Tag Archive | Lesbian Sex

Being a Lesbian Is NOT All About Sex

I have touched upon this topic before, but it deserves a specific post. Heck, it deserves multiple posts!

Due to the fact that being a Lesbian is labeled a SEXUAL orientation, people in general, including Lesbians, often equate Lesbian with SEX.

ThisSucks

(Pun Semi-Intended)

Here’s the thing: Yes, Lesbians do have sex (duh!).

But: Um, hello, so do straight people!

But somehow, when straight people talk about their romantic relationships in general terms, nobody…NOBODY…assumes that they are talking about SEX…unless they’re actually talking about sex!

If a straight woman says, “My boyfriend and I went to the Farmer’s Market on Saturday”, nobody tells her, “I don’t need to know about your sex life!” or “I don’t care who you sleep with, because love is love!”  And nobody asks a straight woman, upon learning that she has a male romantic partner who accompanied her to the Farmer’s Market, “How does that work? Who’s on top?”

Nope, they just ask whether they bought heirloom tomatoes.

But let a Lesbian mention our Lesbian partner in a general, non-x-rated conversation, and BOOM! We are quite likely to hear a variation of the above comments, get a barrage of intrusive questions, or, at the very least, potentially face an awkward moment.

For a hilariously accurate overview of what would happen if Lesbians suddenly started acting like straight people, watch this video. Then watch it again, and let it truly sink in.

The incorrect over-emphasis on the SEXual part of orientation leads to a variety of problems and misunderstandings, ranging from mildly annoying to outright dangerous.

First, to focus solely on sexual activity as the basis for defining Lesbian opens the door wide open to the problem of Straightbians of all sorts falsely claiming to be us and spreading misinformation to and about us. Having sex (or even a long-term relationship) with another female does not make anyone a Lesbian.

Behavior ≠ Orientation.

Second, to oversexualize Lesbianism leads some men to think of us as available sexual objects. To make matters worse, Lesbians are typically falsely portrayed as hypersexualized nymphets just WAITING for a man to sweep us off of our feet. Ugh and double ugh.

Thirdly, and most importantly, for Lesbians to define ourselves as simply a SEXual orientation denies the very real fact that Lesbians are different from straight females in ways that have nothing whatsoever to do with who we have sex with…or even whether we have sex at all. (In other words, a Lesbian who is currently celibate is STILL A LESBIAN, just as a straight person who is currently celibate is still straight).

Always A Lesbian

 

Twitter is a constant source of inspiration (or rather, consternation) regarding topics for posts.

Today’s post came about due to a battle that my wife, Dirt, had last night with a purported “Lesbian“. This purported “Lesbianclaimed that nobody “becomes a Lesbian” until we have had sex with a female.

So, to give an example of this thinking (which closely corresponds to this person’s own example):

To illustrate this person’s idea, let’s say that a Lesbian has sex for the very first time on her 25th birthday. So, in this person’s mind, in this example, this hypothetical Lesbian was NOT a Lesbian from birth up though the age of 24 years, 11 months, and 28-31 days, depending on her month of birth. Then poof! On her 25th birthday, our hypothetical example does the naughty deed and wow!, our example suddenly “becomes a Lesbian” at that oh-so-magical moment.

Bullcrapola.

When confronted by Dirt on the obvious flaws in this thinking, and when even given examples that refute this bizarre idea, this individual, like so many people on Twitter, got upset, spouted a ton of nonsense about “compulsory heterosexuality” and said the assumption is always that everybody is straight, and finally refused to discuss it anymore.

So I will break it down here in case there is any confusion lurking about.

Lesbians do not “magically become a Lesbian” at the precise moment we have sex.  We were Lesbians all along.

In fact, we don’t need to even have sex to be a Lesbian; we could choose celibacy if we wanted to, and yet we would still be Lesbians.

The same principle is true with gay men; actually, it’s the same principle with EVERYBODY.

Let’s look at a similar example with a straight woman. Let’s say our hypothetical straight woman has decided to “save herself for marriage” (as the saying goes), deciding to be celibate until her wedding night. Our fictitious straight woman meets the man of her dreams and they become engaged, and sure enough, they do wait until their wedding night to consummate their relationship.

Was our example NOT STRAIGHT until her wedding night?  Did she have to have sex to “become straight”?

Of course not.  She was heterosexual all along.

As another hypothetical example, let’s say a young Lesbian had not yet had sex, but she plans to seduce a special lady this coming weekend. Tragically, she gets hit in the head by a softball on Thursday evening, and sadly dies immediately. Since she died before ever having sex, does that make her any less of a Lesbian?

Of course not.  She was a Lesbian all along.

What about a Lesbian who never, for whatever reason, dates?  Maybe she is too shy to get out into the dating world, maybe she is a workaholic and doesn’t take the time to meet a partner, but for whatever reason, this woman never has sex before she dies. Guess what?  She is still a Lesbian.

One more hypothetical example to illustrate this point, and I will be done.

In our next example, let’s say a young straight male teenager (who has not yet had sex) is marooned on an island because he is the sole survivor in a horrific maritime accident. He is stuck on this island, alone forever until he eventually croaks. Since he never had sex before becoming hopelessly isolated on the island by himself, does that make him any less straight?

Answer: of course not. He was straight until the day he died. He was just likely very frustrated.

Being a Lesbian isn’t about having sex. Our identities don’t spring up out of thin air on the day we first make love. I was a lesbian when I was a virgin, and I would still be a Lesbian if I had still to this day never had sex at all.

Always A Lesbian.

This is basic common sense, folks.