Tag Archive | Straighbian

Femme: Facts Versus Fiction

I have written before about being a Femme Lesbian, here and here.  But there is so much misinformation about us, the topic deserves much more attention.

This handy-dandy little guide is intended to be a start to separating the facts about being a Femme from the numerous fictional assumptions about us.

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Fiction: “Femme is an ‘identity’ that can be adopted by anyone who chooses it (Straightbians, males, any mid-range dyke who wears lipstick occasionally….whoever); Femmes are attracted to and partner with anyone (other Femmes, random dykes, men….whoever).”

Fact: Femmes are Lesbians who are oriented to and partner with Butch Lesbians. Femme is not an “identity” that can be simply chosen by anyone; you either are a Femme, or you are not. (Ditto re: Lesbian).

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Fiction: “Femme is a ‘performance of gender’; a cartoonish mockery of every femme fatale in every second rate movie since the beginning of time.”

femmefatale

Femme Fatale: Pixabay/darksouls1: CC0 Public Domain

Fact: Femmes are simply being ourselves…we were born this way. We are not “performing” gender (nor anything else, for that matter). We are not actresses in the play of life, and it’s offensive when people assume who we are is an act.

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Fiction: “Femmes and Butches are mimicking heterosexuality.”

Fact: We are not mimicking anything. We are being ourselves…who we are born as. Again, who we are is not an “act” or a “performance”. We aren’t heterosexual, we aren’t mimicking heterosexuality, and we don’t want to mimic heterosexuality.  There is nothing straight about us; Butches and Femmes are 100 percent Lesbian. Thank goodness.

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Fiction: “Femmes are fluffy-headed sexy helpless dependent little minxes who wouldn’t be seen in public without full makeup & dress/heels/etc.; Femmes depend on their Butch to take care of them.”

Fact: Real femmes are strong, outspoken, independent, and equal in our relationships our Butch partners. We are capable of “cleaning up nicely” if an occasion calls for it; but we dress practically on an everyday basis, and we dress appropriately for an activity.  We don’t wear stilettos to Walmart. We don’t wear kitten heels to hike the Alaskan wilderness. Unless there is some sort of physical limitation that would preclude us from doing so, Femmes can, and do, pump our own gas, carry our own groceries, open our own jars, pay our own bills, and competently handle the dude at the 7-Eleven who asks for a date.

Heads-Up: If you ever see an alleged “Femme” mincing around in high heels, donning makeup constantly, giggling helplessly, afraid to break a nail, while her Dyke partner does everything for her in a “manly”, swaggering sort of way, rest assured that you are witnessing a Dyke/Straightbian partnership…NOT a Butch/Femme one.

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Fiction: “Femmes are really straight women who have ‘chosen to be a Lesbian’.”

Fact: There is no such thing as “choosing to be a Lesbian”. You either are one, or you are not. Same thing with being Femme. Femmes are Lesbians who are born Femme Lesbians. Period. There’s nothing straight about us. Don’t confuse Femmes with Straightbians.

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This post is not meant to be a comprehensive list of all of the fictional assumptions about Femmes, but rather, it’s just a basic starting point to address a few of the main incorrect beliefs.

Please also refer to Hekate’s blog, Genuine Femme, which addresses similar topics.

If you can think of more blatant falsehoods, or if you ever have any questions about Femmes, Butches, Butch/Femme relationships, or Lesbians in general, as always, please feel free to comment on any post or email me at sayebennett@gmail.com. More on this topic later…