Tag Archive | Straightbian

The Price of Truth

Since Dirt and I started speaking out about Straightbians and the multiple ways in which they harm Lesbian lives, we have both received numerous emails and private messages thanking us for speaking out. 

Sadly, though, the majority of our private supporters do not have the courage to say so in public. 

As just one example, here is what one person said to me privately, versus what she later said publicly: 

Private


Public:

Well, I know that it is difficult for some Lesbians to come out of the closet, but that issue has nothing whatsoever to do with Straightbians.  (You either are, or are not, a Lesbian, and if you are, you aren’t a Straightbian…zero overlap). 

I wish I could say such a gap between private versus public behavior was limited to this one person, but, alas, it is not. 

It seems that the price for speaking the truth is too costly for most people. 

For me, truth trumps popularity.  I won’t lie in order to be popular and tell people what they WANT to hear. 

The truth is: Any woman cannot just magically “become a Lesbian”, and all the wishful thinking and denial in the world won’t change that simple fact. 

PS: You may be wondering why I am bringing this up. Well, the answer is simple: It is because I am frustrated  and burned out with fighting with straight women on Twitter over what it means to be a Lesbian, while knowing that other (real) Lesbians agree, but nonetheless won’t publicly support the (very) few of us who are willing to speak out.  

“Sexuality is Fluid”: The Great Big Hoax

NOTE: This is a follow-up to Dirt’s post, With Lesbians Like Sue Perkins, Who Needs Enemies?!

Lately, it seems that you can’t swing a cat (Public Service Announcement: PLEASE DON’T SWING CATS, PEOPLE!) without hitting an article or interview where somebody or other is saying that “Sexuality is fluid.”

You’ll notice, however, that it is always FEMALE sexuality to which these articles/interviews are referring; it’s quite unlikely that Men’s Health magazine will ever come out with an article about the best techniques for sucking dick.

Hmmmm…why is that? There are likely many reasons, but I believe that the main one is that females/Lesbians are routinely hypersexualized, and the idea of watching so-called “Lesbian” sex often appeals to straight men. However, the very same men would quite likely be freaked out by the thought of having sex with a man. Therefore, the myth that female sexuality is “fluid” is appealing and persists, while male sexuality remains “static” in the public’s mind.

It is especially disappointing to me when a famous Lesbian makes such a erroneous and damaging claim. Dirt wrote about such a situation here, in which one of my favorite comedians, Sue Perkins, who starred in the hilariously quirky Lesbian-trying-to-come-out-of-the-closet sitcom Heading Out, said in an interview that “sexuality is fluid”.

In Sue P‘s case, I think a combination of internalized homophobia and a desire to fit in with the currently in-vogue “queer” crowd, along with parroting the nonsensical storylines of Straightbians, are major driving factors in such a spurious claim. However, I don’t know her, so I can only guess as to her motivation(s).

Well, let’s all just think about the whole “sexuality is fluid” claim for a moment, shall we?

First of all, the correct term is ORIENTATION, NOT SEXUALITY. Being a Lesbian is NOT all about sex, and to reduce our entire lives, our very being, to “having sex” is both incorrect and insulting. We are always Lesbian, regardless of whether we even ever have sex.

Secondly, if orientation were really “fluid”, there would be no reason to “come out of the closet”, would there, Sue P.? Everyone would just “flow” back and forth, willy-nilly, including the very parents that you had to “come out” to, Sue! Why would anyone have to “come out” if there were no true orientation to begin with, since everyone would be “fluid”? Why are there heterosexuals and homosexuals in the world?

Think, Sue, THINK!

The (incredibly obvious!) answer here lies in the difference between Behavior Versus Orientation.

As an example of behavior versus orientation:

Anybody could have sex with anybody (Behavior), but a female having sex (or even a long-term relationship) with another female does NOT magically make her a Lesbian.

You either are a Lesbian (Orientation), or you are not.

Later-in-life Lesbians (those who initially date/marry men, before coming out later) were never straight to begin with; so their orientation is NOT “fluid”; they just did not act upon their true orientation for a variety of possible reasons (family, society, religion, internalized homophobia, peer pressure, etc.).

Here’s the thing:

Behavior is changeable. Orientation is NOT changeable.

BehaviorVsOrientation

So, whenever you see the claim that “sexuality is fluid”, I beg you to remember this formula:

Behavior ≠ Orientation

Behavior ≠ Orientation

Behavior ≠ Orientation

Behavior ≠ Orientation

Behavior ≠ Orientation

Behavior ≠ Orientation

Behavior ≠ Orientation

Behavior ≠ Orientation

Behavior ≠ Orientation

Behavior ≠ Orientation!!!!!!!!!!!

As for Sue Perkins, I still believe that she is hilarious and talented and I truly wish her all the best, but she really needs to stop towing the “queer” party line and start telling the truth…not just for the sake of her Lesbian fans, but, ultimately, for her own sake.

Do Dirt and I Hate Straight Women?

Since Dirt and I have been speaking out about how Lesbians are different than straight women and how straight females (even many alleged “allies“) and Straightbians harm Lesbians, we have received a lot of feedback which typically boils down to: “Be nice! We need to support our straight sisters! You HATE straight women! Etc.

In fact, I recently accidentally noticed someone on Twitter subtweeting “She (Dirt) hates straight women”. I already addressed it directly with that person, but the incident made me realize that some people seem to actually think that, so I felt I needed to do a specific post on it.

So, here’s the official answer:

NO, DIRT AND I DO NOT HATE STRAIGHT WOMEN.

(Sighing loudly).

NoHate

Image: Pixabay CC0 Public Domain

Pointing out that there are actual differences between straight females and Lesbians beyond who we f**k does NOT equal “hate”.

Pointing out that Lesbians have been harmed in numerous ways by Straightbians and even many straight allies does NOT equal “hate”.

Look, if Dirt and I actually hated straight females, we’d just SAY it. It’s not like we are known for mincing words, is it? 

Falsely claiming that what we are saying equals “hate” is a typical but transparent way to try to dismiss what we are actually saying and to attempt to alienate people from us.

Both Dirt and I have many straight female friends, relatives, and coworkers who we get along with just fine, thank you very much.

The key factor with these relationships is the fact that NONE of these women who we remain close to are pretending to be Lesbian, speaking for Lesbians, lying about Lesbians, appropriating Lesbian, profiting from Lesbians, or in any other way harming Lesbians.

Because if they were doing any of that, we would NOT remain close to them.

Our true friends stay in their lane, and we stay in our lane. They don’t tell us what it’s like to be a Lesbian, and we don’t tell them what it’s like to be straight.

It’s really simple, Sherlock:

Standing up for ourselves and for Lesbian lives/rights is NOT “hate” nor is it inappropriate in any way. What is actually wrong is when straight women attempt to hetsplain Lesbian to actual Lesbians while refusing to listen to us.

Bottom line: Dirt and I do NOT hate straight females, but we do, in fact, hate what is often done to Lesbians by straight females. There’s a HUGE difference between the two, and it would behoove our detractors to learn what that difference is.

“How Very Dare You?” (How Hets Respond To Lesbians)

Amidst all of the general nonsense Dirt and I deal with on a daily basis, a recent recurrent theme I have noticed in many argumentative comments and tweets to us is:

HOW DARE WE?

How dare we speak about/as Lesbians?

How dare we say that any woman cannot magically “become a Lesbian”?

How dare we say that words like “Lesbian”, “Butch”, “Femme” etc. have actual meaning and should be used correctly?

How dare we imply that we are “experts” of any sort?

How dare we say that many are falsely calling themselves “Lesbian”?

How dare we challenge the currently in-vogue idea that everything is all about “identity”: the idea that if you simply “identify as” ________(fill in the blank: Lesbian; Butch; Femme; Hippopotamus; Whatever) you ARE ___________?

The list goes on and on and on, but I think you get the basic idea, which boils down to “How very dare you?”

I recently replied that there are about 3,468,576,823,845 STRAIGHT blogs, books, articles, TV shows, magazines, etc.; yet NOBODY ever comments such things to them: Who are YOU to talk about being straight? What would YOU know? What gives YOU the right to talk about straight people/relationships? How would YOU know about being straight? Who are YOU to say who is straight? Etc.

Nope, that never happens, and I will tell you why. Because nobody questions “straight”. First of all, straights are the HUGE majority. Secondly, straight is pretty…well…straightforward: Nobody has hijacked “straight” like “Lesbian” has been hijacked repeatedly. Nobody is falsely speaking for all straight people, implying that they are all perverts and weirdos or that it’s all “just a choice” or any other such idiocy.

Even when a Lesbian comes out later in life, she didn’t hijack straight out of privilege; in fact, it’s the opposite: she felt she had to pretend to be straight in order to please family, society, or church. She got hijacked BY straight.

Think about it: For a straight person to even question our right to speak out as/regarding Lesbians smacks of privilege.

Let me be clear: While straight people are always very welcome to read our blogs and to comment, and while we still sincerely hope that some straight people will be capable of seeing the light, Dirt and I are not writing for straight people. We hope that some straight people will understand, but we don’t actually expect them to.

Instead, we are writing to Lesbians. And we are writing as Lesbians.

We not only have the right to do so, we have the duty. 

Attention: straights and Straightbians: We DO dare.  And all your arguing, snarkiness, denial, rudeness, subtweeting, and straight privilege in the universe won’t stop us.

In summary: Suck it up, buttercup(s), because we’re not going away.

Buttercup

Image: Pixabay: CC0 Public Domain

Dear Straight Women: Lesbians Aren’t Your Bitches

Earlier today, Dirt and I came across this objectionable article on Facebook, ironically posted on a site called lesbianpride.org.

This article purports that “Ruby Rose’s Sexiness Is Apparently Turning Straight Women Into Lesbians“, and as any readers of ours already knows, we call BULLSHIT on that one. Nobody can “turn into a Lesbian”; you either are one, or you’re not.

I won’t belabor that point again, however, since we both have addressed it multiple times on both of our blogs.

The main point I want to make in regard to this article and the widespread assumption that Lesbians should be flattered by straight females’ attention is to give all of the straight women who think that Lesbians are your consolation prize a very clear message:

Go to Hell. 

Lesbians deserve someone who will love us for exactly who we are, which a straight woman will NEVER be able to do because orientation doesn’t change.

We deserve better.

Lesbians, do NOT settle for anything less than Lesbian.

And, here is a joint post with Dirt on this topic, originally posted here:

While this post is prompted by this particular article, it is by no means an isolated incident, nor an incident particular to media status.

I find it interesting that when a group of men say a Woman is fuckable, they are deemed to be objectifying, sexist pigs — but a straight Woman declares a Dyke bangable (and by bangable, in (Het) Woman terms, means she’d let said lezzie lick her pussy, because, of course, that’s all Lesbians do/want to do sexually, right?) and Lesbians everywhere are supposed to be fucking grateful!!!

Lesbians do not require (Het) Women to tell us we are attractive, fuckable, hot, sexy, or anyfuckingthing!

Dear (Het) Women,

  • Lesbians do NOT want your bored-with-men desires;
  • Lesbians do NOT want your potential het diseases;
  • Lesbians do NOT want your dick breath/dick germs;
  • Lesbians do NOT want your emotional histrionics;
  • Lesbians do NOT want your petty heterocentric materialistic BS;
  • Lesbians do NOT want your woman-born-woman/woman-identified-woman wantonness;
  • Lesbians do NOT want your one-sided, half-assed, pillow-princess pity fucks while you are waiting to catch the next dickmobile STRAIGHT back to Hetsville;
  • Lesbians do NOT want your backstabbing compliments/thinly veiled insults as to how we are so much like a man;

In summary, (Het) Women……Lesbians do NOT want YOU!

Sincerely–Lesbians!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Lesbians,

We know it may SEEM flattering when (Het) Women say we are fuckable. Lesbians, including ourselves, are starving for depictions of ourselves on TV, movies, books, and media. We know what it is like to scarf up any pitiful scrap that is thrown our way. We know how frustrating it is to never be truly seen by society and to never truly see ourselves being accurately represented…ANYFUCKINGWHERE!

But it is NOT a compliment to be deemed fuckable by a (Het) Woman. Sure, a (Het) Woman might fuck you (or, more accurately, get fucked BY you), but rest assured, she will also fuck you over. And when she is done with her little experiment (i.e., YOU), she will be sucking dick before sundown.

We deserve better.

Lesbians, do NOT settle for anything less than Lesbian.

Love,

dirt & Mrs. Dirt

The Chicago Dyke March Badly Needs A New Name 

Some idiots calling themselves “Chicago Dyke March” on Twitter proved that they are most certainly NOT Lesbians/Dykes with many tweets, but this one tweet in particular stood out among the general ignorance:


First of all, if you are calling yourself a “dyke march” you are, in fact, talking about (and for) Lesbians…um, duh.

Secondly, this SHOULD go without saying, but since basic facts obviously escape the notice of these buffoons, allow me to spell it out:

LESBIANS DO NOT WANT DICK.

AND:

LESBIANS DO NOT HAVE DICKS.

Perhaps it would be beneficial for these bozos to invest in a dictionary, or, at the very least, learn how to Google definitions, because their cluelessness is astonishing.

The VERY-inappropriately-named “Chicago Dyke March” only needs one simple tweak to rename themselves accurately.

In fact, since they obviously struggle with basic comprehension, I have a suggestion for their new name:

Chicago DICK March

You’re welcome.

“Straight” To The Point

Over the last several days, Dirt and I have been arguing with straight female “allies” on Twitter over the premise that Lesbians are different.

To make a long story short, not 1, not 2, not 3, but a whole coterie of straight females have tag-teamed us, alternating between telling us to “be nice to our allies“; completely dismissing us; twisting whatever we say; bringing up unrelated topics/issues to try to derail/confuse the discussion; making analogies that make absolutely no sense whatsoever; acting like we are saying something we are not, then being offended by their own incorrect assumptions; trying to make us seem mean/bad/rude/etc.; name-calling; subtweeting; and usually, finally blocking us. Just when one wave disappears into the horizon, a new wave appears. Rinse and repeat.

Here’s the thing: It takes an astonishing amount of straight privilege to argue with Lesbians about OUR OWN LIVES.

These straight women do not know what it is like to be a Lesbian; but much more importantly, their actions of arguing with us ad nauseum proves that they don’t CARE.

I don’t know what it is like to be a man, or a Black person, but you don’t see me telling men or Black people how they “should” feel or denying or arguing with what they say about THEIR OWN EXPERIENCES.

Yet, that is precisely what these straight women are doing. Instead of listening to what we are actually saying about our own Lesbian experience/lives, they are actively attempting to silence us, shame us, twist our words, deny our experiences, and discredit us.

Why? There are likely a number of reasons, depending on the person, including, but not limited to: ignorance, arrogance, straight privilege, fear, reacting with emotion instead of logic, faulty preconceived notions, wanting to keep the incorrect notion alive that “any woman can be a Lesbian”, comprehension difficulties, not wanting to listen, misdirected anger, etc.

Whatever the reason(s), their behavior is completely unacceptable. 

Whether or not people agree with us, Lesbians deserve the same respect and courtesy straight people expect (and routinely get).

People, especially those who purport to be “Lesbian allies, should actually BE allies by listening rather than talking; caring rather than dismissing; remaining open rather than blocking.

And if you fruitcakes cannot do that, you are NOT an ally.

AND you can kindly fuck off.

(Please also read Dirt’s post on the same topic, here).

Image 1

Image: Pixabay: varintorn: CC0 Public Domain