Tag Archive | Unstraightening Lesbian

Just Because Something Is Called “Lesbian” Does Not Mean It Is Actually Lesbian

I recently got my knickers in a twist on Twitter when I saw this link to a (so-called) “Lesbian” (NOT!) Oral Testimony website.

You may be asking yourself why I would be so displeased with something that seems to support Lesbians…

Well, the answer is quite simple:

Because I am incredibly sick of our name being used willy-nilly, without the slightest concern for truth, accuracy, or ethics.

Anything that has “Lesbian” as part of their main title should be…hold onto your shorts and get ready for this wild ‘n’ crazy idea…LESBIAN!! 

And this website is a lot of things, but none of them are truly LESBIAN:

Even though the word “Lesbian” is thrown in as an afterthought at best, I am willing to go out on a limb here and wager that these alleged “Lesbians” giving oral testimony aren’t actually Lesbians after all, but rather, they are most likely the dreaded Straightbians who Dirt and I have been writing about.

Personally, I don’t care if all the two-spirit pansexual aromantic non-binary queers who “identify” as the attention-getter-du-jour want to yack it up until the cows come home. Have at it, and have fun being “special”.


06/09/2017: EDITED TO ADD: Even the most cursory of searches revealed a lot of MEN being interviewed for a purported LESBIAN website. Sigh. I truly wished I was wrong about this, but clearly I am not.


Bottom line: This project needs another title to accurately reflect their content. Here are my top 3 suggestions:

Oral History of Every Special Snowflake Available (OHESSA)

Listening Intently To Everybody But Actual Lesbians (LITEBAL)

I Am An Academic With Funding So I Am Making A Faux Lesbian Website: Please Send Cash Now (IAAAWFSIAMAFLWPSCN)

Unstraightening Lesbian: Removing the Heterosexual Lens: JoAnn Loulan

Note: This is another joint post with my spouse, partner, and all-around sweetiepie, Dirt; originally posted here.

This joint post is yet another in our series about so-called “Lesbian Experts” who are neither Lesbian nor expert.

Today’s offender is JoAnn Loulan, who has been hailed as a “Lesbian sexpert“. Loulan has published the following books: Lesbian Passion: Loving Ourselves and Each Other, The Lesbian Erotic Dance, and Lesbian Sex; which, according to Loulan’s own website, “have together sold over 75,000 copies worldwide“, which amounts to quite a huge chunk of Lesbian change padding Loulan’s heterosexual pockets.


In addition, Loulan has served as a so-called “Lesbian expert“, while specifically calling herself a “Lesbian“, on numerous panels, in addition to making appearances on television shows, including Oprah, Phil Donahue, and others, to peddle her phony wares.

However, there is a huge issue with calling JoAnn Loulan a “Lesbian expert“: JoAnn Loulan is straight.

Therefore, she is also, by definition, NOT an expert in Lesbian matters.

After appropriating “Lesbian” for her own purposes, misrepresenting Lesbians, using Lesbians, gaining fame from using the term “Lesbian”, and profiting from Lesbians, JoAnn Loulan finally showed her true colors to the world by marrying a man.

(Or, rather, technically, we should say she married another man, because she had been married previously to a different man, before deciding to hijack Lesbian).

Loulan flippantly wrote off her responsibility to the Lesbian community when confronted about her defaulting to her true Straightbian nature: “I’m proud of myself for telling the truth“, she said…being apparently too self-centered and myopic to realize that she has nothing to be proud of.  Her heterosexual “truth” confession is way too little and way too late.

JoAnn Loulan is much worse than the “sell-out” that she was accused of being at the time of her marriage to a man; rather, she is a shameless charlatan who seemingly does not even have the conscience to examine why what she has done to Lesbians is wrong.

In fact, Loulan has not retracted her “Lesbian” books despite her abandonment of Lesbians; and she happily continues to list them on her website today.

As with our other offenders in this series, Loulan has published so very much erroneous drivel about Lesbians that one post cannot possibly cover it all, so we will have to pick a few choice examples to illustrate Loulan’s ignorance.

All of today’s examples, below, of Loulan’s wisdom horse manure come from the book The Lesbian Erotic Dance.

Let’s start with Loulan’s own story of her “coming out” (deciding to use Lesbians for fame and profit):

As for myself, I am grateful that some lesbians like to bring straight women out...Many lesbians avoid bringing someone out — in part for fear that she might go back to men” (pp. 127-128).


Well, Loulan’s own wording proves our point. Note that Loulan says “bring straight women out“; her subconscious is peeking through here, because the key word is STRAIGHT (as in straight back to a man!).

Gee, we wonder why Lesbians might worry that STRAIGHT women might go back to men?? Hmmmm…perhaps it is because they are STRAIGHT and that they WILL go back to men.

Thanks for proving our point for us, JoAnn Loulan! Very helpful!

On to the next example of Loulan’s flapdoodle, this time regarding the question of what makes someone a Lesbian:

“...some women choose to be lesbians…It’s a wonderful lifestyle...” (pg. 194)

Again, let’s examine this carefully. Of course, Loulan would say that women “choose to be lesbians“…because, for her, it was indeed a (temporary) choice to pretend to be one. Also her breezy statement (Jimmy Stewart-inspired, no doubt) that “It’s a wonderful lifestyle” is not only naive and incorrect, but also indicates copious amounts of straight privilege.

Being a Lesbian is NOT a choice.  Being a Lesbian is also NOT a “lifestyle“, and it certainly isn’t always a “wonderful” picnic in the park: sadly, even today, Lesbians encounter discrimination, invisibility, oppression, misrepresentation, and violence.

Moving on to another example of Loulanesque truth-twisting and outright stupidity, this time with a quote involving Butches:

Sue Golding discusses the range of butch sexuality. ‘I think a lot of butches actually identify more with hermaphroditism.  They see themselves as being male and female…‘ ” (pg. 126)

Even though Loulan is quoting another idiot (Golding), this quote is significant because Loulan saw fit to publish it. This one quote is so ludicrous that it almost would be laughable, except for the alarming foreshadowing of so many Lesbians transitioning today.

We have Loulan and her pathetic cohorts to thank, at least in part, for destroying so many Lesbian lives with such absurd notions as those voiced in this quote.

In another part of the book, Loulan talks about problems with how Femmes are seen in the Lesbian community. While we agree that there are indeed many misconceptions and problems with how Femmes are viewed/treated in the Lesbian community, we wanted to specifically critique one of Loulan’s statements on the matter:

Some lesbians believe that femmes would be with men, except for some fluke, and that femme lesbians are women who have been lovers with men at different stages of their sexual lives. There is also the belief that these women are likely to go back to men at some point, betraying the lesbian sisterhood.” (pg. 86)

Sadly, Loulan is right about this incorrect perception of Femme Lesbians. Femme Lesbians face widespread lack of acceptance and understanding from both within the Lesbian community and in the general population.

But what Loulan fails to see, understand, and/or address is that obvious fact that she, JoAnn Loulan, and other lying poser Straightbian assholes like her, have directly contributed to the misrepresentation and prejudice Femme Lesbians face.

By perpetrating the outright deceit that she, JoAnn Loulan, herself is a Femme lesbian, many people, apparently blindly and unthinkingly, accepted her word about that.

So then when Loulan (predictably!!) goes back to men, because she NEVER was a Femme Lesbian to begin with, Femme Lesbians then are left to deal with the anger, suspicion, and confusion caused by a Straightbian.

Our next selected Loulan quote is along the same lines, indicating that Loulan is no more a Lesbian than she is a wombat, and interestingly, ties into another offender in our current series, Pat/rick Califia:

“When Pat Califia circulated a survey within the lesbian community in San Francisco…there was a rumor that she was straightI lecture to lesbians throughout the country, have been on television as an out lesbian, write articles and books in which I regularly talk about being a lesbian, and yet there is still a rumor that I am straight.” (pg. 23)

Based on this quote and the surrounding sentences in this passage, Loulan obviously has her panties in a wad in this section, and seems determined to prove she is a “Lesbian” by listing her appearances and publications.

Sorry to burst the delusional little bubble of Loulan and her accomplices, but writing books/articles and appearing on television and lecturing to real Lesbians does not make you a Lesbian, just as obtaining a Ph.D. and writing/lecturing about the strange sexual behaviors of a newly discovered marsupial does not make Dr. Andrew Baker a black-tailed antechinus.

The rumors about Loulan and Califia persisted for one reason: because Lesbian intuition and gaydar trumped their false claims.

In this book, Loulan uses many quotes gathered from her so-called “research” on the topic of Lesbianism in general and Butch/Femme in particular. Of course, what she doesn’t seem to realize is that the “research” is only as good as the “researcher“, methodology, and subjects.

In Loulan’s “research“, questionnaires were distributed at various sites. These questionnaires measure only subjective self-report with absolutely no way to verify the accuracy of the subject’s perceptions (or even whether some people completed the questionnaires with bizarre answers as a complete joke).

To further complicate matters, even the questions being asked were not based on any sort of valid or even objective criteria; for instance, Loulan asked respondents to rate themselves and their lovers on a 9-point “butch/femme scale“.

Another unscientific question on this questionnaire asks subjects to rate themselves and their lovers as which of the following Goddesses: Artemis, Athena, Hestia, Hera, Demeter, Persephone, or Aphrodite. Because, well, apparently Loulan thought that Goddess information is certainly at the very top of the hierarchy of Lesbian concerns.

So, remember, all results should be taken with the proverbial grain of salt shit.

But since these results are considered to be integral in what Loulan is preaching about Lesbianism, let’s glance at a sample of the results:

1). According to Loulan on page 194, one-third of her sample “did choose their lesbianism”.

In other words, at least one-third of her alleged “Lesbian” sample were not really Lesbians.

2). According to Loulan on page 201, one-third of her sample “identified as either butch or femme”.  

Butches/Femmes are incredibly rare in the Lesbian community, so this high percentage automatically raises a huge red flag that these self-reported results are inaccurate.

3). According to Loulan on page 202, “the constructs for a butch lesbian and a femme lesbian are different to the point of being almost as separate as two genders.”

In case Loulan wasn’t aware of this, Butch Lesbians and Femme Lesbians and ALL lesbians are female. We may express female differently than straight females do, and we may be different than straight females, but we are all still female in every way.

4). According to Loulan on page 203:

for three-fourths of the respondents, their ratings” (on the butch/femme scale) “changed according to different situations.

Sighing loudly.  Being Butch or Femme does not change according to an activity or what we are wearing, etc. If Loulan were actually a real Femme Lesbian, or had she even bothered to get to know real Lesbians, she would have known this, and she would have realized her subjects were clueless as well. But since she is not, she blithely spreads misinformation.

5). According to Loulan on page 205:

There is a good deal of speculation about what is a butch, femme or androgynous women. Many will say it is how she is built, how much she weighs. Some will say it has to do with how she walks or dresses. Still others believe that it has to do with an attitude in the world, and especially in lovemaking. When it comes to the sexual aspect of the discussion, there are pretty strong ideas that butches are aggressive and femmes are passive, while androgynous women believe in total equality.”

Again, Loulan is reporting the results of her survey, but these results only show her subjects’ deep ignorance and confusion about the topic, as well as Loulan’s own inability to understand even the basics of Lesbian culture in general and Butch/Femme dynamics specifically.

6). For a final example amongst hundreds of potential examples, once again Loulan demonstrates that both her “research” and her knowledge of Lesbian culture and B/F dynamics is severely impaired as demonstrated by the following quotes:

When I say that there are no differences in this survey between butch, femme, and androgynous women, I mean that:

  • there are no significant differences in bed (though femmes penetrate their lovers more frequently than anyone else!)–not in orgasms, enjoyment, initiation, or other practices;…
  • there are no body types specifically associated with any one identity;


  • there’s no correlation between motherhood and identity;…”

The truth about these “results” can be easily summarized as follows:  Wrong, wrong, and wrong again. Loulan wouldn’t know a Butch or a Femme if one of us slapped her in the face, which is very tempting, and her subjects apparently are equally uninformed.

In summary, JoAnn Loulan, like our other offenders in this series, is neither a Lesbian nor an expert in Lesbian matters.  She has no right to speak to, for, or about Lesbians. The only place her Lesbian Straightbian books belong is in the garbage, where they can truly fester like the putrid refuse that they are, and the garbage is where both of our copies ended up.

Mrs. Dirt and Dirt

UnStraightening Lesbian-Removing the Heterosexual Lens-Patrick Califia

Another joint post with Dirt originally posted here.

In our second UnStraightening Lesbian piece, we focus our attention on the VERY pedo/misogynistic/sado disturbed and VERY NON lesbian Pat aka Patrick Califia. We begin the sick treacherous road into Califia with a quote from NAMBLA‘s pro-pedophile (YIKES!!) website:

Boy-lovers and the lesbians who have young lovers are the only people offering a hand to help young women and men cross the difficult terrain between straight society and the gay community. They are not child molesters. The child abusers are priests, teachers, therapists, cops and parents who force their stale morality onto the young people in their custody. Instead of condemning pedophiles for their involvement with lesbian and gay youth, we should be supporting them.”  ~ Pat Califia, Lesbian author and activist, in The Advocate, October, 1980.

Pat Califia has LONG been discussed/published/quoted/celebrated and otherwise known (prior to transition) as a LESBIAN writer. Califia is MOST certainly NOT a dyke and as for being a writer (subtracting quality) we may consider her that. I recall in my gay 20’s seeing Califia routinely published in so-called lesbian magazines etc, even then it was obvious from her writing alone she wasn’t a lesbian anymore than her writings were groundbreaking; piss poor poetry coupled with forced fisting fictions (or nonfictions as the case may be).

Before publishing in the lesbian presses Califia. along with warped STRAIGHTBIAN lezzie poser Gayle Rubin, pooled their perversions into Samois, the first lesbian BDSM organization for sexually used/abused STRAIGHTBIANS/bisexuals and the just plain odd to meet/great and get down and dirty. It is through Samois that Califia specifically honed her cunt hating craft.

Califia was first taken up by the Lesbian press when she put out Sapphistry: The Book of Lesbian Sexuality. Again, like Susie (not so) Bright, we have a sexually disturbed/screwed up straight woman, DICKtating lesbian sex to lesbians! While this book didn’t reveal how disturbed Califia was (is), it did reveal she didn’t know the first thing about lesbian relationships nor the sex that occurs between lesbian lovers.

Another of her lesbian successes came in the form of the fictive shorts, Macho Sluts collection. Each short story giving testament to Califia’s pure hatred for the female sex, lesbian or otherwise.

Vaginal rape, anal rape, rape with fists/arms, rape with whips and as it figures in multiple stories her personal favourite enema rapes. Lesbians being beaten, cut, sliced, forced to drink their own piss, bound, gagged, canned and immobilized. Lesbians choked while they have a dildo shoved down their throats. Lesbians begging and pleading to their “daddy” to either stop what they’re doing or to do more of whats being done. Lesbians whose inner dialogue before being raped by several police officers is she really does love cock:

REAL Lesbians do not only NOT figure in anything Califia wrote, REAL lesbians DO NOT WANT TO BE RAPED OR FUCKED BY ANY MALE and, for that matter, we don’t want to be raped by anybody! Califia’s SICKO fiction is just that, SICK! It isn’t feminist, it isn’t lesbian and it isn’t subversive, it is subhuman and it reveals MORE about its writer than it EVER could about the women (lesbians) it claims to represent!

If you arent convinced of Califia’s penchant for the perverted, bear in mind her pedophile predilections that she (in their only female issue) published in the now defunct Paidika-The Journal of Paedophilia, NAMBLA and any other twisted kidster zine. Califia says in her Paidika article regarding child porn:

it would be a mistake to characterize all child porn as “a record of child abuse.” Sometimes it was a record of children’s exhibitionism and free erotic play with one another. Sometimes it was a record of adolescent vanity, pride, and budding sexuality. Sometimes it preserved a moment of exceptional trust and pleasure between partners whose ages would normally have kept them apart.”

 Califia goes on to minimize the number of missing and sexually abused children: (Perhaps we could arrange a sit down between Califia and John Walsh?)

“The campaign against child pornography was fueled by related moral hysteria over missing children. During the early ’80s, the American media was full of melodramatic accounts of the “millions” of children who were kidnapped and then sexually abused by strangers

Califia further enlightens us on what lesbian feminist‘s sexually desire and do with lesbian children/youth:

“American society has become rabidly phobic about any sexual contact between adults and minors. In this social climate, very few lesbians will admit to having cross-generational relationships or defend even the abstract idea of them. Within the lesbian community, other forces exist (spaceships/laser beams?) that prevent girl-lovers and underage lesbians from telling their own stories. We encourage incest survivors to break the silence and tell family secrets about violence and sexual abuse. But this sisterly support turns to outrage and cries for silence if a woman wants to talk about being a sexually active child or even a teenager who was not traumatized by the experience. (Honey, trust me, YOU were/are seriously traumatized) Lesbian-feminism supposedly empowers women, but we are reluctant to see young women’s sexual experiences as anything but victimization.”

Lesbians work constantly to undo their racism, classism, able-bodyism, looksism, coupleism. and all other forms of prejudice. We give lip service to confronting ageism, but we do not really include underage lesbian and bisexual women in our community. The simple truth is that we are afraid to. We are afraid the state will come down on us, brand us as child molesters (NOT US honey, just YOU), and put us in jail.”


In conclusion, Califia never was a Lesbian, not before she transitioned (identifying with her abuser/s), nor since. What is painstakingly obvious is Califia was perhaps sexually abused. But rather than work through those horrors, become a healthy woman who managed to survive child sexual abuse, write and maybe reach other women, Califia glamorized and glorified her abuse under Lesbianism! And worse, harmed and tortured other women in the name of Lesbianism!

Her pedestrian pornofied perversions were published in Lesbian presses, taking up money and space where REAL lesbian authors should have been published! What happened to those lesbian writers whose stories and novels got chuffed aside for Califia’s pedophilic pleasure principles?

“At 45, I was terrified of changing my gender, afraid it would mean that I’d no longer be able to make a living, since my income was based on being a lesbian therapist and journalist.”

How many Lesbian owned and operated bookstores closed because lesbians werent interested/could not relate to the filth and garbage published by so-called dyke presses these bookstores felt they should carry? I suspect like so-called lesbian magazines today (Curve/Diva), most were run by warped/damaged STRAIGHTBIANS. Women who have the money/clout and straight privileges to call what they’re doing Lesbian, write about it, publish it and get praised as ground breaking Lesbian works.

We hope LESBIAN readers of this series are starting to notice a pattern of behaviour, some common threads run through each woman featured in this series. We also want to make mention: we’re not prudes, nor do we think or believe any lesbian should be, therefore, we hope we drew a distinct line between playful kink and violent or pedophilic perversions.

Mrs Dirt and Dirt