An alert reader (thanks!) spotted this hilarious attempted smack-down of Dirt by “Academic Straightbian Susie” Sheila Jeffreys and sent us this comedic screencap taken from Sheila’s latest treatise, “The Lesbian Revolution: Lesbian Feminism in the UK 1970-1990” (2018):
After nearly choking to death laughing our Lesbian asses off, we decided to do a post about how good old Sheila mistakenly thinks she is so clever, but, in fact, she simply and naively PROVES the very points we made about her and her Straightbian cohorts.
Okay, so let’s break down Sheila’s sad attempt at dissing Dirt:
1). Sheila claims that Dirt is “no feminist“; apparently mistaking that snarky quip for an insult. Well, no shit, Sherlock; Dirt has never claimed to be a radical feminist. In fact, Dirt is proud to NOT be a radical feminist because she is not a fan of delusional drivel. (And ditto with Mrs. Dirt, by the way). Duh.
2). Sheila, while purporting to be a “
feminist” herself, seemingly willfully “ forgets” to cite Mrs. Dirt as the equal co-author of the entire Unstraightening Lesbian series. As a Academic Straightbian Susie herself, Sheila clearly should be familiar with the rules of citation; after all, she is quite well known for infamously citing herself at every opportunity. Her intentional lack of citation shows that her “ feminist” principles apparently do not include the fact that a Lesbian partner/co-author as being worthy of recognition — which is actually not very feminist after all, now is it? Think about it.
3). Poor Sheila apparently lacks reading comprehension skills and/or even the most basic of accurate reporting skills. Neither of us have EVER said that “women who have ever related sexually to men can never become lesbians.” In fact, we have both written about “Later-In-Life Lesbians“. What we have said is that NOBODY can “
become a Lesbian“. You either are born a Lesbian, or you are not one at all. Some Lesbians may initially attempt to please their families/society/church/etc. by marrying a man, then later come out as a Lesbian. But guess what? THEY WERE LESBIANS ALL ALONG, EINSTEIN. You know who isn’t a Lesbian, and never will be, though, Sheila et al.? A HETEROSEXUAL female who chooses (for whatever reason) to partner with another female, that’s who. For approximately the millionth time: Behavior does NOT equal orientation. Geez, Sheila. Do try to keep up, dear.
4). Sheila writes, “She (Dirt) says that I am not and have never been a lesbian because I was once heterosexual; rather, I am a ‘straightbian'”. Um, yeah, exactly. BINGO! Ding ding ding, Sheila wins a prize! Yes, that is exactly what we are saying, Sheila: IF YOU ARE A HETEROSEXUAL, sweetie, YOU ARE NOT A FREAKING LESBIAN. You are one or you are the other; you can never be both, nor can you switch back and forth. Sheila states clearly here in this passage that she was, in fact, born a HETEROSEXUAL. Ergo, Sheila is NOT A LESBIAN (nor is any other Straightbian), nor has she ever been, nor will she ever be. Which, of course, is the entire point of the Unstraightening Lesbian series.
5). Sheila goes on to babble some bullshit about butchness, then culminates her blather with this “
brilliant” (NOT!) thought: “This jockeying for position and for authenticity, for the status of ‘real ones’, creates bitter divisions between lesbians. It also creates a barrier to heterosexual women choosing to become lesbians.” First of all, we aren’t jockeying for “position” — but: we are saying that the plethora of NON-Lesbians (AKA Straightbians), like Shoddy Sheila herself, who have found fame and fortune while arrogantly speaking for Lesbians are wrong and harmful to real Lesbians in a myriad of ways. Secondly, standing up for Lesbian truth and authenticity does not “create bitter divisions between lesbians” — instead, it creates bitter divisions between real Lesbians and fake-ass Straightbians. (Good riddance too. Bye, bye, don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out, ladies). Finally, YES: We do, in fact, strive to create a barrier to heterosexual women who falsely claim that they “ choose to be Lesbians“. Why? Well, let’s all just THINK about it — we have confidence that even the dullest knife in the drawer is capable of seeing the irony in Sheila’s statement. Yes, IF SOMEONE IS HETEROSEXUAL, SHE IS NOT A LESBIAN. Duh. Sheila freely admits in this passage that she and her cohorts are, in fact, HETEROSEXUAL…which makes Sheila and The Straightbians — wait for it, wait for it — NOT FREAKING LESBIANS. FFS.
6). Neither of us have ever said that females can’t/shouldn’t make a choice to partner with other females. Of course, we recognize that everybody has a right to live their lives any way they see fit. So, go for it, straight chickadees, and do whatever you want…but just know that you are wrong, unethical, and immoral if you call yourself a “Lesbian”.
7). Thanks, Sheila, for publicly admitting what we have been saying all along: that you and others in our Unstraightening Lesbian series are, in fact, HETEROSEXUALS. Being a Lesbian is not a choice, dear, and it’s terribly privileged and arrogant for you and others to claim that it is. Publishing idiotic drivel like the quote above simply reinforces the clueless, twisted, entitled egocentrism of Straightbians: especially the self-proclaimed “
lesbian experts” who are neither Lesbians nor experts.
8). LOL at “Although all ‘butch’ lesbians are not as hostile as Dirt…“. Here’s the thing about that quote: Sheila doesn’t even know what Butch means, nor does she actually know a real Butch, but regardless: yes, Dirt is contemptuous toward charlatans, fakes, liars, and frauds…AKA: STRAIGHTBIANS. And so is Mrs. Dirt. It is always interesting that whenever real Lesbians try to stick up for ourselves and push back against the relentless appropriation of our name/lives by NON-Lesbians like Sheila Straightbian, we are called rude, hostile, etc. Hell, many times, we are even accused of being males. The fact that Straightbians cannot even understand what we are saying, nor relate to how we are saying it, is even more proof that Lesbians are different than straight women.
9). Kindly take your radical feminist malarkey and shove it way, way far up your…well, you know.
Dirt & Mrs. Dirt
You still are, Sheila. You always will be.