Tag Archive | Hetsplaining

Lesbians Are Not Mimicking Heterosexuals, Nor Do We Want To. (Duh!)

When hetsplaining Lesbian, one frequent mistake that heterosexual people make is assuming that Lesbian relationships are mimicry of straight relationships, along with the incorrect assumption that Lesbians seek to emulate straight people.

One particularly odious and completely ridiculous trope is that Butch Lesbians have “eschewed femininity” and that they are “trying to be men“, and that Femme Lesbians are playing the “straight woman” in our relationships.

No. Just NO.

It’s way past time for all of the straight people who think/say such things to remove their head from their own egocentric asses.

It is even more bizarre and distressing when such utter nonsense emerges from alleged “feminist allies“.

 Let’s take a look at just a couple of the multiple lesbophobic comments from these faux “feminist allies” about Dirt, and I hope that these examples will expose what these faux “feminist allies” REALLY think about Lesbians and our relationships ~ underneath their FAKE, chipper “But I totally support Lesbians!” rhetoric: 

IMG_1193

Please recall that Harpy is the very same individual who came up with this gem to explain our Lesbian relationship: 

Harpy

Let’s examine exactly what these self-proclaimed “feminist allies” TRULY think/feel about Lesbians underneath their bullshit “support“:

  • They are condescending, rude, hateful, and/or vicious toward us.
  • They clearly don’t understand Lesbians nor our relationships.
  • They don’t TRY to understand Lesbians nor our relationships.
  • They see Lesbians as simplistic heterosexual mimickers/wannabes.
  • They see Lesbian relationships as imitations of straight relationships.
  • They see Butch Lesbians as intentionally/willfully “non-conforming to gender norms”.
  • They think Butch Lesbians are imitating men and that they want to be men.
  • They think Femme Lesbians are imitating straight women/relationships.
  • They think Femme Lesbians are stupid, shallow, vacuous, vain, and dependent. (Which is quite an interesting perception, since they think we are imitating THEM. Think about it.).
  • They think that heterosexual relationships are higher status than Lesbian relationships. (For instance, in other tweets, they talked about our relationship with “marriage” and “wife” in quotation marks!).
  • They think that Dirt’s parents would/should be upset with the fact she is Butch, which shows their own underlying shocking lesbophobia.
  • They think that we are Lesbians because we are damaged in some way (“Would be intriguing to hear about her parents”).
  • They think Lesbians are simply play-acting; that our entire lives are a flimsy choice to mysteriously try to emulate heterosexuality….which doesn’t even make any sense, but apparently logic is optional for these cretins.
  • They see Lesbians only through their own narrow heterocentric lens…which is to say: they don’t really see US at all, nor do they care to.

I could go on and on, but I think that is the general summation of the falsehoods that these false allies TRULY believe about us when you scratch underneath the shiny surface of their “help“.

Once again for the slow learners: Lesbians are NOT “mimicking straight relationships” nor are we “trying to be men” (nor any other obnoxious variation of these lies). WE ARE LESBIANS. Lesbian lives/relationships are IN NO WAY related to these outlandish claims. 

These same individuals will tweet all day about how men are allegedly trying to coerce Lesbians into sleeping with them etc. etc. etc. ~ and some complete fools therefore mistakenly think that means they support Lesbians:

Rya

My message to these hetsplaining hypocritical harpies (and their ilk) and their fawning fan-boy is:

Fuck off.  

Attention Lesbians: These people are not allies to Lesbians, and they are not our friends. Furthermore, Lesbians don’t want, nor need, their “help“. These people are not only NOT helping Lesbians, but they are a HUGE part of the problem themselves by continuing to believe and to spew hateful lies and ignorant misconceptions about Lesbians.

With every hateful and/or ignorant tweet, these people are showing their true lesbophobic colors.

So: Keep it up, harpies & sycophants, because I WANT Lesbians to see the truth, and these folks are proving what Dirt and I are saying with every venomous word.  

Do Dirt and I Hate Straight Women? Part 2

Please see Do Dirt and I Hate Straight Women? Part 1 first, because this post is a continuation.

The controversy surrounding the accusations that Dirt and I hate straight women has continued unabated on Twitter despite our repeated explanations.

Some particularly unbalanced straight “feminists” apparently think that their own misconceptions of the situation gives them license to say cruel things about Dirt, myself, our relationship, other specific Lesbians, and Lesbians in general.

They are wrong.

While everybody is free to agree or disagree with an opinion (or to like or dislike a person), there is absolutely no legitimate excuse whatsoever for the hateful, vile lesbophobic statements that have been made.

So this post will attempt, yet again, what Dirt ACTUALLY said versus what these asshats are claiming she said. I have no hope that those boneheads will listen or understand; it is abundantly clear that they have no interest in even trying to.

Instead, I want it on the record that what is being said is not even close to being accurate.

So, here’s what happened:

Weary of seeing straight “feminists” yammer on and on and ON every day, all day on Twitter about how men are horrible, men are violent, men are holding women down, men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men men (ad nauseum), Dirt finally got fed up and said that if straight women were so very very very concerned about MEN, that they, being the sole childbearers, could potentially band together to reduce the male population to a more manageable number over time.

Literally, women hold the power of life itself. Think about it.

Dirt did NOT say that men/boys should be murdered.

Dirt did NOT say that boy babies should be aborted.

Dirt did NOT say that no male babies should be born.

Dirt did NOT say that the male population should be extinguished.

Dirt did NOT say that straight women should not date/marry/love/fuck men.

Dirt did NOT say that straight women should be celibate.

Dirt did NOT say that all male violence etc. was the fault of straight women.

Dirt did NOT blame all of the world’s problems on straight women.

Dirt did NOT say that straight women deserved any violence or trouble.

Dirt did NOT say that boys/men were bad or that they should be harmed in any way whatsoever (remember: Dirt was responding to THEIR OWN complaints about men…NOT hers).

Dirt did NOT say that they should throw boy babies in a wood chipper.

In short, Dirt did NOT even say that she personally thought that reducing the male population SHOULD even be done.

Instead, Dirt was making a hypothetical point that it theoretically COULD be done by systematic planning, birth control, etc.

My point is if you are going to kvetch about what Dirt said, at least find out WHAT SHE ACTUALLY SAID instead of taking the word of certain hetsplaining hysterical harpies and their simpering sycophant sidekicks.

Just sayin’.

The Sadly Predictable Stages of Hetsplaining

Note: Please also see Dirt’s post on the same topic: Lesbians: SEEING the Forest because we are Not Trees

Dirt and I have been attacked on Twitter by hetsplaining straight “feminists so many times now, I have discerned a predictable pattern of behavior which delineates the stages of hetsplaining:

Butt in to a conversation uninvited;

Attack viciously; twist everything being said beyond all recognition; falsely claim we are misogynists, racists, etc.; even sometimes stooping low enough to insult us personally by attacking our appearance, our relationship, etc.;

Rage all out of proportion to the situation; using all emotion with no logic whatsoever;

Block us so we can’t see what they are saying;

Incite others to attack;

Enlist others to continue the drama;

Subtweet about us, knowing we cannot see what is being said to defend ourselves (which is quite cowardly).

(Rinse and repeat ad nauseum with each new wave of straight “feminists” who pick up the gauntlet).

You can remember this sadly predictable pattern of hetsplaining by using the acronym BARBIES. The most recent brouhaha involved a Barbie harpy (see below).

And for just ONE example of how these hetsplaining harpies treat Lesbians who don’t kowtow to their straight-privileged BS, here’s just one of many insulting tweets Dirt and I have been subjected to for simply stating our opinion:

Harpy

And people wonder why I say that Lesbians are on our own…but, seriously, with “feminist allies” like this, who needs enemies?

Hymn to a Hetsplainer

Last night, I received a comment that didn’t get published, but I realized that it needs to be addressed, because I believe the wanna-be commenter likely echoes the feelings/thoughts of a lot of women who Dirt and I have been writing about and arguing with lately.

As some background, the situation started on Dirt’s blog with this post/comments, and led to this post/comments.

When Dirt refused to publish some of her comments due her insistence on linking to a particular “gender critical mom” blog, despite being asked not to, she moseyed over here, apparently in the hopes that I would publish her comment including links to said blog.

Sorry, but no. (Will explain further below).

My first instinct was to simply publish the comment and proceed to rip our wanna-be commenter a new one. After all, her rude, and vaguely threatening, comment is riding on the coattails of numerous arrogant hetsplainers who seem to think they know more about Lesbians than actual Lesbians.

To put it simply, I am completely fed up and the gloves have come off, especially in the last few weeks.

nnnl

So, anyway, I was angry, tired, and hungry when I read her wanna-be comment, but wisely (well, at least THIS time, LOL!) followed my own advice and walked away to consider how best to deal with the situation before responding.

I woke up this morning less angry and decided to proceed with a bit more compassion, especially after I saw this tweet.

So this post will address this wanna-be commenter‘s statements, without linking to said blog, and without identifying the commenter.

(Side Note: Heads-up regarding internet safety: Within minutes of receiving this woman’s comment, I was able to ascertain her full name, age, phone number, home address, previous address, email address, LinkedIn profile, place of employment, IP address, Facebook account, etc. I will not publish that information, but I do retain such information when I receive either vaguely or overtly threatening comments/emails. Just be aware that if I can find out all of this information, other people who may not be so considerate can also do it. Be safe, folks.)

Without further ado, here are her comments & my replies: 

1). Comment:

“Based on my personal observations, not only does dirt hate straight women with a vengeance, she hates lifelong lesbians who challenge her particular political views, or question anything she says. If this website is for lesbians, then I should have a right to speak. If LESBIAN. TRUTH. means anything, then let me speak.

As a professional psychologist, I don’t imagine it looks good for your professional career to be associated with a woman who makes these kind of vulgar irrational comments online. See a few examples below.”

My Reply: 

As I have written before, neither Dirt nor I hate straight women.  This commenter, along with many others, is apparently mistaking very direct communication with “hate”.  The two are not the same thing. Even when Dirt and I are rude (and yes, I know we can be), it does not equate to “hate”.

Furthermore, I don’t have to let ANYONE speak; this is my blog and I can, and do, choose what comments get published. If you want to speak unfettered by concerns about whether someone else will publish whatever you want to say, the simple solution is to get your own blog.

Also, the term “lifelong lesbian” is debatable (I will write more on this below).

Most importantly, though, out of this section, the last part sounds vaguely like a threat to my professional status. Perhaps it is not intended that way, but when dealing with angry people, I always have to be alert to such things.

Here’s the thing with her last statement (“I don’t imagine it looks good for your professional career to be associated with a woman…” ~ meaning Dirt, of course):

The United States is a democracy…well, at least it still is for now. Freedom of speech is still allowed in my country…and yes, that right to speak freely even includes psychologists.

It’s neither unethical nor illegal for me to state my opinion on a variety of topics. I never have, and never would, do anything unethical or harmful, and to imply that I have or would is both incorrect and libelous.

In fact, spirited debate about a variety of topics is a healthy part of most professions, including psychology; as well as being a cornerstone of democracy itself.

The most interesting thing about the latter part of this comment is the implication that I should be held accountable for not only my own actions/statements, but also those of my wife.

Um…no. It is not my job to police my wife’s words/actions; I am her wife, not her keeper. Dirt is a fully functioning adult who can, and does, speak/act for herself. So am I. Healthy relationships are not codependent or controlling.

2). Comment:

“Why would people get the impression that dirt and Saye hate straight people? Gee, it couldn’t have anything to do with all the obscene and vulgar “STRAIGHTBIAN/Het Woman, Miss STRAIGHTOTHENEXTDICK” rants that dirt often uses on her blog. Dirt even calls lifelong lesbians who point out some of the ridiculous statements she says on her blog, “STRAIGHTOTHENEXTDICK”. It’s a fact that dirt did call a woman she incorrectly assumed was straight, ‘Miss STRAIGHTOTHENEXTDICK”. No, this doesn’t mean dirt hates straight people. And, these are some of the nicer comments. All we have to do is read some of dirt’s comments.

I have to admit that as a lifelong lesbian who has never had sex with a male in my entire life that I’m no expert on straight people. Straight people have always confused me. Most of the time I feel out of place around them. Frankly, I’ve never quite understood heterosexuals, and I’ve never been attracted to males on sexual basis. Ever. Not even once. I love women physically, sexually, and emotionally. I love women from the depths of my soul. Having said this, I don’t hate heterosexuals. In fact, as lesbians we need educated heterosexual as allies.”

My Reply:

Dirt has never pretended to be Miss Manners; if you want Miss Manners, you are looking at the wrong blog.

As noted above, very direct, even rude, language does not equal “hate”. I can see why this would be somewhat puzzling to some people, but there is an important distinction between the two.

Regarding the “lifelong lesbian” portion of this comment, being with women and/or NOT being with men does not necessarily equate to being a Lesbian.

Behavior does not equal orientation. So: a woman can be with another woman for 50 years, but that does not necessarily mean she is a Lesbian.

Conversely, a “later-in-life” Lesbian can marry a man and perhaps even stay married for years, but that doesn’t mean she is straight; because if a woman is truly a Lesbian, she was NEVER straight, no matter how long she was with a man.

Once more in the off-chance that it will finally sink in:

Behavior ≠ Orientation!

Being a Lesbian is much more than who we f**k, or even whether we f**k. Lesbians process information and communicate differently than straight females. And I must say, our wanna-be commenter does NOT act/think/communicate like a Lesbian.

Finally, the comment “as lesbians we need educated heterosexual as allies” shows that the wanna-be commenter is unaware of the sad fact that Lesbians are on our own.

Our seeming “allies” are often shockingly lesbophobic, in both subtle (example: ignoring Lesbian comments, while enthusiastically responding to heterosexuals and Straightbians) and not-so-subtle (example: calling us offensive terms such as gender non-conforming or gender-defiant, which incorrectly implies that Lesbians are willfully defying societal norms).

And those are just a couple of examples.

3). Comment:

Note: This portion is redacted because of the wanna-be commenter‘s insistence on cramming the “gender critical mom’s” blog down our throats, against our will, despite the fact we have made it clear that we feel that such blogs are NOT true Lesbian allies.

The wanna-be commenter goes on to give an example posted on said blog which (allegedly) refutes Dirt’s (correct!) assertion that males who are transitioning are NOT coercing Lesbians into sex with them.

I won’t belabor that particular point again here, since Dirt has already covered it more than once, except to say that I have no doubt that there are males out there who are attempting to coerce females into sexual situations with them.

However, Lesbians are not the ones falling for it. Here’s your first clue, Sherlock: Lesbians don’t do dick.

The problem is, the example given by our wanna-be commenter does NOT, in fact, refute Dirt’s statement.

The example was based on a post by an self-described “detransitioned Butch Lesbian” on said redacted blog. Part of this example included this self-identified “detransitioned Butch Lesbian” revealing that she’d sent nude pics to not just one, but TWO (!?), males, having contacted them herself after seeing these 2 dillweeds posting about being “horny + suicidal”, and how only nude pics would make them feel better.

Um. Wow. How can I say this as nicely as possible?

First and foremost, any adults (regardless of who they are or how they “identify”) who are eliciting/accepting nude pics from any minor need to face severe consequences for their actions.

And any 16-year-old female who seeks out such predatory males herself and proceeds to send them nude pics needs sympathy, empathy, and professional help to examine the reasons why such a bizarre thing happened not just once, but TWICE (!?), and how to prevent it from happening in the future.

But would a LESBIAN do any of that? No.

Actually: Not just no, BUT HELL NO.

Lesbians don’t seek out males of any sort, nor do we send them nude pics of ourselves. Think about it.

Additionally, someone willing to send nude pics is obviously NOT dysphoric.  Think about it.

So, what does our wanna-be commenter‘s example prove? It certainly does NOT prove what she hoped it would.

All it proves is that our gender-critical straight “allies” don’t have a single clue what the meaning of either “Lesbian” or “Dysphoria” is, and continue to pimp out even more misinformation about Lesbian lives, all in the name of “helping” us.

Thanks, but NO THANKS.

4). Comment:

“This (Note: ‘this’ is referring to example discussed above regarding the nude pics) is happening to vulnerable young lesbians, and dirt doesn’t want to hear it. Nothing in this article makes me believe that this young woman is straight. Tomboys who would have grown up to be proud butch lesbians are being harmed.

This is how dirt describes the courageous young woman in this article posted on (REDACTED BLOG). To me, the young woman in the article sounds like a young lesbian who just got caught up in the trans craze. Young women feel intense pressure to identify as trans/queer/nonbinary, and this young woman says there is pressure on young lesbians to date transwomen, or be seen as transphobic. This young woman is now in a romantic relationship with a woman. She is just one of thousands of young lesbians who got sucked into the trans craze.

Dirt says,

“Her proof that Dykes are being duped into dick is a (clearly mentally screwed Het Trans Female) who now and I fucking quote IDENTIFIES as lesbian! Oh WOW! Yeah Mrs Dirt and I are so convinced by this we too are feeling pressured to dick lick! N O T!!!”

(source: http://dirtywhiteboi67.blogspot.com/2017/06/unstraightening-straight-lies-about.html)

I don’t have any problem with my sexuality, and I don’t care if dirt insults me. Why would dirt insult the courageous and well informed mother who runs (REDACTED BLOG)? Why would dirt insult the young woman in the (REDACTED BLOG) article? To me, this article sounds like a confused young lesbian who got caught up in the trans.”

(NOTE: What follows is several more links from said REDACTED BLOG and comments about how we should LOVE said REDACTED BLOG. Needless to say, I am not going to post all that rhetoric. Let’s just say our wanna-be commenter seems sooooo intent on crawling up this blogger’s butt, we would normally suspect she is a proctologist, but we know she’s not from her LinkedIn profile.)

My Reply:

Again, as I noted above, the example given most certainly does NOT sound remotely like Lesbian behavior, plus the words “identify as a Lesbian” raise a huge red flag of NON-Lesbian status.  (Lesbian is NOT something to “identify as”…you either are, or you’re not, and actual Lesbians know that).

What part of sending nude pics to males is unclear to our wanna-be commenter? “Nothing to suggest she is straight”, huh? Really?

Furthermore, neither Dirt nor I have ever said that Lesbians, young or otherwise, aren’t feeling tremendous pressure to transition and pressure in other ways as well.

QUITE THE OPPOSITE, in fact.

(HELLO!! Anybody home? Knock-knock, reality is calling!)…

Dirt has been writing about these very issues for approximately a DECADE now. She was writing about the pressures on Lesbians long, long, LONG before this new posse of so-called “gender-critical” hets even noticed the trans trend, but in typical straight-privileged fashion, decided that THEY were the experts on the topic, giving ZERO credit to the Lesbians, especially Dirt, who had been voicing the very same concerns, and MORE, for YEARS. Years.

Shaking my head.

Is that the behavior of true allies? No, it is most certainly NOT.

5). Comment:

“I’m a lifelong lesbian who has never had sex with a man, and this is how dirt describes me. I’m a lesbian, and this made me cry. This insult is the worst possible insult to say to any lesbian. It was so over the top offensive. This is the way dirt attacks lesbians who have different opinions, or challenges some of her articles.

‘This comment by Miss STRAIGHTOTHENEXTDICK is an vain attempt at proof she is a Lesbian by describing a litany of known STRAIGHTBIAN behaviours. Lesbian to her is about who you share your pussy with, not whats between your ears. Again, neither Mrs Dirt nor myself have ever said not diddling dick equals Dyke. Plenty O STRAIGHTBIANS have long term relationships with Women and Lesbians, but if you are N O T a Dyke in the womb, you are N O T a Dyke PERIOD!!!

….Clearly Miss I-kissed-a-man-on-the-phone-and-I-liked-it, you thought wrong about me/this blog! If a Woman wrote to me for legitimate help (and many have), of course I would do what was in my power to help them. But this blog and its intentions have/are/and will ALWAYS remain for LESBIANS/ABOUT LESBIANS, not Het Females (regardless of their trans state).

Miss I-flunked-out-of-elementary-school knows what she’s talkin ’bout cuz she spoke to a man pretending to be a Lesbian on a Lesbian dating site where she (Het Woman) was pretending to be a Lesbian!’

(source: http://dirtywhiteboi67.blogspot.com/2017/06/unstraightening-straight-lies-about.html)

I graduated from the University of California, one of the most respected institutions in the US, and dirt says I’m, ‘Miss I-flunked-out-of-elementary-school’. It’s a miracle that my uneducated mind can even string together a few sentences. So, please forgive my ignorance.”

My Reply:

My first thought is that I can think of about 20 insults, just off the top of my head, that are worse than that, but I will spare us all that list since my intention is honestly NOT to make anyone cry.

My second thought is that both Dirt and I receive insults, even threats, on a regular basis, that are much worse than “Straight-To-The-Next-Dick”, so I have to admit that I am genuinely puzzled why that particular statement would be sooooo upsetting.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t expect anyone to be happy about it, but I actually cannot imagine being moved to tears over a stranger’s verbal sparring.

My other thought is that neither Dirt nor I “attack someone for having different opinions” nor do we attack all of those that “challenge” us. (If we did, it would be a 24-hour-a-day job).

We do, however, routinely call out people who we feel are misrepresenting Lesbian lives and we do address the myriad ways in which Lesbian is continually bastardized, which is most certainly NOT a simple “difference of opinion”.

6). Comment:

“For the sake of argument, let’s say I’m not a lesbian. Apparently, only dirt and Saye know what lesbian means. I know I’m lesbian, and people who are secure in their sexuality don’t feel the need to explain themselves. At any rate, if I were heterosexual, which I clearly am not, dirt’s incoherent and especially mean spirited rants are proof that dirt has some serious issues with heterosexuals. I mean some serious underlying issues. Dirt and Saye want all of us to believe that calling a woman who they incorrectly perceive as straight, ‘Miss STRAIGHTOTHENEXTDICK’ is not being disrespectful to heterosexuals. Please, get some help for dirt. Aren’t you supposed to be a psychologist?”

My reply:

I’m not “supposed to be a psychologist“, I AM a psychologist. However, to clarify, once again: the huge bulk of the writing I do is speaking as a LESBIAN, not as a psychologist. When I am writing as a psychologist, I am careful to say so.

Regardless, yes, Dirt and I are indeed saying that many, both past and present, who have claimed to be Lesbians are NOT actually Lesbians. And yes, we do know the difference; it is usually quite clear by such data as statements they make (such as “being a Lesbian is a choice” ~  when a real Lesbian would know it’s not). The non-Lesbians we wrote about in the Unstraightening Lesbian series have a huge body of public statements from which to analyze. Plus, there’s a little thing called gaydar.

We didn’t ask our wanna-be commenter to verify her orientation, but for some unknown reason, she seems determined to try to convince us.  As she herself says here, why would anyone feel the need to continue to try to explain herself (as she herself clearly does)? Doth she protest too much?

Also, what Dirt is saying is only “incoherent” to our wanna-be commenter, who clearly doesn’t speak Lesbian.

Finally, and most importantly, our wanna-be commenter is very wrong about her statement that Dirt needs help.

And, yes, I AM saying that both as a psychologist and a Lesbian.

The only “help” Dirt needs is for individuals such as our wanna-be commenter to stop talking long enough to listen; to stop arguing long enough to THINK.

Unless our wanna-be commenter can arrange for that, I must now bid her a not-so-fond adieu.

Do Dirt and I Hate Straight Women?

Since Dirt and I have been speaking out about how Lesbians are different than straight women and how straight females (even many alleged “allies“) and Straightbians harm Lesbians, we have received a lot of feedback which typically boils down to: “Be nice! We need to support our straight sisters! You HATE straight women! Etc.

In fact, I recently accidentally noticed someone on Twitter subtweeting “She (Dirt) hates straight women”. I already addressed it directly with that person, but the incident made me realize that some people seem to actually think that, so I felt I needed to do a specific post on it.

So, here’s the official answer:

NO, DIRT AND I DO NOT HATE STRAIGHT WOMEN.

(Sighing loudly).

NoHate

Image: Pixabay CC0 Public Domain

Pointing out that there are actual differences between straight females and Lesbians beyond who we f**k does NOT equal “hate”.

Pointing out that Lesbians have been harmed in numerous ways by Straightbians and even many straight allies does NOT equal “hate”.

Look, if Dirt and I actually hated straight females, we’d just SAY it. It’s not like we are known for mincing words, is it? 

Falsely claiming that what we are saying equals “hate” is a typical but transparent way to try to dismiss what we are actually saying and to attempt to alienate people from us.

Both Dirt and I have many straight female friends, relatives, and coworkers who we get along with just fine, thank you very much.

The key factor with these relationships is the fact that NONE of these women who we remain close to are pretending to be Lesbian, speaking for Lesbians, lying about Lesbians, appropriating Lesbian, profiting from Lesbians, or in any other way harming Lesbians.

Because if they were doing any of that, we would NOT remain close to them.

Our true friends stay in their lane, and we stay in our lane. They don’t tell us what it’s like to be a Lesbian, and we don’t tell them what it’s like to be straight.

It’s really simple, Sherlock:

Standing up for ourselves and for Lesbian lives/rights is NOT “hate” nor is it inappropriate in any way. What is actually wrong is when straight women attempt to hetsplain Lesbian to actual Lesbians while refusing to listen to us.

Bottom line: Dirt and I do NOT hate straight females, but we do, in fact, hate what is often done to Lesbians by straight females. There’s a HUGE difference between the two, and it would behoove our detractors to learn what that difference is.

“How Very Dare You?” (How Hets Respond To Lesbians)

Amidst all of the general nonsense Dirt and I deal with on a daily basis, a recent recurrent theme I have noticed in many argumentative comments and tweets to us is:

HOW DARE WE?

How dare we speak about/as Lesbians?

How dare we say that any woman cannot magically “become a Lesbian”?

How dare we say that words like “Lesbian”, “Butch”, “Femme” etc. have actual meaning and should be used correctly?

How dare we imply that we are “experts” of any sort?

How dare we say that many are falsely calling themselves “Lesbian”?

How dare we challenge the currently in-vogue idea that everything is all about “identity”: the idea that if you simply “identify as” ________(fill in the blank: Lesbian; Butch; Femme; Hippopotamus; Whatever) you ARE ___________?

The list goes on and on and on, but I think you get the basic idea, which boils down to “How very dare you?”

I recently replied that there are about 3,468,576,823,845 STRAIGHT blogs, books, articles, TV shows, magazines, etc.; yet NOBODY ever comments such things to them: Who are YOU to talk about being straight? What would YOU know? What gives YOU the right to talk about straight people/relationships? How would YOU know about being straight? Who are YOU to say who is straight? Etc.

Nope, that never happens, and I will tell you why. Because nobody questions “straight”. First of all, straights are the HUGE majority. Secondly, straight is pretty…well…straightforward: Nobody has hijacked “straight” like “Lesbian” has been hijacked repeatedly. Nobody is falsely speaking for all straight people, implying that they are all perverts and weirdos or that it’s all “just a choice” or any other such idiocy.

Even when a Lesbian comes out later in life, she didn’t hijack straight out of privilege; in fact, it’s the opposite: she felt she had to pretend to be straight in order to please family, society, or church. She got hijacked BY straight.

Think about it: For a straight person to even question our right to speak out as/regarding Lesbians smacks of privilege.

Let me be clear: While straight people are always very welcome to read our blogs and to comment, and while we still sincerely hope that some straight people will be capable of seeing the light, Dirt and I are not writing for straight people. We hope that some straight people will understand, but we don’t actually expect them to.

Instead, we are writing to Lesbians. And we are writing as Lesbians.

We not only have the right to do so, we have the duty. 

Attention: straights and Straightbians: We DO dare.  And all your arguing, snarkiness, denial, rudeness, subtweeting, and straight privilege in the universe won’t stop us.

In summary: Suck it up, buttercup(s), because we’re not going away.

Buttercup

Image: Pixabay: CC0 Public Domain

Butches, Stripping, and Straightbians…Oh My

For a couple of days now, I have been in a series of heated debates regarding the question of whether Butches would ever be strippers. (Answer: Not just no, but HELL NO).

In response to my statement that the probability of a Butch stripping would be approximately a snowball’s chance in Hell, I received this flippant tweet, presumably to “prove” that Butches do strip:

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Problem is: The woman depicted here is most certainly NOT Butch, and most likely, she’s not even ANY sort of Lesbian either. This tweeter, along with a plethora of others, incorrectly assume that if any woman cuts her hair short and dons a suit (or any other so-called “male attire”) and simply makes the claim she is Butch, she is magically (POOF!) suddenly Butch.

But it doesn’t work that way. Not even close. Butches are born, not made.  Butch is NOT a performance, a costume, a political stance, or an act, and it is majorly offensive when people appropriate and misrepresent Lesbian lives.

A true Butch would NEVER strip. She would literally die first, and that is NOT an exaggeration.

What gives me the right to make such a broad claim, you ask? Because I am a Femme Lesbian. Because I am married to a Butch, and have known other Butches. Because I have been in the Lesbian community for many, many years now, and have seen so many dykes & Straightbians call themselves Butch when they clearly weren’t. Because I happen to have a lot more knowledge about this topic that most people.

(Yes, I said it, I mean it, and I don’t care if you mistakenly think that is arrogant, because, yes, I do, in fact, know more about this topic than most people).

Anyway, I won’t bore you with giving you a play-by-play of every argumentative hetsplaining tweet or every Straightbian arguing with Lesbians about OUR OWN LIVES. It would take a dissertation to just explain the last couple of days.

But let’s examine one striking example of the sort of ignorance and attitude real Lesbians have to put up with:

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Let’s examine this snippet. Seemingly out-of-the-blue, a relatively new “feminist” account with 14 followers at the time and a handful of tweets crawls out of some hole to randomly bust my chops?

Hmmmm…it seems likely that this is a familiar troll in a new disguise, but regardless of this person’s true identity, automatically jumping to a racial connotation when race was not even mentioned is an incredibly transparent attempt to derail the actual point (“Butches don’t strip…period.”) by implying I am somehow inexplicably being racist by talking about a Lesbian issue.

Obviously, that idiotic crap doesn’t work with me. “Stick to the topic or shut up” is my motto.

(And, no, there are not any Butches of any race stripping for a living, now or ever).

Moving on to the next ridiculous assertion from our wannabe know-it-all:

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Okay, so calling me a racist didn’t work, so what does this buffoon do now? Hmmm…Oh, I know, let’s bring RAPE into it! THAT always derails the discussion!

This “rape culture” statement is completely off-topic and makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, so, again, this is an obvious attempt to discredit what we are saying by twisting what we are actually saying to try to make it mean something completely unrecognizable.

This is actually a very common Straightbianfeministploy:

If you have no argument and/or simply don’t understand the topic, it’s time to bring up any of the following to try to derail the conversation:

  • Rape or Rape Culture
  • The Patriarchy
  • The “Trans Cult”
  • Racism
  • Sexism
  • Any other “ism”
  • Discrimination
  • Violence Against Women
  • MRAs
  • Men in dresses “forcing”/”coercing” Lesbians to have sex with them (Not happening)

Well, those tactics may work with some people, but they are certainly not going to work with me or Dirt.

Again, the topic at hand was simple: Butch Lesbians and stripping. This topic has nothing to do with racism, rape, etc.

Back to the point: Do Butches strip?

And the final answer is: Butch Lesbians would never strip, regardless of race, age, audience, era, or circumstance.

The end.