect to create a fake persona based on a precarious balance of delusional self-deception and egocentric self-promotion, but hey! If many others do it every single day, you can too! Don’t let little problems like the truth or basic human decency deter you from your life goals! With just a little polishing of your “identity”, you will be ready to bask in your social media presence as a “Lesbian expert” in no time at all!

First, if you aren’t already posing as “a Lesbian”, you will have to “come out as a Lesbian”, but that is no problem at all! But before we jump the tiny hurdle of “coming out”, you will need to decide on the type of “Lesbian” you want to be:

Type A: The Sexy Straightbian: To be this type of Straightbian, all you need to do is to be fluent in the straight-male-fantasy-of-“Lesbian”. Pouty lips? Check! Smoky eyes? Check! Stilettos? Check! Pretty girlfriend? Check! A willingness to take sexy pics of yourself in various revealing poses, such as the ever-popular “doggie skyscraper“, while calling it “Lesbian”? Check check CHECK!

Type B: The Sexless Straightbian: Hate men? Check! #YesAllMen? Check! “Eschew” makeup? Check! Love the work of Sheila Jeffreys? Check! Ready to Smash The Patriarchy? Check check CHECK!

Now that you have selected your type, be sure to build upon it!

If you have selected Type A, feel free to embellish with all the accoutrements of your sexy persona. Take that pole dancing class! Buy a velvet sofa! Visit Victoria’s Secret and splurge on some hot lingerie! Wax those pubes! You’re worth it!

If you have selected Type B, go even deeper into character. Shave one side of your head! Buy some Doc Martens! Rip those Levi’s! Read some Andrea Dworkin! “Eschew” shaving! Call yourself “Butch”! Why not? The “Lesbian” world is your oyster, so get ready to suck it dry!

The deeper you go into your “Lesbian” character, the more you can profit, so go for it! Give it Hell, ladies! Meryl Streep herself couldn’t sell it like you can! Believe in yourself!

Okay, now that your Straightbian persona is sorted, now you can move on to “coming out”! How? Simple! Just say “I’m a Lesbian”! Other Straightbians, “feminists”, “gender-critical” individuals, and all other straight people will automatically believe you! Boom! Done!

Now, proceed to bombard social media with your “Lesbian life”. Aggressively follow and support other Straightbians ad nauseum. Building a “Lesbian community” is essential to your success as a Straightbian! Make sure to include numerous pics of yourself with another female, because that will be “proof-positive” of your “identity” as a “Lesbian”!

Take some time to review your social media friends’ tweets/posts/pics/hashtags/videos/etc. and proceed to copy them enthusiastically! Don’t worry that you don’t know what you are talking about! Nobody will notice, since they are all saying the same thing! Groupthink is your best friend! Rinse and repeat until “Lesbian” fame and fortune are yours!

No guide would be complete without a few words of caution. Beware of real Lesbians who may try to rain on your Straightbian parade. Current estimates of the number of these Lesbian “bullies” range from “a couple” to “a mob”. Regardless, should you encounter one of these annoying naysayers, simply repeatedly claim that you ARE a “Lesbian” BECAUSE YOU SAY SO. If necessary, make numerous sock-puppet accounts to support yourself in your own arguments! Call upon your Straightbian “sisters” to jump in and support you too! There is strength in numbers, and rest assured that Straightbians will always way outnumber real Lesbians! Don’t worry that you have no idea what it really means to be a Lesbian! Remain firm in your conviction that it is your right…indeed, it is your privilege…to claim “lesbianism” for yourself! When an argument with a real Lesbian gets heated, always be sure to mention “rape culture”, “racism”, “sexism”, “The Patriarchy”, and/or “misogyny”! That always works to derail a conversation! Don’t worry that what you are saying is completely irrelevant to the discussion! Most importantly, always make sure to call your Lesbian opponents “male” and to insult their appearance! Finally, be sure to report them to social media for “bullying” and encourage other Straightbians to do so also. All that is important in these senseless battles is for you to emerge with your “Lesbian” “identity” fully intact amongst your target group.

In summary, with just a few simple steps, you too will be well on your way to firmly establishing your Straightbian social media empire as a “Lesbian expert”. Go you! Feel good about yourself as you bask in the fragile glory of internet presence. Your past days of ennui and angst are but a distant memory. You are the very Straightbian image of “Lesbian” personified now…let’s hear you roar!

Straightbian “Logic” 101

Straightbian “Logic” 101:

“Hi! I am a lesbian. Huh? Well, I know I am a lesbian because I LOVE and support womyn! Sending solidarity to my feminist sisters worldwide! I choose to center womyn in my life! And look: Here’s a dream catcher! Also, look at this pic of me kissing my girlfriend. And she’s not the only woman I’ve kissed either! Because I love p***y! Yummy yum yum yum! Could eat it all day! And here’s another pic of me at Michfest, and I am not even wearing a bra! Ha! That proves it! Look at my hairy legs, for the love of goddess! Womyn-born-womyn space is needed & TERF is a slur! Damn it, TERF is a slur! Mary Daly rocks! So does Kate Millett. Also, I once met Rita Mae Brown at a book signing. Plus, I have been no-platformed at least twice. I’ll have you know that I fight The Patriarchy every single day, and it’s hard saying ‘no’ to The Patriarchy! I had to have sex with multiple men before I finally figured out how to say ‘no’ to their perverted male needs! Oh, yeah, and #metoo and #yesallmen! I haven’t slept with a man since at least January, FFS! What is wrong with you? Why don’t you believe me? You **should** support all womyn! If I say I am a lesbian, that’s all you need to know! It’s my identity, not yours! You’re harassing lesbians! It’s harassment and bullying to not agree with me and to not fully support my identity as a lesbian! It’s up to every woman to choose her own sexuality! There’s no such thing as born-that-way, I can make whatever choice I want! Haven’t you heard of #BelieveAllWomen? Who are you to say what a lesbian is anyway?? You’re a man, aren’t you? Yes! You’re an infiltrator! Yes, I see it all very clearly now. Look at your picture, you do look kinda mannish there. Look at those biceps. You’re a TiM! I am going to tell everybody you’re a TiM! I am going to get you banned from Twitter! You are a misogynist chauvinist pig MRA! Waaaaaaaaaaaa! #DirtandMrsDirtSuckAFatOne

Top Ten Truths About Lesbian Adults

Note: This was originally posted here: Top Ten Truths About Lesbian Adults

1) All Lesbian adults have either been pursued/dated or had a relationship with a STRAIGHTBIAN.

2) All Lesbian adults have been emotionally/sexually/financially (for some all three) raped by a STRAIGHTBIAN in name and/or body.

3) In all Lesbian adults, Heterosexual Dysphoria drastically subsides or disappears altogether. (Largely due to meeting other Dykes/Dyke friendships whereby solidifying we actually are mentally/emotionally and physically vastly different from Het females).

4) Along with finding other Lesbian adults/making Lesbian friends; in all adult Lesbians the long held feelings of alienation also gradually subside.

5) All Lesbian adults partnered with a STRAIGHTBIAN have difficult/complicated/relationships that heavily mirror Het couplings. Difficulties will be blamed by both the Lesbian and the STRAIGHTBIAN on Het male/female stereotypes. STRAIGHTBIANS early in the relationship often use/play up the differences in light/flirty ways.

6) All Lesbian adults if/when they partner with another Lesbian realize quickly through their shared biology that if the coupling is not compatible, they separate and move on and/or remain friends (often lifelong). And if compatible embark on a long-term relationship.

7) All Lesbian adults (regardless of lifestyle/health) drastically age better than Het females of a similar age (including STRAIGHTBIANS).

8) All Lesbian adults over the age of 30, sleep blissfully unaware of any “biological clocks”.

9) All Lesbian adults either watch sports, participate in sports (organized or other), or exercise.

10) All Lesbian adults have encountered some form of Lezbophobia; such as housing discrimination, employment discrimination, pet adoption discrimination, blatant comments/dirty looks/stares from general public etc. Lesbian biological make up exposes most Lesbians to potential Lezbophobia. Fortunately since Lesbians deal with some form of this from our most formative years, by adulthood we are emotionally and physically able handle it.

dirt and Mrs. Dirt

Straightbians: Where Pathology Meets Desperation

In retrospect, I belatedly realize now how incredibly naive I was when I first started blogging and when I first started Twitter. Back then, I actually thought that most people could have respectful discussions and disagreements. Back then, I truly believed that most people who purported to be Lesbians or claimed to be Lesbian allies cared about the welfare of actual Lesbians. Back then, I really thought that it was very, incredibly obvious why real Lesbians would care about owning our own name/lives and therefore, it would be equally obvious why Lesbians would resist the appropriation of our name/lives by non-Lesbians.

I look back now on my own rose-colored glasses and laugh at myself.

Not only was I naive about human nature in general, I also severely underestimated how very many Straightbians are living a lie and stealing our Lesbian name. I underestimated how many self-proclaimed “Lesbians” are not actually Lesbian…sooooooo sooooooo sooooooo very many, in fact, that actual Lesbians are a major minority within our own (alleged) “community“.

Even more importantly, I also severely underestimated their desperate pathology: it turns out that these long-term Straightbians are so desperate and so pathological that they will attack like cornered, rabid animals when their elaborate ruse is even vaguely threatened.

When a Straightbian has staked her entire so-called life and her incredibly fragile sanity on the complete lie that they are a Lesbian, when it is pointed out that it’s impossible for anyone to “magically become a Lesbian“, the true deep disturbance underneath the faux “feminist“/ “sisterlyStraightbian surface quickly rises to a boil, threatening all in it’s toxic path.

Of course, hindsight is 20/20, as the saying goes. It seems very obvious to me now that there is always at least some degree of deep-seated pathology present whenever anyone is living an on-going lie about their true selves; some have more issues than others, clearly; but: some degree of pathology is always present for all long-term liars.

Outside of a very small subset of temporary-Straightbians (who take a brief detour into the “lesbianism” boulevard while on the road to their true destination of HetTown), the vast majority of Straightbians have firmly planted their “identity” flags smack-dab in the center of Lesboville, where they remain for years, even decades — and they are more difficult to eradicate as any other squatters who have taken up residence in a property that is not legally or ethically theirs.

Think about itWhy would anyone live a complete lie on an on-going basis? Why would anyone claim to be a Lesbian if she is really heterosexual? Answer: Because something is wrong with her and that pathology has derailed her ability to be her true self. The underlying reasons may vary: perhaps she was sexually, emotionally, and/or physically abused by males; perhaps she doesn’t have the appropriate assertiveness skills to delineate boundaries in order to achieve a healthy romantic relationship with a male; maybe she is brainwashed into the radfem rhetoric that an all-powerful “Patriarchy” is systematically oppressing her into perpetual sniveling victimhood and the only way to escape it is to “become a Lesbian“; maybe she has made a political decision to “center womyn” (or any other ridiculous spelling of “women”) in her life; maybe she has made money or even an entire career out of her false “identity” as a “Lesbian; maybe she hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates hates HATES all males to the point where she “identifies” as a “hairy, man-hating Lesbian SCUM-manifesto angry virago harpy #yesallmen” (or any other similarly ridiculously-worded bio) — but, whatever the case, a Straightbian has CHOSEN to attempt to “eschew” her own TRUE heteroSEXual orientation in favor of living the egregious LIE that she is a Lesbian. (Of course, it should be noted that nobody can change who she really is, so all Straightbians’ attempts to “eschew” their own straight selves is a fool’s errand; a Straightbian remains straight whether she has sex with one female or with 1,678,343 females, and she remains straight even if she never has sex with a male — because, as I have said many times previously, behavior does NOT equal orientation).

The ultimate irony about radfem Straightbians should be obvious to anyone with an IQ higher than Diet Dr. Pepper: On Twitter, these hypocrites go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and ON ad nauseum about how transgender individuals should not call themselves “Lesbians“, and about how transgender individuals are purportedly bullying their way into “Lesbian” spaces, yada yada yada, without even apparently fathoming that they, themselves, are DOING THE VERY SAME THING THAT THEY ARE ACCUSING OTHERS OF. These Straightbian charlatans are brazenly appropriating an “identity” that is NOT THEIR OWN; and they have bullied their way into Lesbian lives/spaces in every way imaginable for many, many years now and they continue to do so, even as I am typing.

Also, Straightbians regularly falsely claim that Lesbians are being systematically coerced into sex with males and that Lesbian “sexual agency” is being removed (and endless other wording variations of these lies). While it may be true that some males may indeed ATTEMPT to coerce Lesbians into sex, the truth is that REAL Lesbians aren’t being coerced. If anybody is falling for this crap, it’s Straightbians themselves. Real Lesbians aren’t weak, and we aren’t stupid, and we aren’t gullible to male manipulations. If anyone is literally forcing an actual Lesbian to have sex, that would be called RAPE, which is a freaking crime — and Lesbians certainly wouldn’t simply be #metoo-ing about it on social media — no, Lesbians would be taking concrete action to bring the rapist to justice. The ultimate irony regarding the topic of “sexual agency” that these Straightbians are missing is that it is Straightbians themselves who are the ones who are compromising Lesbian’s “sexual agency” — because by Straightbians LYING about their true orientation to Lesbians, they are removing the Lesbian’s ability to give true informed consent to sex. That, my friends, is the very same purported “rape culture” that these very same Straightbians are always yacking about. Look in the mirror, ladies: YOU are a perpetrator of the very thing you fear most.

Furthermore, radfems of yore initially fervently bought into John Money’s failed experiment because of the misguided premise that, by eradicating the concept of  biological “sex” in favor of “gender”, they could somehow magically socialize everyone into an equality-utopia-wonderland. Now, when things clearly haven’t gone the way they hoped it would in the intervening decades, they have reversed course and are now crying “It’s sex, NOT gender!”. Make up your minds, cupcakes. You can’t have it both ways.

My point with this post is that when I first started blogging (and Twitter), I naively thought that reasonable conversations about such topics were possible, but the sad, stark truth is that Straightbians are not simply not capable of handling balanced, logical discussions. Instead, Straightbians are too buried in their own bullshit; too deeply invested in their own junk bonds; too handcuffed to their own self-made beds; and too busy profiting off of their own copious lies.

Somewhere near the intersection of pathology and desperation, all truth and rationality is completely lost.

Top Ten Truths About Lesbian Teens

Note: This is a joint post with Dirt, originally posted here.

1) In ALL Lesbian teens, Heterosexual Dysphoria increases to varying degrees, resulting from fears developed during puberty.

2) In ALL Lesbian teens, the development of breasts/hips hasten greater Het Dysphoria, due to Lesbian teens fearing physical changes that (feel like they will) align us more with Heterosexual females.

3) In ALL Lesbian teens, because puberty (Heterosexually) signifies the beginning of adult (Het) relationships (marriage/children/family), Lesbian teens feel angst when family/friends/adult figures incorrectly presume they will follow into Heterosexual roles.

4) In ALL Lesbian teens, physiological changes from periods heighten Heterosexual Dysphoria, doubling #1, intellectually feeling/KNOWING this should NOT be happening to us. We strongly suspect these feelings are due to Lesbian evolution being incomplete. Lesbian brains have evolved beyond Heterosexual female procreation, but Lesbian bodies are still functioning to procreate. The many problems Lesbians have with their cycles (including not menstruating) are indicative of our evolution toward complete Lesbian evolution. This is NOT simply the feeling of “I don’t like having a period” or “periods are a nuisance”, rather, it is a complete mental disconnect/”at odds”-ness with periods.

5) In ALL Lesbian teens, unlike Heterosexual teens (who become “boy/girl crazy”), Lesbian teen intellects/emotions are not hijacked via procreative impulses.

6) In ALL Lesbian teens, due to the unshared procreative drive/coupling by Heterosexual teens (teens Girl concerns change focus/priorities from school/college etc. to that of clothes/makeup/beauty/friends/boys/Proms/sex/birth control/relationships); Lesbian teens experience feelings of difference and alienation, pointing them instead toward academics/sports/college goals/hobbies/future jobs/etc. Depending on the feelings of alienation, some Lesbian teens may experiment with drugs/alcohol as an escape from constant Heterosexuality.

7) In ALL Lesbian teens, Het female friends use Lesbian teen friends as boy stand-ins or go-betweens between them and boys. This is confusing/hurting to Lesbian teens, who often develop Het Girl crushes when Lesbian teens are used to fulfill Het Girls calculated Boy/Girl schemes.

8) In ALL Lesbian teens, as romantic feelings develop, Lesbian teens feel more bombarded by dominant Het culture’s biologically driven sex/procreative compulsions:

  • Barraged with Het classmates pairing up
  • Barraged with Het TV/TV advertisements
  • Barraged with Het billboards
  • Barraged with Het films
  • Barraged with Het music
  • Barraged with Het books/magazines
  • Barraged with Hetsplained notions of Lesbian via all of the above
  • Barraged with Het public

All conspiring to further Lesbian teens feelings of alienation.

9) In ALL Lesbian teens, Lesbian teens begin realizing our Lesbianism isnt accepted, nor understood by family/society (including liberals). Procreation (SEX) being the near be all and end all of Hets (for Het females its babies/Het males its sex-both leading to species propagation); attraction being only a minute aspect of Lesbianism, as it becomes obvious to families of Lesbian teens that they are Lesbians, families react in a range from grief [regardless of current changes in law] (“I’ll never walk her down the aisle” or “I’ll never have grandchildren”) to mild acceptance (“I don’t know why you wouldn’t want a boyfriend but I love you anyways” or “love is love”) to hate and disgust (“no daughter of mine is going to be a pervert” or “you will go to hell” or “what will the neighbors think” or “get out of my house or I’ll fucking kill you”). In ALL cases, once a Lesbian teen is identified as Lesbian by family/friends, the human totality of each Lesbian is shrunk to that of two females (Straight or Lesbian) having sex.

10) In ALL Lesbian teens, Lesbian teens begin to realize they are like vampires of a sort; Lesbians look out into the mirror of society and do not see (their reflection) their selves reflected back. Even today with so called Homosexual progress, a public/media Lesbian is either a) a STRAIGHTBIAN b) a watered down version of Lesbian (think Ellen) or c) a complete misrepresentation of Lesbian (think OITNB).

Dirt and Mrs. Dirt