Tag Archive | Unstraightening Lesbian

Sex and the STRAIGHTBIAN (Part 2): The Passion is Perversion

Note: Another joint post with Dirt, originally posted here.

The flip side of the frigid/anti-sex/passion is political/eschewing sex and femininity STRAIGHTBIANS are the STRAIGHTBIANS who embrace sex with both arms and every orifice, LOVE and sex sex sex, try anything once (or twice!) sex Het women.

In years past these STRAIGHTBIANS were on the opposite side of Radical Feminism; their feminist liberation was to be found, not in squatting over a mirror looking at their vaginas, BUT in using their vaginas to find power! They convinced themselves that through sadomasochism, where they could explore/control sexual proclivities (some of which were) derived from child sexual abuse, they could find the power robbed of them as girls/women.

Depending on if sexual abuse was suffered as a child, how long it occurred, how it was dealt with or ignored and natural temperament, determined each STRAIGHTBIAN’s role in BDSM. For some STRAIGHTBIANS that role may be as the submissive (many will co-opt (High/Femme/Bottom/Baby/Girl to imply that) for others that role will be as the dominant (many will co-opt Top/Butch/Daddy to imply that), and still others will play at a Daddy/boi/boy sex-play. A number of STRAIGHTBIANS who gravitate toward the dominant roles have/will also transition. This STRAIGHTBIAN type’s pathology on cross sex hormones will often increase their warped sexual appetites as well as their sadism during sex scenes. This STRAIGHTBIAN type, despite the sheer fear and powerlessness they felt as sexually abused girls, first identify with and later become (through transition/hormones) the all powerful abuser of their (mostly) willing equally disturbed partners.  Some of these dominant STRAIGHTBIANS will even lobby for less strict laws around child/adult sexual relations aka Pedophilia. Aside, many dominant STRAIGHTBIANS will have had at some point/s identified as gay men, most will have been/are Fag Hags, including having sex with Gay men.

Some of the more mentally damaged STRAIGHTBIANS in this group will even act out (repeatedly) sexual abuses done to them as a child; one partner will role-play being a baby girl while the other partner pretends to be the Daddy who then sexually abuses his/her baby girl. Both parties derive their own warped feelings of power during these bizarre scenes. Power, by being the person holding the safe word which can stop everything on utterance, and the other feeling power/full by taking power over the other and having the power to bring the other to sexual heights/climax/es; exchanges that both parties tightly wrap in a yarn of believed ultimate/superior intimacy and trust. But the intimacy/trust are nothing more than a mutually shared delusion that can quickly unravel at the slightest fray.

As neither party is actually Lesbian, these particular STRAIGHTBIANS fetishize “lesbian sex” (sex between females) through their own Heterosexuality/Het norms. 

Many STRAIGHTBIANS in this group for varying reasons are hypersexual, and sex will figure some way in nearly all aspects of their life. They will join or forge self created careers in some aspect of the sex industry. They may be sex educators/experts, strippers, prostitutes, sex facilitators/consultants, burlesque performers; they may make lesbian porn videos/photo shoots etc. Most of these STRAIGHTBIAN types will have a sexual pathology, but even those where this is absent, because none are Lesbians, ALL have a pathological need/drive to sexualize themselves with a female partner/s. Lesbian to ALL STRAIGHTBIANS must involve another female, but particularly for this type.

Without sex or even the idea of sex between two females, these STRAIGHTBIANS disappear. Therefore, fetishizing lesbian is not only a product of their pathology, it is at the root of their self. Like Transgender self-hood, these STRAIGHTBIANS rely on constant external validation/reinforcement, even if that is nothing more than personal photos of themselves/their female partner kissing/touching/sexing etc. Many will exhibit public displays of affection bordering on the sexual, they don’t simply WANT the public to look, they NEED the public to look. They NEED lesbian approval, even from strangers, be that at a restaurant while having dinner or on Social Media.

Unlike actual Lesbians (who do not require external validation to tell us who we are), lesbian approval for this STRAIGHTBIAN type isn’t approval for being a Lesbian. These STRAIGHTBIANS require approval for behaviour they FEEL to be Lesbian (via their Heterosexuality), feelings they need to strengthen their foothold of THEIR thin grip on Lesbian IDENTITY. This tenuous grip being so fragile, even if they have 1 naysayer among a 1000, they may mentally/emotionally implode! Even demanding validation and/or vilifying naysayers through conferences/sex wars/Social Media battles/books/articles published/tickets sold etc that they ARE Lesbian! As an aside, many of these types will have romantic/sexual photos of themselves around their home with a former/current partner; a daily reminder that these girl-on-girl visuals MAKE them lesbian

Past Straightbians in this group fancied themselves on being sexual outlaws/sexual renegades, turning sexual mores on their heads; queering lesbian  through stealing Gay male cultural norms/tropes to wet their warped sexual perversions in one hand and lining their pockets through theorizing lesbian as the ultimate subversive act in the other. This Past STRAIGHTBIAN group believed/preached that through the bondage of ropes and chains (het) women could FREE themselves from the shackles of Patriarchy.

Today’s version of this STRAIGHTBIAN type merely mimics the straight male’s wet dreams lining the shelves of porn hubs everywhere. This STRAIGHTBIAN version preens, prances, pouts and performs lesbian per Patriarchy’s fantasies; their lips never speak of Liberation, only licking pussy. This group doesn’t even have the mental wherewithal to look beyond what they see everyday: HeteroSEXuality. Somewhere between IQ and the internet, today’s STRAIGHTBIANS lazily believe that by performing Het male lesbian cliches for global attention/identity reinforcements that they are subverting social norms! These STRAIGHTBIANS spend less time trying to smash the Patriarchy and more time bending over for it! They tell themselves their sexual displays are personal, but their copious “look at us, look at us, look at us!” cinches their narcissism that is ALWAYS looking for a looker.

But both types, past and present, can only occupy lesbian through male tropes (gay or straight). Meaning: even the ways in which they suspend their Heterosexuality, IS Heterosexual!

Dirt and Mrs. Dirt

Sex and the STRAIGHTBIAN (Part 1) The Passion Is Political

Note: This is another joint post with Dirt, originally posted here.

We are closing this year out with a series of posts we’ve been asked by many Lesbians to write, and which we feel will be informative for the unSTRAIGHTening Lesbian series.

We haven’t written a great deal on STRAIGHTBIANS and sex, but where mentioned we have focused primarily on RadFem STRAIGHTBIANS whom (for varying reasons) eschew sex with men, an,  more often than not, eschew sex…period.

If you took a Women’s Studies course or such, you will recall the great “lesbian sex wars” back in the late 70’s/early 80’s, those erring on the side of the anti-sex group consisted primarily of staunch RadFems. Het women who routinely patrolled other women’s sexuality/sexual behaviours, quickly ousting dirty RadFems who preferred penetration to pussy licking or the preferable platonic love. But human nature being human nature, there are new generations of Het women who continue to fall into that RadFem anti-sex category. And depending on sexual abuses/temperament/dominant handedness/emotional baggage/education/politics etc. a percentage of those Het women will seek out to date/partner with other (mostly Het) females.

These Het women will claim Lesbian, define Lesbian, publish books/articles as Lesbians/about Lesbian issues, and be professionally known as Lesbians, all the while being/thinking/functioning Heterosexual. They may don a short ‘do, sport sensible shoes, and own a flannel shirt or two or three, an acceptable “lesbian” outfit that they believe says don’t look at me, look at what I do. An outfit defined/created by RadFems before them, serving the same purpose.

These STRAIGHTBIANS usually do not know nor associate with actual Lesbians, and when they encounter us, they quickly snub us. They believe they are intellectually superior to Lesbians (they believe they are gifted academics and perceive actual Lesbians to be Blue Collar/beneath them socially/morally/intellectually and therefore dismiss/despise any Dyke who dares to question THEIR hetsplained version of lesbian). These RadFem STRAIGHTBIANS also incorrectly perceive themselves to be ideologically/politically superior/cognizant to actual Lesbians (they CHOSE to be womyn centered and would not dare debase/objectify womyn with sex/sexual thoughts, which they believe is similar to the dreaded Male Gaze holding less fortunate females hostage everywhere).

These types of STRAIGHTBIANS chant, preach, and promote the personal IS political, yet their entire political system springs from their own personal damaged pathology. A pathology not just rooted in the Heterosexual, it IS Heterosexual! BUT a Heterosexuality (at least where relations with males are concerned) THEY do not want! Unlike most Het females who naturally feel quite passionate (including romantic sometimes) with Het females in their lives, these STRAIGHTBIANS take these feelings to a whole other level, wrapping their pathology and warped political theories into romance with another female. Because their self proclaimed political reasons for their female romances usually dominate their lesbian relationships, sex usually takes a backseat or worse, the trunk (for you Brits-it gets put in the boot of the car). Attraction for these STRAIGHTBIANS is an attraction to the other person’s politics, rather than raw passion itself. The passion is political, not the personal and depending on each Het woman’s politics, that joint political may last years, decades or till death. BUT it isn’t LESBIAN!

RadFems past who fit this category and who fit it today can usually be found bitching/moaning (usually ineffectually) about porn, prostitution, abortion rights, and identity politics. Instead of having healthy relationships/friendships with men, since they “CHOOSE to be lesbians” for the good of womankind (yeah, right…), they find other ways of having passionate relationships with men, via fighting with them. In the past these RadFem STRAIGHTBIANS lobbied against pimps, porn moguls, and politicians, today these fervent feminist fracases take place all over Social Media, much to the same result as RadFem’s past-nought.

For STRAIGHTBIANS like this, sex is sublimated for politics.

Dirt and Mrs. Dirt

UnStraightening Lesbian: Removing the Heterosexual Lens: The Next Series

Note: This post was originally published here.

The next set of Het women we are unSTRAIGHTening for this series are as follows: Rita Mae Brown, Adrienne Cecile Rich, Sheila Jeffreys, and Julie Bindel.

Rita Mae Brown is most known for Rubyfruit Jungle, her warped fictional (?) account of consensual familial incest (with male cousin) PRO-INCEST character who “turned lesbian” — but (God forbid) NOT-one-of-those-Lesbians-who-look-like-men-and-are-ugly-kind-of–Lesbians. Rita Mae briefly dallied with the Lesbian separatist group The Furies, who Homophobically preached “Lesbianism is not a matter of sexual preference, but rather one of political choice” (No. One prefers coffee to tea: Homosexual BIOLOGY isn’t a choice!). From there, Rita Mae was involved with Lavender Menace-a man hating “radical lesbian” offshoot of NOW. Rita “just me” Mae later dumped Lesbian when it was no longer edgy/profitable and today writes applesauce mysteries lapped up by bored Het women.

Adrienne Rich is best known for her poetry and her later Radical Feminist diatribes, one of which spawned the over used phase by Radical Feminists-Compulsive Heterosexuality. Privileged academic Adrienne (I was stuck fast in an emotion common to women of our time, that can turn them bitter, or Lesbian, or solitary) Rich turned Lesbian some years after her Husband of 17 years, producing three children, committed suicide. But thanks to warped feminist sexism, Robin Morgan didn’t view Rich as the Monster she did Ted Hughes. Hmmm…funny that!

Sheila Jeffreys, like all Hets in this group and to quote Julie Bindel “abandon Heterosexuality and her feminine appearance” (hmm still looks Het/feminine) when she found Radical Feminism. Besides teaching, Jeffreys wrote/spoke extensively on other STRAIGHTBIANS whose differently warped sexual proclivities didn’t pass Jeffreys frigid muster, mimicking Het dynamics too closely for her tastes. Jeffreys is equally known for speaking/writing against Transgenderism. Not because she is against the medical damage necessary for transition, but again because Transgender mimics Hetero roles too closely, damaging women/women as a class.

Julie Bindel is a RadFem journalist who focuses on Het women’s issues; violence against women, prostitution, pornography, human trafficking etc. She briefly came out swinging against Transgender/transition but when confronted by trans males, quickly went back to her Het women interests. She is a huge proponent/promoter of many STRAIGHTBIANS featured in this series and STRAIGHTBIANS in general. She routinely states with full Het privilege and Homophobia intact that Lesbianism is a choice and biology means next to nothing, unless speaking about male violence! THAT’S different!

We will begin working on this next group ASAP, probably in the order above; and any (polite) input is welcome, as usual.

Dirt and Mrs. Dirt

Assorted Straightbian Subtypes: AKA the Seven ASSes

Note: This is a joint post with Dirt, originally posted here.

We have written about Straightbians many times before, and we have even delineated some Lesbian Warning Signs You Might Be Dating A Straightbian and Portraits of a Straightbian, but we wanted to do a specific post about the seven primary specific Straightbian subtypes who, collectively, are the bane of Lesbian existence. There may be significant overlap between these subtypes, yet each of these Straightbian archetypes is easily recognizable as a discrete entity.


Without further ado, we present to you the seven main Assorted Straightbian Subtypes: (AKA the Seven ASSes):

1). The Woo-Woo Goddess: Everybody knows a Woo-Woo Goddess. She will read your tarot cards or your tea leaves. She is no stranger to runes, the I-Ching, unicorns, incense, herbal tea, soy candles, prisms, numerology, astrology, channeling, or rainbows. She speaks in awe of The Universe And Its Unknowable Mysteries. She wafts by in a voluminous dress, as if floating on a veritable cloud, smelling vaguely of Patchouli. She might be a massage therapist or Reiki master; or perhaps a Spoken Word Poet, frequently performing in indie coffee houses across our Great Mother Earth, typically accompanied by an acoustic guitarist playing folk music that always sounds suspiciously like Phoebe’s Smelly Cat. That is, when she is not attending the Drum Circle with her feminist group on the first Wednesday of the month, or her “Healing Crystals And You” support group at the local Raw Food Cafe on Tuesday evenings. She’s always been into Yoga but, lately, she has to admit Pilates is becoming a close contender. She recently heard about Rebirthing Breathwork Therapy from her psychic friend, Shamrock Clover, but sadly, she later discovered that it is just too expensive for her to do at the moment. But it’s certainly something to dream about in the future, though, because it would be sooooo very nice to reconnect viscerally, even if just for a fleeting moment, with her mother’s vagina, returning symbolically to the Great Cosmic Mother, if you will. She will just have to stick with Rolfing for now. Closely related to, and may overlap significantly with #2: The-Straightbian-in-the-Woods.

2). The-Straightbian-in-the-Woods: The-Straightbian-in-the-Woods is the stereotypical all-natural, organic, vegan Earth Mother. She picks her own mushrooms, sips wheatgrass smoothies, and presses her own cashew milk to pour over her hearty morning breakfasts of chunky granola, poured into her own handmade pottery bowl, fired right here in her very own kiln at The Farm, where she proudly hosts the annual “Womyn’s Week At The Farm” (AKA The Ye-Olde-Renaissance-Fair/Womyn’s-Music-Festival-At-The-Farm). She toyed with macrobiotics at one point, but found it to be a fleeting affair. She slips on her all-vegan Birkenstocks and sashays to the nearest pasture whenever the sudden need to howl at a full moon overtakes her, as it often does. She makes crafts out of pine cones, twigs, acorns, moss, feathers, rocks, and, when she is particularly reveling in her femaleness, her own period blood. Her favorite craft is the “Dream Catcher“, which she sells on her Etsy shop, despite the effect that shipping has on her carbon footprint. She tried making rainbow flags with dyes hand-crafted from fruits and vegetables, but sadly, the colors bled together and she was left with no alternative but to recycle them into tie-dye bandannas. She macrames and recently acquired a loom. She “eschews” shaving her armpits or legs, uses only rock salt deodorant, and, of course, uses an all-vegan menstrual cup, feeling that au-naturale is the only way to go. Clothes made of hemp are her staple, although she occasionally flirts with burlap. She may dabble in Wicca, sometimes casting a benign spell or two…for World Peace and Equality, of course, with some Prosperity thrown in for good measure. After all, Earth Mama needs her Ani DiFranco CDs, now doesn’t she? (They aren’t going to buy themselves, that’s for sure). She is a womon-identified-womon (or womyn or womin, depending on her mood and menstrual cycle), well, at least for now, and if she weren’t currently a Straightbian, she’d be giving birth (all-natural, naturellement) at this very moment, squatting in the shallow warmish natural creek in the bend by the old oak tree. Despite her current “identity” as a “Lesbian“, The-Straightbian-in-the-Woods intuitively senses that there’s still time to fulfill her true destiny: marrying a hippie-dippy pacifist liberal male in a sunshine-speckled field of daisies, then popping out plentiful progeny, who she will then proceed to “spoil” every year at their birthdays with her own special, homemade, hand-crafted, no-sugar, all-natural, all-organic, locally-produced, sustainably-sourced, non-GMO, fair-trade, vegan, raw-food, smelt/oat/raisin/hemp bars (in lieu of an actually tasty birthday cake). Closely related to, and may overlap significantly with #1: The Woo-Woo Goddess.

3). The Academic Straightbian Susie:  The Academic Straightbian Susie (AKA the biggest ASS of all) is the absolutely worst subtype of Straightbian. She knows absolutely nothing about Lesbians, yet, with shocking heterosexual privilege, nonetheless blithely publishes copious falsehoods about Lesbians without ever understanding the irony.  The Academic Straightbian Susie publishes alleged “Lesbian research” without ever having the basic common sense to realize that her subjects are NOT Lesbians, just as she herself is NOT Lesbian. Those pesky actual Lesbians need to shut up and let her speak for them, she thinks whenever she encounters actual facts which are contrary to her strongly held theories. After all, she is the one with the Ph.D. here! That should show them who knows more! For crying out loud, she’s almost-most-of-the-time-sometimes a Kinsey SIX! Forget about mentioning she’s been twice PUBLISHED in the prestigious Icelandic Journal of Queering the Gender Construction of InterSEXionality in PostModern Society, which is read by at least three whole people! What do blue-collar Lesbians know about their own lives anyway?  They are too busy actually being Lesbians to study such critical academic Lesbian topics as “political lesbianism” and “Queer Theory“. Certainly blue-collar dykes could NOT possibly know nearly as much about being a Lesbian as The Academic Straightbian Susie has learned by reading books/articles by other Academic Straightbian Susies and by conducting her very own academic “Lesbian focus groups“. She speaks haughtily, yet earnestly, of nonsensical concepts like “compulsory heterosexuality” and “gender theory” and “The Patriarchy“. She even uses terms like “intersectionality” and “eschew” with a straight face. She heartily subscribes to radical feminist theory and may even be a  well-known “pioneer” in the feminist movement. Some older Academic Straightbian Susies may bear a shocking resemblance to Maude (see #6, below). They “eschew femininity” (and men!) while incorrectly thinking that doing so makes them a Lesbian. The Academic Straightbian Susie, in summary, hetsplains Lesbian from her ivory tower with a bizarre, toxic mixture of arrogance and ignorance…never understanding, nor caring, how her multitudinous lies and delusions damage real Lesbian lives.

4).  The High Femme AKA The Queer Femme AKA Some Straightbian Idiot Wearing Kitten Heels: We have covered this territory before. (More than once)This Straightbian asshat is the one who most people mistakenly think of as a Femme. The High Femme won’t venture from her scarlet satin-filled abode without full makeup and perfect hair. She is meticulously groomed, shaved, moisturized, and perfumed at all times; always ready to tap her long, fire-engine-red fingernails in growing impatience when she doesn’t get her straight-privileged, demanding, whiny way. She may wear fishnet hose, miniskirts, and stilettos in the misguided notion that actual Lesbians will drool at the sight of her. She makes no secret about loving Victoria’s Secret. She is hypersexualized and attempts to use her hypersexuality as a weapon. She (mistakenly) believes that dykes think/act like males, and attempts to manipulate dykes with her hyperfeminine wiles. (Some naive dykes might even be flattered by her insincerities). She gives dykes back-handed “compliments” about how “manly” we are. In fact, she will even “support” a dyke into an early grave by encouraging her to transition. A subtype of the High/Queer Femme is the no-longer-body-oppressed Fat Femme (AKA The Fat Queer Femme).  Many FQF’s begin their Queer lives as Fag Hags, until they’re “eschewed” by their favorite Fag Brian after he gets a steady beau. Heart-broken but always hopeful, FQF’s survey their Queer landscape until they set their sights on a Dyke. Assured their Dyke prey will date them cuz Women ain’t like those subjective oppressive objectifying men! Dykes have to date Fat Grrls! Right? Regardless, Fat or Thin, make no mistake, this is a very sinister Straightbian. Underneath her perfectly coiffed exterior lies a twisted sister.

5).  The Very, Very, Incredibly Special Snowflake Straightbian: This Straightbian is so very, very, incredibly special…one might even say “precious”. Nobody in the history of humankind has matched her level of uniqueness. She strives to be different with every piercing, every tattoo, every mohawk (or, alternatively, dreadlocks), every rainbow hair dye, every body modification — often modifying herself into virtual unrecognizability from her real plain-Jane heterosexual self. This Straightbian didn’t feel loved as a child, and doesn’t love herself now, despite her frequent panicked protests to the contrary. Her social media bio reads like a liberal’s wet dream, sprinkled liberally with words like cis, queer, pansexual, aromantic, non-binary, “identify as…”, and they/them pronouns (or, perhaps she needs to be even MORE special with pronouns: maybe choosing ze/zir, or if she is feeling particularly frisky: tey/tem/ter). Despite her over-fondness for such descriptors, she “eschews” labeling herself. Labels are for losers, she thinks. People as special as she simply defy description! S/he/they/tey/ze live “outside the box”/”outside the binary”. So, she wouldn’t ever call herself a Lesbian nor even a Bisexual (because, Goddess Forbid, those monikers are just soooooo NOT “special” enough and may imply some sort of exclusivity), yet she qualifies as a Straightbian because she fucks with Lesbian lives in many and various ways; including, but not limited to, actual fucking. The Very, Very, Incredibly Special Snowflake Straightbian speaks of her “inclusivity” and “tolerance” and proclaims that mere frivolous things like biological sex/genitalia wouldn’t prevent her from exploring sexual relationships (Translation: If it moves, she will fuck it…Or, would at least claim she would be open to doing so). She may even get published in allegedly “Lesbian” publications, but most certainly NOT because she is a Lesbian…rather, because she is the opposite, the anti-“Lesbian“, the post-modern “Lesbian“, if you will. Some might say that she would be yesterday’s goth, but, gosh, goth is just so yesterday now, isn’t it? Gotta keep pushing those boundaries, don’tcha? Eventually, The Very, Very, Incredibly Special Snowflake Straightbian may even go where no Straightbian has gone before: In her ongoing quest for the final frontier of Specialdom, one day, she may become so very blindingly special that she will actually transcend human form in a final stunning blaze of glory; a Straightbian supernova of monumental proportions. Until that day, she will remain a wart on the ass of collective Lesbianism…but hey, at least she’s a very special wart.

6). The Midlife Menopause Maude (AKA The Triple M): The Midlife Menopause Maude is a late-comer to the Lesbian world. The Triple M has spent 2(+) decades married to a male, where she fulfilled her true heterosexual duty by popping out a couple of varmints. Now, menopause looms; her kids are in college; her husband, Richard (who “eschews” the nickname Dick) recently bought a red Corvette and is now casting his lecherous eyes upon his 20-year-old administrative assistant named Alex; and The Triple M feels her eggs shriveling up inside her more quickly than a Shrinky Dink in a toaster oven. She now casts a disparaging eye around her now-barren world and realizes there’s got to be more to life. Heck, she’s still semi-young. 50 is the new 30, right? Right? She used to be interesting!  She used to have her own apartment in the city! She was going to be a writer, wasn’t she? Or maybe an artist. Mixed-media, of course: using found objects, upcycled into collages, to be shown at a nice little wine-and-cheese gathering at the local art gallery on a brisk February evening. What happened? Where did all of the years go? When did she stop being a person and turn into a wifen-mommy? She knows the answer: It’s The Patriarchy who is at fault. The Patriarchy sucked the life right out of her, then spit her out, just when she was no longer juicy. Fuck The Patriarchy! Fuck ALL Men! Who needs men anyway? They can’t even find the damn ketchup in the refrigerator, for Christ’s sake, when it’s right there on the door, beside the mustard and the relish, where it’s always been. Men are disgusting anyway, aren’t they? Didn’t Richard scratch his hairy ass on her brand-new Ethan Allen sofa while watching Monday night football and eating nachos just last week? The Triple M isn’t going to stand for it anymore. She can do better than this. She should do better that this. But what? How will she ever escape from the hum-drum drudgery that her so-called life has become? Oh, snap! That’s it!  How did she not see it before? She can “become a Lesbian”!  Didn’t she just read an article in Cosmo about how “sexuality is fluid” and how many straight women are now “coming out” and finding true love with another female in their 40’s and 50’s?  Well, she did take a shower that one time with her college roommate. Granted, it was a large communal shower at a youth hostel in Italy during her junior-year summer abroad, but that counts, doesn’t it?  Maybe she was a Lesbian all along! Yes, that’s it! For sure! With straight-privilege fully intact, the Triple M barrels headlong into “becoming a Lesbian“. She reads and reads and reads, books and articles by Academic Straightbian Susies. She joins Twitter and proceeds to tell actual Lesbians how they should be Lesbians. She cuts her hair and throws out her high heels. She burns her bra. She “eschews” make-up because SHE WILL NO LONGER SUPPORT THE PATRIARCHY. Well, maybe a little mascara and lipstick sometimes, but that’s it. No more blush or creamy foundation for her! No, sir. There’s no need for that wrinkle cream that costs $285 for a mere ounce anymore either, now that she is thinking about it. She will EMBRACE her wrinkles. She is a Proud Crone now. Heck, she will even dare to wear purple! That will show The Patriarchy who’s boss now. She will make The Patriarchy her little bitch by “becoming a Lesbian“. “Hahahahahahaha”, she cackles in an increasingly hysterical tone, “hahahahahahaha”!

7). The Engineer: This Straightbian might not be an actual engineer, but she could have been. Should have been. Even if she doesn’t engineer as a career, she engineers as a way of life. She is logical, organized, and efficient. She runs a tight ship. She likes to be in control of the money in the relationship, because, after all, let’s face it, she would always do a better job at it than that actual Lesbian she lives with. In fact, the Lesbian she lives with is downright careless with money, consistently ordering the chicken walnut salad at Panera Bread when it’s so obvious she should have brought her own chicken and walnuts along in reusable ziploc bags to garnish a plain side salad, thereby saving an average of $4.23 plus tax per salad per trip! (Duh!). The Engineer Straightbian says she likes animals, but the truth is, she likes the thought of animals and the attention she gets for having pets, but not the actual daily upkeep of said animals. Too messy and inefficient for her taste, if the truth be known. This type of Straightbian often actually mistakenly at some point believes she is a Lesbian; because, after all, she has been different than her female peers ever since she can remember. She never was a “silly little girl”; she never ran around in circles and squealed like a banshee like her peers. She never went “boy crazy” in adolescence either, preferring chemistry or calculus. She naturally “eschewed” makeup, because: why spend money on such frivolous items? Seriously, just think about it: if she took that $143.18 that her girlfriends spend, on average, on a single trip to Ulta, she could invest it in a sensible municipal bond and pretty soon, she would be on her way to early retirement. So, when she heard the Lesbian narrative of “always feeling different”, she thought, “Huh. Maybe that’s me”. Sure, she still notices a handsome male, and she may even make off-handed comments to her puzzled Lesbian partner about it: “That weather guy on Channel 4 is such a handsome fellow, isn’t he? I bet he would make a really good husband“. Her mother always tells her that she isn’t really a Lesbian, that she just thinks she is because of what her “Uncle” Edmund did to her in the closet during her 4th birthday party, but she doesn’t listen. Her mother clearly doesn’t know what the Hell she is talking about. She LOVES her Lesbian partner, after all…doesn’t she? Well, they never have sex anymore, and they barely ever had sex, even when they first met, but that doesn’t matter, does it? Of course, she occasionally uses her sleeping Lesbian partner’s hand to masturbate with, but she’s not sure that would count as “sex”, since her partner is always unconscious at the time. Anyhow, having mutual sex just isn’t a priority; there are so many other factors in a relationship, after all. They have plenty else in common. They play video games together, for instance. That’s fun, isn’t it? And her Lesbian partner does drive her all over town on Saturdays to pick up craft materials, so there’s that. They have a good life, she tells herself, a busy life. And: So what if all of her girlfriends are having babies while her biological clock is tick-tick-ticking away, an ominous ever-present metronome in the background of her seemingly perfect Lesbian life? Let her friends change those poopie diapers. The money she is secretly socking away from the Lesbian’s paychecks, combined with all the money she is NOT spending on such nonsense as diapers and Legos, will definitely put her on the path to early retirement. Then she’ll have much more time to spend watching that handsome weather guy. Heck, by that time, he will probably be the anchor on the evening news. She just knows he would make a good husband…

dirt and Mrs. Dirt

UnStraightening Lesbian: Removing the Heterosexual Lens: Mary Daly

Note: This is another joint UnStraightening Lesbian post with Dirt, originally posted here.

Last up in this segment of our UnSTRAIGHTening Lesbian series is Radical Feminist theologian Mary Daly; who with Heterosexual privilege firmly in place, self identified as a “radical lesbian feminist“. Using her Het privilege, Daly (unsuccessfully) tried to wrench Lesbian from its very foundation-biology, for her own sickselfish and warped purposes.

Daly was especially secretive about her parents/childhood outside of stating they were avowed Catholics. Given Daly’s rabid foaming-at-the-mouth hatred of Men, coupled with her desperate worship of Radical Feminism, we feel it safe to say that sexual abuse likely dangled somewhere in her background. Daly being a more right-brained Het female, sexual abuse would have warped her differently than we see in the general Het female population. Daly having a more rational Het female mind, channeled her pathology through her own religious philosophies/Radical Feminist ideologies.

Teaching was perhaps Daly’s one true love and her main financial system of support, she taught at Boston College from 1967-1999. She wrote various works of non fiction, all circling around that which circled around Daly’s mind; God/religion/Women/Radical Feminism and Patriarchy. Like prior RadFems discussed in this series, Daly was filled with a seething jealousy and hatred of males. A hatred so viscious, it seemed at times (in her writing for sure) to tip Daly off her fragile kilter.

Mary Daly wrote much of removing patriarchal “roles”, yet was fired for not wanting to teach to male students in her class. Classes where she was tenured GOD and could seemingly enact whatever non-patriarchal atmosphere she so choose, she chose NOT to teach males and lost her position. What better controlled situation than your own personal classroom? A perfect chance each semester to test her RadFem theories, to treat her entire class as equals. To prove each and every time that if equal attention and opportunity were given to both males and females, female students would fare better if not superior to male students. Mary found out like most Feminist minded Het female teachers find out, biology isn’t destiny, biology actually trumps destiny! Mary had to throw the baby out with the bathe water because no amount of scrubbing would ever remove the baby’s DNA. Losing her job was the equivalent of an ostrich with its head in the sand.

Despite Mary-crazy-for-coco-puffs-Daly identifying as a Radical lesbian Feminist, Mary never held any romantic interests in any woman, Lesbian or otherwise, in fact Daly despised Lesbians-more on that shortly. First some general quotes (in no particular order from no particular works) from Daly just to give readers an idea of her mental cognisance:

Daly hates collective man, the man in the pulpit and the man in the street, but it didnt stop her from piggy backing on the backs of patriarchy! Which honestly, Mrs Dirt and I could give two shits over, but robbing from Lesbians, the gloves are off on that!

Mary Daly’s Hetsplained version of Lesbian:

What is a Lesbian, according to Daly?

I PREFER Heterosexual females NOT to use Lesbian to describe themselves for ANY reason, but unlike them, as a Lesbian, Mrs. Dirt nor I have the Het privileged LUXURY that Mary Daly/RadFems/STRAIGHTBIANS have! Oh and Mary, hun, if you’re listening from the great beyond, I don’t “relate genitally to women”, and I’ve never heard of any Lesbian who does. Frankly Mary? I don’t even know what the fuck that means!

Moving on to another of mother Mary’s Lesbian gems:

Because Mary Daly was a Heterosexual-brained female invested in her own Hetsplanations of Lesbian, she could not see nor understand even where some Lesbians were pressured into straight relations, unlike her, those Lesbians still thought/processed/felt and functioned Lesbian. Mother Mary could ONLY view real Lesbians through the narrow hole of a vagina. Real Dykes are relegated by Mary Daly to the same status as “porn peddlers, pimps and priests”. (Side note-Mary falls flatly on her derriere in a Freudian slip when adding priests as genital “fixaters”).

Mother Mary’s Lesbians are WOMAN/WOMON/WOMYN-IDENTIFIED and are FAR superior to us mere “genital relaters::

“WITHOUT BEING HER ‘LOVER’“…Mother Mary clearly has ithues around genital couplings, her Lesbian exists where it can be controlled best, the imagination:

Mary STEALS from Lesbians, but from other like minded STRAIGHTBIAN/RadFems (Sinister Wisdom), she borrows! Coincidentally Sinister Wisdom aka Spinster Stupidity is STILL trying to bilk Dykes out of our hard earned mulla. Lesbians, DO NOT DONATE A SLUG NICKEL OR A SLUG PERIOD TO THIS STRAIGHTBIAN ZINE! SW was/is ran by/produced by and only includes works by a long list of STRAIGHTBIANS!

Now back to our regularly scheduled post…Mary Daly’s despicable sex-obsessed loathing of Dykes extended well beyond the pale, right down into the heart of Homosexual equality:

Mother Mary’s narrow minded Lesbian ignorance led her to think that Lesbian equality (Dykes fighting for our equal rights) would take “Lesbians” away from her man-hating STRAIGHTBIAN separatist campaign, and Mary makes no bones about the hierarchy SHE assigns real Lesbian to being “merely gay“.

Despite Mary Daly calling herself a Radical Lesbian Feminist, she wrote relatively little about Lesbian, the last thing we’ll quote by her we quote in full, giving Lesbian readers the opportunity to feel some of the depth with which Mary Daly DESPISED Lesbians:

Mary Daly wasn’t a man-hating Lesbian, she was a man-hating Heterosexual. And we wont argue that maybe (in fact we suspect totally) Mary had good reason to hate some men. But hating men, and choosing to channel your energies toward women doesn’t make you a Dyke. Mary Daly went BEYOND that though, she chose to SHAME Lesbians who were not HER Lesbiani.e. frigid spinster hags! Mary Daly even tried to SHAME Lesbians from seeking equal rights, especially the right to marry!

Hetsplaining Lesbian as we hope readers are beginning to see, has a HUGE long line of felons and while it is hopelessly impossible to unSTRAIGHTen every single one, we hope that by dissecting the worst criminal offenders, Lesbians will begin to better recognize offenders in their own personal lives.

We have received in comments several other requests for this series, please continue to give us names you feel should be unSTRAIGHTened from Lesbian for future posts!

Dirt & Mrs. Dirt

UnStraightening Lesbian: Removing the Heterosexual Lens: Andrea Dworkin

Note: This is another Unstraightening Lesbian joint post with Dirt, originally posted here.

Next up in our UnStraightening Lesbian series is the odious Andrea Dworkin, who routinely called herself Lesbian, used her Heterosexual privilege to speak for Lesbians, all the while being, living, breathing, and most certainly practicing Heterosexuality.

Dworkin was born in the fall of 1946, to an unhealthy mother and an overworked father, she had a brother who died in adulthood of cancer. For all intents and purposes Dworkin had a fairly middle class childhood in Camden NJ, where she enjoyed playing with dolls as a girl as much as she enjoyed playing strip poker as a teenager:

Dworkin claimed to have been fondled at a movie theater by a stranger when she was nine, a claim her parents either didn’t take seriously or didn’t believe, either way nothing beyond Dworkin’s claims ever became of it. Whether this story truly occurred or was merely hyperbole used as a feminist device, Dworkin referred back to it repeatedly in her fiction, non-fiction and other writings.

Dworkin early on had aspirations of being a writer, she read voraciously, as well as dabbled in poetry and short story writing by the time she was a teen. Her aspirations however never matched her talent, creating some very DEEP seated jealousy toward male writers. Not surprisingly it was precisely that writer’s jealousy clicked with Dworkin when she first read Kate Millett‘s Sexual Politics:

Dworkin ignorantly comforted herself in her Het female passivity by assuming male writers simply whip out a work, have publishers eagerly waiting to publish and make millions along with receiving tons of accolades. She later foolishly (and unfeministly) gloated over her imagined superiority over both Sylvia Plath-a genius- (who nailed the likes of Dworkin and a good many Het females past, present and future with one line of poetry “every Women adores a Fascists/the boot in the face“) and Anne Sexton (who had her own issues with mental illness but still managed to write some VERY good poetry) saying:

Apparently Dworkin failed to see her own slow suicide via excessive weight/food addiction.

Between early a bachelor’s degree Dworkin also spent a short time abroad in Greece:

After she graduated college in 1968, Dworkin left for Amsterdam, getting involved with the counter-cultural movement there and through whom she met her first husband. Dworkin claimed her husband was emotionally and violently abusive, a situation she Heterosexually mismanaged (at first?) by passively hoping the abusive partner would one day leave:

Elsewhere we have to wonder did the husband or other male sex partners even have an idea of Dworkin’s proclaimed dislike of them/their sex lives:

It is clear Dworkin’s male lovers were given no indication she was not into what they were doing. This isnt simply a lack of communication, it is NO communication! Yet it was through this nonlinear form of communication Dworkin and other RadFems believed change would magically happen:

And interestingly like the absolute lack of verifiable proofs of her various sexual abusesrapes, prostitution etc, beyond that which comes from her mouth or pen, Dworkin SPECIFICALLY refrained from publishing works about her claims of her ex husband’s abuse/rapes in his country (fears of libel?).

But for those Dworkin enthusiasts who never questioned beyond her lips or her pen regarding Dworkin’s male violence claims, it is impossible for me to understand how Dworkinites did/do manage to balance this:

or this:

or this:

or this:

with her claims of being a Lesbian? What Lesbian spends all her time writing about Heterosexual smut such as:

and:

Dworkinites are told/believe of course that Dworkin’s life long love affair with the cock was because she/females are conned by patriarchy from birth:

Patriarchy that threatens Lesbians STRAIGHTBIANS from leaving their HUSBANDS (i know right) because they might lose their children or calling Women Lesbians just to keep them in line:

This same Patriarchy that Dworkin claimed to socialize females into cleaning-baby-making-fuckbots for males, Dworkin with Malice of Homophobia rationalized was one big butt load of Homosexuality:

YET Dworkin also states that Homosexual males are nothing but bitches with dicks:

I suppose Dworkin comforted herself with this Homophobic bigotry in order to explain why Gay men, despite living in a near predominant Heterosexual world still manage to make gains/carve out niches for themselves.

Not surprisingly, at least to any Lesbian (no not the man hating Het Women raping Lesbian culture/violating the very fabric of Lesbian kind) Andrea Dworkin sans lube sodomized Lesbian for her own sick kicks! Speaking FOR Lesbians at a New York LESBIAN Pride rally, Dworkin clearly speaking to other mentally ill Het Women like herself said: (obviously she wasn’t speaking to us as her speech has shit all to do with Dykes-I’m including the entire speech as the Lesbian ignorance and heterocentric insanity she spouted bears being read in full):

Not a single one of her three reasons has ANYTHING whatsoever to do with being a Lesbian, not a fucking one! And lets ve perfectly clear, wanting to get into your mother’s panties, wanting to fuck your mother’s moist bloody membranes is S I C K, not Lesbian!

And the garbled batty bonkers ending to her speech doesn’t simply have nothing to do with Lesbians, it has nothing to do with basic mental coherence! Like Dworkin’s delusive child molestation/rapes/prostitution stints/battered spousal abuses etc, Dworkin with Heterosexual privilege, used Lesbian (“In 30-plus years of knowing her, I’ve never heard of a single romance with a woman—not one.”) to fuel her own personal fires for her own sick selfish gains. Dworkin didn’t give a toss about how her Hetsplaining Lesbian colluded in the struggles Lesbians face/d, didn’t care her oversexed-weak-warped-man-hating version of Lesbian maximized the myriad of struggles Lesbians face/d daily, struggles sometimes culminating in the deaths Lesbian youths then as well as now!

Dworkin had an equally warped debased passive plan for changing the Heterosexual nature she despised:

How did she propose Heterosexuality was going to be transformed? By recreating the sexes of course!:

Dworkin’s idea for the sexes sound like a demon seed baby born from the copulation of Firestone and Millet! As both Firestone and Millet were Het Women Dworkin greatly admired, we shouldnt be surprised Dworkin was in favour of Transsexualism, including believing some children were Transsexual:

Ironic how often we find Radical Feminists who are blatantly anti-Trans, yet quote Pro TransDworkin till the cows come home. I suppose though, no more ironic than Dworkin’s zeitgeist (anti-pornography) swimming in an ocean of Dworkin pornography. Perhaps irony is missed among Radical Feminists.

Whatever mental defects or illnesses Andrea Dworkin suffered, none give her or her Dworkinites permission (ethical or otherwise) to write, publish or preach in the name of Lesbian, about Lesbianism or as a Lesbians! Dworkin’s Heterosexuality was ALWAYS firmly intact; whether chasing after cock, riding cock, sucking cock, bending over for cock, Dworkin’s life was ALL cock cock cock! The only women who could think Dworkin a Lesbian were/are as fucked up as Dworkin herself.

Dirt & Mrs. Dirt

UnStraightening Lesbian: Removing the Heterosexual Lens: Valerie Solanas

Note: This is a joint post with my sweetie Dirt, originally posted here.

The next Het Woman we are emphatically unSTRAIGHTening from Lesbian is the very damaged/demented Valerie Solanas, known as much for shooting pop icon Andy Warhol as for her erratic radical scribblings and all around hatred of men that culminated in her SCUM Manifesto.

 Some general information about her early life as is known/documented:

Valerie was described from an early age as very bright, but very troubled. Valerie was rebellious early on, a frequent shoplifter, school skipper and whom was filled with a level of anger she had difficulty controlling, and of which got her into trouble often at school.

Highly angry and highly sexual Valerie was sent to a Catholic boarding school (widely speculated to be a home for unwed mothers?) around age 14 in 1950 where she claims to have had her first sexual experiences with other girls. She was also pregnant and in 1951 gave birth to a baby girl (Linda, raised by Valerie’s mother as Valerie’s sister). The child’s father according to Valerie was none other than Valerie’s biological father, whom Valerie claimed (along with her step father) to have molested her since about age 6. Claims corroborated by Valerie’s sister later on.

A short time later Valerie dropped out of boarding school, dated a married man whom she became pregnant by, giving birth to a son David in 1953. In exchange for college tuition, Valerie allowed David’s paternal grandparents to raise the child, whom Valerie stayed in contact with till the child was age 4.

 

Valerie attended Uni of Maryland where she did okay academically, but still struggled socially/financially. Valerie regularly depended on a small circle of friends for hand outs but felt slighted/angered if friends could not afford these handouts, once even urinating in a friends orange juice bottle when the friend couldn’t give her any money. Valerie remained angry/violent at Uni and was force by Uni officials to get counseling. Her brightness helped to keep her from being expelled, but her anger got her repeatedly into trouble. While at college Valerie self-IDed as a bisexual. At this time Valerie both waitressed and prostituted herself when she needed money, something Valerie would return to whenever in dire straits. Valerie graduated in 1958 with a degree in Psychology.

After college Valerie drifted/hitchhiked from one end of the country and back to the east coast, living with various boyfriends at that time. In the early 60’s Valerie discovered Greenwich Village in NY and it was there she decided she wanted to become a playwright. The first (only) play (“Up Your Ass”) Valerie completed, was written during the mid 60’s along with an article for the Men’s magazine Cavalier entitled: A Young Girl’s Primer on How to Attain the Leisure Class, about how to prostitute yourself through college.

Valerie’s outrageousness earned her a spot on pre-conservative shock jock’s Alan Burke’s show in 1967.

The scene from the 1996 film I shot Andy Warhol accurately accounts what happened on Burke’s show:

A few years later and while still struggling to get her play produced, Valerie met pop artist Andy Warhol and begged him to read/produce her play. Warhol told Valerie he would read her play and get back to her. After reading the play, despite Warhol’s reputation for producing the avant garde, Valerie’s play was so pornographic Warhol wouldn’t touch it with a ten foot pole for fear the play was a police set up. A short time later Valerie contacted Warhol about the play, Warhol told her he wasn’t interested in producing it and when Valerie asked for the copy back which she had left Warhol, he claimed to have lost/misplaced it. Valerie began hounding Warhol for her play, so Warhol offered to pay her for being in a few of his short films.

Despite trying to give Valerie paid work in exchange for losing her script, Valerie’s obsession with Warhol grew, grew and was fueled by her deep hatred of men, blaming men/Warhol for her mucked up life. Valerie didn’t have a safe/comfortable home, she had little money, money made usually from prostitution, and she couldn’t become famous because no one (no man) would produce her play. It was at this time Valerie figured out if she wanted to get her play produced, she needed to be famous first:

In June of 1968 Valerie shot Andy Warhol, nearly killing him, wounding another man and only stopped short of shooting another man in the head point blank because her gun jammed.

Highly sexual, highly paranoid, highly disordered and now highly violent! Valerie turned herself in a short time after attempting to murder multiple men. At her arraignment Valerie said she didn’t regret what she did and she didn’t want a lawyer, preferring instead to represent herself. The judge ordered her to be taken to Bellevue Hospital for psychiatric evaluation/observation. When back in court, Valerie was indicted on charges of attempted murder, assault, and illegal possession of a gun, she was declared incompetent and sent back to Bellevue.

An aside, believe it or not some RadFems declared Valerie to be “butch” in this picture! (I kid you not!).

Around Valerie’s time in Bellevue, Radical Feminist and member of NOW lawyer Florynce “Flo” Kennedy along with Radical Feminist and member of NOW Ti-Grace Atkinson contacted Valerie about mounting a defense for her. Ti-Grace Atkinson believed (besides Lesbian being a smart choice for Het Women), that Valerie’s shooting Warhol was the culmination of the Feminism Movement! Betty Friedan. however, didn’t agree: Valerie and Atkinson exchanged a handful of letters about Valerie’s situation and Atkinson’s desire to USE Valerie for NOW’s personal platform:

As was usual for Valerie, she readily and viciously bit the hand that fed her; her anger at Ti-Grace Atkinson remained with Valerie years later:

Valerie served about three years confinement and was released, the short sentence believed because Warhol chose not to attend Valerie’s parole hearing.

After Valerie’s release she spent the remainder of her life drifting around the country, in and out of mental facilities and living in run down quarters. She was found dead at age 52 in a hotel in San Francisco by the superintendent.

Valerie Solanas was a HIGHLY disturbed/mentally ill HETEROSEXUAL female, likely sexually abused from an early age, likely informing her hyper sexuality that led to occasional sex with other disturbed Het females (Direct quote from Valerie: “The girls are okay. They’re willing to help any way they can. Some of them are interested in nothing but sex though. Sex with me, I mean. I can’t be bothered …. I’m no lesbian.”), as well as leading to prostitution. Valerie’s SCUM Manifesto was filled with a combination of sexual obsession and hatred of men (daddy).

And it was precisely THAT combo (sex/hatred of men) that led (and still leads) Radical Feminists to hold Valerie’s rotted corpse/corpus up in effigy. Radical Feminists conclude Valerie was a Lesbian, for two reasons 1) Valerie had sexual experiences with other females and 2) Valerie hated men, neither reason having anything to do with being Lesbian. 

Like ALL female hero’s of Radical Feminism, Valerie Solanas was heterosexual and a victim. Like most Het females, Valerie could never accomplish anything without male assistance, even shooting Warhol was a subservient gesture to find fame through someone else (a man).

Valerie Solanas was no more a Lesbian than she was/is a Hero. And while we can find some sympathy for her tragic life, we cannot maintain the Radical Feminist LIE that Valerie was a Dyke.

Dirt and Mrs. Dirt