Tag Archive | Lesbian Lies

The Top 10 Things Straightbians Say When Told They Are Not Actual Lesbians

1). “Tell that to my wife/girlfriend!”

2). “Well, here’s a pic of me kissing a woman!”

3). “But I’ve dated/had sex with ___ (number of) women!”

4). “It is up to every woman to decide what she wants to ‘identify as’!”

5). “I haven’t been with a man since (insert year)!”

6). “But I love womyn!” or “But I am a womon-identified-womon!”

7). “But I went to Michfest!” (Or a women’s march, or a KD Lang concert, etc.).

8). “As Mary Daly said…” (or Sheila Jeffreys or Kate Millett or Andrea Dworkin or Adrienne Rich or any other famous Straightbian).

9). “Who are you, the Lesbian police?”

10). “But I really like to _______ (insert offensive hypersexual euphemism, usually referring to oral sex).”

News Flash, Straightbians: BEHAVIOR DOES NOT EQUAL ORIENTATION.

It simply does not matter whether you have “eschewed” men (or “eschewed femininity”); whether you have had sex with 1 woman or 4,257,890 women; whether you have had a relationship with a female for 4 minutes or 40 years: NONE of those things makes you a Lesbian.

Being a Lesbian is NOT about what you wear, how you cut your hair, making a political “choice”, “eschewing” men, or who you f*ck (or even whether you f*ck) — nor any other action you take (or don’t take).

You are either born a Lesbian, or you are not one at all.

The End.

UnStraightening Lesbian: Removing the Heterosexual Lens: Sheila Jeffreys

Note: This post is part of our ongoing UnSTRAIGHTening Lesbian series, and was originally posted here.

Next up in our unSTRAIGHTening Lesbian series is Radical (“political lesbian — AKA Het) Feminist Sheila Jeffreys.

Jeffreys was born/raised in England and later moved to Australia, taking up a professorship at the University of Melbourne. Jeffreys is known as much for her criticism of lesbians as she is for her criticism of Transgender ideology. Her friend and RadFem compatriot Julie Bindel said this of Sheila:

 Jeffreys’ introduction to feminist campaigning began in the early 70s when she joined a socialist feminist group (she was later thrown out for suggesting men were to blame for the oppression of women). Sandra McNeill, who met Jeffreys in that group, remembers her as “the Andrea Dworkin of the UK. She was, and still is, seen as an extreme, man-hating feminist”. Dworkin, as it happens, lived with a man, whom in 1998 she married.

Not Jeffreys. She became a lesbian in 1973 because she felt it contradictory to give “her most precious energies to a man” when she was thoroughly committed to a women’s revolution. Six years later, she went further and wrote, with others, a pamphlet entitled Love Your Enemy? The Debate Between Heterosexual Feminism And Political Lesbianism. In it, feminists who sleep with men are described as collaborating with the enemy. It caused a huge ruction in the women’s movement, and is still cited as an example of early separatists “going way too far”.

We do think,” it said, “that all feminists can and should be lesbians. Our definition of a political lesbian is a woman-identified woman who does not fuck men. It does not mean compulsory sexual activity with women.” Although many of the more radical feminists agreed, most went wild at being told they were “counter-revolutionary”.

These few quotes alone, are more than enough proof of Jeffreys’ innate Heterosexuality and her calculating Hetero=privileged co-option of Lesbian for her own selfish purposes, we really do not need to write anything further.

BUT due to Jeffreys making a long career out of Hetsplaining Lesbian and dressing/strapping actual Lesbians in STRAIGHTBIAN frocks, we are!

In the Spinster and her Enemies Jeffreys looks back on early male sexologists like Havelock Ellis to devise how/why early suffragettes/feminists were scared away from girl on girl relationships:

Interestingly, while Ellis fails to truly define real Lesbians (biological), he comes closer to understanding us than Jeffreys EVER has or will. That point aside, Jeffreys like Adrienne Rich or Radfems in general, Homophobically fear/ed being seen as real Lesbians (ugly/mannish per Het norms). Jeffreys/Radfems fears were/are so great as to stop them in their tracks (according to Jeffreys) from “BECOMING”lesbians!

Jeffreys continues, but extends her Homophobia by dragging in Radclyffe Hall’s novel, The Well of Loneliness. Jeffreys cannot see past her own Heterosexuality to realize that Radclyffe and her novel’s characters were also Heterosexuals PLAYING at their Hetero notions of Lesbian.

Jeffreys obsessive hatred of Butch/Femme shows itself through this passage. Jeffreys ignorantly attributes Hall’s warped STRAIGHTBIAN ideas about Butch/Femme as proof of her own STRAIGHTBIAN notions of Butch/Femme.

In a nutshell, the STRAIGHT leading the STRAIGHT about STRAIGHTS who are pretending to be Lesbian.

In Unpacking Queer Politics Jeffreys begins:

Like many RadFems, Jeffreys hatred of men isn’t limited to Het males, she equally despises Gay men and blames her Heterocentric ideas of “lesbian” masculinity/masculine worship for early “lesbian” transitions. One only has to read where Jeffreys got her information from (Halberstam/Devor etc.) to understand where Jeffreys fucked up. If you are going to write about Lesbians in ANY capacity, in order to obtain accurate information, you just might want to get your information from actual Lesbians and not STRAIGHTBIANS. (Duh).

Jeffreys continues her Homophobia by citing more Radfem garbage from one of the BIGGEST Homophobes and known STRAIGHTBIANS-Adrienne Rich!

Again, Jeffreys criticises lesbian role playing by citing the likes of mentally fucked up Heterosexual Women (STRAIGHTBIANS) like Joan Nestle/Sally Munt/Leslea Newman/Judith Halberstam. 

Jeffreys again uses faulty information from warped STRAIGHTBIANS. It is well known at this point that the inappropriately named “lesbian sex wars” were fought by hypersexual STRAIGHTBIANS on one side and prudish STRAIGHTBIANS (like Jeffreys) on the other… actual Lesbians were NEVER involved!

MOST interesting, though, is that Jeffreys (“lesbians who criticized“) admits to being turned on by what SHE calls dominance/submission/sado-society! Jeffreys merely convinces herself that she is better than the Califia’s and Nestle’s because she fights her NATURAL Hetero/sexual urges!

Sheila, honey, Lesbians don’t have urges to be fucked by men regardless of who’s on top!

Jeffreys then cites pro-pedophile STRAIGHTBIAN faghags Gayle Rubin and Pat Califia 
to cast more aspersions on Gay men leading poor little “lesbians” astray! Sorry, Sheila, you would have to be either a complete fucking idiot or STRAIGHT (or both) to know neither of these warped freaks are Lesbians.

Well, Sheila, you got one thing right in your Julia Penelope description(STRAIGHTBIAN), she is from the US!

From Lesbian Heresy Jeffreys continues her warped Homophobic diatribe of STRAIGHTBIAN ROLE PLAYING, or, as she INCORRECTLY deems it: “butch/femme“:

Yes, Sheila, Lesbians actually agree these STRAIGHTBIANS are sick motherfuckers, but what they are most certainly NOT are fucking LESBIANS!

Sheila just about gets it (close, but no cigar…pun intended): Yes, sexual abuse often informs warped Hetero/sexual role playing…among STRAIGHTBIANS!

Sheila fails over and over and OVER to understand the obvious fact that these women are not Lesbians, but, rather, they are Heterosexuals who are role-playing “lesbian“… JUST LIKE SHEILA HERSELF!

Sheila, Carolyn Stack? Really??? Straight therapist giving advice to STRAIGHTBIAN couples about STRAIGHTBIAN sex/lack thereof has fuck all to do with Lesbians again, how???

Sheila, Sheila, Sheila. You’re striking out yet again!  Margaret Nicholls and Joann Loulan might be therapists, they are certainly not Lesbians!

Despite having much to say about Homosexuals, Jeffreys fails miserably to write with any accuracy about Lesbians, Gay men,  or Homosexuality period and the same is true of much her ideas on Transgenders:

Statement From Dirt: “Sorry, Shelia, as a Butch Lesbian who has spent more than a decade documenting female transition (Who is Transitioning), I have yet to find a single Butch Lesbian who has transitioned. While I’m sure there might be some, they are VERY. VERY rare. You, Sheila, again confuse sexually abused STRAIGHTBIANS playing at being male who transition, NOT Lesbian and most certainly NOT Butch!”

“Identified” being the operative word, Sheila! They weren’t “proud lesbians, Sheila….they weren’t Lesbians at all, hence “identifying as gay men” early in their transition. You might want to familiarize yourself with cross-sex hormones and their effects on Hetero/Homo brains.

Holly Devor, Sheila, is a Heterosexual female who transitioned…NOT a Lesbian and therefore NOT a reliable source for Lesbian accuracy!

Because Sheila has no actual knowledge of real Lesbians, she likes to recycle STRAIGHTBIANS who she incorrectly believes are fucked-up sicko Lesbians in effort to give heft to her hatred of STRAIGHTBIANS who are not like her/other Radfems.

Sheila fails to make the simple connection that “CHOOSING to be a lesbian” and “CHOOSING to be a femme” amount to the very same thing:  TOTAL BULLSHIT!

Sheila, clearly Sally here isn’t even a fucking Dyke, yet here you are wholeheartedly taking her word as “Butch Lesbian” truth. Why? Because she states what YOU want to hear! That’s not very good investigative writing ,Sheila, and it’s certainly not “academic research”: any fucking 3rd grader could do a better job!

Heather Findlay isn’t a Lesbian Sheila, therefore, she cannot be a Femme Lesbian! Those responsible for male and female transitions are Homophobes (like you, Sheila) and ALL the Radical Feminists who backed pedophiles like John Money simply because you IGNORANTLY dreamed/hoped gender was/is a mere construct, despite clear evidence to the contrary! Instead of tackling sex-based inequalities head on, Radical Feminists passively blamed gender for all Heterosexual female ills! The plague of Identity Politics jump-roped through the gender loophole left by Radical Feminists.

Sheila Jeffreys, being a STRAIGHTBIAN herself, willfully took at face value the word of all STRAIGHTBIANS, without a care as to how these Lesbian inaccuracies affected actual Lesbians, then or now. Sheila and her ilk succeeded in helping de-sex “gender“, which has led us to where we are today.

Bottom line: It is neither radical nor feminist to hijack “lesbian” for your own selfish gain.

Dirt and Mrs. Dirt 

UnStraightening Lesbian: Removing the Heterosexual Lens: Adrienne Rich

Next up in our unSTRAIGHTening Lesbian series is poet/theorist/Radical Feminist Adrienne Rich.

Adrienne Rich, or ACR as Sylvia Plath referred to her, made her way to “lesbian” (STRAIGHTBIANISM!) via the same route most Radical Feminists did/do; unexpressed voluminous anger for her own poor life choices she readily blamed the men in her life for (father/husband) and collective man (patriarchy). Rich said of her marriage:

I married in part because I knew no better way to disconnect from my first family,” she says. “I wanted what I saw as a full woman’s life, whatever was possible.

Rich marries hoping to escape familial confines/duties only to find herself unhappily in the same trapped place, only worse, with children.

I wanted, then, more than anything, the one thing of which there was never enough: time to think, time to write.”

Rich’s dishonestly in the marriage lead to both her and her husband having affairs:

Shortly thereafter, her husband Alfred Conrad committed suicide:
Apparently she was such a hotty ALL the men in NY wanted a piece of her pie! Umm ~ sure, okay!

After cheating on her husband with both men and women, once her hubby was out of the way/dead, Rich embarked through Radical Feminism, on a mission to remove Lesbian from those gross, vile,  dykey/mannish/wannabe men/act like men/think like men Lezzies SHE incorrectly perceived actual Lesbians to be/look like, and to give Lesbian an air of upper middle class academic redressing, making Lesbian more appealing/palatable and acceptable to greater Feminist groups/women.

Like Radical Feminists in Rich’s day and RadFems now, Rich desperately needed the IDEA of Lesbian to both vent her anger and (mistakenly) use as a means to remove herself from (in her mind) Heterosexuality/Heterocentric confines rendering her helpless/afraid/weak and ineffectual. As a Heterosexual woman, Rich could only access Lesbian through lying:

We will show shortly in Rich’s piece de resistance that Rich (unlike some STRAIGHTBIANS), selfishly planned and executed her lies.

It is precisely codswallop like this that fully seals ANY question (were you to have any) of Rich’s obvious Heterosexuality. Radical Feminists like Rich tell themselves collective man enforces Heterosexual female grooming/dress etc (when actually it is Heterosexual females who both desire/enforce beauty standards) yet cannot explain why Lesbians en masse do not fall prey to the same heterocentric grooming standards.

Lesbians have always existed and have never required validation for our existence. Women, particularly damaged Radical Feminists like Rich spend their lives/careers seeking some sort of warped validation and blame men for not GIVING it to them!

Rich often talks out of both sides of her mouth; on one side she claims her “erotic” feelings for women have been stifled via Patriarchy and on the other side she claims sexual feelings between women are not necessary for qualifying them as Lesbian! Rich ignores, or doesn’t bother to notice, that most Lesbians do not have the luxury of a closet, most Dykes are visibly Lesbian. Lesbian visibility shines for some Lesbians physically and mentally and other Lesbians less physically and more mentally. Either way, Dyke thought processes alone peg us for Lesbian, as any Lesbian can attest to since the advent of the internet. Even online with a genderless name and no image of ourselves, we are often assumed/believed by Hets (usually Het women) to be men!

In Diversity and Variability in Women’s Sexual Identities STRAIGHTBIAN Carla Rappaport Golden said of Rich’s lesbian

Lesbian was problematic for Rich precisely because of the ugly depraved dykey sexually perverted masculinist ideas held by Hetero society/Heterosexuals like Adrienne Rich herself. But Adrienne Rich desperately needed Lesbian because it encompassed (to her) anti maleness, what she didn’t need was the alienating baggage attached to Lesbian. So Rich tried to simultaneously redefine Lesbian for Heterosexual Feminist inclusion while distancing the debauchery attached to Lesbian, thus Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence was born.

Adrienne Rich begins Compulsory Heterosexuality with a Straightbianesque quote from Doris Lessing‘s The Golden Notebook:

This quote not only sets the stage for the rest of Rich’s essay, it IS the stage Rich starred for the rest of her life! A Heterosexual privileged life whereby Rich and Radical Feminists like her, chanted to themselves and in Radical Feminist groups like an incantation; I’m a lesbian! And don’t think for a minute Lesbians missed the degrading walls Doris Lessing sandwiched Lesbian in this passage! This was Rich’s fear, without a man, her only choices were bitternessspinsterhood or Lesbian. Rich CHOSE lesbian, not actual Lesbianism, but a Hetsplained version she could somewhat live with. Like Lessing’s Anna, Rich was too weak to forge a relationship with a man where SHE was willing to or capable of, living her new found consciousness.

Moving on:

Rich believed that Lesbian scholarship was forced into hiding by a patriarchal driven Compulsory Heterosexuality that even mid range Feminism enforced. Rich failed to understand that Lesbian erudition wasn’t (isn’t) quashed or silenced by patriarchy, it wasn’t (isn’t) understood by Heterosexuals, particularly Het women! Rich feared losing academic clout by choosing Lesbian and through RadFem-speak tried to make HER brand of lesbian acceptable to greater Feminism.

Rich assumes Homophobia alone inhabited Feminists (Het women) from trying to coral Het women toward a political lesbianism via feminist theory and why lesbian art/literature etc remained rare. Rich failed to see how her own warped man-hating RadFem agenda was responsible for biological Lesbian invisibility in the arts and elsewhere than was/is Homophobia, because she blinded herself of our existence.

Further in the essay Rich says:

Rich brings up Lesbians being closeted in the workplace but the exact experiences she uses to make her points are the experiences Heterosexual women (like her), claiming to be Lesbians (like her) had with the luxury of being closeted! Most Dykes NEVER have that luxury and most Dykes even if they did would NOT put some fucking job over their entire lives! The only Homophobe here is Adrienne Rich!

Because Rich herself (a Heterosexual woman) didn’t feel or experience blatant Homophobia (why would she?), she ignorantly theorized compulsory heterosexuality was to blame for Feminist silence about Lesbians/Lesbian issues, including the reason Feminists wouldn’t platform Lesbianism as a possible choice against patriarchy/men! Rich claims non Radical Feminists were in collusion WITH patriarchy! Non-Radical Feminists, according to Rich, helped provide patriarchy with pussy, pay, and passion!

Rich found the term Lesbian limiting because Lesbian didn’t include STRAIGHT women like her and because Rich didn’t like the psycho-logical definitions defining Lesbian or the societal connotations coloring Lesbian by Het society. By expanding Lesbian to include all female relationship types, not simply “genital” as Rich crudely puts it, Lesbian wouldn’t be so foul an idea, for women or society. Rich fails to acknowledge the LIMITS, limits based on HER HETEROSEXUALLY driven assumptions about biological Lesbians, that real Lesbianism isn’t defined by pussy licking or KFC pussy (AKA finger licking good). Lesbian was crude, vulgar, plebeian — NOT because it actually was/is — BUT because it was based on Adrienne Rich’s own sick, fucked up, homophobic, warped fucking views of Lesbian!

Being a Lesbian has fuck all to do with taboos or rejecting Heterosexuality, it has ONLY to do with being born physiologically Lesbian! Lesbians aren’t saying no to patriarchy, patriarchy doesn’t factor (collectively) anywhere into a Lesbian’s life. Lesbian past, present and future grew/grow/will grow up without any/little knowledge of Lesbians; fortunately abilities innate to our survival ensure we find each other and are capable of survival even if we don’t. The ONLY destroyers of Lesbian records or histories are Radical Feminists like Adrienne Rich! What has been recorded  as “lesbian” experiences/narratives etc, are instead the experiences/narratives etc of STRAIGHTBIANS like ACR!

Adrienne Rich, in typical Heterosexual fashion, was a little SHIT TON obsessed with genitals/sex.

In other words, Adrienne Rich and Radical Feminism itself are NOT LESBIAN! Bizarrely in this strange (sick) passage Rich twice brings up/equates a child/mother being turned on during infant feeding. I refuse to think past Rich’s statement here, because to do so is just toooooo fucking SICK — and it most certainly is NOT Lesbian!
Adrienne Rich said of women’s diminutiveness art/history in When We Dead Awaken:

Precisely because of STRAIGHTBIANS like Adrienne Rich, Lesbians/Lesbian youth flounder and flail trying to find ourselves in the world. Thanks to the likes of Rich and her warped RadFem ilk, most of the signs and symbols labeled Lesbian are false. They point us right back to female Heterosexual mindset and body that paints us into a corner of dysphoria, reinforcing Lesbian confusion and resulting in a so-called lesbian community made up of Heterosexual women…where Lesbians STILL do not exist.

Adrienne Rich discovered Lesbian in the same way Christopher Columbus discovered America: she ignored those already living here, and those she couldn’t ignore she kindly smothered in blankets of smallpox.

dirt and Mrs Dirt

UnStraightening Lesbian: Removing the Heterosexual Lens: The Next Series

Note: This post was originally published here.

The next set of Het women we are unSTRAIGHTening for this series are as follows: Rita Mae Brown, Adrienne Cecile Rich, Sheila Jeffreys, and Julie Bindel.

Rita Mae Brown is most known for Rubyfruit Jungle, her warped fictional (?) account of consensual familial incest (with male cousin) PRO-INCEST character who “turned lesbian” — but (God forbid) NOT-one-of-those-Lesbians-who-look-like-men-and-are-ugly-kind-of–Lesbians. Rita Mae briefly dallied with the Lesbian separatist group The Furies, who Homophobically preached “Lesbianism is not a matter of sexual preference, but rather one of political choice” (No. One prefers coffee to tea: Homosexual BIOLOGY isn’t a choice!). From there, Rita Mae was involved with Lavender Menace-a man hating “radical lesbian” offshoot of NOW. Rita “just me” Mae later dumped Lesbian when it was no longer edgy/profitable and today writes applesauce mysteries lapped up by bored Het women.

Adrienne Rich is best known for her poetry and her later Radical Feminist diatribes, one of which spawned the over used phase by Radical Feminists-Compulsive Heterosexuality. Privileged academic Adrienne (I was stuck fast in an emotion common to women of our time, that can turn them bitter, or Lesbian, or solitary) Rich turned Lesbian some years after her Husband of 17 years, producing three children, committed suicide. But thanks to warped feminist sexism, Robin Morgan didn’t view Rich as the Monster she did Ted Hughes. Hmmm…funny that!

Sheila Jeffreys, like all Hets in this group and to quote Julie Bindel “abandon Heterosexuality and her feminine appearance” (hmm still looks Het/feminine) when she found Radical Feminism. Besides teaching, Jeffreys wrote/spoke extensively on other STRAIGHTBIANS whose differently warped sexual proclivities didn’t pass Jeffreys frigid muster, mimicking Het dynamics too closely for her tastes. Jeffreys is equally known for speaking/writing against Transgenderism. Not because she is against the medical damage necessary for transition, but again because Transgender mimics Hetero roles too closely, damaging women/women as a class.

Julie Bindel is a RadFem journalist who focuses on Het women’s issues; violence against women, prostitution, pornography, human trafficking etc. She briefly came out swinging against Transgender/transition but when confronted by trans males, quickly went back to her Het women interests. She is a huge proponent/promoter of many STRAIGHTBIANS featured in this series and STRAIGHTBIANS in general. She routinely states with full Het privilege and Homophobia intact that Lesbianism is a choice and biology means next to nothing, unless speaking about male violence! THAT’S different!

We will begin working on this next group ASAP, probably in the order above; and any (polite) input is welcome, as usual.

Dirt and Mrs. Dirt

Assorted Straightbian Subtypes: Part 2: So Many ASSes

As a follow up to our previous post entitled Assorted Straightbian Subtypes: AKA the Seven ASSes, we wanted to follow up with 2 other subtypes of Straightbian, both of whom may likely have significant overlap with some of the previously described 7 subtypes.

Additionally, although this should go without saying, obviously it needs to be said anyway, based on comments we have received:

Of course, some just-plain-straight females (not Straightbian posers claiming to be Lesbian, but straight-up heterosexual females) may share characteristics that fall into one or more of these archetypes. That makes sense, since both just-plain-straight females and Straightbians share a VERY important characteristic: THEY ARE STRAIGHT, but always remember: we are never going to be talking about straight women unless they are impacting upon Lesbians in some way

So, before you comment, “I know a straight female who likes Tarot”, please stop and remember that unless she is a STRAIGHTBIAN, we are not talking about her, nor denying her existence. She is simply irrelevant to this topic.

So, without further ado, here are 2 follow-up ASSes to add to our previous Assorted STRAIGHTBIAN Subtypes:

8). White Picket Fence and 2 Children In The Suburbs Straightbian: The White Picket Fence (WPF) Straightbian just wants to fit in, to be “normal” (in the eyes of society), yet still retaining her Straightbian status due to her own pathology.

This Straightbian will say that there is absolutely no difference between herself and her soccer-mom neighbor, except who she is in a relationship with (and, actually, she is right about that…because they are BOTH STRAIGHT!).

“We’re all the same”, White Picket Fence loves to say, “Why label people?” Because “Love is Love”, after all! “We’re all human, why create all of these unnecessary divisions?”, WPF often thinks, shaking her perky head.

The White Picket Fence Straightbian loves this cup and carries it everywhere because, gosh darn it, we are all just HUMAN, now aren’t we?:

The White Picket Fence Straightbian cares very much about appearances and fitting in with society’s expectations.

She is in a relationship with another female (either another White Picket Fence Straightbian or a Lesbian who can pass as Straight) but, by golly, she and her partner are going to FIT IN OR BUST:

House in the suburbs? Check!
Golden Retriever? Check!
Volvo? Check!
Casually rumpled, but subtly elegant, decor? Check!
White wedding? Check!
2 adorable children? Check!
Picture-perfect holidays? Check!
Roth IRA and 401K? Check and Check!

On social media, she will call herself something like “just2mommies2kidsand1goldenretriever”. She will follow only others exactly like herself, “eschewing” any real Lesbians who point out that Lesbians are actually different than straight women. So darn divisive, those Lezzies are!

LOVE IS LOVE, after all…

White Picket Fence may be married to a female…

BUT she is not a Lesbian.

8a). Sunshine and Roses:

Relatedly, a sub-sub (-sub…?) type of the White Picket Fence is the Sunshine and Roses Straightbian, who is an emotionally-fragile straight female who uses relentless, sugary-sweet positivity to completely escape/avoid dealing with her own issues that have led her to mistakenly believe she is a “Lesbian“.

Sunshine and Roses was perhaps physically, emotionally, and/or sexually abused as a child; or at least likely had a very chaotic, disturbing home life while growing up. She likely has had very bad previous experiences/relationships with past boyfriend(s)/husband(s).

Sunshine and Roses is desperate to escape not only those bad situations, but also all of the heavy emotional baggage that she carries from those situations.

In fact, she has stuffed that baggage down so far that she actually mistakenly thinks she has left it behind.

On social media and in real life, Sunshine and Roses “eschews” all negativity and strives to keep herself forever insulated from real-world unpleasantness. Her social media posts are likely predominantly inspirational memes and/or cutesy GIFs and/or dreamy “Peace, Love, and Harmony” sentiments, and/or heartbroken laments about “Why is there so much strife in the world?”.

Sunshine and Roses may not even attempt to embark upon a relationship, preferring to call herself a “Lesbian” (or possibly “queer” or “LGBTQQIAAP+“) without the pesky reality of dealing with another fallible and not-always-positive human being. She lives in a fantasy world, perhaps fantasizing incessantly about an idealized version of a particular singer, actor, book, movie, TV show, author, etc. She may read or even write happy-ending fan fiction to erase the unpleasant reality of how an actual storyline turned out.

Sunshine and Roses is likely to unfollow or block anyone on social media who she perceives to be “negative” or “crass” or “unpleasant” in any way. She surrounds herself with beautiful objects and frantically attempts to create harmony in a world sadly lacking it.

Sunshine and Roses is not a bad person. In fact, she is typically a good person who has been dealt a very bad hand in life.

BUT she is not a Lesbian.

8b). The Urban Version of the White Picket Fence (WPF) STRAIGHTBIAN:

Like her suburban counterpart, the Urban WPF Straightbian just wants to fit in, but with a very different crowd.

The Urban WPF doesn’t want the actual white picket fence of her suburban counterpart’s dream…no, of course not, because that would be just too common for Urban.

No, the Urban Straightbian “eschews” the suburban lifestyle, wanting something more “edgy”, more “in”:

Renovated loft in an old cigar factory? Check!
Assorted popular Artists/Actors/Authors/Directors/Designers/Etc. as friends? Check!
Being the cool moms at the most exclusive private school available? Check!
Invitations to the most exclusive events in town? Check!
Season tickets to the local alternative theater? Check!
An amusingly pretentious Chilean chardonnay for the farm-to-table dinner party? Check!
Offspring named Jayden, Ayden, Cayden, or Brayden? Check!
Transgender child? Check!
Roth IRA and 401K? Check and Check!

The Urban Straightbian is popular with the liberal crowd, fitting right in with her liberal friends’ collective desire for diversity…

BUT she is not a Lesbian.

9). Mean-Spirited Unbalanced Faux-Feminist Yahoo (Muffy):

Muffy often overlaps with many/all of our previous 7 Assorted Straightbian Subtypes. In fact, Muffy has likely dabbled with playacting many of the subtypes at one point or another.

Muffy loves and uses social media with a vengeance. And “vengeance” is the key word here, because Muffy is one angry, hateful harpy. In fact, in her social media bios, she proudly claims to be a/an “angry, hairy Lesbian“, “man-hater”, “virago”, “shrew”, “Patriarchy-smasher”, “radical Lesbian“, “angry feminist“, “Lesbian separatist”, “woman-identified-woman” (or womyn or womon or wimmin or wimms…or any other ridiculous misspelling) and/or some similar descriptor.

On the surface, Muffy may seem to be the polar opposite of Sunshine and Roses, but these two subtypes share common denominators; the difference between them is exposed in how their underlying issues are expressed in opposite ways. Instead of internalizing/repressing her anger/angst (as Sunshine and Roses does), Muffy externalizes her rage, spewing her hatred outward in an incessant vomitous torrent, reminiscent of the pea-soup scene from The Exorcist.

Muffy doesn’t just wait for trouble to find her on social media; oh, no, not Muffy. She goes looking for trouble and when she doesn’t find it, she creates trouble.

Like a trigger-happy bounty hunter, Muffy is always on the hunt for people she finds offensive, and when she inevitably finds someone who dares to say something she disagrees with, she tries to blow that person away with her high-caliber nastiness.

In her quest to destroy her perceived enemy/enemies, Muffy completely “eschews” all logic, listening skills, and literacy, opting instead for sheer unadulterated, completely illogical, meanness.

No insult is too low nor off-limits for Muffy. Muffy hits below the belt and is proud of it.

Despite claiming to be a “feminist“, Muffy regularly insults other females’ looks, clothes, hair, makeup (or lack thereof), weight, age, marriage, choices, profession, ideas, words, work, etc., etc., etc. She calls Lesbians “men” without a single thought, nor care, in her venomous, vitriolic, vapid head about the potential effects of her words.

Muffy LOVES using inane memes/GIFs in the heat of battle, apparently not realizing that her memes/GIFs are as lame, illogical, nonsensical, and ineffectual as she herself is. She will then throw at least a few red herrings into the discussion, saying untrue things that make no sense whatsoever, and have nothing to do with the conversation at hand, but are intentionally designed to try to make the opponent(s) look bad and to distract from the fact that Muffy has no coherent argument. (Examples include falsely claiming that the perceived opponent(s) is/are: racist, sexist, misogynist, rape-apologist, perverted, pedophilic, etc.).

Finally, despite having deliberately sought out and started/continued the argument herself, and, despite having said absolutely false, defamatory, and despicable things to her opponent, Muffy then pretends to be the victim in the situation, falsely claiming that the other person is “bullying”, or even “stalking”, her. And Muffy is not above nor below using a fake suicide attempt to garner sympathy and support, thereby completely nullifying any further arguments.

She will then enlist other Muffys to attack, berate, harass, block, defame, exclude, and/or report her perceived opponent(s), while basking in the shallow, brittle “sisterhood” and feel-good-for-a-minute attention afforded from being The Perpetual Victim Of The Patriarchy.

Rinse and repeat, ad nauseum.

Muffy is one nasty, bitter piece of work.

BUT she is not a Lesbian.

In conclusion, while some Straightbians are clearly more dangerous to Lesbians in the individual sense, even Straightbians who partner with each other are dangerous to Lesbian as an idea. Straightbians are collectively responsible for taking the real flesh-and-blood Lesbian and turning us into nothing more than an idea which they, warped Het Women, flesh out through their own individual pathologies. Pathologies which the Psychiatric community has documented, diagnosed, and demonized for centuries. Pathologies ignorantly accepted by Het society as truth. Heterosexual Pathologies widely and readily, though incorrectly, attributed to actual Lesbians, haunting our relationships with family, friends, and even strangers, all with long held preconceived, wrong IDEAS forged by Straightbians!

But Lesbian isn’t an idea, we are flesh, blood, and bone.

Dirt and Mrs. Dirt

Assorted Straightbian Subtypes: AKA the Seven ASSes

Note: This is a joint post with Dirt, originally posted here.

We have written about Straightbians many times before, and we have even delineated some Lesbian Warning Signs You Might Be Dating A Straightbian and Portraits of a Straightbian, but we wanted to do a specific post about the seven primary specific Straightbian subtypes who, collectively, are the bane of Lesbian existence. There may be significant overlap between these subtypes, yet each of these Straightbian archetypes is easily recognizable as a discrete entity.


Without further ado, we present to you the seven main Assorted Straightbian Subtypes: (AKA the Seven ASSes):

1). The Woo-Woo Goddess: Everybody knows a Woo-Woo Goddess. She will read your tarot cards or your tea leaves. She is no stranger to runes, the I-Ching, unicorns, incense, herbal tea, soy candles, prisms, numerology, astrology, channeling, or rainbows. She speaks in awe of The Universe And Its Unknowable Mysteries. She wafts by in a voluminous dress, as if floating on a veritable cloud, smelling vaguely of Patchouli. She might be a massage therapist or Reiki master; or perhaps a Spoken Word Poet, frequently performing in indie coffee houses across our Great Mother Earth, typically accompanied by an acoustic guitarist playing folk music that always sounds suspiciously like Phoebe’s Smelly Cat. That is, when she is not attending the Drum Circle with her feminist group on the first Wednesday of the month, or her “Healing Crystals And You” support group at the local Raw Food Cafe on Tuesday evenings. She’s always been into Yoga but, lately, she has to admit Pilates is becoming a close contender. She recently heard about Rebirthing Breathwork Therapy from her psychic friend, Shamrock Clover, but sadly, she later discovered that it is just too expensive for her to do at the moment. But it’s certainly something to dream about in the future, though, because it would be sooooo very nice to reconnect viscerally, even if just for a fleeting moment, with her mother’s vagina, returning symbolically to the Great Cosmic Mother, if you will. She will just have to stick with Rolfing for now. Closely related to, and may overlap significantly with #2: The-Straightbian-in-the-Woods.

2). The-Straightbian-in-the-Woods: The-Straightbian-in-the-Woods is the stereotypical all-natural, organic, vegan Earth Mother. She picks her own mushrooms, sips wheatgrass smoothies, and presses her own cashew milk to pour over her hearty morning breakfasts of chunky granola, poured into her own handmade pottery bowl, fired right here in her very own kiln at The Farm, where she proudly hosts the annual “Womyn’s Week At The Farm” (AKA The Ye-Olde-Renaissance-Fair/Womyn’s-Music-Festival-At-The-Farm). She toyed with macrobiotics at one point, but found it to be a fleeting affair. She slips on her all-vegan Birkenstocks and sashays to the nearest pasture whenever the sudden need to howl at a full moon overtakes her, as it often does. She makes crafts out of pine cones, twigs, acorns, moss, feathers, rocks, and, when she is particularly reveling in her femaleness, her own period blood. Her favorite craft is the “Dream Catcher“, which she sells on her Etsy shop, despite the effect that shipping has on her carbon footprint. She tried making rainbow flags with dyes hand-crafted from fruits and vegetables, but sadly, the colors bled together and she was left with no alternative but to recycle them into tie-dye bandannas. She macrames and recently acquired a loom. She “eschews” shaving her armpits or legs, uses only rock salt deodorant, and, of course, uses an all-vegan menstrual cup, feeling that au-naturale is the only way to go. Clothes made of hemp are her staple, although she occasionally flirts with burlap. She may dabble in Wicca, sometimes casting a benign spell or two…for World Peace and Equality, of course, with some Prosperity thrown in for good measure. After all, Earth Mama needs her Ani DiFranco CDs, now doesn’t she? (They aren’t going to buy themselves, that’s for sure). She is a womon-identified-womon (or womyn or womin, depending on her mood and menstrual cycle), well, at least for now, and if she weren’t currently a Straightbian, she’d be giving birth (all-natural, naturellement) at this very moment, squatting in the shallow warmish natural creek in the bend by the old oak tree. Despite her current “identity” as a “Lesbian“, The-Straightbian-in-the-Woods intuitively senses that there’s still time to fulfill her true destiny: marrying a hippie-dippy pacifist liberal male in a sunshine-speckled field of daisies, then popping out plentiful progeny, who she will then proceed to “spoil” every year at their birthdays with her own special, homemade, hand-crafted, no-sugar, all-natural, all-organic, locally-produced, sustainably-sourced, non-GMO, fair-trade, vegan, raw-food, smelt/oat/raisin/hemp bars (in lieu of an actually tasty birthday cake). Closely related to, and may overlap significantly with #1: The Woo-Woo Goddess.

3). The Academic Straightbian Susie:  The Academic Straightbian Susie (AKA the biggest ASS of all) is the absolutely worst subtype of Straightbian. She knows absolutely nothing about Lesbians, yet, with shocking heterosexual privilege, nonetheless blithely publishes copious falsehoods about Lesbians without ever understanding the irony.  The Academic Straightbian Susie publishes alleged “Lesbian research” without ever having the basic common sense to realize that her subjects are NOT Lesbians, just as she herself is NOT Lesbian. Those pesky actual Lesbians need to shut up and let her speak for them, she thinks whenever she encounters actual facts which are contrary to her strongly held theories. After all, she is the one with the Ph.D. here! That should show them who knows more! For crying out loud, she’s almost-most-of-the-time-sometimes a Kinsey SIX! Forget about mentioning she’s been twice PUBLISHED in the prestigious Icelandic Journal of Queering the Gender Construction of InterSEXionality in PostModern Society, which is read by at least three whole people! What do blue-collar Lesbians know about their own lives anyway?  They are too busy actually being Lesbians to study such critical academic Lesbian topics as “political lesbianism” and “Queer Theory“. Certainly blue-collar dykes could NOT possibly know nearly as much about being a Lesbian as The Academic Straightbian Susie has learned by reading books/articles by other Academic Straightbian Susies and by conducting her very own academic “Lesbian focus groups“. She speaks haughtily, yet earnestly, of nonsensical concepts like “compulsory heterosexuality” and “gender theory” and “The Patriarchy“. She even uses terms like “intersectionality” and “eschew” with a straight face. She heartily subscribes to radical feminist theory and may even be a  well-known “pioneer” in the feminist movement. Some older Academic Straightbian Susies may bear a shocking resemblance to Maude (see #6, below). They “eschew femininity” (and men!) while incorrectly thinking that doing so makes them a Lesbian. The Academic Straightbian Susie, in summary, hetsplains Lesbian from her ivory tower with a bizarre, toxic mixture of arrogance and ignorance…never understanding, nor caring, how her multitudinous lies and delusions damage real Lesbian lives.

4).  The High Femme AKA The Queer Femme AKA Some Straightbian Idiot Wearing Kitten Heels: We have covered this territory before. (More than once)This Straightbian asshat is the one who most people mistakenly think of as a Femme. The High Femme won’t venture from her scarlet satin-filled abode without full makeup and perfect hair. She is meticulously groomed, shaved, moisturized, and perfumed at all times; always ready to tap her long, fire-engine-red fingernails in growing impatience when she doesn’t get her straight-privileged, demanding, whiny way. She may wear fishnet hose, miniskirts, and stilettos in the misguided notion that actual Lesbians will drool at the sight of her. She makes no secret about loving Victoria’s Secret. She is hypersexualized and attempts to use her hypersexuality as a weapon. She (mistakenly) believes that dykes think/act like males, and attempts to manipulate dykes with her hyperfeminine wiles. (Some naive dykes might even be flattered by her insincerities). She gives dykes back-handed “compliments” about how “manly” we are. In fact, she will even “support” a dyke into an early grave by encouraging her to transition. A subtype of the High/Queer Femme is the no-longer-body-oppressed Fat Femme (AKA The Fat Queer Femme).  Many FQF’s begin their Queer lives as Fag Hags, until they’re “eschewed” by their favorite Fag Brian after he gets a steady beau. Heart-broken but always hopeful, FQF’s survey their Queer landscape until they set their sights on a Dyke. Assured their Dyke prey will date them cuz Women ain’t like those subjective oppressive objectifying men! Dykes have to date Fat Grrls! Right? Regardless, Fat or Thin, make no mistake, this is a very sinister Straightbian. Underneath her perfectly coiffed exterior lies a twisted sister.

5).  The Very, Very, Incredibly Special Snowflake Straightbian: This Straightbian is so very, very, incredibly special…one might even say “precious”. Nobody in the history of humankind has matched her level of uniqueness. She strives to be different with every piercing, every tattoo, every mohawk (or, alternatively, dreadlocks), every rainbow hair dye, every body modification — often modifying herself into virtual unrecognizability from her real plain-Jane heterosexual self. This Straightbian didn’t feel loved as a child, and doesn’t love herself now, despite her frequent panicked protests to the contrary. Her social media bio reads like a liberal’s wet dream, sprinkled liberally with words like cis, queer, pansexual, aromantic, non-binary, “identify as…”, and they/them pronouns (or, perhaps she needs to be even MORE special with pronouns: maybe choosing ze/zir, or if she is feeling particularly frisky: tey/tem/ter). Despite her over-fondness for such descriptors, she “eschews” labeling herself. Labels are for losers, she thinks. People as special as she simply defy description! S/he/they/tey/ze live “outside the box”/”outside the binary”. So, she wouldn’t ever call herself a Lesbian nor even a Bisexual (because, Goddess Forbid, those monikers are just soooooo NOT “special” enough and may imply some sort of exclusivity), yet she qualifies as a Straightbian because she fucks with Lesbian lives in many and various ways; including, but not limited to, actual fucking. The Very, Very, Incredibly Special Snowflake Straightbian speaks of her “inclusivity” and “tolerance” and proclaims that mere frivolous things like biological sex/genitalia wouldn’t prevent her from exploring sexual relationships (Translation: If it moves, she will fuck it…Or, would at least claim she would be open to doing so). She may even get published in allegedly “Lesbian” publications, but most certainly NOT because she is a Lesbian…rather, because she is the opposite, the anti-“Lesbian“, the post-modern “Lesbian“, if you will. Some might say that she would be yesterday’s goth, but, gosh, goth is just so yesterday now, isn’t it? Gotta keep pushing those boundaries, don’tcha? Eventually, The Very, Very, Incredibly Special Snowflake Straightbian may even go where no Straightbian has gone before: In her ongoing quest for the final frontier of Specialdom, one day, she may become so very blindingly special that she will actually transcend human form in a final stunning blaze of glory; a Straightbian supernova of monumental proportions. Until that day, she will remain a wart on the ass of collective Lesbianism…but hey, at least she’s a very special wart.

6). The Midlife Menopause Maude (AKA The Triple M): The Midlife Menopause Maude is a late-comer to the Lesbian world. The Triple M has spent 2(+) decades married to a male, where she fulfilled her true heterosexual duty by popping out a couple of varmints. Now, menopause looms; her kids are in college; her husband, Richard (who “eschews” the nickname Dick) recently bought a red Corvette and is now casting his lecherous eyes upon his 20-year-old administrative assistant named Alex; and The Triple M feels her eggs shriveling up inside her more quickly than a Shrinky Dink in a toaster oven. She now casts a disparaging eye around her now-barren world and realizes there’s got to be more to life. Heck, she’s still semi-young. 50 is the new 30, right? Right? She used to be interesting!  She used to have her own apartment in the city! She was going to be a writer, wasn’t she? Or maybe an artist. Mixed-media, of course: using found objects, upcycled into collages, to be shown at a nice little wine-and-cheese gathering at the local art gallery on a brisk February evening. What happened? Where did all of the years go? When did she stop being a person and turn into a wifen-mommy? She knows the answer: It’s The Patriarchy who is at fault. The Patriarchy sucked the life right out of her, then spit her out, just when she was no longer juicy. Fuck The Patriarchy! Fuck ALL Men! Who needs men anyway? They can’t even find the damn ketchup in the refrigerator, for Christ’s sake, when it’s right there on the door, beside the mustard and the relish, where it’s always been. Men are disgusting anyway, aren’t they? Didn’t Richard scratch his hairy ass on her brand-new Ethan Allen sofa while watching Monday night football and eating nachos just last week? The Triple M isn’t going to stand for it anymore. She can do better than this. She should do better that this. But what? How will she ever escape from the hum-drum drudgery that her so-called life has become? Oh, snap! That’s it!  How did she not see it before? She can “become a Lesbian”!  Didn’t she just read an article in Cosmo about how “sexuality is fluid” and how many straight women are now “coming out” and finding true love with another female in their 40’s and 50’s?  Well, she did take a shower that one time with her college roommate. Granted, it was a large communal shower at a youth hostel in Italy during her junior-year summer abroad, but that counts, doesn’t it?  Maybe she was a Lesbian all along! Yes, that’s it! For sure! With straight-privilege fully intact, the Triple M barrels headlong into “becoming a Lesbian“. She reads and reads and reads, books and articles by Academic Straightbian Susies. She joins Twitter and proceeds to tell actual Lesbians how they should be Lesbians. She cuts her hair and throws out her high heels. She burns her bra. She “eschews” make-up because SHE WILL NO LONGER SUPPORT THE PATRIARCHY. Well, maybe a little mascara and lipstick sometimes, but that’s it. No more blush or creamy foundation for her! No, sir. There’s no need for that wrinkle cream that costs $285 for a mere ounce anymore either, now that she is thinking about it. She will EMBRACE her wrinkles. She is a Proud Crone now. Heck, she will even dare to wear purple! That will show The Patriarchy who’s boss now. She will make The Patriarchy her little bitch by “becoming a Lesbian“. “Hahahahahahaha”, she cackles in an increasingly hysterical tone, “hahahahahahaha”!

7). The Engineer: This Straightbian might not be an actual engineer, but she could have been. Should have been. Even if she doesn’t engineer as a career, she engineers as a way of life. She is logical, organized, and efficient. She runs a tight ship. She likes to be in control of the money in the relationship, because, after all, let’s face it, she would always do a better job at it than that actual Lesbian she lives with. In fact, the Lesbian she lives with is downright careless with money, consistently ordering the chicken walnut salad at Panera Bread when it’s so obvious she should have brought her own chicken and walnuts along in reusable ziploc bags to garnish a plain side salad, thereby saving an average of $4.23 plus tax per salad per trip! (Duh!). The Engineer Straightbian says she likes animals, but the truth is, she likes the thought of animals and the attention she gets for having pets, but not the actual daily upkeep of said animals. Too messy and inefficient for her taste, if the truth be known. This type of Straightbian often actually mistakenly at some point believes she is a Lesbian; because, after all, she has been different than her female peers ever since she can remember. She never was a “silly little girl”; she never ran around in circles and squealed like a banshee like her peers. She never went “boy crazy” in adolescence either, preferring chemistry or calculus. She naturally “eschewed” makeup, because: why spend money on such frivolous items? Seriously, just think about it: if she took that $143.18 that her girlfriends spend, on average, on a single trip to Ulta, she could invest it in a sensible municipal bond and pretty soon, she would be on her way to early retirement. So, when she heard the Lesbian narrative of “always feeling different”, she thought, “Huh. Maybe that’s me”. Sure, she still notices a handsome male, and she may even make off-handed comments to her puzzled Lesbian partner about it: “That weather guy on Channel 4 is such a handsome fellow, isn’t he? I bet he would make a really good husband“. Her mother always tells her that she isn’t really a Lesbian, that she just thinks she is because of what her “Uncle” Edmund did to her in the closet during her 4th birthday party, but she doesn’t listen. Her mother clearly doesn’t know what the Hell she is talking about. She LOVES her Lesbian partner, after all…doesn’t she? Well, they never have sex anymore, and they barely ever had sex, even when they first met, but that doesn’t matter, does it? Of course, she occasionally uses her sleeping Lesbian partner’s hand to masturbate with, but she’s not sure that would count as “sex”, since her partner is always unconscious at the time. Anyhow, having mutual sex just isn’t a priority; there are so many other factors in a relationship, after all. They have plenty else in common. They play video games together, for instance. That’s fun, isn’t it? And her Lesbian partner does drive her all over town on Saturdays to pick up craft materials, so there’s that. They have a good life, she tells herself, a busy life. And: So what if all of her girlfriends are having babies while her biological clock is tick-tick-ticking away, an ominous ever-present metronome in the background of her seemingly perfect Lesbian life? Let her friends change those poopie diapers. The money she is secretly socking away from the Lesbian’s paychecks, combined with all the money she is NOT spending on such nonsense as diapers and Legos, will definitely put her on the path to early retirement. Then she’ll have much more time to spend watching that handsome weather guy. Heck, by that time, he will probably be the anchor on the evening news. She just knows he would make a good husband…

dirt and Mrs. Dirt

UnStraightening Lesbian: Removing the Heterosexual Lens: Mary Daly

Note: This is another joint UnStraightening Lesbian post with Dirt, originally posted here.

Last up in this segment of our UnSTRAIGHTening Lesbian series is Radical Feminist theologian Mary Daly; who with Heterosexual privilege firmly in place, self identified as a “radical lesbian feminist“. Using her Het privilege, Daly (unsuccessfully) tried to wrench Lesbian from its very foundation-biology, for her own sickselfish and warped purposes.

Daly was especially secretive about her parents/childhood outside of stating they were avowed Catholics. Given Daly’s rabid foaming-at-the-mouth hatred of Men, coupled with her desperate worship of Radical Feminism, we feel it safe to say that sexual abuse likely dangled somewhere in her background. Daly being a more right-brained Het female, sexual abuse would have warped her differently than we see in the general Het female population. Daly having a more rational Het female mind, channeled her pathology through her own religious philosophies/Radical Feminist ideologies.

Teaching was perhaps Daly’s one true love and her main financial system of support, she taught at Boston College from 1967-1999. She wrote various works of non fiction, all circling around that which circled around Daly’s mind; God/religion/Women/Radical Feminism and Patriarchy. Like prior RadFems discussed in this series, Daly was filled with a seething jealousy and hatred of males. A hatred so viscious, it seemed at times (in her writing for sure) to tip Daly off her fragile kilter.

Mary Daly wrote much of removing patriarchal “roles”, yet was fired for not wanting to teach to male students in her class. Classes where she was tenured GOD and could seemingly enact whatever non-patriarchal atmosphere she so choose, she chose NOT to teach males and lost her position. What better controlled situation than your own personal classroom? A perfect chance each semester to test her RadFem theories, to treat her entire class as equals. To prove each and every time that if equal attention and opportunity were given to both males and females, female students would fare better if not superior to male students. Mary found out like most Feminist minded Het female teachers find out, biology isn’t destiny, biology actually trumps destiny! Mary had to throw the baby out with the bathe water because no amount of scrubbing would ever remove the baby’s DNA. Losing her job was the equivalent of an ostrich with its head in the sand.

Despite Mary-crazy-for-coco-puffs-Daly identifying as a Radical lesbian Feminist, Mary never held any romantic interests in any woman, Lesbian or otherwise, in fact Daly despised Lesbians-more on that shortly. First some general quotes (in no particular order from no particular works) from Daly just to give readers an idea of her mental cognisance:

Daly hates collective man, the man in the pulpit and the man in the street, but it didnt stop her from piggy backing on the backs of patriarchy! Which honestly, Mrs Dirt and I could give two shits over, but robbing from Lesbians, the gloves are off on that!

Mary Daly’s Hetsplained version of Lesbian:

What is a Lesbian, according to Daly?

I PREFER Heterosexual females NOT to use Lesbian to describe themselves for ANY reason, but unlike them, as a Lesbian, Mrs. Dirt nor I have the Het privileged LUXURY that Mary Daly/RadFems/STRAIGHTBIANS have! Oh and Mary, hun, if you’re listening from the great beyond, I don’t “relate genitally to women”, and I’ve never heard of any Lesbian who does. Frankly Mary? I don’t even know what the fuck that means!

Moving on to another of mother Mary’s Lesbian gems:

Because Mary Daly was a Heterosexual-brained female invested in her own Hetsplanations of Lesbian, she could not see nor understand even where some Lesbians were pressured into straight relations, unlike her, those Lesbians still thought/processed/felt and functioned Lesbian. Mother Mary could ONLY view real Lesbians through the narrow hole of a vagina. Real Dykes are relegated by Mary Daly to the same status as “porn peddlers, pimps and priests”. (Side note-Mary falls flatly on her derriere in a Freudian slip when adding priests as genital “fixaters”).

Mother Mary’s Lesbians are WOMAN/WOMON/WOMYN-IDENTIFIED and are FAR superior to us mere “genital relaters::

“WITHOUT BEING HER ‘LOVER’“…Mother Mary clearly has ithues around genital couplings, her Lesbian exists where it can be controlled best, the imagination:

Mary STEALS from Lesbians, but from other like minded STRAIGHTBIAN/RadFems (Sinister Wisdom), she borrows! Coincidentally Sinister Wisdom aka Spinster Stupidity is STILL trying to bilk Dykes out of our hard earned mulla. Lesbians, DO NOT DONATE A SLUG NICKEL OR A SLUG PERIOD TO THIS STRAIGHTBIAN ZINE! SW was/is ran by/produced by and only includes works by a long list of STRAIGHTBIANS!

Now back to our regularly scheduled post…Mary Daly’s despicable sex-obsessed loathing of Dykes extended well beyond the pale, right down into the heart of Homosexual equality:

Mother Mary’s narrow minded Lesbian ignorance led her to think that Lesbian equality (Dykes fighting for our equal rights) would take “Lesbians” away from her man-hating STRAIGHTBIAN separatist campaign, and Mary makes no bones about the hierarchy SHE assigns real Lesbian to being “merely gay“.

Despite Mary Daly calling herself a Radical Lesbian Feminist, she wrote relatively little about Lesbian, the last thing we’ll quote by her we quote in full, giving Lesbian readers the opportunity to feel some of the depth with which Mary Daly DESPISED Lesbians:

Mary Daly wasn’t a man-hating Lesbian, she was a man-hating Heterosexual. And we wont argue that maybe (in fact we suspect totally) Mary had good reason to hate some men. But hating men, and choosing to channel your energies toward women doesn’t make you a Dyke. Mary Daly went BEYOND that though, she chose to SHAME Lesbians who were not HER Lesbiani.e. frigid spinster hags! Mary Daly even tried to SHAME Lesbians from seeking equal rights, especially the right to marry!

Hetsplaining Lesbian as we hope readers are beginning to see, has a HUGE long line of felons and while it is hopelessly impossible to unSTRAIGHTen every single one, we hope that by dissecting the worst criminal offenders, Lesbians will begin to better recognize offenders in their own personal lives.

We have received in comments several other requests for this series, please continue to give us names you feel should be unSTRAIGHTened from Lesbian for future posts!

Dirt & Mrs. Dirt