Tag Archive | Lesbian Invisibility

“Dirt Is A Failed Transman”: The Urban Myth

I have written before, here, about how the urban myth that Dirt is a “failed transman” persists like a demented zombie in a low-budget horror film.

What I didn’t fully address, though, is WHY this myth is so prevalent.  I did mention that the people perpetrating this falsehood are so trapped in their own gender-straitjacketed notions that they simply cannot conceptualize the fact that Dirt is a LESBIAN, nor do they understand that Lesbian is NORMAL, but I didn’t elaborate further on the underlying causes of this tedious rumor.

But the exact WHY is crucial, and needs to be addressed directly.

Therefore, Dirt did her own post on this topic (link here).

I have also copied and pasted her post below, because I strongly feel that it is important to address the root of this prevalent lie.

So, without further ado, here is Dirt’s response, in her own words:

As not simply someone who has written about Lesbians and transition for more than a decade, BUT as a Lesbian writing about Lesbians and transition, to assuage transgender fears and prejudices, in transgender circles the world over it has become urban myth that I myself have “tried to transition” but sadly “failed“. I’m not quite sure how one would fail, apparently the myth making never got beyond fail, but there you have it. “Dirt is a failed transman.”

A little something about myths:

As there is ZERO facts/truths to me having transitioned/detransitioned/tried transitioning/tried and failed transition, what would be the analogy which motivates these falsehoods? Outside of the zillions of petty little self soothing needs/motivations that spring from the individual, there are two prime reasons for the Dirt is a Failed Transman Myth:

  1. Lesbian has been removed from Lesbians.
  2. If Lesbians don’t exist beyond RadFem anyonecanchoosetobealesbian warped ideology and gender nonconforming confirms transgender origins, then normal Lesbians MUST surely be Trans, even if we fail at it.
Myth doesn’t hide things, it distorts them.”

Prior to Transgender ideology being commonplace, Lesbians like myself were often viewed/called and bashed with phases like mannish lesbians, lesbians who want to be men, lesbians who really are men, lesbians who act like men, masculine lesbians to list a few. Insults all couched in the swaddling cozy comfort of Heterosexuality.

But also prior to Trans Trending, even prior to the DSM III, Gays and Lesbians found comfort in finding other Gays and Lesbians. We didnt feel threatened by other Gays and Lesbians, instead for many of us we felt for the first time what it felt like to BE normal! To KNOW we were normal. NORMAL Homosexuals! NOT freaks of nature! NOT sick mother fuckers who shall burn in hell! NOT Gender Non Conforming! And most certainly NOT Transgender!

How do myths get created?

Between un-signifying Lesbian and inventing signifiers for Transgender from the ashes of Lesbian, Transgender has suddenly ALWAYS existed in human history. So much so, the once Lesbian tropes used by Lesbians (and Gays) as both survival instincts and mating instincts alike, are being used to back label historical Gays and Lesbians as Transgenders of history!

In my case, Heterocentric qualifiers/traits like mannish looking, acts like a man, masculine, handsome (rather than cute or beautiful), wears mens clothes, keeps a short or cropped hair cut, passes as a man etc, with Lesbian removed from history and with me being qualified as man/nish BUT also being a biological female—queers special snowflakes/Transgenders of both sexes/Trans cohorts and allies of both sexes conclude that I’m a transgender who failed at transitioning because I remain calling myself by my sex (female)/and my sex’s proper (she/her) pronouns. And from thence, myth!

I’m not a failed transman because I am, I’m a failed transman because some people need me to be.

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Lesbian Lives Matter

The following are just a small sample of recent responses to Dirt’s and my Lesbian pride-type and Straightbian-type tweets/comments/posts:

  • “I don’t see the need to label myself/anybody.”
  • “We’re all just people.”
  • “Surely ALL lives matter…”
  • “I’m just me; I don’t label myself as a Lesbian and don’t think you should limit/label yourself either.”
  • “People are more alike than different.”
  • “Views like this just cause further divide…”
  • “I’m very similar to many of my straight friends; why label myself?”
  • “I don’t feel the need to constantly define myself as a lesbian because I would still be the same person regardless of my sexuality.”
  • “Labels hurt people.”
  • “Why does who I’m attracted to have to make me ‘different’?”
  • “We should all move forward together. Not back into the dark ages of in-fighting” (in reference to in-fighting within the so-called LGBT++++ community)
  • “I’m just me. I’m more than my sexual orientation.”
  • “The only difference between me and my neighbor is I sleep next to a woman…”
  • “Sexuality is fluid; people can’t/shouldn’t be labelled.”
  • “I don’t want to label myself…I’m human.”

There are many, many more examples, but I think you get the idea.

There’s just one problem with this line of thinking: It’s utterly ridiculous.

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Image: PicsArt #FreeToEdit

Well, technically, maybe it’s not completely wrong. After all, it is not wrong in the sense that we all are indeed human; because (of course…well, um…duh!!) we are. That fact has never been in question. Lesbians, like everybody else, have much in common with our fellow humans: we eat, we work, we try to stay healthy, we have friends and family and furry companions we care deeply about, we feel love and loss and hope and fear and every other emotion known to humankind, and we are mortal; just to name a few universally human traits.

Instead, what I mean is that this line of thinking is wrong (and ridiculous) in the sense of any attempt to lump all humans together into one huge amorphous blob is not only incorrect, it is damaging to everyone, including Lesbians.

And since Lesbians are my only focus, this post will cover how this “Surely All Lives Matter — We Are All One — We Are Just Like Everyone Else (Etc.)” mentality harms us specifically.

This pathetic attempt at forced assimilation denies our Lesbian uniqueness, encourages us to deny our own true nature in order to attempt to “blend in” with society, and further contributes to Lesbian invisibility.

Saying “but surely ALL lives matter” when Dirt and I are specifically trying to stand up for Lesbian rights and attempting to address uniquely Lesbian issues is just as offensive to Lesbians as tweeting #AllLivesMatter is to the #BlackLivesMatter movement.

Sure, it’s true that all lives do matter, but by saying that in response to our specific points/concerns regarding Lesbian lives, is a transparent way to minimize and deny what we are saying. It is a way to try to shut us up. It is a way to attempt to make us feel guilty for prioritizing Lesbian needs before anyone else’s.  It’s a way of saying “Lesbians Be NICE!

Whenever any group expresses concerns which are specific to them, it is both obnoxious and dismissive to immediately jump to a “but all lives matter/we’re all just alike” attitude.

It is especially offensive when people are replying “But ALL Lives Matter!” in regard to Straightbians. Straightbians have a long history of messing up Lesbian lives, in a myriad of ways ranging from breaking our hearts to spreading misinformation about us to even encouraging us to transition, and they continue to do so every single day.

Dirt and I are not advocating for harm or denial of rights to anyone, including Straightbians, but we sure as heck aren’t going to put Lesbian lives on the back burner in order to kiss Straightbian butt either. (That’s already being done by almost everyone else). Plus, Straightbians already have straight privilege, and they wield it like the weapon it is against Lesbians all the time. So they are on their own, they are not our circus.

Here’s the thing: Lesbians are different. We are still persecuted for this fact, each and every day. Anyone who is a Lesbian, or even anyone who knows Lesbians well, knows this fact, and those who are denying it are clearly not Lesbians or allies themselves.

Stop denying Lesbian existence. Stop minimizing our valid concerns. Stop trying to shut us up. Stop trying to force us to assimilate. Just…stop.

Lesbians Do Not Want Men (This Is Not Rocket Science, People!) 

Several people have sent me the link to an extremely odious Huffington Post Queer article entitled “I Came Out As A Lesbian – But Then I Fell In Love With A Man“. Thanks for the heads-up!

First of all, the fact that the publisher of the article has “Queer” in their title tells us everything we need to know.

Lesbian is NOT queer, and queer is NOT Lesbian.

Queer usually equals “special snowflake straight”.

Moving on to the article itself, there is no need to even analyze it, because the title itself is a huge spoiler:

The author clearly never was a Lesbian…instead, she just called herself one, and obviously continues to falsely use “Lesbian” as her own personal badge of blinding specialness.

News flash, cupcake: You are a garden variety het. And you always were.

And there is nothing wrong with being a het…as long as you don’t appropriate Lesbian lives with your bullshit.

I find myself repeating the same fact over and over and OVER, because of the ongoing efforts to overtake and queerify Lesbian, and I will continue to do so because it obviously needs to be said:

LESBIANS DO NOT WANT MALES. LESBIANS DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH MALES. LESBIANS DO NOT FALL IN LOVE WITH MALES. LESBIANS DO NOT FANTASIZE ABOUT MALES. Etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. ad nauseum.

Lesbians want other Lesbians.

This is not a difficult concept, folks.

The other thing Lesbians want is for ALL of the people who are lying about our lives to shut the Hell up.

Image: PicsArt #FreeToEdit

Lesbian Allies (or Enemies)?

In the last year or so, on Twitter and elsewhere, a plethora of straight-privileged so-called “gender critical” individuals have appeared, acting like they have invented the wheel, without giving credit to the ones, including my sweetie Dirt, who have been saying the same thing (and more!) for YEARS.

It’s fine to be late to the party (heck, I am too!), and when it comes to any kind of enlightenment, it’s always “better late than never”, but geez…how difficult is it to give proper credit to those who figured stuff out before you even noticed it??

As just one example out of many, yesterday, one of them tweeted a meme, brazenly using the tagline that Dirt has ALWAYS used, for years now, without giving proper credit to Dirt:

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Dirt’s Tagline

When Dirt, very politely, mentioned this, and I “liked” her tweet, this individual promptly unfollowed me and completely ignored Dirt’s request, instead of simply saying “okay” or “sorry” or even (imagine this!) retweeting the meme while properly crediting Dirt.

Really?  This is the act/attitude of an “ally”?

Answer: No, it isn’t.

Bottom line: Lesbians, don’t be lulled into thinking this new wave of “gender critical” individuals are automatically our true friends or allies. I learned the hard way that there is often underlying lesbophobia lurking underneath the seemingly supportive veneer.

Lesbians Need A New Symbol

Note:  Please also read: Dirt’s companion piece, “Double Female Symbol-Not Lesbian-Then or Now” for additional information/explanation.

Dirt and I have been talking and writing for a while now about how Lesbian has been consistently misrepresented, used, and abused…twisted in a whirlwind of hetsplanations, pornifications, and outright lies.

Even the universally recognized symbol for Lesbian (intertwined female symbols) is NOT LESBIAN.

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“Lesbian” Symbol (NOT!)

Why?

Well, there are many reasons; Dirt’s companion piece, “Double Female Symbol-Not Lesbian-Then or Now” for more reasons/explanation.

The piece of the puzzle that I am focusing on today is: this symbol does NOT accurately represent Lesbian because 2 females kissing, holding hands, or even making love does not mean either/both are actually Lesbian. Any 2 females can do any of those things, of course, but it is NOT “Lesbian” unless the individuals involved are BOTH Lesbians.

Here’s the truth: If something doesn’t involve actual LESBIANS, it is NOT LESBIAN.

In TV shows and movies, if there is even the slightest whiff of flirtation between 2 female characters (even if either of the characters was f**cking a man 5 minutes earlier and/or goes on to f**k a man 5 minutes later)…BOOM…people will immediately start talking about a “Lesbian scene” or “Lesbian subplot” or “Lesbian subtext” or “Lesbian kiss” etc. etc. etc., ad nauseum.

The following is but a very small sample of the NON-lesbian characters/scenarios in TV and movies that have been incorrectly called “Lesbian“:  (Note that I am not talking about whether or not the actors themselves are straight; I am talking about the characters/scenarios):

1). Roseanne Barr’s famous “Lesbian” kiss with Mariel Hemingway in the episode “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”. While addressing homophobia, an admirable goal, was the reason given by Barr for including this scene, unfortunately, calling kissing a married straight woman a “Lesbian” (or “gay” as some  people, including Barr, incorrectly insist on saying) scene undermines real Lesbians by implying that we are defined solely by physical contact or action. Lesbian is lesbian, and straight is straight, regardless of physical/sexual activity.

2). The entire hideously offensive “Lesbian” movie “The Kids are All Right“, in which Julianne Moore’s allegedly “Lesbian” character f**ked a male like a minx throughout the whole debacle, only to claim at the end of the movie that such straight behavior didn’t mean she wasn’t a “Lesbian“.  Um…yeah, it does, in fact, mean just that.

3). Almost every “Lesbian” storyline in Orange is the New Black, starting, but sadly not ending, with Straightbian Piper’s on-again, off-again affair with Alex. This decidedly NON-Lesbian storyline is foreshadowed in the Season 1 official trailer, in which at approximately .36-.37 seconds, Piper’s mom asks “You were a lesbian?” and Piper (sitting with her MALE fiance) replies “At the time”. No, no, no, no, no! You either are, or you’re not, a Lesbian, Piper. To make matters even worse, the OITNB Lesbian characters who are REAL Lesbians are portrayed as sexual predators (Big Boo) or killed off (Poussey).  Boo, Hiss.

4). Thelma and Louise has been applauded as an excellent example of “Lesbian” subtext. Bullshit. Both Thelma and Louise were straight women who needlessly got themselves into a difficult situation, making progressively worse and worse decisions…including Geena Davis’s character first willingly making out with a guy in the parking lot (who turned out to be a wannabe rapist) which resulted in the very reason they became outlaws, then later f**king a male thief’s brains out. The whole sad nonsense culminated in them driving themselves off a freaking cliff.  Thelma and Louise are not heroic feminist icons, and they are definitely NOT Lesbians.

5). Xena: Okay, this last example actually pains me to discuss, because I was a Xena fan. I realize now that I was so starved for Lesbian representation that I was willing to scarf up the “subtext” scraps the writers and actors threw us. I was willing to overlook the “maintext” plots involving male romantic entanglements. I was willing to deny my own discomfort when the show could not be trusted to even acknowledge us, much less actually care about us, despite the fan base being heavily Lesbian. Now it’s time to admit that the  so-called Xena “Lesbian subtext” was only a pitiful broken bone thrown to the hungry Lesbian audience, all the while maintaining the true heterosexuality of the 2 main characters to keep their ratings, and their straight privilege, intact.

The examples of such NON-Lesbian scenarios go on and on and on and ON.

It is time to stop this foolishness. We need to stop calling any female/female innuendo “Lesbian”. I know I said it before, but I will say it again and again and again:

If something doesn’t involve actual LESBIANS, it is NOT LESBIAN.

lezzie-symbol

 

The On-Going Bastardization Of The Meaning Of Lesbian

Not a day goes by that at least one perverted male on Twitter follows me, tweets to me, and/or sends me a personal message, often including a dick pic (ugh!!), because I have the word “Lesbian” in my profile.

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A smart and logical person will immediately see the paradox:  I state clearly that I am a LESBIAN in my profile (and a happily married one!), but yet, the use of the word “Lesbian” prompts MEN to follow, tweet to, and/or message me.

Huh??

Yes, this phenomenon is but a small part of the current sad state of affairs for Lesbians who dare to continue to call ourselves Lesbians.

Unfortunately, Lesbians are misrepresented in so many ways, by so many people, that one post alone could not possibly even scratch the surface of the multiple bastardizations of our name, so this post will focus on the issue of the pornification of  the word”Lesbian”.

A quick search of #lesbian on Twitter revealed the following (and this is just the first 3 results, note that the pornified trend continues ad nauseum below where I screencapped):

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Just from the incredibly small sample above, you will see that the word “Lesbian” is somehow FALSELY associated with MALE: porn, fetish, variations of “cum”, MILF, FUTA (which I had to look up because I had NO CLUE what it meant, and it means “f**cked up the a$$”), and cuckolded, amongst other incorrect and unsavory references.

I have one main word to describe my feelings about this, and that word is EWWWWWW.

Let me be clear:

Lesbians do NOT want men.

Lesbians do NOT date men.

Lesbians do NOT fantasize about men.

Lesbians do NOT have sex with men.

Lesbians do NOT want to be a part of men’s creepy porno fantasies.

Etc.

Lesbians are females who are solely romantically/sexually oriented toward other females. End of story. It’s not complicated, folks.

I am reminded of Saturday nights in Lesbian bars. Almost every Saturday night, about 10:00 p.m., the door would swing open and in would walk a heterosexual couple, dressed up and eagerly scanning the bar for a target for their threesome, seemingly sure that we Lesbians would be THRILLED to be chosen for their evening shenanigans. Their hopeful faces would become increasingly LESS hopeful as they scanned the sea of dykes who did not meet their pornified fantasy. You could see the confusion on their faces. Where were all the scantily-clad nubile nymphets eager to put a smile on their faces? Who were these Lesbians and why were we ignoring them?  Occasionally, the woman of the couple would sashay onto the dance floor and attempt to dance seductively with a series of puzzled, drunk dykes who regarded this activity with a mixture of suspicion, derision, and horror. Needless to say, the straight couple would leave; puzzled, disappointed, and undoubtedly frustrated. Good riddance.

Moral of the story: Lesbians are not your bitches, hets.

Some people have asked me why I don’t simply remove Lesbian from my profile to avoid these unwanted perverts. I won’t remove Lesbian from my profile because I am stubborn. I AM a Lesbian, and I am proud to be a Lesbian. If I remove the word from my profile, I am giving up and allowing ignorance to win.

Lesbian visibility is important. Lesbian is normal and we need to stand together and stand up. The more we counteract the harmful messages, the better.

Lesbian is normal, lesbian is normal, lesbian is normal, lesbian is normal, lesbian is normal, lesbian is normal, lesbian is normal, lesbian is normal, lesbian is normal, lesbian is normal, lesbian is normal, lesbian is normal, lesbian is normal, lesbian is normal, lesbian is normal, lesbian is normal, lesbian is normal, lesbian is normal, lesbian is normal, lesbian is normal, lesbian is normal, lesbian is normal, lesbian is normal, LESBIAN IS NORMAL. And our lives matter.

True Lesbian-Only Space: A New Paradigm For A New Year

Amidst all the Twitter clamor to reclaim female-only spaces, what often seems to get lost in the shuffle is the need for Lesbian-only spaces.

The main reason, besides general straight privilege and Lesbian invisibility, for this glaring omission relates to what Dirt and I talk about incessantly: The prevalent, but incorrect, assumption that any female can magically become a Lesbian.

I am going to go out on a limb here and say that Straightbians are typically MUCH more of a threat to Lesbian spaces, lives, and culture than the males who are inspiring all the tweeting.

Of course, the presence of males in dedicated female/Lesbian spaces is indeed problematic also, and I am not minimizing those issues at all. But that is a separate topic which others have covered thoroughly.

However, no Lesbian is ever going to mistake any male for another Lesbian. Lesbians aren’t dating males. Lesbians aren’t falling in love with them. Lesbians aren’t wasting years of our lives with them. Lesbians aren’t sleeping with them. Lesbians aren’t tempted to sleep with them. Lesbians aren’t being coerced to sleep with them. Lesbians aren’t, for the most part, even interacting with them.

Heads up: Any special-snowflake “queer” woman who spouts nonsense such as love/attraction is not about genitalia (blah-blah-blah, yada-yada-yada) is straight-up NOT a Lesbian.

So, unless males are actually overtly attacking us (otherwise known as rape!!), Lesbians generally are not truly being threatened by males.

In contrast, every day and in every way, Straightbians make life complicated, miserable, confusing, and sometimes even downright dangerous for Lesbians. Straightbians are much more of a threat to Lesbians ~ because they are posing as Lesbians, co-opting Lesbian lives/spaces/culture, wasting Lesbian time, breaking Lesbian hearts, and Hetsplaining lesbian to actual Lesbians.

What Lesbians need is space free of Straightbians of every variety: free of the remarkably misnamed “political lesbians“; free of the “bi-curious” and the “queer”; free of the straight women who are burned out on men and seem to think Lesbians are their consolation prizes; free of the narcissistic academicesque radfems with their tired and decidedly un-radical rhetoric.

What Lesbians need is our own safe space, just for us. If you agree, please join Dirt and me in our new private Lesbian-only discussion forum ~ registration is at this link.

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Adapted Image: Original Image by Saffron Blaze, “Cotswold Vine Cottage Gate”, Creative Commons License

Happy New Year to all! Let’s make it a great one…together. Dirt & I would much rather gather a handful of like-minded Lesbians than to deal with a plethora of posers. We hope you will join us in our New Year’s Resolutions to make Lesbian lives a priority and in speaking Lesbian truth. It is time to take a stand and reclaim the meaning of Lesbian to reflect true Lesbian experience.