Tag Archive | Lies

Sex and the STRAIGHTBIAN (Part 2): The Passion is Perversion

Note: Another joint post with Dirt, originally posted here.

The flip side of the frigid/anti-sex/passion is political/eschewing sex and femininity STRAIGHTBIANS are the STRAIGHTBIANS who embrace sex with both arms and every orifice, LOVE and sex sex sex, try anything once (or twice!) sex Het women.

In years past these STRAIGHTBIANS were on the opposite side of Radical Feminism; their feminist liberation was to be found, not in squatting over a mirror looking at their vaginas, BUT in using their vaginas to find power! They convinced themselves that through sadomasochism, where they could explore/control sexual proclivities (some of which were) derived from child sexual abuse, they could find the power robbed of them as girls/women.

Depending on if sexual abuse was suffered as a child, how long it occurred, how it was dealt with or ignored and natural temperament, determined each STRAIGHTBIAN’s role in BDSM. For some STRAIGHTBIANS that role may be as the submissive (many will co-opt (High/Femme/Bottom/Baby/Girl to imply that) for others that role will be as the dominant (many will co-opt Top/Butch/Daddy to imply that), and still others will play at a Daddy/boi/boy sex-play. A number of STRAIGHTBIANS who gravitate toward the dominant roles have/will also transition. This STRAIGHTBIAN type’s pathology on cross sex hormones will often increase their warped sexual appetites as well as their sadism during sex scenes. This STRAIGHTBIAN type, despite the sheer fear and powerlessness they felt as sexually abused girls, first identify with and later become (through transition/hormones) the all powerful abuser of their (mostly) willing equally disturbed partners.  Some of these dominant STRAIGHTBIANS will even lobby for less strict laws around child/adult sexual relations aka Pedophilia. Aside, many dominant STRAIGHTBIANS will have had at some point/s identified as gay men, most will have been/are Fag Hags, including having sex with Gay men.

Some of the more mentally damaged STRAIGHTBIANS in this group will even act out (repeatedly) sexual abuses done to them as a child; one partner will role-play being a baby girl while the other partner pretends to be the Daddy who then sexually abuses his/her baby girl. Both parties derive their own warped feelings of power during these bizarre scenes. Power, by being the person holding the safe word which can stop everything on utterance, and the other feeling power/full by taking power over the other and having the power to bring the other to sexual heights/climax/es; exchanges that both parties tightly wrap in a yarn of believed ultimate/superior intimacy and trust. But the intimacy/trust are nothing more than a mutually shared delusion that can quickly unravel at the slightest fray.

As neither party is actually Lesbian, these particular STRAIGHTBIANS fetishize “lesbian sex” (sex between females) through their own Heterosexuality/Het norms. 

Many STRAIGHTBIANS in this group for varying reasons are hypersexual, and sex will figure some way in nearly all aspects of their life. They will join or forge self created careers in some aspect of the sex industry. They may be sex educators/experts, strippers, prostitutes, sex facilitators/consultants, burlesque performers; they may make lesbian porn videos/photo shoots etc. Most of these STRAIGHTBIAN types will have a sexual pathology, but even those where this is absent, because none are Lesbians, ALL have a pathological need/drive to sexualize themselves with a female partner/s. Lesbian to ALL STRAIGHTBIANS must involve another female, but particularly for this type.

Without sex or even the idea of sex between two females, these STRAIGHTBIANS disappear. Therefore, fetishizing lesbian is not only a product of their pathology, it is at the root of their self. Like Transgender self-hood, these STRAIGHTBIANS rely on constant external validation/reinforcement, even if that is nothing more than personal photos of themselves/their female partner kissing/touching/sexing etc. Many will exhibit public displays of affection bordering on the sexual, they don’t simply WANT the public to look, they NEED the public to look. They NEED lesbian approval, even from strangers, be that at a restaurant while having dinner or on Social Media.

Unlike actual Lesbians (who do not require external validation to tell us who we are), lesbian approval for this STRAIGHTBIAN type isn’t approval for being a Lesbian. These STRAIGHTBIANS require approval for behaviour they FEEL to be Lesbian (via their Heterosexuality), feelings they need to strengthen their foothold of THEIR thin grip on Lesbian IDENTITY. This tenuous grip being so fragile, even if they have 1 naysayer among a 1000, they may mentally/emotionally implode! Even demanding validation and/or vilifying naysayers through conferences/sex wars/Social Media battles/books/articles published/tickets sold etc that they ARE Lesbian! As an aside, many of these types will have romantic/sexual photos of themselves around their home with a former/current partner; a daily reminder that these girl-on-girl visuals MAKE them lesbian

Past Straightbians in this group fancied themselves on being sexual outlaws/sexual renegades, turning sexual mores on their heads; queering lesbian  through stealing Gay male cultural norms/tropes to wet their warped sexual perversions in one hand and lining their pockets through theorizing lesbian as the ultimate subversive act in the other. This Past STRAIGHTBIAN group believed/preached that through the bondage of ropes and chains (het) women could FREE themselves from the shackles of Patriarchy.

Today’s version of this STRAIGHTBIAN type merely mimics the straight male’s wet dreams lining the shelves of porn hubs everywhere. This STRAIGHTBIAN version preens, prances, pouts and performs lesbian per Patriarchy’s fantasies; their lips never speak of Liberation, only licking pussy. This group doesn’t even have the mental wherewithal to look beyond what they see everyday: HeteroSEXuality. Somewhere between IQ and the internet, today’s STRAIGHTBIANS lazily believe that by performing Het male lesbian cliches for global attention/identity reinforcements that they are subverting social norms! These STRAIGHTBIANS spend less time trying to smash the Patriarchy and more time bending over for it! They tell themselves their sexual displays are personal, but their copious “look at us, look at us, look at us!” cinches their narcissism that is ALWAYS looking for a looker.

But both types, past and present, can only occupy lesbian through male tropes (gay or straight). Meaning: even the ways in which they suspend their Heterosexuality, IS Heterosexual!

Dirt and Mrs. Dirt

Twitter Is A Cesspool and I Am Tired Of Swimming In Excrement

No, this isn’t one of those “I’m leaving Twitter!” posts that are springing up everywhere lately.

I am not leaving Twitter (at least not at this point), but I am dramatically changing my own feelings about, behavior on, and relationship with Twitter.

A well-known (but infrequently followed) principle is that “You can’t change other people. You can only change yourself.” (After a brief search, I could not find the original source of this idea easily, but it’s darn good advice anyway).

Well, the same principle applies to myself and Twitter: I can’t change Twitter (nor the people on Twitter), but I can certainly change my relationship with Twitter (and the people on Twitter).

The main reason I am changing my interactions on Twitter is because I realized that I was letting all of the stress and drama suck up too much of my time, to the point of derailing me from my primary purpose, which is: to write to other Lesbians and about being a Lesbian.

I don’t need, nor even want, the approval of all of the Straightbians who are personally invested in the nonsensical and lesbophobic rhetoric that “any woman can become a Lesbian” nor the hetsplaining gender critical types who call us insulting terms like “gender non-conforming” while pretending to be supportive.

Also, as I have written about before, I truly think that Twitter somehow often brings out the very worst in people, myself included. The fast-paced, free-for-all Twitter environment, in combination with tons of strangers attempting to discuss complex, usually emotionally-charged, topics using limited characters and disjointed threads, frequently results in a frenzy of anger, insults, incoherence, rudeness, misunderstandings, etc.

That sad situation has always been the case, and has made me very wary of Twitter…but that’s not entirely what has precipitated my decision to change my relationship with Twitter.

Recently, I have become increasingly aware of a much more sinister trend on Twitter; one that Twitter is apparently quite fine with, by the way:

Someone (anyone!) can get angry at you, but instead of confronting you directly and dealing with that anger in a rational fashion, that person instead blocks you so you cannot see what they are saying (well, at least theoretically, anyway); then makes up and spreads utter defamatory lies about you, knowing you cannot reply to defend yourself; while encouraging/supporting others to do the same.

Of course, this behavior is certainly NOT limited to Twitter or even to social media in general. Stereotypical “mean girls”, in particular, have used lies, defamation, and exclusion as a tactic, probably since the dawn of humankind. But the advent of social media, particularly in a public situation such as Twitter, has magnified the damage that such sorry behavior can cause.

As you can probably guess, the reason I am writing this post is because this sordid scenario recently happened to myself and my wife, Dirt.

These lies include, but are not limited to:

  • One or both of us are purportedly actually males — and they reportedly have proof “on good authority”. (A+ for creativity, folks; but that’s a big fat F for basic research skills, truth, intelligence, reasoning, and logic).
  • We have allegedly stalked, harassed, and/or bullied these accusers on Twitter, “despite being blocked.” (Not only did this never happen, but anyone saying this clearly doesn’t know how Twitter works and sadly isn’t smart enough to find out before lying).
  • A “mob” of us (a couple is a “mob” now?) reportedly “attacked” one of these liars on “both Twitter and Facebook” “12 months ago”. (I’ve never even interacted with this particular lying accuser at all; furthermore, both of our Facebook accounts are private for family and friends only; and we very rarely even comment outside our own circle on FB. In other words…complete and utter bullshit).

Actually, such ridiculousness is probably still happening, but I am attempting to ignore it and to systematically block anyone who likes, retweets, comments, supports, follows, etc. the main perpetrator and her mean-girl posse.

The “old” me would have done a post about it, complete with screencaps of the actual lies with my (usually snarky) responses to refute the lies. I am keeping all of the screencaps, in case I need them in the future, but (at this point) I don’t plan on doing a post about it, nor do I plan to continue trying to defend myself here, on Twitter, or elsewhere.

Why?

The answer is simple: Because the lies being told about us are so ludicrous that anyone with an internet connection, rudimentary research skills, basic reading comprehension skills, a sufficient IQ, and even a modicum of logic/fairness could very quickly ascertain that what is being said about me and Dirt is completely untrue. Ergo, the liars and their sycophants are ALL revealing that their meanness and pettiness FAR outweigh their intelligence and common human decency.

Dirt’s and my true (Lesbian/female) identities have been revealed (long ago!), and both of our blogs plus our Twitter accounts are public, so everyone is welcome to do their own research to determine the veracity of the allegations.

In other words, anyone who is jumping on the BS bandwagon (either by simply blindly believing outright lies, or, even worse, contributing with additional lies) is not someone who I would want in my life anyway, even tangentially.

And everyone who continues to follow/support anyone who has said clearly mean-spirited, untrue, defamatory, insulting, hideous, and/or lesbophobic garbage about myself, Dirt, any of our friends, and/or Lesbians in general will be promptly blocked whenever I come across them.

Ditto for people who stand silently by and watch such debacles happen, while pretending to be supportive of us in private.

This is not a simple case of a “misunderstanding”; this is not even a case of an “argument” gone wrong.

No, this is a situation that involves outright lies of a defamatory nature; it’s a targeted attack designed to harass, insult, ostracize, discredit, defame, and harm myself and my wife.

And that is not okay by any stretch of the imagination. in any circumstance. Anyone with even the slightest iota of common decency would realize that, regardless of what you think about myself and/or Dirt…even if you HATE us:

It’s not okay to lie. It’s not okay to encourage others to attack; block; report; harass; defame; lie about (etc.) us (or anyone else, for that matter) based on such garbage.

And it’s also certainly not okay to insult our (or others’) physical appearances either. It’s not witty, it’s not decent, it’s not mature, it’s not smart, it’s not kind, and it’s most certainly NOT feminist. 

Do better. 

Even kindergarten students know that behavior is wrong.

You know that behavior is wrong.

Karma knows that behavior is wrong.

Both Dirt and I are resilient adults, and we are secure enough with ourselves to withstand such insults/lies (although, admittedly, it is certainly not pleasant to have to do so).

But: What if we weren’t resilient? What if we were young Lesbians, peer-pressured into believing the lies that we, as Lesbians, are “really men”? What if we were insecure, isolated, depressed, lonely, confused, and/or rejected by our families/communities for being Lesbians (as many Lesbians are)? What then? How would such a young Lesbian respond to the kind of bitter, venomous meanness and vile lies that we have been subjected to on Twitter?

Think about it. Just think about it. Please.

Here’s the (very obvious, already proven) thing: If anyone has an actual problem with either of us, or a question/concern they would like to approach us about, it is really easy to find us to reach out. When either of us is approached in a respectful manner, we always respond in a respectful manner. There are numerous examples of this fact, both public and private.

While both of us can admittedly be snarky, sarcastic, and/or even rude when we are treated with rudeness or disrespect, we have also both demonstrated repeatedly that we are willing to have respectful conversations about any of the topics we write/tweet about when we are approached directly and politely.

If you don’t believe me, look back at our tweets and replies to comments on our blog, which are all public. Or: Simply try it yourself to see how we respond.

Bottom line: Nobody needs to stoop to spreading lies and hatred…ever, for any reason. To do so says much more about the lying person’s (lack of) character than it says about any of her targets. I don’t want toxic people in my life and I don’t want any of their followers in my life either. So this is it for me. I would say “It’s been nice”, but I’d be lying, so I will just say “Goodbye” instead: Goodbye to meanness, goodbye to liars, goodbye to Straightbians, goodbye to hetsplainers, goodbye to hypocrites, goodbye to cowards, and goodbye to anyone who supports any of these in any way.