Tag Archive | Straightbian

There Is No Such Thing As A “Former Lesbian”

If we had a nickel for every time we’ve heard a variation the phrase “used to be a Lesbian” or “former Lesbian”, Dirt and I could quit our day jobs.

Just think about it, there are tons of examples in everyday life, in TV shows, in movies, in books (etc.) where an allegedLesbian” ends up with a man.  (“Alleged” is the key word here, obviously).

Let’s review just a few examples of (so-called) “former Lesbians“:

1). Susan Ross, George Costanza’s ill-fated fiance on Seinfeld: When George learned that his ex-girlfriend, Susan, was dating a woman named Mona, he made a joke that he had “turned her Lesbian”. Then (of course, predictably) Susan and George reunited. To make matters even worse, Mona fell for Kramer, even though the character had allegedly never expressed interest in men before. (Offensive).

2). Orange is the New Black’s Piper Chapman:  In the Season 1 official trailer, at approximately .36-.37 seconds, Piper’s mom asks “You were a lesbian?” and Piper (sitting with her MALE fiance) replies “At the time”. (Ugh).

3). The turd from my last post. (Yuck).

4). Susie Bright. (Barf).

5). JoAnn Loulan. (Loathsome).

6). Every Straightbian who has allegedly eschewed “Lesbianism” to embrace Christianity, such as Turd #3, above, as well as others of her ignorant ilk, like Rosario Butterfield.  (Repugnant).

A couple quick Google searches for “used to be a lesbian” and “former lesbian” showed that there are many, many, MANY hits:

UsedToBeALesbian

Former LesbianThe problem is: There is no such thing. You are being lied to. These people are insulting your intelligence.

And: not only is this pervasive lie offensive to, and erasing of, real Lesbians…but it is also downright dangerous because it gives the VERY false idea that being a Lesbian is just a choice which (POOF!!) magically can be changed on a mere whim, the whiff of a penis, and/or the discovery of a deity.

Once again, behavior does not equal orientation.  Any woman can enter into a same-sex relationship (or just have sex with another woman), BUT any woman cannot magically become a Lesbian. It doesn’t matter whether a relationship between a straight woman and another woman lasts 50 minutes or 50 years, a straight woman will never be a Lesbian, and a Lesbian can never be a straight woman.

The truth actually stunningly simple: Whenever you hear that somebody “used to be a Lesbian” or is a “former Lesbian”, you know you are dealing with total bullshit. You’ll know that the very special snowflake somebody in question is a Straightbian.  Bottom Line: This person never was a Lesbian to begin with.

The end.

Once A Straightbian…Always A Problem

I had an unsettling experience on Facebook last night that sadly, but clearly, reinforced my sweetie Dirt‘s motto that “If you aren’t us, you’re against us“.

Without identifying anyone, here is a brief summary of the debacle that unfolded:

One of my Facebook friends posted an article/comment about how conversion therapy is horrible.

So far, so good, right? Right.

That is, until one of her Facebook friends, who I don’t know (and who I certainly don’t want to know!), decided to put her 2-cents in.

Although I don’t know this individual, I do know her type…all-too-well.

Straightbian!

Except in this particular case, this individual asshole has now eschewed her Straightbian ways (of harming Lesbian lives) to become a born-again, holy-rollin’, bible-thumpin’, holier-than-thou, know-it-all, married-to-an-man, “Christian” (still harming Lesbian lives).

The more things change, the more they remain the same.

I purposefully did not screencap the conversation, out of respect for my Facebook friend.

And I’ve honestly tried to just let it go, but the truth is: this incident has been bothering me ever since it happened.

What, exactly, was so upsetting? It took me a while to put my finger on it, but I think I finally have now.

It wasn’t that this boneheaded bozo believes that conversion therapy is possible/desirable, nor that she thinks that being a Lesbian is somehow related to porn (huh??),  nor that she incorrectly thinks sexuality is fluid, nor that she thinks all Lesbians will burn in eternal Hell. (Although it is indeed upsetting that anyone could be that asinine).

After all, what would I expect from a Straightbian-Special-Snowflake-Type-Turned-Religious-Proselytizer? Complete and utter nonsense, that’s what. Consider the source.

This inanity is just one of this fool’s anti-Gay/Lesbian FB posts:Image 3

In another FB post, our DICKgusting debutante referred to Lesbian relationships as “broken people” having “aberrant sex”. There are not enough words in the English language to describe my feelings toward this person for saying that, but “disdain”, “contempt”, and “hatred” seem like a good start.

Bitch

No, it wasn’t the fact that this evil assclown spouts her offensive and uninformed opinions.

(Just so there’s no confusion, here’s a sample of what is wrong with her assumptions: There’s no such thing as being “lesbian-identified” because you either are or you are not; there’s no such thing as “fluidity of attraction”; Lesbians are not “broken” nor do we “need healing”; our love is NOT “aberrant sex”; and furthermore, BEING A LESBIAN IS NOT A F**KING CHOICE, YOU DIMWITTED BUFFOON).

Instead: What upset me then, and still upsets me now, is that my friend would even be remotely friendly, much less be friends, with someone like this nincompoop.

What upsets me is that, instead of telling this dickweed to take a proverbial long walk off a short pier, my friend actually seemed worried about me and Dirt offending this piece-of-shit Straightbian’s delicate “Christian” sensibilities.

(Guess it’s okay for Straightbian-Sally to insult us, though, and even deny our very existence).

What upsets me is finding out that my friend “liked” the FB post where Lesbian lives were referred to “broken people” having “aberrant sex”. To add insult to injury, the article linked in that post was shocking right-wing anti-Lesbian propaganda.

There’s nothing to “like” about that post. Or that person.

Once again, I (re)learned the lesson that Lesbians are on our own.

Maybe, just maybe, I will remember it this time.

It’s Neither Radical Nor Feminist To Hijack “Lesbian”

My sweetie Dirt wrote a post yesterday entitled “How Lesbian Became the Vehicle for Radical Feminist Anger“.  Please read her post, here, first, because this post is intended as a supplement.

Dirt’s post deals with how Radical Feminists appropriated “Lesbian” and falsely used “Lesbian” as a vehicle to express their own anger toward men/patriarchy.

Analyzing the RadFem definition of “Lesbian” (“What is a lesbian? A lesbian is the rage of all women condensed to the point of explosion.”), it should be incredibly obvious to anyone with an IQ higher than mayonnaise that the so-called “Radicalesbians” who wrote the misguided and male-obsessed treatise “The Woman Identified Woman” (and their gung-ho disciples) were/are neither Radical nor Lesbian.

These angry straight women decided, in typical straight-privileged fashion, that they were unhappy with the status-quo regarding men/patriarchy, but instead of directly and effectively taking action to actually change their relationships with men and/or to dismantle patriarchy in any systematic or useful fashion, they chose to cowardly retreat from battle, using their contrived camouflage of “Lesbian” as a way to hide from and avoid the true issues.

Under the guise of “sisterhood“, these straight women proceeded to do the least “sisterly” thing possible:  they proceeded to steamroll over real Lesbians in every way possible, and continue to do so even today.

Ironically, these same purported “Lesbian feminists” are the very same individuals who are arguing incessantly that males cannot become females simply by saying so…yet, somehow, they fail to comprehend the irony that they are doing the very same thing: claiming to be something they are not, while arrogantly expecting to be automatically believed and welcomed with open arms.

Real Lesbians were (and still are) an inconvenient truth in these faux “Lesbians’” alleged “feminism“.

We insist on pointing out the pesky truth that the prevalent myth that “any woman can be a Lesbian” is an outright lie. We point out that arguing with men all day, every day on Twitter  or elsewhere isn’t actually taking constructive action. We repeatedly point out that Lesbians are not “angry man-haters”; that being Lesbian is not a choice; and that every woman who says she is a Lesbian is not actually a Lesbian.

In short, we are raining on their parade and they don’t like it.

Here’s the thing: It is not “radical” to run from the true issues and hide behind a mask. It is not “radical” to appropriate “Lesbian” because you are too scared to stand up for your rights as a straight woman. And it’s certainly not “feminist” to harm real Lesbians with your nonsense.

So, instead of “Radical Feminist Lesbians“, a more apt title would be “Cowardly Straight Females”.

What would be truly “radical” for these straight females to do would be to constructively find ways to gain and maintain power in their heterosexual relationships and to actually address societal inequities in a methodical and effective fashion.

These faux “Lesbian feminists” can unfollow or block Dirt and me; they can call us “scary” or “dangerous” or “bullies” or “mind-controllers” or any other name; they can attempt to discredit us; and they can continue proclaiming to the top of their lungs that all it takes to be a Lesbian is to simply claim to be one.

But no matter how loud they scream or how vehement their protests against what Dirt and I are saying, the truth remains the same:

Wherever you go, there you are.

And for these false “Lesbian feminists“, they are still stuck in the same place they were in 1970: still arguing with/about males under the false guise of “Lesbian“.

It’s way past time to stop of being stuck that rut, don’t you think?

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Image: By Joost J. Bakker from IJmuiden CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0) via Wikimedia Commons

 

Lesbian Tools For Identifying a Straightbian

“Note: This is a joint post with Dirt, originally posted here.

 

In recent posts, Mrs. Dirt and I have written individually and written together, slowly chipping away at centuries of Lesbian inaccuracies, revealing a dual picture of the oblique perception of Lesbian and the Women who have forged that skewed perception by co-opting Lesbian.

By injecting biology back into the paint, each post is a brush stroke laying bare the vast differences in Lesbian behaviour vs the behaviour of Girls/Women. These differences are KEY to understanding ourselves, our unique behaviour and our place (or lack thereof) in Hetero society and perhaps more importantly possessing the tools to recognize the overwhelming number of (STRAIGHTBIAN) Women hetsplaining their distorted approximations of Lesbian that has gone to make many STRAIGHTBIANS wealthy, fortified many more academic careers and generated an impotent political movement (Radical Feminism), carving a treacherous landscape that threatens the safety of every Lesbian alive least we mention every Lesbian dead!

The more tools we have in our Lesbian arsenal, the better equipped we are to fight the egregious lies STRAIGHTBIANS/RadFems have lead society and worse Lesbians ourselves into believing. Below are some core behaviours that should raise a Lesbian red flag or two:

  • Regardless of age, declaring they’re a Lesbian is constant, excessive and over the top. Lesbian youth obviously are allowed a honeymoon period when they first come out, but once acquainted with other Lesbians/Lesbian community that “shout-it-from-the-rooftop-I’m-a-Dyke” fades. If said Lesbian is 40-something, been out for a while, and still acting like they just came out-BEWARE!
  • If heavily involved in abortion rights/rape issues/prostitution/domestic violence and other primarily Heterosexually-focused topics/groups/activism (especially if to the exclusion of caring about solely Lesbian issues)-BEWARE!
  • If arguing with men/MRAs/men calling themselves women etc. factors heavily in their life/day to day-BEWARE!
  • If sexually abused between the ages of 0 to 18, particularly 0-12, straight females have either an aversion to males or a pathological need to be sexual with men. For sexually abused straight females who developed an aversion to males, the hypersexual pathology often still persists. This may present itself as a seemingly intense sexual newness that can be mistaken for normal Lesbian relationship newness/passion, but instead of a genuine Lesbian passion, the hypersexuality is due to pathology rather than legitimate Lesbian passion. Lesbian passion surely involves sex, but the intimacy developed through sex and passion quickly matures into a Lesbian relationship. Hypersexuality as exhibited by STRAIGHTBIANS/sexually abused straight females never develops beyond the sex stage, and parallels the internal age they were frozen at when the abuse occurred. That isn’t to say that a STRAIGHTBIAN and a Lesbian may not form a long term involvement, but that involvement never develops into a fully mature intimate relationship. Lesbians usually find themselves confused in these involvements, often playing out the role (over and over) of a rescuer/saviour/helpmate and if the involvement lasts beyond a year the once hypersexual (straight) partner’s interest in sex wanes (Lesbian Bed Death). BEWARE!
  • Repeated claims of victimhood, usually where none exists. Repeated attempts at creating seemingly useless/needless drama. BEWARE!
  • Pathologically (paranoia) thinks everyone is either an enemy and/or makes enemies out of everyone at some point. BEWARE!
  • Can seem younger than their age (child-like/teeny bopperish)-again stuck in time (like the needle on a scratched record)-usually at the age they were sexually abused. BEWARE!
  • Adamant in the belief that any woman can be a Lesbian. REALLY BEWARE!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • Exhibits stalkerish behaviour toward love interests, exes, perceived enemies. BEWARE!
  • Will perseverate on real or imagined slights (Borderline Personality issues) and stop at nothing to get even (time or money no object). BEWARE!
  • While as Lesbian youths we all play around with our look (hair/clothes etc), but where you see this persisting past the age of 30 (excessive piercings/tattoos/shaved heads/body modifications/mohawks/pink/blue/purple/funky hair colours/clothing usually worn by preteens/teens etc). BEWARE!
  • These Women are often either directly or indirectly involved in versions or variations of the kabbalah, shamanism, witchery, tarot reading, runes, crystals, moon howling, drum circles, art projects involving their period blood, crones, midwifery, ceremonial blessings/unions, high priestery, celestial shitola, and/or many other special snowflakeries. STRAIGHTBIANS will have deeply studied or tried any or all in vain efforts to fix their early traumas/themselves. BEWARE!

While Lesbians also suffer from sexual abuse, due to differences in brain function, Lesbians obviously behave differently than Girls/Women who were abused. And because sexual abuse is usually perpetrated by a male, natural attraction isnt problematic for Lesbians in the way it is complicated for sexually abused Women. While we will elaborate these differences and complications in a later post, our point here being is that the behaviours listed above are not displayed in any enormity by sexually abused Lesbians or any Lesbian for that matter, they are however seen in high levels in STRAIGHTBIANS.

So to recap, we are not saying your new girlfriend’s interest in the kabbalah or astrology should send you running for the hills, but we are saying if you can tic multiple checks beside our list above-BEWARE!

Until Lesbian biology takes its rightful place, both Mrs Dirt and I individually and together will continue to give Lesbians the tools needed to see themselves as NORMAL, to see imposters in our dating pools and Lesbian authorities, and to gain confidence and accuracy in our gaydar.

dirt

03/01/2017: Edited to emphasize that one (or even a couple) of the attributes above, alone, are not cause for concern, but if MULTIPLE items from the checklist are present, then the likelihood of a Straightbian increases. So, for example, if a person has tattoos and likes tarot, it’s likely not a problem. But if she ALSO constantly talks/posts about predominantly heterosexual concerns, if she believes/argues “any woman can be a Lesbian”, if she engages with males all the time, if she engages in drama-drama-drama, (etc.), then it is worth starting to observe closely.

03/02/2017: Edited (again) to add that our point is that if a woman focuses much attention/energy on predominantly heterosexual concerns (such as abortion), and especially if she does so TO THE EXCLUSION OF CARING ABOUT LESBIAN CONCERNS, then that is a warning sign of a Straightbian in combination with other factors. We are not saying those straight issues aren’t important, just that they are NOT PRIMARILY LESBIAN.

Lesbians Do Not Want Men (This Is Not Rocket Science, People!) 

Several people have sent me the link to an extremely odious Huffington Post Queer article entitled “I Came Out As A Lesbian – But Then I Fell In Love With A Man“. Thanks for the heads-up!

First of all, the fact that the publisher of the article has “Queer” in their title tells us everything we need to know.

Lesbian is NOT queer, and queer is NOT Lesbian.

Queer usually equals “special snowflake straight”.

Moving on to the article itself, there is no need to even analyze it, because the title itself is a huge spoiler:

The author clearly never was a Lesbian…instead, she just called herself one, and obviously continues to falsely use “Lesbian” as her own personal badge of blinding specialness.

News flash, cupcake: You are a garden variety het. And you always were.

And there is nothing wrong with being a het…as long as you don’t appropriate Lesbian lives with your bullshit.

I find myself repeating the same fact over and over and OVER, because of the ongoing efforts to overtake and queerify Lesbian, and I will continue to do so because it obviously needs to be said:

LESBIANS DO NOT WANT MALES. LESBIANS DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH MALES. LESBIANS DO NOT FALL IN LOVE WITH MALES. LESBIANS DO NOT FANTASIZE ABOUT MALES. Etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. ad nauseum.

Lesbians want other Lesbians.

This is not a difficult concept, folks.

The other thing Lesbians want is for ALL of the people who are lying about our lives to shut the Hell up.

Image: PicsArt #FreeToEdit

Unstraightening Lesbian: The Sex Edition!

Approximately a week or two ago, the Kindle Edition of the The Whole Lesbian Sex Book (2nd edition) by Felice Newman was on sale ($1.99), so I thought “What the heck?” and bought it.

I already suspected this book was yet another buttload of crap (pun semi-intended) because of Dirt’s and my earlier research into many (so-called) lesbian experts (who are neither lesbian nor expert) Susie Bright and Shar Rednour, among others.

After reading it, I sadly came to the conclusion that IMHO, the book is indeed total crap.

Actually, to say this book is “total crap” is unnecessarily complimentary. This book would have to dig its way out of the sewer and make its way up through the pipes and into the toilet before it could even be considered crap.

Pour quoi“? you may be asking.

The answer is: So many reasons, so little time.

Since the horseshit is shoveled abundantly in this book, I will have to focus on the absolute worst of the worst for this post.

Let’s start with this little gem from Chapter 1:

image-1

Okay, remember: this book is supposed to be about and for LESBIANS. The word “LESBIAN” is even in the freaking title.

First of all, most Lesbians aren’t promiscuous enough to have sex with random people (and groups of people!) as the first paragraph implies.

Secondly, and more importantly, the major flaw of the above quote comes with the second paragraph, which erroneously and slanderously implies that Lesbians have sex with men.

News Flash: Lesbians do NOT have sex with men.

Lesbians want to be with other LESBIANS. Period. End of story. It’s not rocket science, folks.

This ridiculous theme of (alleged) “lesbians” wanting sex with men, fantasizing about sex with men, having sex with men, etc. etc. etc. is repeated ad nauseum throughout this book, so I won’t belabor each and every example of this blatant falsehood. Bottom line: NO, WE DON’T.

Moving on from this damaging and untrue theme (although the author unwisely didn’t), my next major gripe occurs in Chapter 2:

image-2

The author seems to assume that Lesbians either do, or should, have a fetish. The author turns Lesbian love-making into a completely unrecognizable hypersexualized kinky fetishistic fuckfest.

Here are just a few of the bizarre and unrecognizable alleged “lesbian sex” (NOT!) examples mentioned by the author in Chapter 2: blood play, breast whipping, caning, enemas, golden showers, knife play, paying for sex, and triple penetration.

The author moves on to supposed Lesbian fantasies, and right off the bat, we’re back to my original complaint:  “Lesbians can and do get off to fantasies about sex with men“, the author claims.

Um…no. No, no, no, no, no.

Lesbians: I have said it before and I will say it again now: If your lover wants you to pretend to be a male in bed, or fantasizes about having a male join you in bed, or in any way whatsoever brings the concept of “male” into your bedroom, you are dealing with a Straightbian.

Lesbians are females who are sexually/romantically oriented solely to females. Regardless of what lesbians are doing in bed, there will never be a male involved, even in fantasy.

Another purported frequent “Lesbian” fantasy, according to our increasingly offensive author, is “Age Play” (also known as “incest fantasies” ~ ugh!): “Daddy/girl, Daddy/boy, Mommy/girl, Mommy/boy are popular forms“, says the author.

Hmmmm…let me think…how can I express my feelings about this topic in the nicest way possible?

Okay, here goes: That is some seriously sick, twisted, perverted, disgusting, and deviant shit.

(And that is the nice version of my thoughts on the matter).

Children should NEVER be a part of any sexual encounter, even in someone’s sicko fantasies.

My hope for those who are into “age/incest play”: Please get some serious therapy, because you truly need it if you think that pretending your lover is your “Daddy” (or that you are the “Daddy” having sex with a child, or any other variation of this repulsive “game”) is a hot or a harmless fantasy.

Furthermore, these fantasies are NOT LESBIAN.

Lesbians desire other ADULT Lesbians.

Lesbians don’t want to be your freaking “Daddy” or your “little boy” (or any other variation of this disgusting fantasy).

Some Lesbians may play along with this horrid game in order to please their fucked-up STRAIGHT girlfriend, or, in some cases, perhaps because they have been abused themselves and are acting out (See **Important Note, below).

In general, though, “age/incest play” is NOT a part of Lesbian sex.

**Important Note: Lesbians, like anyone else, may be victims of child sexual abuse, but to be very clear, being Lesbian is NOT caused by, nor in any way related to, sexual abuse.

Instead of being truly “Lesbian“, this “age/incest” fantasy/activity is perpetrated by mixed-up Straightbians; most likely in a misguided and futile attempt to heal childhood wounds. Rather than addressing these wounds in a healthy manner, instead, they play out these wounds in an endless loop of sordid sex, pain, and confusion…never making progress, never achieving true intimacy.

(I normally would feel sorry for such confused individuals, but these people are doing it, and publicly gloating about it, in the name of “Lesbian“…and that is unforgivable).

I wish I could say that “age/incest play” is the worst lie the author gives as an alleged “Lesbian” sexual fantasy, but alas, shockingly, it’s not!

What could possibly be worse? Molestation (sex with minors!!), necrophilia (sex with dead people!!), and bestiality (sex with animals!!) are also all listed as supposed “Lesbian” fantasies.

They’re not.

Let me say it again: THESE ARE NOT LESBIAN FANTASIES/ACTIVITIES. Please stop perverting Lesbians with these outright lies, Felice Newman.

And readers, please, please, please get professional help if you actually do fantasize about any of that.

Moving on to the author’s “helpful” (NOT!) tips on purported Lesbian” porn:

image-1

Hmmmm, I’m sensing a theme, aren’t you? Newman seems to want to pound (hahaha!) it into everyone’s heads the absolute lie that “Lesbians want men!” We don’t.

Again, it should go without saying, but apparently some people are too stupid to think it through, so it bears repeating:

Lesbians do NOT want men, so please take that drivel and shove it really far, far, far up where the sun don’t shine, Newman (et al.).

I almost made it through Chapter 3 without wanting to bang my head on a wall, because it’s a relatively straightforward chapter on female anatomy/health.

However, sadly, I did not make it all the way through this chapter either, because Newman offers this lovely tip about “female anatomy”:

image-1

Sighing loudly. I hope I won’t have to explain to anyone what is wrong with that snippet. (Spoiler alert: BIOLOGY MATTERS).

Let’s ignore the next few chapters. While I certainly didn’t agree with all of what was written in them, they didn’t make the list of the worst of the worst.

Moving on to Chapter 14, let’s examine this quote:

image-1

First problem: Lesbian is NOT about “gender”, and that statement includes Butch/Femme Lesbians. To explain why would require its own post, but for the purposes of this post,  suffice it to say that Butch/Femme Lesbians are NOT playacting/performing “gender roles”. We are simply being ourselves. Remember: LESBIAN IS ITS OWN NORMAL!

Second problem: Butch sexuality is NOT in any way male sexuality. Please read Dirt’s post on this very topic, where she directly addresses yet more nonsense by this very same author.

The depicted image in the above quote of a Butch swaggering around, Barney-Fife-style, with her “thumbs hooked in belt loops“, trying to draw attention to the “lump in her jeans” is not only devastatingly incorrect, it’s downright insulting to real Butches.

Similarly, the description of an “aggressively erotic” hyper-feminine Femme who is “unconditionally interested in her own sex” (whatever that means) is a depiction of a Straightbian…NOT a real Femme. This cartoonish image is both untrue and damaging to real Femmes.

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More Butch/Femme bullshit ensues. This entire paragraph is FALSE.

Butch/Femme is NOT an “identity” to be “adopted“, it is NOT a “sexual dynamic“, and it is NOT a vague, nebulous concept that varies with the wind.

We most certainly do NOTcome from all genders and sexual orientations“!

Butches and Femmes are LESBIANS. Simple.

As I said above, Butch/Femme is NOT about “playing with gender signifiers“; we aren’t playing dress-up, for God’s sake!  We are born this way.

Also, the traditional/historic/correct usage of the terms Butch and Femme is in relation to the Butch/Femme dynamic. Therefore, there is no such thing as “Butch-on-Butch” or “Femme-on-Femme“.

Some may think this is quibbling about language, but for a group that is constantly misunderstood and misrepresented, correct language matters deeply, and it is both erasing and insulting to see our terms used improperly.

The next chapters deal with various aspects of BDSM. While I don’t feel as harshly about general BDSM as I do about “age/incest play”, I do object to the assumption that all, or even most, Lesbians are into BDSM, and particularly hardcore BDSM. For the author to take up copious space about hardcore BDSM in a purported “Lesbian sex” book gives the false impression that hardcore BDSM is indeed “the norm” for most Lesbians.

I would have lived the rest of my Lesbian life quite happily ~ in fact, even happier ~ having never known a damn thing about a “golden showers bottom” or a “tit-torture top” or a “scat bottom” or a “rimming top” or “blood play” or “seeks menstruating partners” or “sex in a body bag“, thank you very much.

An extensive section is then devoted to “play parties” (AKA group sex parties). I have known a ton of Lesbians in my life, and never…I repeat, NEVER…have I even heard of any “Lesbian Sex Party”.

Lesbians, at least for the most part, are monogamous, even if some are serial monogamists. Those serial monogamous relationships might only last years (or months) versus a lifetime, but they are one-on-one relationships with the intent on lasting the long haul.

It is NOT Lesbian culture to have orgies. It’s just not. Not even in California, because the famous ones having all the orgies…guess what…aren’t Lesbians!

These are the same twisted sisters we have written about before, and others like them: Straightbians who are acting out their sexual dysfunction and incorrectly calling it Lesbian.

I could go on and on about this book, and many others like it, which not only buy into the absurd notions listed in this post (and many more), but even worse, actively spread and perpetuate this misinformation.

I am speaking out about this because these lies are harmful to real Lesbians in many ways.

Lesbians already struggle with invisibility in a heterosexually-dominated world, and lying about us makes us all the more invisible, because the truth about the REAL us is not being told.

Misinformation like this also is actively dangerous to Lesbians, in several ways. It is literally dangerous, because it reinforces some males’ delusions that Lesbians really do want men, leading to unwanted attention, harassment, stalking, or even physical violence.

It is also dangerous because it makes it seem like Lesbians are perverts, when WE are not the ones who are the perverts. People who (incorrectly!) believe Lesbians are perverts can do much damage to us, in many different ways (laws against us; refusal to hire us; firing us; denial of housing; violence; etc.).

Another, more insiduous, danger is the cumulative effect of constantly reading/hearing falsehoods about ourselves has on Lesbians. It makes us more willing to put up with nonsense in relationships. It isolates us. It removes us from ourselves. It makes us feel even more puzzled, confused, and alone than we already are, because we don’t recognize ourselves in what we read/hear/see.

It can even lead to Lesbians transitioning, because propaganda, like what is in this book and in many other sources, normalizes transition and makes it seem like an appropriate “step” for many Lesbians to take. Already separated from the norms of straight females, reading nonsense like this can make Lesbians’ normal feelings of “otherness” seem like we really “should be male”.

No, Lesbians are fine as we are. And we’d be even better if warped opportunistic charlatans would shut the fuck up.

Why I Use A Pseudonym. (Not That It Is Anyone’s Business).

UPDATE: “Mary Sue” has a gargantuan bug up her butt and just published my real name on Twitter, (purportedly) because I allegedly “invade the privacy” of others.

If that is her real issue with me, I’m not sure who she thinks I have doxxed, because I have only used the public and already-well-known names/information of everybody I have written about…but logic, sanity, and ethics are apparently optional for “Mary Sue”:

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Huh? 

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Because I bet her real name is “Mary Sue” or “realbaddeeds”. Um…NOT!

Original Post:

I really shouldn’t have to answer the question of why I use a pseudonym, because,  quite frankly, it is nobody’s business.

Plus, I have already addressed this issue several times…here is just one such example:image-7

However, since a very annoying cockroach** who is trying to play Miss Marple in a boneheaded attempt to “out” my legal name, I’m doing this post to address this issue directly.

(**Note: I think it is one known individual with multiple accounts who is attempting to shit-stir, but of course, it’s also possible that it may be a whole roach motel involved. Whatever the case, the following points will apply regardless).

Here is the latest example of this ongoing nonsense. A brand-new “egg” account with no followers, no previous tweets, and not following anyone just randomly decides to bust my chops as their first tweet??  Hmmmm, that seems rather doubtful, but let’s take a look:

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Poor “Mary Sue”.  Bless her heart.

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Hahahaha! Did “Mary Sue” really think this was plausible?

Here are my comments to this sort of fishing expedition, listed in no particular order:

1). I have always been open that neither Saye Bennett nor Mrs. Dirt is my real name. This fact has been mentioned numerous times here, on Dirt’s blog, and on Twitter. This information is even in my bio both here and on Twitter. Not a secret, Sherlock.

2). My real first name is Anna. As with #1, this information has been mentioned many times in multiple places.

3). By far, the main reason I write using an alias is to feel like I have the freedom to say whatever I want, in any way I want. I want to be able to talk about sex. I want to be able to be non-politically-correct. I want to be able to curse. I want to be able to talk about events in my life (using aliases for everyone involved, of course) without embarrassing and/or identifying anyone else.

4). Using a pseudonym for writing has been a very common practice for a very long time. It is not nefarious, new, surprising, or mysterious.

5). There are many legitimate and smart reasons (in addition to my primary reasons, listed above) that any woman might choose to not use her real name online. The most obvious reasons are: safety and privacy.  (Um…duh!!!).

6). Anyone who claims to love and respect women would understand — without explanation — why privacy and safety are important, and therefore, that person would refrain from perpetual attempts to publicly identify me or any other woman who chooses to write anonymously. Since this individual (or group?) persists in such activity, by definition, there is no true love or respect for women present.

7). Brazenly using your own name publicly and constantly posting publicly where you are at all times may seem brave, but in reality, it is very risky. To anyone who wants to reveal my identity: Please feel free to take those risks yourself, but don’t be presumptuous/arrogant enough to risk anyone else’s safety in your misguided and twisted quest.

8). I happily reveal my full name to anyone who needs to know it, including, for example, employers, licensure/certification entities, etc. I also reveal my real name to anyone I CHOOSE to tell. “Everybody on the internet” and “annoying butt-hurt person trying to cause trouble” are examples which obviously do NOT meet my criteria.

9). Rudely confronting someone out of the blue in an attempt to “jar” or “disquiet” her is never a smart approach. In fact, doing so is as transparent as it is stalker-like, disturbed, deranged, and quite frankly, pathological.

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Creepy much?

In summary, I don’t intend to have this conversation again. Such ploys in the future will either be completely ignored, blocked, or sent the link to this post. Life is too short to deal with unwarranted, unwelcome, and senseless drama. 

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I would say it’s been nice, but I would be lying.