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“How Very Dare You?” (How Hets Respond To Lesbians)

Amidst all of the general nonsense Dirt and I deal with on a daily basis, a recent recurrent theme I have noticed in many argumentative comments and tweets to us is:

HOW DARE WE?

How dare we speak about/as Lesbians?

How dare we say that any woman cannot magically “become a Lesbian”?

How dare we say that words like “Lesbian”, “Butch”, “Femme” etc. have actual meaning and should be used correctly?

How dare we imply that we are “experts” of any sort?

How dare we say that many are falsely calling themselves “Lesbian”?

How dare we challenge the currently in-vogue idea that everything is all about “identity”: the idea that if you simply “identify as” ________(fill in the blank: Lesbian; Butch; Femme; Hippopotamus; Whatever) you ARE ___________?

The list goes on and on and on, but I think you get the basic idea, which boils down to “How very dare you?”

I recently replied that there are about 3,468,576,823,845 STRAIGHT blogs, books, articles, TV shows, magazines, etc.; yet NOBODY ever comments such things to them: Who are YOU to talk about being straight? What would YOU know? What gives YOU the right to talk about straight people/relationships? How would YOU know about being straight? Who are YOU to say who is straight? Etc.

Nope, that never happens, and I will tell you why. Because nobody questions “straight”. First of all, straights are the HUGE majority. Secondly, straight is pretty…well…straightforward: Nobody has hijacked “straight” like “Lesbian” has been hijacked repeatedly. Nobody is falsely speaking for all straight people, implying that they are all perverts and weirdos or that it’s all “just a choice” or any other such idiocy.

Even when a Lesbian comes out later in life, she didn’t hijack straight out of privilege; in fact, it’s the opposite: she felt she had to pretend to be straight in order to please family, society, or church. She got hijacked BY straight.

Think about it: For a straight person to even question our right to speak out as/regarding Lesbians smacks of privilege.

Let me be clear: While straight people are always very welcome to read our blogs and to comment, and while we still sincerely hope that some straight people will be capable of seeing the light, Dirt and I are not writing for straight people. We hope that some straight people will understand, but we don’t actually expect them to.

Instead, we are writing to Lesbians. And we are writing as Lesbians.

We not only have the right to do so, we have the duty. 

Attention: straights and Straightbians: We DO dare.  And all your arguing, snarkiness, denial, rudeness, subtweeting, and straight privilege in the universe won’t stop us.

In summary: Suck it up, buttercup(s), because we’re not going away.

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Image: Pixabay: CC0 Public Domain

Butches, Stripping, and Straightbians…Oh My

For a couple of days now, I have been in a series of heated debates regarding the question of whether Butches would ever be strippers. (Answer: Not just no, but HELL NO).

In response to my statement that the probability of a Butch stripping would be approximately a snowball’s chance in Hell, I received this flippant tweet, presumably to “prove” that Butches do strip:

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Problem is: The woman depicted here is most certainly NOT Butch, and most likely, she’s not even ANY sort of Lesbian either. This tweeter, along with a plethora of others, incorrectly assume that if any woman cuts her hair short and dons a suit (or any other so-called “male attire”) and simply makes the claim she is Butch, she is magically (POOF!) suddenly Butch.

But it doesn’t work that way. Not even close. Butches are born, not made.  Butch is NOT a performance, a costume, a political stance, or an act, and it is majorly offensive when people appropriate and misrepresent Lesbian lives.

A true Butch would NEVER strip. She would literally die first, and that is NOT an exaggeration.

What gives me the right to make such a broad claim, you ask? Because I am a Femme Lesbian. Because I am married to a Butch, and have known other Butches. Because I have been in the Lesbian community for many, many years now, and have seen so many dykes & Straightbians call themselves Butch when they clearly weren’t. Because I happen to have a lot more knowledge about this topic that most people.

(Yes, I said it, I mean it, and I don’t care if you mistakenly think that is arrogant, because, yes, I do, in fact, know more about this topic than most people).

Anyway, I won’t bore you with giving you a play-by-play of every argumentative hetsplaining tweet or every Straightbian arguing with Lesbians about OUR OWN LIVES. It would take a dissertation to just explain the last couple of days.

But let’s examine one striking example of the sort of ignorance and attitude real Lesbians have to put up with:

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Let’s examine this snippet. Seemingly out-of-the-blue, a relatively new “feminist” account with 14 followers at the time and a handful of tweets crawls out of some hole to randomly bust my chops?

Hmmmm…it seems likely that this is a familiar troll in a new disguise, but regardless of this person’s true identity, automatically jumping to a racial connotation when race was not even mentioned is an incredibly transparent attempt to derail the actual point (“Butches don’t strip…period.”) by implying I am somehow inexplicably being racist by talking about a Lesbian issue.

Obviously, that idiotic crap doesn’t work with me. “Stick to the topic or shut up” is my motto.

(And, no, there are not any Butches of any race stripping for a living, now or ever).

Moving on to the next ridiculous assertion from our wannabe know-it-all:

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Okay, so calling me a racist didn’t work, so what does this buffoon do now? Hmmm…Oh, I know, let’s bring RAPE into it! THAT always derails the discussion!

This “rape culture” statement is completely off-topic and makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, so, again, this is an obvious attempt to discredit what we are saying by twisting what we are actually saying to try to make it mean something completely unrecognizable.

This is actually a very common Straightbianfeministploy:

If you have no argument and/or simply don’t understand the topic, it’s time to bring up any of the following to try to derail the conversation:

  • Rape or Rape Culture
  • The Patriarchy
  • The “Trans Cult”
  • Racism
  • Sexism
  • Any other “ism”
  • Discrimination
  • Violence Against Women
  • MRAs
  • Men in dresses “forcing”/”coercing” Lesbians to have sex with them (Not happening)

Well, those tactics may work with some people, but they are certainly not going to work with me or Dirt.

Again, the topic at hand was simple: Butch Lesbians and stripping. This topic has nothing to do with racism, rape, etc.

Back to the point: Do Butches strip?

And the final answer is: Butch Lesbians would never strip, regardless of race, age, audience, era, or circumstance.

The end.

The Chicago Dyke March Badly Needs A New Name 

Some idiots calling themselves “Chicago Dyke March” on Twitter proved that they are most certainly NOT Lesbians/Dykes with many tweets, but this one tweet in particular stood out among the general ignorance:


First of all, if you are calling yourself a “dyke march” you are, in fact, talking about (and for) Lesbians…um, duh.

Secondly, this SHOULD go without saying, but since basic facts obviously escape the notice of these buffoons, allow me to spell it out:

LESBIANS DO NOT WANT DICK.

AND:

LESBIANS DO NOT HAVE DICKS.

Perhaps it would be beneficial for these bozos to invest in a dictionary, or, at the very least, learn how to Google definitions, because their cluelessness is astonishing.

The VERY-inappropriately-named “Chicago Dyke March” only needs one simple tweak to rename themselves accurately.

In fact, since they obviously struggle with basic comprehension, I have a suggestion for their new name:

Chicago DICK March

You’re welcome.

“Straight” To The Point

Over the last several days, Dirt and I have been arguing with straight female “allies” on Twitter over the premise that Lesbians are different.

To make a long story short, not 1, not 2, not 3, but a whole coterie of straight females have tag-teamed us, alternating between telling us to “be nice to our allies“; completely dismissing us; twisting whatever we say; bringing up unrelated topics/issues to try to derail/confuse the discussion; making analogies that make absolutely no sense whatsoever; acting like we are saying something we are not, then being offended by their own incorrect assumptions; trying to make us seem mean/bad/rude/etc.; name-calling; subtweeting; and usually, finally blocking us. Just when one wave disappears into the horizon, a new wave appears. Rinse and repeat.

Here’s the thing: It takes an astonishing amount of straight privilege to argue with Lesbians about OUR OWN LIVES.

These straight women do not know what it is like to be a Lesbian; but much more importantly, their actions of arguing with us ad nauseum proves that they don’t CARE.

I don’t know what it is like to be a man, or a Black person, but you don’t see me telling men or Black people how they “should” feel or denying or arguing with what they say about THEIR OWN EXPERIENCES.

Yet, that is precisely what these straight women are doing. Instead of listening to what we are actually saying about our own Lesbian experience/lives, they are actively attempting to silence us, shame us, twist our words, deny our experiences, and discredit us.

Why? There are likely a number of reasons, depending on the person, including, but not limited to: ignorance, arrogance, straight privilege, fear, reacting with emotion instead of logic, faulty preconceived notions, wanting to keep the incorrect notion alive that “any woman can be a Lesbian”, comprehension difficulties, not wanting to listen, misdirected anger, etc.

Whatever the reason(s), their behavior is completely unacceptable. 

Whether or not people agree with us, Lesbians deserve the same respect and courtesy straight people expect (and routinely get).

People, especially those who purport to be “Lesbian allies, should actually BE allies by listening rather than talking; caring rather than dismissing; remaining open rather than blocking.

And if you fruitcakes cannot do that, you are NOT an ally.

AND you can kindly fuck off.

(Please also read Dirt’s post on the same topic, here).

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Image: Pixabay: varintorn: CC0 Public Domain

Just Because Something Is Called “Lesbian” Does Not Mean It Is Actually Lesbian

I recently got my knickers in a twist on Twitter when I saw this link to a (so-called) “Lesbian” (NOT!) Oral Testimony website.

You may be asking yourself why I would be so displeased with something that seems to support Lesbians…

Well, the answer is quite simple:

Because I am incredibly sick of our name being used willy-nilly, without the slightest concern for truth, accuracy, or ethics.

Anything that has “Lesbian” as part of their main title should be…hold onto your shorts and get ready for this wild ‘n’ crazy idea…LESBIAN!! 

And this website is a lot of things, but none of them are truly LESBIAN:

Even though the word “Lesbian” is thrown in as an afterthought at best, I am willing to go out on a limb here and wager that these alleged “Lesbians” giving oral testimony aren’t actually Lesbians after all, but rather, they are most likely the dreaded Straightbians who Dirt and I have been writing about.

Personally, I don’t care if all the two-spirit pansexual aromantic non-binary queers who “identify” as the attention-getter-du-jour want to yack it up until the cows come home. Have at it, and have fun being “special”.

BUT DON’T CALL IT “LESBIAN” BECAUSE IT IS NOT.

06/09/2017: EDITED TO ADD: Even the most cursory of searches revealed a lot of MEN being interviewed for a purported LESBIAN website. Sigh. I truly wished I was wrong about this, but clearly I am not.

LotOfMen

Bottom line: This project needs another title to accurately reflect their content. Here are my top 3 suggestions:

Oral History of Every Special Snowflake Available (OHESSA)

Listening Intently To Everybody But Actual Lesbians (LITEBAL)

I Am An Academic With Funding So I Am Making A Faux Lesbian Website: Please Send Cash Now (IAAAWFSIAMAFLWPSCN)

Homophobic Threats? Bring It On

Check out this lovely (not!) tweet (which was in reply to Dirt’s tweet about a ridiculous comment she received via the Contact Form regarding her recent post, How Lesbian Became The Vehicle For Radical Feminist Anger):

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(The Jolly Green Tweeter promptly deleted this tweet, likely because she belatedly realized that she had made herself appear to be a few fries short of a Happy Meal, but we easily recovered it, thanks to the magic of technology).

Here is the eloquent, scintillating (hahaha!) comment to which she refers:

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Examples like both of these prove the very points that Dirt and I are making:

Not only are heterosexual (alleged) “feminists” often not willing to listen to Lesbians speaking frankly about OUR OWN EXPERIENCE; but they are also frequently outright hostile and terribly homophobic in their responses.

See Dirt’s post about the same topic, here.

I have just a couple of things to say to this green-faced shrew (and anyone else like her):

1). Thanks for proving our points for us, cupcake(s).

2). If you think that threatening my wife (or myself) is a good idea, BRING IT ON.  We’ll see what happens. Spoiler alert: You will wish you hadn’t.

3). Keep on commenting, folks; because, with every wannabe insult, you are showing your true hateful, homophobic colors and Lesbians who mistakenly think you are our allies will eventually see the light.

It’s Neither Radical Nor Feminist To Hijack “Lesbian”

My sweetie Dirt wrote a post yesterday entitled “How Lesbian Became the Vehicle for Radical Feminist Anger“.  Please read her post, here, first, because this post is intended as a supplement.

Dirt’s post deals with how Radical Feminists appropriated “Lesbian” and falsely used “Lesbian” as a vehicle to express their own anger toward men/patriarchy.

Analyzing the RadFem definition of “Lesbian” (“What is a lesbian? A lesbian is the rage of all women condensed to the point of explosion.”), it should be incredibly obvious to anyone with an IQ higher than mayonnaise that the so-called “Radicalesbians” who wrote the misguided and male-obsessed treatise “The Woman Identified Woman” (and their gung-ho disciples) were/are neither Radical nor Lesbian.

These angry straight women decided, in typical straight-privileged fashion, that they were unhappy with the status-quo regarding men/patriarchy, but instead of directly and effectively taking action to actually change their relationships with men and/or to dismantle patriarchy in any systematic or useful fashion, they chose to cowardly retreat from battle, using their contrived camouflage of “Lesbian” as a way to hide from and avoid the true issues.

Under the guise of “sisterhood“, these straight women proceeded to do the least “sisterly” thing possible:  they proceeded to steamroll over real Lesbians in every way possible, and continue to do so even today.

Ironically, these same purported “Lesbian feminists” are the very same individuals who are arguing incessantly that males cannot become females simply by saying so…yet, somehow, they fail to comprehend the irony that they are doing the very same thing: claiming to be something they are not, while arrogantly expecting to be automatically believed and welcomed with open arms.

Real Lesbians were (and still are) an inconvenient truth in these faux “Lesbians’” alleged “feminism“.

We insist on pointing out the pesky truth that the prevalent myth that “any woman can be a Lesbian” is an outright lie. We point out that arguing with men all day, every day on Twitter  or elsewhere isn’t actually taking constructive action. We repeatedly point out that Lesbians are not “angry man-haters”; that being Lesbian is not a choice; and that every woman who says she is a Lesbian is not actually a Lesbian.

In short, we are raining on their parade and they don’t like it.

Here’s the thing: It is not “radical” to run from the true issues and hide behind a mask. It is not “radical” to appropriate “Lesbian” because you are too scared to stand up for your rights as a straight woman. And it’s certainly not “feminist” to harm real Lesbians with your nonsense.

So, instead of “Radical Feminist Lesbians“, a more apt title would be “Cowardly Straight Females”.

What would be truly “radical” for these straight females to do would be to constructively find ways to gain and maintain power in their heterosexual relationships and to actually address societal inequities in a methodical and effective fashion.

These faux “Lesbian feminists” can unfollow or block Dirt and me; they can call us “scary” or “dangerous” or “bullies” or “mind-controllers” or any other name; they can attempt to discredit us; and they can continue proclaiming to the top of their lungs that all it takes to be a Lesbian is to simply claim to be one.

But no matter how loud they scream or how vehement their protests against what Dirt and I are saying, the truth remains the same:

Wherever you go, there you are.

And for these false “Lesbian feminists“, they are still stuck in the same place they were in 1970: still arguing with/about males under the false guise of “Lesbian“.

It’s way past time to stop of being stuck that rut, don’t you think?

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Image: By Joost J. Bakker from IJmuiden CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0) via Wikimedia Commons